Chapter Five! Ummmmmm. Long story.. Well, the story is going well here.
Genma, Ranma, and Happosaii are, as usual, playing with things that they
ought not. And someone is on the rampage again! Well, what wonders shall
plague them this time?
You lot getting confused with these Mirror Rules yet? Good. I barely understand them myself.
Enough chat, more argument! -Ryoga
Editor's Note: If you don't understand any images, don't blame me, I did the best I could with it.
How Not to Use Your Amazonian Artifact:
CHAPTER FIVE- Intriguing an Extraterrestrial Research Fleet
This instalment brought to you by AOL, without which many walls would be very empty.
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"I intend to live forever, or die trying." - Villa
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"Would you like steak or saalmon sir?" asked the stewardess.
(Author's Note: 'saal' pronounced like the name 'Sal.')
The man in the immaculate pinstripe suit suddenly awoke, upturning an empty coffee cup from its stale resting spot on his armrest. He pulled a cloth handkerchief from his breast pocket and hurriedly wiped up the invisible mess.
"Sorry about that. What were you saying?" He began to clean her blouse.
"Would you like steak or saalmon sir?" repeated the stewardess with measured patience.
The man took a moment to recognise the words. 'She couldn't seriously be serving salmonella? Must be a dialect,' flitted through his mind.
"I'll have the steak please."
The stewardess kindly dropped a tray of various foods that people distinctly avoided ordering at the airport café. The stewardess moved onto the next traveller who also had never heard 'salmon' so skilfully mispronounced. The pinstripes were forced out of the perpendicular with a long sigh of resolve. He leaned over his coat on the seat next to him to look out the window at the scenery. A range of mountains was ploughing its caps through a field of fog, leaving long ragged tracks in the second ground.
He was just about to pull back to an unpromising meal when a light lured his eye. He peered down the invisible line to an impossible red light seeping across the field faster than a fresh plague of locusts. He summoned the stewardess again.
In the dreary haze brought on by long-haul journeys he asked, "Where are we?"
"We are currently passing over China," she responded. "I believe that mountain range is called Bionicle."
"Strange name for China isn't it?"
The man behind him leaned forward and corrected, "Its Biancale, not Bionicle. The area's mostly abandoned except for a few small villages. I travelled there once for some research but found the area wasn't appropriate for our purposes." A shiver of memory passed down his spine.
"Oh, alright John. Wake me when we get to the convention," responded the original man. The stewardess walked on down the aisle to replenish the stock of leftover airport food. Both representatives of the International Spring Water Bottling Company slipped back into an uneven sleep, ignoring their meals for the time being.
***
("Where is it!") enquired Cologne, the force of her 3000 years worth of ancestors seeping from every syllable. Ranma (present) cowered at the voice. A bull like creature stood next to Cologne. Both creatures' hair had decided it would rather not listen to certain English physicists. Ranma (past) cowered at this.
("Where is what?") asked Akane.
("The weapon! You must have taken it!")
("How dare you dishonour my victory like that! What do you want!") interrupted the purple haired one.
By this point a flock of crow bombers had made its way to the airspace of an increasingly large group of heavily armoured women. It attacked unrelentlessly having met a particularly unpleasant group of small boys some days beforehand. Many of their dispatches were aimed at the two with heads resembling the tip of a Concorde, but were deflected off by auroras onto a small huddled mass on the ground. However, a retreat was called when the sky began to grow red, spreading like mould over old, moist bread.
Ranma (past) stumbled backwards into Happosaii (present).
"Ow! You ungrateful little," complained Happosaii (present) "What's this?" He pulled an ominous black spiked rod, which was quickly covered with bird droppings, from his shirt and discarded it off the ledge.
"What have we done? We have stolen nothing!" demanded Genma (future).
Genma (present) suddenly jumped down from a ledge above the arguing mass and added factually, "Yes! I haven't taken anything this time around. He almost did." The panda shook his head vigorously and pointed to a sign written in a panic stricken hand that read, 'I'm just an ordinary panda! Really!'
Cologne took all of this in, and was distinctly less surprised than Shampoo. She grimaced down to Ranma (past) sprawled out on the ground like a starfish after a kid had finished with it.
"What part have you played here? You look far too conveniently placed."
"Me!" Ranma (past) quickly regained his composure, anger, aggression, footing, and about 25 other things. "I don't know what stupid weapon you are talking about and I don't know who all these idiots are! They grabbed me as I was passing through your village and dumped me up here, demanding to see some papers!"
"Why aren't I surprised?"
"Butt out." This comment by Ranma (past) was the first time anyone had directly talked to an Amazon in this way, ever. To rephrase that, the first time and lived.
Cologne glided to the floor and pointed her stick directly at Ranma's head, but was kicked at by Ranma (present) before she could do anything. Shampoo responded with a quick volley from her painted lead weights. Cologne was quickly back on her stick and attempting to resolve the situation mentally.
Genma (present) intervened, "Ignore the boy. He's just a trouble-making little snot." Genma (future) was already in between the two, but his block served no purpose since Ranma (for once) was listening to the words, not their meaning. He sat stunned. The panda was fending off some crows that had begun to dive bomb him. The assault had begun again.
