A/N- Okay, so I know lots of you (okay, almost all of you) aren't gonna be
happy with me. But, think about it…there are heaps of C/A fics…and they're
all great. But I'm trying to be a bit different here. Give Lindsey a bit of
the limelight. I mean, there's gotta be something good about him, right?
And I promise, *I LOVE ANGEL* just as much as the rest of you, and I
*won't* leave him out in the cold. I refuse to do it. The question is: How
am I going to make it all work? Keep reading and you'll find out. :)
Please keep your reviews coming too.
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Cordy strolls into the lobby of the Hyperion casually, as if she's only been gone 5 minutes. In truth she's been gone all night. When she left she gave me (and the rest of the gang) the distinct impression she would be dropping Lindsey back at his place and be coming right back. I even lent her my car, to make sure she would. I mean, there was no way she'd stay when she had to get my car back to me, knowing that might need it, right? Wrong.
I started to seriously worry an hour or so later, when she hadn't returned. So I called her cell. No answer. And there was no answer the other 16 times I tried during the night. I was really worried. Not worried that she was with Lindsey (although, that *does* get to me) but that she might have been seriously hurt or something. But, somewhere deep down inside I knew what she was doing. (Or should that be *who* she was doing?)
My suspicions are confirmed now. She's wearing the same thing as last night. And never ever in all the years I've known Cordy has she worn the same outfit twice in one week (or even in one lifetime).
I jump up from my seat on the couch. I've been sitting here all night, only moving to check up on, feed and change Connor. And now I'm angry.
"Where have you been?" I growl. I hate being like this, especially with her, but I can't help it. I'm hurt…and even a little jealous.
"Where do you think?" She replies defiantly. After I don't reply, places her hands on her hips, arches her eyebrows and asks, "Well?"
"Home?" I ask hopefully. I know the truth, but I don't want to. It hurts so much to think about.
"Angel. You know where I was." She says firmly. "And you have to get used to the fact that Lindsey and are together now. As much as you hate it you-"
"You could have called at least." I snap, completely cutting her off.
"And said what? 'Hi I'm sleeping with Lindsey at the moment. I just thought you'd like to know.' ???"
(Ouch.) "I don't care what you *say.*" (Yeah, I know I'm lying. Which I'm supposed to not do.) I soften my tone, "I'd just like to know that you're okay. Knowing what's out there… I need to know you're safe and not someone's meal." (Now I'm telling the truth.) "And I know that you're not a child and that you can make your own decisions and…" (How much do I sound like a parent to a teenager? Which is wrong because I don't love Cordy like that. I'm in love with her. I don't think of her like a parent to a child. Far from it.) "Cordy I was just so worried. I don't know what I'd do if I lost you." (She doesn't know how much I mean that.)
Cordelia is silent and so am I. We just stand in the lobby looking at each other. I've said my part. I've made myself vulnerable to her. I wonder if she knows it. I mean, she knows I don't like to share my feelings, so that's gotta mean *something*.
"Angel…" She starts quietly. "I'm sorry. I've got so much going on and I'm screwing everybody's lives around…Yours. Lindsey's. Not to mention the rest of the gang's…"
She's working herself up again. (Talk about drama queen…but she's not anywhere near this good at acting…unless I've stopped paying attention…) I take a few steps towards her and draw her into my arms. "Cordy, you're not screwing anyone's lives around." God, she feels so good against my chest… "I'm here for you, and so are the others." I want to stand like this all day. This is how it's supposed to be. (Angel, you're doing it again.) I know that I should stop thinking about her, but I can't. I can't even bring myself to pull away from her.
She pulls herself away instead.(Which is a good thing I guess...) "Angel. I know that you guys are here for me. And I'm sorry I didn't call, but…I just got carried away by the moment, I guess." She smiles, "But you'll be pleased to know that Lindsey's not gonna move in with me for a while."
(Yeah, but he's still going to.) "Oh." I say flatly.
"I mean, we're not going to rush into anything just yet."
(What do you think sleeping with him, deciding you love him and having his baby is?) "Well, that's… understandable." (Truthfully, I don't *understand* any of this anymore.)
She hesitates. "I know you're not happy about any of this." (Gee, you think?) "And I know you're probably plotting Lindsey's death." (Actually, I wasn't, but…) " But, I want to thank you for being strong for me and not killing him. I really need you right now. And I want you to know that I *do* understand how hard this all must be for you and I want to thank you for…just being here for me." (And there goes the rest of my anger. Right out the window…Not that there was much of it left, but…)
She moves to walk upstairs. "Well, I'm gonna go have a shower, get changed and pee. I've really needed to do that a lot lately."
