At last, Soujiro had exhausted his misery. Slowly, awareness of his
surroundings permeated his brain-the feel of the wiry girl pressed up
against him, the smell of her hair beneath his cheek. No, Tsukushi was not
attractive by any normal standard, but there was just something about her
that made him not want to let her go. And That, he realized, was Wrong.
This understanding girl, no matter how she might momentarily take pity on him, as one might take pity on a broken-winged bird, could not be his. No matter how comforting he might find her presence, he could not pursue her. Soujiro knew Tsukushi's heart belonged to Tsukasa. And Soujiro, though he might not have been a good man, still was not the sort to willingly or knowingly betray his friend's trust.
Soujiro sighed, as he breathed in Tsukushi's gentle scent. He was used to loneliness, used to walking through life alone. It would not matter if he stayed that way a bit longer. Or, so he told himself. Besides, he shook his head clear, even just having Tsukushi as a friend should help him to feel less alone. That was all there was to it. This is what he must believe, if only for his own self-preservation.
Soujiro reluctantly loosened his grasp on Tsukushi. Gripping her shoulders, he looked down at the worried girl, and smiled hesitantly.
"Thank you," he murmured, and gravely kissed her on the forehead.
Tsukushi promptly blushed scarlet, "Are you going to be OK now?" she inquired.
"Yeah. I'm sorry." Soujiro ran a hand through his hair as he released her, "I didn't mean to unload it all on you."
"It's OK, I don't mind." Tsukushi smiled back, surprised to find that she really didn't mind this newfound intimacy with the strange boy before her.
Unfortunately, neither much knew where to go from here, and the moment passed. Tsukushi, as usual, was the first to flush with embarrassment. She did not know what to say, what to do after such a close moment, with a boy who, in so many ways, was still a stranger to her.
"Umm. It's getting late. Would you like a ride home?" Soujiro broke the lengthening silence at last, as he looked away nervously.
"Ahh.. sure." Tsukushi stammered, "If you're sure you're going to be ok?"
Soujiro shrugged in reply, "I'll be fine. I've taken up too much of your time already." It was obvious that in his own discomfort and strange inner turmoil, he was trying to brush Tsukushi off. She recognized this fact, and denied once more
"No, it's OK, really." All the while wondering, why was he now in such haste to get rid of her, when moments before he'd clung to her as if he would never let her go. Chalk one more up to the inscrutability of men. Tsukushi sighed inwardly, but made no more protest as Soujiro gathered up her books and led her back out into the night.
As the door to the hotel room clicked shut behind him, Soujiro felt his cool, assured mask drop back into place once more. But his jaded eyes refused to obey him, and continued to find refuge in staring at the back of Tsukushi's head, as if they could bore through to her inner thoughts and tell him why. why he felt the nearly overwhelming urge to fold up the diminutive girl into his arms, to entrust to her his inner secrets that he'd never told another soul. They were not feelings he was used to, and the shock made it hard for him to maintain his public face. But, for the sake of his pride, he managed, somehow.
The two were silent throughout the cab ride to Tsukushi's apartment. There really was no need to speak anyway. At last, they arrived, and Tsukushi reached for the door. Before she could step out, however, Soujiro acted on impulse once more, and trapping her chin with his hand, he leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek. A chaste kiss, but unexpected nonetheless, and Tsukushi found her face growing warm once more.
"Tsukushi," Soujiro murmured, his face mere inches from hers, "You're a better friend than you know."
"Ah... you're welcome!" Tsukushi stammered, utterly flustered by the sincerity shining in his gorgeously dark eyes. But just what the hell did that last comment mean anyway? "I don't want to think about it!" she sternly reminded herself, and with a final wave goodbye, Tsukushi fled into her building.
"I will never understand men!' Tsukushi muttered as she climbed the stairs to her apartment. Thankfully, neither Rui nor Tsukasa was lying in wait for her at the top, and she gratefully slipped into her apartment, locking the door behind her. As Tsukushi collapsed into bed at last, and began to drift off to sleep, her last coherent thought was, "I really hope that when I wake up in the morning, I'll find that it was all a dream. That's the only thing that would make this evening make sense."
---
Akira sat cross-legged on his bed, cell phone limply dangling from one hand. Every few minutes, he'd lift it, punch in Tsukasa's number, and stare at the phone. He never quite could make himself hit send, And, eventually, he'd clear the display, letting his hand fall once more.