The panda began to run up the mountain to escape from the sparring group, the customs officials, and the only flock of birds in the world that are members to the Monthly Horror Club. Having finished his retreat, a full half a kilometre up the hill in under a minute, he stopped behind a rock.
'Just sneak out of the country and it'll all be all right. But what about the boy? I don't have anything to buy him with.'
("Just give me my weapon and we'll be off!") demanded Shampoo. ("Why do you need it?")
("We don't!") explained Akane.
Ranma (present) started to make for Shampoo. He thought he knew her well enough, but Genma (present) held him back.
"No son, we can't have you going off and doing something like that."
"Why?" asked Ranma in the middle of flipping Genma to some point in the crowd. Genma counteracted this with a spin and simply landed a few feet away from his starting point.
Ranma leapt for Shampoo in a simulated suicide dive, preparing to feint and attack from beneath. However, half way down he was stopped by a faint red glow, suspending him in midair.
"Now that we can understand each other maybe we can come to some agreement?" inquired Cologne. "I believe you have something that belongs to me?"
Ranma cut long chunks out of the air but could still not free himself. "Lemme go!"
"I am very sorry, but we don't know what you are talking about," responded Genma (future) in a truthful voice he had been practising.
Genma (present) joined in, "We're just here to keep this disgrace (pointing to the red, Ranma-shaped haze) out of trouble. The others are stragglers."
Cologne noticed at this point the similarities between her two opponents.
***
Ryoga was finally getting somewhere. After a short fiasco with a fruit stand and a box, Ryoga had at last found the correct crowd. When last he had looked it was making its way up a mountain path. The members of this crowd all seemed to be preparing for a good ol' riot/mêlée. He seemed lucky to still be alive.
To find his new direction, that of the 'evil one', he jumped on the woman in front of him's head. She was distinctly not pleased with this, but couldn't remove him, so resorted to a barrage of prods to give him the idea. Ryoga surveyed the area, ignorant of the tenderising he was receiving.
The crowd thinned not to far up into a semicircle around a group of people, some of which seemed to posses hair that does not obey normal physical laws. He recognised Akane, kneeling on the ground tending to a Ranma that looked much more familiar to him, ragged and beaten. This pleased him greatly.
Well, it pleased him until he was startled by the sudden call of a nearby salesman, ("Water! Buckets! Get 'em here!")
Ryoga fell off at precisely the same moment as the salesman tripped on a rock. The jolt of righting himself sent one of his precious buckets off the tray, clanging onto the ground. The salesman gave a tired sigh.
'Not been a good day. Should have listened to that other guy's warning.'
He shook his head and knelt down to retrieve his bucket but was impeded by a man's clothing draped across the bucket.
He discarded the clothes and retrieved his bucket, minus water.
'Mighty small pig. Not even big enough for a decent meal. Eh.' He tossed the pig aside.
Ryoga then set off into the crowd, uttering every permutation of 'Oink' possible. Sadly he did not know Chinese oink for 'kettle.'
***
Happosaii (future) gave a long yawn and woke himself up with a bang on the head. He removed himself from the basket and hopped off into the crowd to find something to do. 'Why not surprise myself?' He smirked and merrily went in search of a quarry.
***
Happosaii (present) gave a long yawn and woke himself up with a bang on the head. He removed the shoe from his forehead and rubbed it thoroughly. The ladies weren't, surprisingly, receiving him too well. 'If only they didn't wear trousers.' He smirked and went off in search of another quarry.
***
Happosaii (past) gave a long yawn and woke himself with a bang on the head. He removed his head from the rock and peered around through the darkness. Very dark, and where was his saké?
'Looks like a cave.' He began to tunnel.
***
From a pig's vantage point (between someone's legs) he could make out the scene very well. The crowd stood in a semicircle downhill from a group of highly angered people. Cologne and Shampoo stood on the left, Cologne, as usual, perfectly balanced on her reinforced stick. The two Genma's stood opposite them, both showing the same defiance. Ranma had now accepted his position three metres off the ground and, though at a slight angle. He stood with his arms crossed, looking as if into the eyes of death (after having poked them). Akane was crouched on the ground nursing a different Ranma.
"Oink oi nk in o oo on ok o ik," summarised Ryoga and he padded off in search of the bucket salesman's sibling.
***
"I have no idea," explained Ranma (present), "what you are talking about."
("I'll kill you,") responded Shampoo.
("No honey. Remember the law,") said Cologne. "Alright, I accept that. However, you were seen leaving our village in a rather hurry. Our weapon is missing and no one here has it."
"Neither do we!" interrupted Genma (present).
Cologne's anger continued to build. "If anything, there is the small matter of the stolen clothing."
"Ah," said Genma (future). Genma (present) was not affected.
"I'll let you off this time if you help us to find the weapon." Shampoo indicated that this was not acceptable.
"I ain't helping nobody!" exclaimed Ranma (present).
"What have I done to have to do this?" asked Genma (present).
"Get your sushi here folks!" announced a salesman.