"Charming Cordy. Just what I needed to hear." I smile, something I know that I don't do often. Its just to let her know that *we're* okay. Whatever *we* are.
She laughs a little and heads up the stairs. "Cordy," I find myself calling after her. She spins to see me again. "You're welcome." I finish softly. She gives a small smile, turns and heads back towards her room.
I think I just came to the complete realisation that she's not mine and never will be. We're better off being friends and she's happy now. And as long as she's happy and that McDonald treats her right, I'm okay with just watching…I hope.
Around five minutes after her departure up the stairs, Wes and Gunn walk through the door.
"Cordelia's back now, then?" Wesley half-states, half-questions.
"Your car's back. So we figured-" Gunn begins.
I unintentionally cut him off by stating, "Yeah, she's back. She's upstairs…freshening up, I think."
They nod and soon Fred appears, carrying Connor. I take him from her with pride, making baby noises at him. He giggles. I have every idea of how funny this must look. (I mean, the Scourge of Europe talking baby talk.) But I can't help it. It's an urge I get around him…plus…he giggles.
No more than 5 minutes after I take Connor into my arms, Lindsey bursts through the doors. Gunn, Wes and I all spin around defensively taking up fighting stances, me having already passed my son back to Fred, as if ready for the attack. When we realise who it is, we begin to relax.
"Man!" Gunn yells at him. "Don't people know how to knock these days?!"
"No time…Hang on. This is a Hotel and a detective agency. Since when do people have to knock?" Lindsey counters.
"They usually walk in casually. Only potential threats and *threat* threats burst in.' I tell him, reaching for Connor again. "What did you mean 'no time' ?" I turn back suddenly realising what he said.
"Where's Cordy?" He responds, ignoring my question.
"Upstairs." I'm starting to get agitated with him. I mean, *more* agitated than I was before. "Now, what did you mean?"
"She's safe?" He asks, once again ignoring my question.
That's it. He asked for it. (Remember, I *did* try to be nice.) "What did you do?" I snarl menacingly. "If you've put Cordy in *any* danger…" I morph into vamp mode. "…You know the consequences."
He doesn't look unnerved by my threat, and if he is…he's doing a good job hiding it. I guess the fact that Connor started giggling at my face when it changed took some of the fright factor away. I mean, if I can't even scare a baby (not that I'd want to) how am I supposed to scare Lindsey?
"I didn't do anything. I swear. I'd do anything…literally…to keep Cordy and my baby *out* of danger. When are you going to get that through your thick head?"
I pass Connor back to Fred calmly, having un-vamped my face, and then turn back to Lindsey. "Say something like that again and I can guarantee you won't still be standing there. Got it?" He nods and I try again. "Now, why are you back here and why is Cordy's safety an issue?"
"Wolfram and Hart. They saw me with you guys and jumped to the conclusion that I'm giving away confidential information again. If that's not bad enough…they've got my apartment bugged, as in micro-camera's and tape- recorders and everything else they can think of. I don't know for how long, but I know what they've seen and heard…And I know that they want to kill me." He explains. Neither of us noticing Cordy come down the stairs and enter the lobby. "And probably her too."
"There is NO way that'll ever happen!" She objects. We both jump and turn to face her. "I mean, they can't, right? And they…they won't. And…Angel…Angel you won't let them, right?"
I walk over to her and hug her. I can sense Lindsey tense up as I do so.(Good. Let him feel the same way I do.) "Cordy, there's no chance of me ever letting them touch you. I promise." I sigh. Here goes the worse thing I'm ever going to say… "And they're not going to kill Lindsey either."
She looks up into my eyes. I can see the hope and determination. I can sense her shock in relation to my final statement. She doesn't have to speak, yet she asks, "Really?"
"Cordy, for some reason unknown to me, you like this guy. I'm not going to be held responsible for hurting you if I let him die, when I know that I have the chance to help him." I explain.
She squeezes me in appreciation and thanks me, before pulling away and walking into the kitchen. "I'll be right back. I'm starved. Haven't eaten anything yet." She calls from the other room.
"You didn't give her anything to eat? " I ask Lindsey heatedly.
"I tried, but she said she had to get back here pronto before *someone* lost their temper at her even more." He retorts, just as irritably.
