Chapter 2
In Which We Meet the Pink Nazi, and Gerald Discovers Surprises Tend to Come in Pairs
"Helga?"
She didn't have a chance to respond. Behind him Gerald heard a whimpering "Excuse me?" He turned and was surprised to see that his boss had returned.
"I'm sorry, ma'am, I just-"
But Helga (It's gotta be her, Gerald thought.) had had time to get over her shock at seeing Gerald. She thrust the paper she had picked up from the floor at the man and yelled at both of them.
"There! Now get out!" She shoved them forcefully out of the office and slammed the door, leaving them standing outside gaping at each other.
Gerald's boss (whose name, if he remembered correctly, was Phil) had apparently recovered some from his earlier confrontation, though he still seemed rather likely to jump at small noises. He turned to Gerald and gave him a half-smile.
"So, I see you've had the pleasure of meeting our shipping director."
Gerald blinked at him. "You mean Hel- that woman in there is in charge of the whole shipping department?"
"That's right. Imports, exports, medical, chemical, everything. Whenever any order comes through, or any supplies need stocked, she's the one who makes it happen. Unfortunately, she's good at it too. Real good. She almost single-handedly turned a 47% profit increase in the past six months she's been working here. The CEO loves her, eats right out of her hand. He doesn't have to work with her five days a week." They were walking back towards the cubicles now, Gerald's mind now totally awake and no longer needing coffee. Phil glanced behind him, then leaned in and whispered, "We call her the Pink Nazi around here. But very, very quietly." He risked a small smile and left Gerald at his cubicle.
Gerald's head was spinning. He sat down at his desk and tried to make the room stand still. It was Helga. It had to be. And she had recognized him too. He was suddenly very glad that he hadn't used a fake identity for this job. But what was Helga doing here, in New Jersey of all places? He had always figured she'd end up running Big Bob's beeper empire. Plus, she looked so…Grown up, he realized and caught his reflection in an empty metal clipboard on his desk. His hair was only about an inch high now, but he had a nice looking goatee coming in to make up for it. He winked at his image. We may be grown up, but some things never change. Case in point, I still look great in a suit. He grinned.
"Mr. Johansson?"
Gerald snapped out of it and focused on the errand boy in front of him.
"Uh, yes?"
"Message for you sir." He handed him a single sheet of paper, which Gerald read quickly.
Tall Hair Boy-
Here's the deal: I don't like you, and you don't like me. We've never gotten along and I for one don't plan to start now. So just stay out of my way, and I won't get you fired, got that?
-H.
"Hey wait!" Gerald flagged down the errand boy. "Did she say anything to you when she gave you this?" He waved the note towards him.
The boy snorted. "I say as little as possible to that woman and she does the same to me. She orders me to do something, I say 'Yes, Mrs. Pataki', and that about covers it." He shrugged and headed down the hall.
Gerald stood there for a second. There weren't any plants in the office, so he just looked at the ceiling.
"Haven't I had enough surprises for one day?" he asked it.
**************
The woman in mauve finished gathering up her things, slung her bag over her shoulder, and left her office for the day, the door locking automatically behind her. She walked briskly down the hall and into the elevator, her heels staccato against the linoleum. Thankfully, she didn't hear the almost audible sigh of relief from the rest of the employees as she left the floor.
Helga had a lot on her mind. She barely nodded to the doorman on her way out, and mechanically found her car (a new Volkswagen Beetle, custom painted pink of course), got in and started it. Then she just sat there, staring at the garage wall. Some graffiti artist had sprayed the words "Born to Kill" on it, and Helga found herself thinking that about summed up her current mood. She took a deep breath and pulled out of the lot to head home.
It wasn't that she necessarily hated Gerald. True, they had never gotten along but it wasn't really him that bothered her so much. He just got in her way, like everyone else. No, not like everyone, she thought. Worse. Much worse. He had this annoying habit of turning up at the worst possible times, usually when she least expected it. She wondered briefly if he and Brainy were ever in league together, but dismissed the idea as yet another flight of fantasy she was so prone to.
But what was he doing here? Why now of all times, and at this job? Helga couldn't picture Gerald being happy in Cubeville. He just didn't seem like the desk job type. Hadn't Phoebe said he was in DC somewhere? What, couldn't he keep a job there? He had to be pretty desperate to end up in this place. After all, Jersey's state motto was "Welcome to the Middle of Nowhere".
Helga braked for a red light and rubbed her temples for a moment. Maybe it was a coincidence. And maybe an alien civilization was building skyscrapers inside her nose. She hit the steering wheel in frustration. What the heck are you doing here, Tall Hair Boy?
By the time Helga had made it home she had blown off most of her steam, like she knew she would. It didn't really matter that Gerald was here, not in the long run. But it did complicate things a bit. She'd have to keep an eye out for him. She gave a little sigh as she pulled into the driveway.