"Sounds alright," agreed Genma (future). "Where shall we start?"
"What's this we!?" inquired Ranma (present). He didn't notice the red glow leaving his general vicinity.
Genma and Genma stared in a battle more vicious than two rabid squirrels fighting for a blind female; one's sense of life against another's sense of laziness. In other words, a battle that could not be won.
"Why should I?"
"For life."
"Ouch." Ranma (present) had been reintroduced to the ground.
"My will to live will be greatly jeopardised if I help her."
"Why?"
"It will become less interesting."
"And that is important because?"
"Ranma's coming 'round!" interrupted Akane.
"Without interest, my life is not worth living."
"What about that year in the desert?"
"That's different."
"How?"
"Ouch." Ranma (past) had been reintroduced to reality.
"That was survival."
"Rather similar to now?"
"No."
"She'll kill us if we don't help."
"You maybe."
"You're confident."
"Come and get your roast chicken here!" suggested another salesman.
"Why shouldn't I be confident?"
"Because I know you."
"How?"
"I am you."
"Good point."
"I'll take some," said a Ranma.
"Me too," said the other.
"This is no time for food boy."
"Food! Where?" Genma (present) spun around.
Cologne chose this moment to attack.
All of the rocks in the local area suddenly forgot about their inanimate lives and hurled themselves relentlessly towards a group of figures.
Genma (present) crouched, hands poised with two fingers down, ready to copy his passport photo at a moments notice. Ranma (past) forced Akane to the ground and ran towards what was, comparatively, nirvana, his pop and about a half mile of ground between him and certain doom/continuing hunger. Ranma (present) looked ready to remind any stone that came near him that it was inanimate. Genma (future) stood sceptically looking at the impressive display. Shampoo was pleased that she could release her violent tendencies. The crowd agreed with her. Ryoga could no longer 'Oink.' Two Happosaii's were dropped kicked into the path of an anti-gravitational avalanche.
The Happosaii's enjoyed a quick game of hopscotch across the river of stones and landed at the front of the crowd. They prepared to save Ranma again and teach him a new lesson. This also would give them some leverage on Ranma, as a life debt is a serious debt.
'A few shots in a bra should pay for that,' thought one of them.
Ranma began to swing his arms determinedly in the path of the stones. Sadly for his pride, they never came.
They all abruptly stopped about a foot away from him. The red glow weakened greatly.
Genma (future)'s head was bowed. Cologne grimaced at the stones, failing to convince them to fly to their target. She left the stones to continue doing nothing, but on the ground. Their clatter against the dusty ground mimicked the attitude of the person who dropped them.
Genma (present) looked his other self in disgust.
"How dare you!"
"Dare me what?"
"Use one of the master's attacks!"
"Is there a problem with being alive?" enquired Genma (future) angrily.
"No, but I could never use an attack developed to collect panties!"
Genma (present)'s head was introduced to a large mallet and rapidly moving foot.
***
After a short period of intense deliberation, Genma and Ranma (past) concluded their discussion and ran hell-bent across the mountain with the speed of a video game character. Even though they moved closer to Juesenkyo, they moved away from death, doom, and passport control, all of which rated as worse. They would never return for any reason, not even to find a cure. Instant Nannichuan was good enough for them.
***
"Life is better than pride," Akane informed Genma (present).
"My life is better than your pride," informed Ranma to the same Genma.
Cologne distracted them all. "You are good, but are you this good?"
A red streak thundered into the ground, forming a neat hole in the nearby ground. Shampoo used this distraction as a reason to attack.
Genma (present) seemed to be inspired by his teaching headache and joined himself in offering a counterattack. Swallowing one's pride was better than swallowing one's son's foot.
They slung their hands down to invisible holsters and pulled from them balls of blue light. They expelled these towards Cologne. They shot with the accuracy of an enraged, sober hillbilly at her. She dodged them, but was forced off balance. This caused her next lightning bolt to land off mark, dissolving the ledge above the group in a bath of crimson instead. The ground, though not dented, conceded to the power of Genma's attack and exploded.
Shampoo drew her weapons up and cocked them. They sparked green to signify success. She forced one highly charged balloon towards Ranma. He wisely chose not to grab it but jumped over it instead, falling just behind Shampoo. In transit he delivered a kick to her head. The balls touched ground and formed a nicely charred area. Ranma added to his prior attack with a short blast of the chestnut fist. Then he leaped out of barbequing range.
Shampoo charged towards the descending Ranma and forced both of her screaming neon balloons into the flat of his back. However, Ranma lightly touched down and kicked the suddenly drained globes from her hands.
'What? They were fully charged!' panicked Shampoo.
Ranma, just as surprised as she was, forced his foot into her stomach. However, he pulled away in too much of an arc and managed to get his foot caught in the reinforced seam of her shirt. Beyond greatly worrying Ranma, this manoeuvre flung Shampoo over Ranma's head and, the force having been amplified by the elastic seam, flung her head first into the base of the ledge.
Her last sight before blacking out was a dark haired girl that she hadn't noticed previously. She had a light aura and her glowing hand was firmly splayed towards where she had been.