(She said that? Is that the way she sees me?… But, I *was* angry with her. And I *did* lose my temper a little…) "Oh." Is all I can say.
"So…what are we gonna do about the evil lawyer dudes?" Gunn speaks up, suddenly changing the topic. (And not a moment too soon.)
"I don't know." I answer. "Any suggestions?"
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Cordy strolls into the lobby of the Hyperion casually, as if she's only been gone 5 minutes. In truth she's been gone all night. When she left she gave me (and the rest of the gang) the distinct impression she would be dropping Lindsey back at his place and be coming right back. I even lent her my car, to make sure she would. I mean, there was no way she'd stay when she had to get my car back to me, knowing that might need it, right? Wrong.
I started to seriously worry an hour or so later, when she hadn't returned. So I called her cell. No answer. And there was no answer the other 16 times I tried during the night. I was really worried. Not worried that she was with Lindsey (although, that *does* get to me) but that she might have been seriously hurt or something. But, somewhere deep down inside I knew what she was doing. (Or should that be *who* she was doing?)
My suspicions are confirmed now. She's wearing the same thing as last night. And never ever in all the years I've known Cordy has she worn the same outfit twice in one week (or even in one lifetime).
I jump up from my seat on the couch. I've been sitting here all night, only moving to check up on, feed and change Connor. And now I'm angry.
"Where have you been?" I growl. I hate being like this, especially with her, but I can't help it. I'm hurt…and even a little jealous.
"Where do you think?" She replies defiantly. After I don't reply, places her hands on her hips, arches her eyebrows and asks, "Well?"
"Home?" I ask hopefully. I know the truth, but I don't want to. It hurts so much to think about.
"Angel. You know where I was." She says firmly. "And you have to get used to the fact that Lindsey and are together now. As much as you hate it you-"
"You could have called at least." I snap, completely cutting her off.
"And said what? 'Hi I'm sleeping with Lindsey at the moment. I just thought you'd like to know.' ???"
(Ouch.) "I don't care what you *say.*" (Yeah, I know I'm lying. Which I'm supposed to not do.) I soften my tone, "I'd just like to know that you're okay. Knowing what's out there… I need to know you're safe and not someone's meal." (Now I'm telling the truth.) "And I know that you're not a child and that you can make your own decisions and…" (How much do I sound like a parent to a teenager? Which is wrong because I don't love Cordy like that. I'm in love with her. I don't think of her like a parent to a child. Far from it.) "Cordy I was just so worried. I don't know what I'd do if I lost you." (She doesn't know how much I mean that.)
Cordelia is silent and so am I. We just stand in the lobby looking at each other. I've said my part. I've made myself vulnerable to her. I wonder if she knows it. I mean, she knows I don't like to share my feelings, so that's gotta mean *something*.
"Angel…" She starts quietly. "I'm sorry. I've got so much going on and I'm screwing everybody's lives around…Yours. Lindsey's. Not to mention the rest of the gang's…"
She's working herself up again. (Talk about drama queen…but she's not anywhere near this good at acting…unless I've stopped paying attention…) I take a few steps towards her and draw her into my arms. "Cordy, you're not screwing anyone's lives around." God, she feels so good against my chest… "I'm here for you, and so are the others." I want to stand like this all day. This is how it's supposed to be. (Angel, you're doing it again.) I know that I should stop thinking about her, but I can't. I can't even bring myself to pull away from her.
She pulls herself away instead.(Which is a good thing I guess...) "Angel. I know that you guys are here for me. And I'm sorry I didn't call, but…I just got carried away by the moment, I guess." She smiles, "But you'll be pleased to know that Lindsey's not gonna move in with me for a while."
(Yeah, but he's still going to.) "Oh." I say flatly.
"I mean, we're not going to rush into anything just yet."
(What do you think sleeping with him, deciding you love him and having his baby is?) "Well, that's… understandable." (Truthfully, I don't *understand* any of this anymore.)
She hesitates. "I know you're not happy about any of this." (Gee, you think?) "And I know you're probably plotting Lindsey's death." (Actually, I wasn't, but…) " But, I want to thank you for being strong for me and not killing him. I really need you right now. And I want you to know that I *do* understand how hard this all must be for you and I want to thank you for…just being here for me." (And there goes the rest of my anger. Right out the window…Not that there was much of it left, but…)
She moves to walk upstairs. "Well, I'm gonna go have a shower, get changed and pee. I've really needed to do that a lot lately."
"Charming Cordy. Just what I needed to hear." I smile, something I know that I don't do often. Its just to let her know that *we're* okay. Whatever *we* are.