Just don't get in my way this time, Geraldo. I'd hate to have to kill you.
*************
"…so then it turned out that the owner of the dog was the man with the leaky roof! So it all worked out after all!"
Gerald laughed. "Stinky always said you lead a charmed life, Arnold."
"Yeah I guess so, sometimes. When it comes to finding lost dogs at least." Gerald could hear the smile in his best friend's voice. He used his shoulder to hold the phone to his ear while he pulled on a pair of dark jeans.
"So tell me, when are you going to get out of there Arnold? See the world and all that? Probably save it too knowing you."
"I can't leave yet, Grandpa needs me at the boarding house."
"Arnold, your grandpa can still bench press 210 pounds at ninety-something years old."
"I know, but he doesn't do it as fast as he used to. Besides, they'd miss me around here. And I have lots of time to work on my paintings this way."
"Yeah, but-"
"I know, you're worried about me. Don't be. I'm happy. I'll be ok Gerald. Speaking of which how's the new job going for you? Do you like living in New Jersey?"
"Um…" Arnold knew that Gerald worked with the FBI, but obviously he didn't know exactly what he did. Gerald had told him he needed a transfer to get away from Ginger, and that at least Arnold had understood perfectly, having met her a few times himself.
"Well let me put it this way Arnold. Hillside City is a thrill a minute compared to this."
"Are you saying Hillside isn't a thrill a minute?"
"I haven't seen so much as a lost dog since I got here."
"Ouch. Well, maybe it will get better once you get to know some people. You know, maybe they can show you what they do around there for fun."
Gerald thought about the people at Ical Corporation. Oh yeah, the people around here are just a barrel of laughs. He started to make a sarcastic remark to that effect when he remembered Helga.
"Actually Arnold, I already know someone here."
"That's great!"
"You know her too as a matter of fact."
"Huh?" Gerald could tell Arnold didn't know Helga was here any more than he had. "Who would I know in Jersey?"
"Used to know anyway. You remember Helga Pataki?"
"Helga's there? You're kidding!"
"Uh uh. She's a shipping director for a company in the area. I ran into her the other day." Never mind that she did nothing but threaten me. "I guess she's doing pretty well. Oh, and apparently she got married, too."
Gerald took advantage of the silence on the other end of the line to put the phone down for a second. He pulled on a black argyle sweater over his head and stole a glance in the mirror beside his bed. Well, I look like I work at Ical. Not much else good I can say about this outfit. He grimaced and picked up the phone again.
It was still quiet. "Arnold? Hello?"
"Uh, yeah sorry Gerald. I'm here. I guess I just got lost in thought for a moment. You did say Helga was married, right?"
"Yep."
"Wow. I mean, I guess she's the first of the gang to really get married, huh?"
"What about Nadine and Peapod Kid?"
"Well, besides them."
"Eugene and Sheena?"
"Yeah but everyone knew-"
"Don't forget Sid, his kid's due in November by the way. I got the announcement yesterday."
"Yeah I heard about-"
"And didn't Curly marry some supermodel from-"
"Ok, ok, you've made your point. I just can't see Helga being married, that's all. Who's the guy?"
"Beats me, she kept her last name and I didn't ask. I am, however, in continuous prayer for his soul."
Arnold snorted into the phone. "Come on Gerald, she wasn't that bad."
If you only knew. "Whatever you say Arnold. Listen I gotta go. It's getting pretty late and one of us works for a living."
"I'll have you know I'm getting up before noon tomorrow to help Grandpa patch the roof."
Gerald rolled his eyes. "I have nothing to say to that Arnold."
He laughed. "Ok, well think of me when you get up in the morning. You have to be at work by what, six?"
"I'm hanging up now Arnold."
"I'm just kidding around. Remember that next time you start to worry about me though, k? I'll let you go."
"Right, right. See ya later."
"See ya Gerald."
Gerald hung up the phone and wondered mildly if he was going to get any sleep tonight. He had been working at Ical for a little over a week now and seen nothing more of Helga than an occasional glimpse in the hallways. She always seemed to be going in the exact opposite direction of him. His coworkers were at a loss to explain it ("She's usually all over the new guy." Joe had said.), but they hadn't grown up with Helga. He knew she never did anything without a reason. And he knew she always had a plan. Whether it was something sinister or not was up for grabs at this point.
He took in a deep breath of the cool night air as he pocketed a few useful items and headed out the door. I always love the first night out. There was almost no moon outside, which was perfect for what he had planned. Alright, Mrs. Pataki. Time to find out what you're planning. And why you're hiding it from me.
A/N: Miss Matched: Yes, I'm afraid I read that series too. They sort of hook you and don't let go, ya know? Thanks for serious compliment!
Ok, so as long as the site holds up, the next chapter should be up next week. And hopefully, the pace will pick up a bit, I realize it's a tad slow right now…anyhow, just a reminder that the more reviews I get, the quicker this will get updated… :)