Cologne was having a bit of trouble dealing with the rapid-fire destruction. She could easily dodge them, but she couldn't counterattack. Her stick was even beginning to groan in protest.
She saw the next four bolts of electric blue light coming towards her and leaped up into the dust-enriched sky for safety. However, she encountered two paper maché balls that hissed just loudly enough to be confusing.
With a loud bang, Cologne's patience was destroyed. Her stick splintered and a piece fell off.
"Master!?!?" asked both Genma's in surprise.
"Thought I'd lend a hand boys!" smiled Happosaii (present).
Happosaii (future) had his hand in Genma's pocket. He extracted the mirror happily.
Ryoga, at last, made it to the front of the crowd again. He pushed a salesman aside and leaped towards Akane. "Akane! I'm here!" Akane ran, much to Ranma's disgust, towards him. However, Ryoga aborted the dive too early and landed on Happosaii (future). Akane ran faster to tend her husband.
Cologne never actually landed. She hung in an aurora that had only two rivals, her own many years prior and that of an old man living in Israel for the fun of it.
"No one breaks my stick. No one defeats my grand-daughter." Her voice brought about serious doubts as to Cologne's planetary origins. Shampoo was jerked towards Cologne in a separate red glow.
The aura began to descend from the sky. It prepared to suck the living pleasure out of their pathetic bodies. It aimed itself to them, guided by its controller.
A minor problem occurred.
A bucket of water had fallen off of the salesman's tray when Ryoga had pushed past. Try as he might to prevent it, it had propelled itself skyward. This then encountered the mirror that had been forced from Happosaii's hand when a large human had fallen on him.
The mirror responded with more energy than Cologne's aura. An erratic, broad beam of painfully white light billowed out of the mirror. The sound it resonated gave people ten miles away permanent hearing damage. It caused seismic waves that, to this day, confuses the greatest seismologists and gives Chinese seismologists something to talk about at conventions. The bucket rocketed away into orbit around Mars, leaving the Mirror vibrating violently alone in the sky of aura.
The light engulfed the suddenly panicked Cologne and her floating, unconscious granddaughter. Akane and Ryoga, together in a loving embrace were caught in the lower portions of the beam. A grumbling Happosaii (future) was caught unawares by the waves and was jostled into the beam's path. Happosaii (present) managed to barely escape its grasp by ejecting his most prized bra and jumping off of it.
A large pile of rocks was also caught in the breadth of the enormous power output. Those that were not held in the beam cascaded down the hill, enjoying the company of a few humans on the long way down.
A faint image of a different location and time disturbed the blinding light. As it flitted away, all within the beam dissolved into it. The beam began to weaken. The ground cracked to signify that the beam wasn't dead yet.
Genma (future) had marvelled at the spectacle. He turned to himself and his past son. With all his might, he yelled over the roar of a thousand warp engines, "I cannot stay here. I don't belong with you. I would only cause further trouble. This much I know." Genma and Ranma didn't catch much of this, but understood when he walked towards the beam.
On its fading edge he turned back and finished, "Good day Mr. Saotome." He forced his foot firmly into the beam and leant forward upon it. A different image annoyed the diminishing beam and he faded into the mists of randominity. The beam could no longer handle this demonstration.
Having finished proving its worth to the universe, the mirror became the first object to obey gravity recently. It fell softly to the ground between Genma's feet.
***
The sky and universe in general cleared. Despite a small research fleet that was being dispatched from a planet on the more fashionable end of the galaxy to investigate a recent display of impossible power, things were looking up for space-time.
A plane disappeared off the horizon towards Japan carrying with it nightmares for years to come.
The crowd stirred uneasily. Their matriarch had just disappeared into thin air. However, when one thought about it, she had disappeared into something, hadn't she?
Happosaii maturely stepped forward towards the mirror and picked it up. He withdrew tears of sacrifice. It surprised him how cold the mirror was. Water condensed on its surface despite the surrounding temperature. Ranma and Genma didn't register Happosaii. They were, like much of the crowd, too startled to talk.
Ranma didn't yet understand what his father of future had done, but from his father's expression he could tell that it was something this Genma would never do. Ranma was brought back from the outer reaches of unconsciousness by a cold mirror being flung into his eye. A tear formed in his eye and slipped down his dusty face quickly. It fell from his face and Happosaii caught it with the mirror. Though Happosaii was fully in the mood to cry, he chose not to for he saw no point in making a wish. There was nothing for him now that he had lost it.
'This isn't the best place to do that,' thought Ranma.
Another energy spike attracted that research fleet's attention. The three travellers travelled again.
A few people muttered among the crowd. A short teenager in a yellow shirt and braced legs, one of the few males in the crowd, began to cry, muttering something about loosing something. After a long, unsteady silence a voice called hopefully out over the confused heads.
"Well then." He collected his thoughts and continued, "Anyone want a melon?"
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Enjoy that? Not so humorous, but a fight is a serious thing. Humour comes greatly into the next chapter, hopefully. I shan't break the atmosphere with any more comments. - Ryoga
Mirror Rule #5: Don't, under any circumstance, allow the mirror to become completely soaked in ordinary water. Shall we say it becomes a tad confused in the destination department.
