Dave sat on the couch in the lounge, resting for a moment before he resumed packing. He hated being as weak as he now was, recovering from major surgery and an attack. He put a hand to his forehead as he closed his eyes and sighed in exasperation. He'd get through this. He knew he would. He had before. He just needed a quick breather right now.
Jing-Mei walked in, laughing as she called over her shoulder to John playfully. She stopped when she saw Dave and smiled. "Hey Dave, how ya' feeling?"
He groaned and made a so-so gesture with his hand.
She smiled sadly. "It will get better. But it must be frustrating."
He leaned forward and grabbed some more of his stuff that he'd put on the table and began to stuff it into his backpack.
"Want me to help?"
"No, it's all right, I got it."
"Are you sure?"
Dave stopped and looked up at her. "I'm fine. Honestly, I'm flattered that you suddenly care, but I'm fine."
His remark hadn't meant to harm her in any way, yet she felt her heart sink. He was right. He nearly always was, no matter how crude the matter be. When she averted her eyes to her coffee cup without saying anything he caught wind of her mood.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"
"No," she looked up. "You're right." She sat down next to him and he pushed himself to the far side of the couch to make plenty of room for her. She pretended to not notice his physical distancing of himself from her and allowed her slight form to take up a small portion of the cushion on the opposite end from him. He'd been very quiet lately- everyone had noticed that. She wasn't comfortable to be around him anymore. He didn't laugh, didn't make jokes, and wouldn't even give her that beautiful smile of his. He wouldn't give it to anyone. Not now.
"I've been rude to you in the past… and I apologize."
He slowly began to pack again, letting silence linger. "Why? I've never apologized for being rude, and I'm rude to everyone."
"That's not true. Sure, you can be a bit crude, but now that I think about the things you've said to me that angered me at the time… you're heart was always in the right place." She looked at his face attentively, desperately trying to gauge his reaction to her heartfelt comments.
He froze for a moment. He didn't know what to do. How does one take a compliment? It was hard enough for people who deal with it on a more normal basis, yet he had hardly had a compliment directed at him in his life. He looked over at her and into her face for a moment, and she caught a glimpse of his emotions, then feeling shy he looked away and began to slowly pack again. She felt her heart go out to him as she noticed his uneasy response. He had no idea what to say. She reached out and put a hand on his shoulder reassuringly as she rose, but felt him inadvertently shrink away. She suddenly pulled her hand back, pretending to have control of her composure as she walked out. He had just coiled away from her and her efforts of friendship. She knew he didn't owe her anything, but was still shocked that she had let herself become this distanced from one she considered a friend. Yet she had no right to call him a friend for she now realized that she hardly knew him at all.
Dave sat still again, thinking about what had just happened and feeling hideously embarrassed that he had cringed under her friendly touch. But he couldn't help it. He packed the rest of his stuff then sat in silence once more, fully used to it after the long week as a patient. The dim lights made him comfortable and he felt his mind drifting aimlessly as he leaned back into the soft couch, closing his eyes for just a moment. Damn, he was frustrated. The things he took for granted before all this happened…
He was standing before him, his long, dark hair blowing around his face, the yellow plains stretching out into the vastness of the sky behind him. He held a spear in one hand, and reached down toward Dave with the other. As the man leaned down Dave could see the smudged war paint and sweat glistening on his face. Dave was sitting on the ground and didn't know if he should take the man's hand…
People talking woke him as Abby and Dr. Green walked in, talking about an X-ray order. When they noticed who they'd awoken they fell quiet and their faces apologetic.
"Sorry, Dr. Malucci."
Dave rubbed his eyes and looked at Dr. Green who had managed to visibly upset Abby.
"No… it's okay…" his voice was quiet and he grabbed his backpack and pulled it onto his lap, zipping it shut.
"So how ya' feelin'?" Mark tried to sound chipper.
Why did everyone ask him that? He didn't feel much better than he did the last time Mark had asked. The cut on his temple was healing as was his split lip, but the black and blue of his right eye remained the same, as it would for a while. "Okay, I guess," he said, hoping it was the answer Mark had wanted to hear and would give him an excuse to leave. It worked.
"Good. Give it time. Each day you'll feel a little better, trust me. Remember what I told you? It's the memories that are the worst… if you ever want to talk Elizabeth and I would be more than happy to have you…"
At that Dave smirked. He couldn't help it. Sure, Elizabeth wanted HIM to come visit… right…. Mark immediately caught the meaning of his reaction and, angered, came to the defense of the love of his life. "She likes you, Dave, a whole lot more than some of the other people around here, myself included." He roughly set down his coffee cup and swung out the door.
Caught off guard by his response but not really caring Dave impartially watched him go. He all ready knew what everyone thought of him, he could see it in their faces, and now it drove him crazy to see people that he knew didn't like him forcing a smile for him purely out of sympathy. That was something he had always hated.