She laughs a little and heads up the stairs. "Cordy," I find myself calling after her. She spins to see me again. "You're welcome." I finish softly. She gives a small smile, turns and heads back towards her room.
I think I just came to the complete realisation that she's not mine and never will be. We're better off being friends and she's happy now. And as long as she's happy and that McDonald treats her right, I'm okay with just watching…I hope.
Around five minutes after her departure up the stairs, Wes and Gunn walk through the door.
"Cordelia's back now, then?" Wesley half-states, half-questions.
"Your car's back. So we figured-" Gunn begins.
I unintentionally cut him off by stating, "Yeah, she's back. She's upstairs…freshening up, I think."
They nod and soon Fred appears, carrying Connor. I take him from her with pride, making baby noises at him. He giggles. I have every idea of how funny this must look. (I mean, the Scourge of Europe talking baby talk.) But I can't help it. It's an urge I get around him…plus…he giggles.
No more than 5 minutes after I take Connor into my arms, Lindsey bursts through the doors. Gunn, Wes and I all spin around defensively taking up fighting stances, me having already passed my son back to Fred, as if ready for the attack. When we realise who it is, we begin to relax.
"Man!" Gunn yells at him. "Don't people know how to knock these days?!"
"No time…Hang on. This is a Hotel and a detective agency. Since when do people have to knock?" Lindsey counters.
"They usually walk in casually. Only potential threats and *threat* threats burst in.' I tell him, reaching for Connor again. "What did you mean 'no time' ?" I turn back suddenly realising what he said.
"Where's Cordy?" He responds, ignoring my question.
"Upstairs." I'm starting to get agitated with him. I mean, *more* agitated than I was before. "Now, what did you mean?"
"She's safe?" He asks, once again ignoring my question.
That's it. He asked for it. (Remember, I *did* try to be nice.) "What did you do?" I snarl menacingly. "If you've put Cordy in *any* danger…" I morph into vamp mode. "…You know the consequences."
He doesn't look unnerved by my threat, and if he is…he's doing a good job hiding it. I guess the fact that Connor started giggling at my face when it changed took some of the fright factor away. I mean, if I can't even scare a baby (not that I'd want to) how am I supposed to scare Lindsey?
"I didn't do anything. I swear. I'd do anything…literally…to keep Cordy and my baby *out* of danger. When are you going to get that through your thick head?"
I pass Connor back to Fred calmly, having un-vamped my face, and then turn back to Lindsey. "Say something like that again and I can guarantee you won't still be standing there. Got it?" He nods and I try again. "Now, why are you back here and why is Cordy's safety an issue?"
"Wolfram and Hart. They saw me with you guys and jumped to the conclusion that I'm giving away confidential information again. If that's not bad enough…they've got my apartment bugged, as in micro-camera's and tape- recorders and everything else they can think of. I don't know for how long, but I know what they've seen and heard…And I know that they want to kill me." He explains. Neither of us noticing Cordy come down the stairs and enter the lobby. "And probably her too."
"There is NO way that'll ever happen!" She objects. We both jump and turn to face her. "I mean, they can't, right? And they…they won't. And…Angel…Angel you won't let them, right?"
I walk over to her and hug her. I can sense Lindsey tense up as I do so.(Good. Let him feel the same way I do.) "Cordy, there's no chance of me ever letting them touch you. I promise." I sigh. Here goes the worse thing I'm ever going to say… "And they're not going to kill Lindsey either."
She looks up into my eyes. I can see the hope and determination. I can sense her shock in relation to my final statement. She doesn't have to speak, yet she asks, "Really?"
"Cordy, for some reason unknown to me, you like this guy. I'm not going to be held responsible for hurting you if I let him die, when I know that I have the chance to help him." I explain.
She squeezes me in appreciation and thanks me, before pulling away and walking into the kitchen. "I'll be right back. I'm starved. Haven't eaten anything yet." She calls from the other room.
"You didn't give her anything to eat? " I ask Lindsey heatedly.
"I tried, but she said she had to get back here pronto before *someone* lost their temper at her even more." He retorts, just as irritably.
(She said that? Is that the way she sees me?… But, I *was* angry with her. And I *did* lose my temper a little…) "Oh." Is all I can say.
"So…what are we gonna do about the evil lawyer dudes?" Gunn speaks up, suddenly changing the topic. (And not a moment too soon.)
"I don't know." I answer. "Any suggestions?"