You lot getting confused with these Mirror Rules yet? Good. I barely understand them myself.
Enough chat, more argument! -Ryoga
Editor's Note: If you don't understand any images, don't blame me, I did the best I could with it.
How Not to Use Your Amazonian Artifact:
CHAPTER FIVE- Intriguing an Extraterrestrial Research Fleet
This instalment brought to you by AOL, without which many walls would be very empty.
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"I intend to live forever, or die trying." - Villa
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"Would you like steak or saalmon sir?" asked the stewardess.
(Author's Note: 'saal' pronounced like the name 'Sal.')
The man in the immaculate pinstripe suit suddenly awoke, upturning an empty coffee cup from its stale resting spot on his armrest. He pulled a cloth handkerchief from his breast pocket and hurriedly wiped up the invisible mess.
"Sorry about that. What were you saying?" He began to clean her blouse.
"Would you like steak or saalmon sir?" repeated the stewardess with measured patience.
The man took a moment to recognise the words. 'She couldn't seriously be serving salmonella? Must be a dialect,' flitted through his mind.
"I'll have the steak please."
The stewardess kindly dropped a tray of various foods that people distinctly avoided ordering at the airport café. The stewardess moved onto the next traveller who also had never heard 'salmon' so skilfully mispronounced. The pinstripes were forced out of the perpendicular with a long sigh of resolve. He leaned over his coat on the seat next to him to look out the window at the scenery. A range of mountains was ploughing its caps through a field of fog, leaving long ragged tracks in the second ground.
He was just about to pull back to an unpromising meal when a light lured his eye. He peered down the invisible line to an impossible red light seeping across the field faster than a fresh plague of locusts. He summoned the stewardess again.
In the dreary haze brought on by long-haul journeys he asked, "Where are we?"
"We are currently passing over China," she responded. "I believe that mountain range is called Bionicle."
"Strange name for China isn't it?"
The man behind him leaned forward and corrected, "Its Biancale, not Bionicle. The area's mostly abandoned except for a few small villages. I travelled there once for some research but found the area wasn't appropriate for our purposes." A shiver of memory passed down his spine.
"Oh, alright John. Wake me when we get to the convention," responded the original man. The stewardess walked on down the aisle to replenish the stock of leftover airport food. Both representatives of the International Spring Water Bottling Company slipped back into an uneven sleep, ignoring their meals for the time being.
***
("Where is it!") enquired Cologne, the force of her 3000 years worth of ancestors seeping from every syllable. Ranma (present) cowered at the voice. A bull like creature stood next to Cologne. Both creatures' hair had decided it would rather not listen to certain English physicists. Ranma (past) cowered at this.
("Where is what?") asked Akane.
("The weapon! You must have taken it!")
("How dare you dishonour my victory like that! What do you want!") interrupted the purple haired one.
By this point a flock of crow bombers had made its way to the airspace of an increasingly large group of heavily armoured women. It attacked unrelentlessly having met a particularly unpleasant group of small boys some days beforehand. Many of their dispatches were aimed at the two with heads resembling the tip of a Concorde, but were deflected off by auroras onto a small huddled mass on the ground. However, a retreat was called when the sky began to grow red, spreading like mould over old, moist bread.
Ranma (past) stumbled backwards into Happosaii (present).
"Ow! You ungrateful little," complained Happosaii (present) "What's this?" He pulled an ominous black spiked rod, which was quickly covered with bird droppings, from his shirt and discarded it off the ledge.
"What have we done? We have stolen nothing!" demanded Genma (future).
Genma (present) suddenly jumped down from a ledge above the arguing mass and added factually, "Yes! I haven't taken anything this time around. He almost did." The panda shook his head vigorously and pointed to a sign written in a panic stricken hand that read, 'I'm just an ordinary panda! Really!'
Cologne took all of this in, and was distinctly less surprised than Shampoo. She grimaced down to Ranma (past) sprawled out on the ground like a starfish after a kid had finished with it.
"What part have you played here? You look far too conveniently placed."
"Me!" Ranma (past) quickly regained his composure, anger, aggression, footing, and about 25 other things. "I don't know what stupid weapon you are talking about and I don't know who all these idiots are! They grabbed me as I was passing through your village and dumped me up here, demanding to see some papers!"
"Why aren't I surprised?"
"Butt out." This comment by Ranma (past) was the first time anyone had directly talked to an Amazon in this way, ever. To rephrase that, the first time and lived.
Cologne glided to the floor and pointed her stick directly at Ranma's head, but was kicked at by Ranma (present) before she could do anything. Shampoo responded with a quick volley from her painted lead weights. Cologne was quickly back on her stick and attempting to resolve the situation mentally.
Genma (present) intervened, "Ignore the boy. He's just a trouble-making little snot." Genma (future) was already in between the two, but his block served no purpose since Ranma (for once) was listening to the words, not their meaning. He sat stunned. The panda was fending off some crows that had begun to dive bomb him. The assault had begun again.