"He's, a, he's been in a bad mood all morning," Abby smiled empathetically.
"Don't look so surprised," Dave shook his head.
"I know, he's a total ass sometimes. But I hear he's nice once you, ah, get to know him or something…" She sat down next to him, and he didn't mind. He was used to Abby's company- she had spent the most time with him up in the ICU than anyone. She had become a source of his strength and he'd never be able to thank her enough for her presence in his life.
He furrowed his brow, suddenly wanting to tell her how he felt. "Abby…"
She looked at him expectantly, trust written in her eyes. "Hum?"
"Abby… you've been so special to me… you've been my angel."
She was frozen in her seat, not knowing what to do. "Well, I wouldn't go that far…" she joked, watching satisfactorily as he cracked the smallest of smiles. She felt so much compassion for him; maybe it was because he reminded her of herself. "Come here," she put her arm around his shoulder and pulled him into her chest in the best comforting hug she could muster. He was used to her presence, and it felt natural to relax into her strength as he now lay on the couch, his head on her lap. Over the past week the two had come unbelievably close in a completely platonic way. They seemed to connect so well, and Abby seemed to know how to deal with everything. She stroked his hair, and noticed the pain written on his face. Not very much physical pain, but emotional pain. Something that codeine couldn't help relieve. He wasn't looking at her, but drawn inwards. She began to think of all the times she had needed someone like he did, yet no one was there. Maybe that was why she so wanted to help him. She didn't want anyone else to have to deal with what she had to and would help in anyway she could. Trying to shake off her dismal thoughts she asked him a question. "Dave? Have you ever been in love? I mean, really in love?"
He still kept his pensive stance. "I don't know… have you?"
"I don't know either… sometimes when I'm with Luka I love him so much I can't bear to be apart from him. Yet other times I don't want him to touch me, and get mad when he says nice things to me. I don't know why…"
"Maybe that is true love."
"Humph. Maybe… I wouldn't know… I know that I love him… but just…. I can't trust myself sometimes."
"I know. People are stupid."
"Yah. People are stupid. How about you?"
He though for a minute while she continued to stroke his hair.
"One time there was this girl…" he began, breaking the easy silence. "She lives in South Dakota. I used to always visit my grandparents there every summer."
"Are your grandparents farmers?"
"No. They live on a Lakota reservation."
She nodded her head, surprised, even though Dave couldn't see her face.
"She lived there, too. A few blocks away. Her name was Sandra. Sandra Deer Bird. We used to play together… she was my best friend in the world. Then we got older and she was so beautiful… yet the same intelligent, funny, sweet person. I loved her so much. That was my first kiss… when I was thirteen, we were celebrating the fourth of July, and as we watched the fireworks on TV in her trailer she kissed me on the cheek. I was too shocked to do anything, but by the next morning I was prepared to ask her to marry me." They both laughed softly. "Then… I didn't come back until I was sixteen…. I couldn't wait to see her… I knocked on the door to her trailer and she answered. I was still stuttering out my greeting when some guy came up behind her and put his arms around her waist. She couldn't tell who I was through the screen and a few inches taller… she turned to her boyfriend and asked him something, and I left. She knew it was me… after I'd walked away… I heard her call out my name but I wasn't going back. I didn't want to see her. I hated her. But not for long at all……. That's the worst pain I've ever felt… seeing that her with that other guy…."
"Did you ever find out who he was?"
"No. I was only there for a few days that trip and spent the rest of my time with my grandparents. I tried to forget."
"Have you ever gone back or called her?"
"Of course not….. I still have trouble looking at pictures of us."
Abby laughed, "That's so sweet."
"Here," he sat up and pulled a wrinkled photograph from his wallet. She unfolded it and saw two brown-eyed ten year-olds with huge smiles. They were both so cute and innocent. They each had a toy dinosaur in their hands and more could be seen in the sandy background. They both showed such vivacity, and as she folded the photo back up and looked at the man before her she could only see a shadow of that beautiful child. He now seemed so cloaked in darkness compared to that picture, so literally beaten. She handed it back. He stuffed it back into his wallet and she could tell he wasn't in the mood to talk about it. Even she was shocked… Dave still loved this girl… after all these years. It almost brought tears to her eyes. "So what are you going to do now?"
"Weaver's demanded I take a month off… I'm not gonna' argue… but I think I'm gonna' go back."
"Where?"
"To the only place I have happy memories of… to my grandparents."
Abby smiled. "You'll have to call me all the time."
"I will," he barely smiled, but it was all that she could hope for. He had become so reserved since his attack, and everyone noticed it. She hugged him again as now they were both standing.
"I gotta' get back to work."
Dave let his backpack slide on carefully over his black leather jacket.
She knew she didn't have to wait for a response, however as she walked out the door she heard a small 'seeya.'