The heartache came, hit like a hurricane. The only difference now was that
the pain was now a dull roar, contrary to the seemingly ever-lasting stab
of pure depression. He was now sitting on the side of the bed where his
daughter lay sleeping as peacefully as possible.
There was no way in the world, in any reality, that this was easy. He knew that there would be more questions in the morning. That there would be so many more things that she would fail to understand. In the morning, his little angel would wake up and there would be just one moment where she wouldn't remember.
They had stayed through the last part of the service, which was just people shaking hands and offering their condolences. All meaningless. After that it was getting late, and the little girl was still wondering where her mommy was. Daddy had promised to tell her once they got home. No, not home, the manor. He said she'd have to stay there tonight. He never said why. The ride there seemed to drag on forever but in reality only took ten minutes.
He held her hand while they walked up the steps to the front door of the big house. He held her hand as they walked up the stairs to the bedroom she'd be in tonight. It was her mother's old bedroom. But it was different now. After all, it was now just a guest bedroom. Just another playroom. He looked over toward the window seat that was now furnished with an array of different toys; instead of the usual pillows that had always been there. The pictures on the dresser had changed to that of his niece and her family. He came out of his reminisce when his daughter warily informed him that she wanted to go home.
"You can't, Angel. You have to stay here tonight," he paused as he saw the pouty expression that appeared on her face, "It'll be all right," he informed her.
"But, Daddy, I wanna go home. I wanna see mommy."
He let out a deep sigh that was the only thing that penetrated the silence. "Honey, that's not possible," he said while trying to be as gentle as he possibly could be.
"Why?"
That was her favorite question. The one that she could ask with such delicacy that it could make your heart melt. He tried to start explaining about three different ways. He finally decided to tell her the truth with as much cushioning as he could possibly put underneath it. "Mommy's not coming back, Sweetheart." He knew that he was just setting himself up for another 'why', so he decided to continue before she could say another word. "Mommy died, Honey."
She looked at him with a confused and hurt look. "Uh-uh. Mommy can't die. She's a Charmed One. She can't leave. Who'd protect all the innocents?" She said these words with such pride and determination that it almost made him cry. She had seen it. She'd seen what happened to her mother. Her aunts had said she'd seen it. Why didn't she remember? Why couldn't she remember? Denying it would just make it worse for her. It would make it worse for him. She either didn't accept it, or had unconsciously blocked it out. But, then again, he didn't accept it either. If it was hard for him to accept, let alone acknowledge, then it would be even harder for a five-year-old with no experience in the world.
He sat there, and looked at her crystal clear eyes, wanting everything in the world to go back to normal. He wanted his wife back. He'd tried to save her, tried to warn her. Failing at that task gave him a scar that he was sure he'd have forever. There was nothing to heal him. Nothing he could do to protect his beloved wife. He'd been the main reason that she'd died in the first place.
A silent voice flashed in the back of his head with a near deadly thought. What if he was the reason his daughter would get hurt? He wouldn't be able to handle that. The pain and heartache were already too much. Losing his wife was bad enough, explaining it to his daughter made it even worse. He would die if he lost the little angel sitting in front of him. What if he failed in protecting her, too? All of these thoughts went through his head as he told his little girl what had happened to her mommy. Tears rolled down her cheeks as he held her close and whispered that everything would be all right. He mainly said it to convince himself as well as her.
TBC...
There was no way in the world, in any reality, that this was easy. He knew that there would be more questions in the morning. That there would be so many more things that she would fail to understand. In the morning, his little angel would wake up and there would be just one moment where she wouldn't remember.
They had stayed through the last part of the service, which was just people shaking hands and offering their condolences. All meaningless. After that it was getting late, and the little girl was still wondering where her mommy was. Daddy had promised to tell her once they got home. No, not home, the manor. He said she'd have to stay there tonight. He never said why. The ride there seemed to drag on forever but in reality only took ten minutes.
He held her hand while they walked up the steps to the front door of the big house. He held her hand as they walked up the stairs to the bedroom she'd be in tonight. It was her mother's old bedroom. But it was different now. After all, it was now just a guest bedroom. Just another playroom. He looked over toward the window seat that was now furnished with an array of different toys; instead of the usual pillows that had always been there. The pictures on the dresser had changed to that of his niece and her family. He came out of his reminisce when his daughter warily informed him that she wanted to go home.
"You can't, Angel. You have to stay here tonight," he paused as he saw the pouty expression that appeared on her face, "It'll be all right," he informed her.
"But, Daddy, I wanna go home. I wanna see mommy."
He let out a deep sigh that was the only thing that penetrated the silence. "Honey, that's not possible," he said while trying to be as gentle as he possibly could be.
"Why?"
That was her favorite question. The one that she could ask with such delicacy that it could make your heart melt. He tried to start explaining about three different ways. He finally decided to tell her the truth with as much cushioning as he could possibly put underneath it. "Mommy's not coming back, Sweetheart." He knew that he was just setting himself up for another 'why', so he decided to continue before she could say another word. "Mommy died, Honey."
She looked at him with a confused and hurt look. "Uh-uh. Mommy can't die. She's a Charmed One. She can't leave. Who'd protect all the innocents?" She said these words with such pride and determination that it almost made him cry. She had seen it. She'd seen what happened to her mother. Her aunts had said she'd seen it. Why didn't she remember? Why couldn't she remember? Denying it would just make it worse for her. It would make it worse for him. She either didn't accept it, or had unconsciously blocked it out. But, then again, he didn't accept it either. If it was hard for him to accept, let alone acknowledge, then it would be even harder for a five-year-old with no experience in the world.
He sat there, and looked at her crystal clear eyes, wanting everything in the world to go back to normal. He wanted his wife back. He'd tried to save her, tried to warn her. Failing at that task gave him a scar that he was sure he'd have forever. There was nothing to heal him. Nothing he could do to protect his beloved wife. He'd been the main reason that she'd died in the first place.
A silent voice flashed in the back of his head with a near deadly thought. What if he was the reason his daughter would get hurt? He wouldn't be able to handle that. The pain and heartache were already too much. Losing his wife was bad enough, explaining it to his daughter made it even worse. He would die if he lost the little angel sitting in front of him. What if he failed in protecting her, too? All of these thoughts went through his head as he told his little girl what had happened to her mommy. Tears rolled down her cheeks as he held her close and whispered that everything would be all right. He mainly said it to convince himself as well as her.
TBC...