The panda began to run up the mountain to escape from the sparring group, the customs officials, and the only flock of birds in the world that are members to the Monthly Horror Club. Having finished his retreat, a full half a kilometre up the hill in under a minute, he stopped behind a rock.
'Just sneak out of the country and it'll all be all right. But what about the boy? I don't have anything to buy him with.'
("Just give me my weapon and we'll be off!") demanded Shampoo. ("Why do you need it?")
("We don't!") explained Akane.
Ranma (present) started to make for Shampoo. He thought he knew her well enough, but Genma (present) held him back.
"No son, we can't have you going off and doing something like that."
"Why?" asked Ranma in the middle of flipping Genma to some point in the crowd. Genma counteracted this with a spin and simply landed a few feet away from his starting point.
Ranma leapt for Shampoo in a simulated suicide dive, preparing to feint and attack from beneath. However, half way down he was stopped by a faint red glow, suspending him in midair.
"Now that we can understand each other maybe we can come to some agreement?" inquired Cologne. "I believe you have something that belongs to me?"
Ranma cut long chunks out of the air but could still not free himself. "Lemme go!"
"I am very sorry, but we don't know what you are talking about," responded Genma (future) in a truthful voice he had been practising.
Genma (present) joined in, "We're just here to keep this disgrace (pointing to the red, Ranma-shaped haze) out of trouble. The others are stragglers."
Cologne noticed at this point the similarities between her two opponents.
***
Ryoga was finally getting somewhere. After a short fiasco with a fruit stand and a box, Ryoga had at last found the correct crowd. When last he had looked it was making its way up a mountain path. The members of this crowd all seemed to be preparing for a good ol' riot/mêlée. He seemed lucky to still be alive.
To find his new direction, that of the 'evil one', he jumped on the woman in front of him's head. She was distinctly not pleased with this, but couldn't remove him, so resorted to a barrage of prods to give him the idea. Ryoga surveyed the area, ignorant of the tenderising he was receiving.
The crowd thinned not to far up into a semicircle around a group of people, some of which seemed to posses hair that does not obey normal physical laws. He recognised Akane, kneeling on the ground tending to a Ranma that looked much more familiar to him, ragged and beaten. This pleased him greatly.
Well, it pleased him until he was startled by the sudden call of a nearby salesman, ("Water! Buckets! Get 'em here!")
Ryoga fell off at precisely the same moment as the salesman tripped on a rock. The jolt of righting himself sent one of his precious buckets off the tray, clanging onto the ground. The salesman gave a tired sigh.
'Not been a good day. Should have listened to that other guy's warning.'
He shook his head and knelt down to retrieve his bucket but was impeded by a man's clothing draped across the bucket.
He discarded the clothes and retrieved his bucket, minus water.
'Mighty small pig. Not even big enough for a decent meal. Eh.' He tossed the pig aside.
Ryoga then set off into the crowd, uttering every permutation of 'Oink' possible. Sadly he did not know Chinese oink for 'kettle.'
***
Happosaii (future) gave a long yawn and woke himself up with a bang on the head. He removed himself from the basket and hopped off into the crowd to find something to do. 'Why not surprise myself?' He smirked and merrily went in search of a quarry.
***
Happosaii (present) gave a long yawn and woke himself up with a bang on the head. He removed the shoe from his forehead and rubbed it thoroughly. The ladies weren't, surprisingly, receiving him too well. 'If only they didn't wear trousers.' He smirked and went off in search of another quarry.
***
Happosaii (past) gave a long yawn and woke himself with a bang on the head. He removed his head from the rock and peered around through the darkness. Very dark, and where was his saké?
'Looks like a cave.' He began to tunnel.
***
From a pig's vantage point (between someone's legs) he could make out the scene very well. The crowd stood in a semicircle downhill from a group of highly angered people. Cologne and Shampoo stood on the left, Cologne, as usual, perfectly balanced on her reinforced stick. The two Genma's stood opposite them, both showing the same defiance. Ranma had now accepted his position three metres off the ground and, though at a slight angle. He stood with his arms crossed, looking as if into the eyes of death (after having poked them). Akane was crouched on the ground nursing a different Ranma.
"Oink oi nk in o oo on ok o ik," summarised Ryoga and he padded off in search of the bucket salesman's sibling.
***
"I have no idea," explained Ranma (present), "what you are talking about."
("I'll kill you,") responded Shampoo.
("No honey. Remember the law,") said Cologne. "Alright, I accept that. However, you were seen leaving our village in a rather hurry. Our weapon is missing and no one here has it."
"Neither do we!" interrupted Genma (present).
Cologne's anger continued to build. "If anything, there is the small matter of the stolen clothing."
"Ah," said Genma (future). Genma (present) was not affected.
"I'll let you off this time if you help us to find the weapon." Shampoo indicated that this was not acceptable.
"I ain't helping nobody!" exclaimed Ranma (present).
"What have I done to have to do this?" asked Genma (present).
"Get your sushi here folks!" announced a salesman.
"Sounds alright," agreed Genma (future). "Where shall we start?"
"What's this we!?" inquired Ranma (present). He didn't notice the red glow leaving his general vicinity.
Genma and Genma stared in a battle more vicious than two rabid squirrels fighting for a blind female; one's sense of life against another's sense of laziness. In other words, a battle that could not be won.
"Why should I?"
"For life."
"Ouch." Ranma (present) had been reintroduced to the ground.
"My will to live will be greatly jeopardised if I help her."
"Why?"
"It will become less interesting."
"And that is important because?"
"Ranma's coming 'round!" interrupted Akane.
"Without interest, my life is not worth living."
"What about that year in the desert?"
"That's different."
"How?"
"Ouch." Ranma (past) had been reintroduced to reality.
"That was survival."
"Rather similar to now?"
"No."
"She'll kill us if we don't help."
"You maybe."
"You're confident."
"Come and get your roast chicken here!" suggested another salesman.
"Why shouldn't I be confident?"
"Because I know you."
"How?"
"I am you."
"Good point."
"I'll take some," said a Ranma.
"Me too," said the other.
"This is no time for food boy."
"Food! Where?" Genma (present) spun around.
Cologne chose this moment to attack.
All of the rocks in the local area suddenly forgot about their inanimate lives and hurled themselves relentlessly towards a group of figures.
Genma (present) crouched, hands poised with two fingers down, ready to copy his passport photo at a moments notice. Ranma (past) forced Akane to the ground and ran towards what was, comparatively, nirvana, his pop and about a half mile of ground between him and certain doom/continuing hunger. Ranma (present) looked ready to remind any stone that came near him that it was inanimate. Genma (future) stood sceptically looking at the impressive display. Shampoo was pleased that she could release her violent tendencies. The crowd agreed with her. Ryoga could no longer 'Oink.' Two Happosaii's were dropped kicked into the path of an anti-gravitational avalanche.
The Happosaii's enjoyed a quick game of hopscotch across the river of stones and landed at the front of the crowd. They prepared to save Ranma again and teach him a new lesson. This also would give them some leverage on Ranma, as a life debt is a serious debt.
'A few shots in a bra should pay for that,' thought one of them.
Ranma began to swing his arms determinedly in the path of the stones. Sadly for his pride, they never came.
They all abruptly stopped about a foot away from him. The red glow weakened greatly.
Genma (future)'s head was bowed. Cologne grimaced at the stones, failing to convince them to fly to their target. She left the stones to continue doing nothing, but on the ground. Their clatter against the dusty ground mimicked the attitude of the person who dropped them.
Genma (present) looked his other self in disgust.
"How dare you!"
"Dare me what?"
"Use one of the master's attacks!"
"Is there a problem with being alive?" enquired Genma (future) angrily.
"No, but I could never use an attack developed to collect panties!"
Genma (present)'s head was introduced to a large mallet and rapidly moving foot.
***
After a short period of intense deliberation, Genma and Ranma (past) concluded their discussion and ran hell-bent across the mountain with the speed of a video game character. Even though they moved closer to Juesenkyo, they moved away from death, doom, and passport control, all of which rated as worse. They would never return for any reason, not even to find a cure. Instant Nannichuan was good enough for them.
***
"Life is better than pride," Akane informed Genma (present).
"My life is better than your pride," informed Ranma to the same Genma.
Cologne distracted them all. "You are good, but are you this good?"
A red streak thundered into the ground, forming a neat hole in the nearby ground. Shampoo used this distraction as a reason to attack.
Genma (present) seemed to be inspired by his teaching headache and joined himself in offering a counterattack. Swallowing one's pride was better than swallowing one's son's foot.
They slung their hands down to invisible holsters and pulled from them balls of blue light. They expelled these towards Cologne. They shot with the accuracy of an enraged, sober hillbilly at her. She dodged them, but was forced off balance. This caused her next lightning bolt to land off mark, dissolving the ledge above the group in a bath of crimson instead. The ground, though not dented, conceded to the power of Genma's attack and exploded.
Shampoo drew her weapons up and cocked them. They sparked green to signify success. She forced one highly charged balloon towards Ranma. He wisely chose not to grab it but jumped over it instead, falling just behind Shampoo. In transit he delivered a kick to her head. The balls touched ground and formed a nicely charred area. Ranma added to his prior attack with a short blast of the chestnut fist. Then he leaped out of barbequing range.
Shampoo charged towards the descending Ranma and forced both of her screaming neon balloons into the flat of his back. However, Ranma lightly touched down and kicked the suddenly drained globes from her hands.
'What? They were fully charged!' panicked Shampoo.
Ranma, just as surprised as she was, forced his foot into her stomach. However, he pulled away in too much of an arc and managed to get his foot caught in the reinforced seam of her shirt. Beyond greatly worrying Ranma, this manoeuvre flung Shampoo over Ranma's head and, the force having been amplified by the elastic seam, flung her head first into the base of the ledge.
Her last sight before blacking out was a dark haired girl that she hadn't noticed previously. She had a light aura and her glowing hand was firmly splayed towards where she had been.
Cologne was having a bit of trouble dealing with the rapid-fire destruction. She could easily dodge them, but she couldn't counterattack. Her stick was even beginning to groan in protest.
She saw the next four bolts of electric blue light coming towards her and leaped up into the dust-enriched sky for safety. However, she encountered two paper maché balls that hissed just loudly enough to be confusing.
With a loud bang, Cologne's patience was destroyed. Her stick splintered and a piece fell off.
"Master!?!?" asked both Genma's in surprise.
"Thought I'd lend a hand boys!" smiled Happosaii (present).
Happosaii (future) had his hand in Genma's pocket. He extracted the mirror happily.
Ryoga, at last, made it to the front of the crowd again. He pushed a salesman aside and leaped towards Akane. "Akane! I'm here!" Akane ran, much to Ranma's disgust, towards him. However, Ryoga aborted the dive too early and landed on Happosaii (future). Akane ran faster to tend her husband.
Cologne never actually landed. She hung in an aurora that had only two rivals, her own many years prior and that of an old man living in Israel for the fun of it.
"No one breaks my stick. No one defeats my grand-daughter." Her voice brought about serious doubts as to Cologne's planetary origins. Shampoo was jerked towards Cologne in a separate red glow.
The aura began to descend from the sky. It prepared to suck the living pleasure out of their pathetic bodies. It aimed itself to them, guided by its controller.
A minor problem occurred.
A bucket of water had fallen off of the salesman's tray when Ryoga had pushed past. Try as he might to prevent it, it had propelled itself skyward. This then encountered the mirror that had been forced from Happosaii's hand when a large human had fallen on him.
The mirror responded with more energy than Cologne's aura. An erratic, broad beam of painfully white light billowed out of the mirror. The sound it resonated gave people ten miles away permanent hearing damage. It caused seismic waves that, to this day, confuses the greatest seismologists and gives Chinese seismologists something to talk about at conventions. The bucket rocketed away into orbit around Mars, leaving the Mirror vibrating violently alone in the sky of aura.
The light engulfed the suddenly panicked Cologne and her floating, unconscious granddaughter. Akane and Ryoga, together in a loving embrace were caught in the lower portions of the beam. A grumbling Happosaii (future) was caught unawares by the waves and was jostled into the beam's path. Happosaii (present) managed to barely escape its grasp by ejecting his most prized bra and jumping off of it.
A large pile of rocks was also caught in the breadth of the enormous power output. Those that were not held in the beam cascaded down the hill, enjoying the company of a few humans on the long way down.
A faint image of a different location and time disturbed the blinding light. As it flitted away, all within the beam dissolved into it. The beam began to weaken. The ground cracked to signify that the beam wasn't dead yet.
Genma (future) had marvelled at the spectacle. He turned to himself and his past son. With all his might, he yelled over the roar of a thousand warp engines, "I cannot stay here. I don't belong with you. I would only cause further trouble. This much I know." Genma and Ranma didn't catch much of this, but understood when he walked towards the beam.
On its fading edge he turned back and finished, "Good day Mr. Saotome." He forced his foot firmly into the beam and leant forward upon it. A different image annoyed the diminishing beam and he faded into the mists of randominity. The beam could no longer handle this demonstration.
Having finished proving its worth to the universe, the mirror became the first object to obey gravity recently. It fell softly to the ground between Genma's feet.
***
The sky and universe in general cleared. Despite a small research fleet that was being dispatched from a planet on the more fashionable end of the galaxy to investigate a recent display of impossible power, things were looking up for space-time.
A plane disappeared off the horizon towards Japan carrying with it nightmares for years to come.
The crowd stirred uneasily. Their matriarch had just disappeared into thin air. However, when one thought about it, she had disappeared into something, hadn't she?
Happosaii maturely stepped forward towards the mirror and picked it up. He withdrew tears of sacrifice. It surprised him how cold the mirror was. Water condensed on its surface despite the surrounding temperature. Ranma and Genma didn't register Happosaii. They were, like much of the crowd, too startled to talk.
Ranma didn't yet understand what his father of future had done, but from his father's expression he could tell that it was something this Genma would never do. Ranma was brought back from the outer reaches of unconsciousness by a cold mirror being flung into his eye. A tear formed in his eye and slipped down his dusty face quickly. It fell from his face and Happosaii caught it with the mirror. Though Happosaii was fully in the mood to cry, he chose not to for he saw no point in making a wish. There was nothing for him now that he had lost it.
'This isn't the best place to do that,' thought Ranma.
Another energy spike attracted that research fleet's attention. The three travellers travelled again.
A few people muttered among the crowd. A short teenager in a yellow shirt and braced legs, one of the few males in the crowd, began to cry, muttering something about loosing something. After a long, unsteady silence a voice called hopefully out over the confused heads.
"Well then." He collected his thoughts and continued, "Anyone want a melon?"
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Enjoy that? Not so humorous, but a fight is a serious thing. Humour comes greatly into the next chapter, hopefully. I shan't break the atmosphere with any more comments. - Ryoga
Mirror Rule #5: Don't, under any circumstance, allow the mirror to become completely soaked in ordinary water. Shall we say it becomes a tad confused in the destination department.