Akira was torn by indecision. On the one hand, Tsukasa was his friend and he deserved to know if Tsukushi really had been seduced by Soujiro. On the other. Akira couldn't quite believe that Soujiro would actually do such a thing; all seemingly incriminating evidence to the contrary. Soujiro was his friend too, and if Akira was wrong, and told Tsukasa his suspicions anyway. Well. everyone knew what Tsukasa's jealousy would lead to. If Soujiro was truly innocent, he didn't deserve that. Hell, Akira wasn't sure he'd deserve that, even if he had been sleeping with Tsukushi. Tsukasa had always been just a little too extreme in his punishments, especially when he felt betrayed. And so, Akira sat and dialed, and sat some more, 'till at last, with a weary sigh, he collapsed. Tomorrow, he'd get the truth out of Soujiro if he had to beat it from him. Until then, Tsukasa needn't hear a thing.. at least., not from him.
---
Sakurako paced violently across her room. What did Tsukushi think she was doing? Had she finally given up on Tsukasa? It wouldn't be surprising, given what an ass he'd been to her recently, but still.. Sakurako would have thought that Tsukushi would have better taste than to be hooking up with a playboy as shallow as Soujiro. Especially given that Tsukushi already had Rui doting on her like a little puppy. Now that boy was a prize almost as good as Tsukasa. Well, she supposed she'd see Tsukushi tomorrow. Perhaps she'd ask her if she'd liked that delicious trick Soujiro could play with his tongue.. It might be amusing to compare notes with the girl, before Sakurako lit into her for giving up on Tsukasa so quickly.
---
Soujiro silently crept down the deserted hallway of his own home. Faintly, he could hear his mother's sobs coming from her own room; his father must not have come home again. Soujiro grimaced as he tiptoed past. Perhaps he'd have done better to have stayed at the hotel after all. for his mother's weeping threatened to dissolve once more the fragile self control he'd so recently resurrected. Still, he managed to achieve his own bed before he succumbed to the angst that consumed him. Curling into a fetal ball, Soujiro drove the nails of his fingers deep into his palms - letting the physical pain drown out the sound of his mother's soft sobs, the memory of his own hot tears mere hours before, and most of all, the confusion that lapped at his skull at the memory of Tsukushi's pitying eyes. Eventually, he lapsed into an emotionally exhausted sleep, which, thankfully, was dreamless and deep.
---
Rui slept sprawled out across his bed, his face that of a sleeping angel. If anyone had looked in on him, they might have been shocked by the sweet smile that graced his delicate features; at least unless they also knew that he dreamed of Tsukushi's love.
Tsukasa slept the night away, as well. But his sleep was far less restful. Tossing and turning until his sheets were twisted in a tangled knot, he muttered and called out as his dreams played before his eyelids. Replayed in scene after scene, he saw Tsukushi slipping from his grasp. Tsukushi running away, Tsukushi crushed beneath the weight of the world. And he could do nothing. In all his dreams, he was trapped, unable to reach out to her, to embrace her and take care of her the way she needed to be. Sometimes he was held back by his mother, and sometimes it was Rui's face he saw on the villain. Occasionally, he triumphed and won the girl-and then he'd relax a few moments before the nightmares began again. For him, the morning could not come too soon to save him from the torments that assailed him.
And, eventually, the morning did arrive; the sun inching its way up over the horizon, gilding the city streets with its buttery light, bringing warmth to the awakening world, and setting our characters into frenetic motion once more.
To be continued.
Denial is an amazing creature. It lets us function, blissfully unaware, as we slide down the slippery slope to our dooms. Just because you refuse to recognize the shape of your fate, does not mean it won't catch up to you in the end. Soujiro, like most men, was a fool, clinging to his denial like a lifeline. But it was already too late for him. The stage was set, and as you know. the best laid plans.
Hah! I bet some of you are wondering why in this chapter Soujiro only kisses Tsukushi in platonic ways! He's more of a gentleman than Tsukasa/Rui, that's why! Plus he doesn't want to admit he's got feelings for the girl. or something. I'm so full of shit., I know. But you didn't really want me to write a Soujiro-seduces Tsukushi chapter so early in the fic, did you? I certainly hope not! And what chapter is this-- I'm only just now bringing Rui and Tsukasa into the picture? And they don't even do anything here.. Patience, patience, I've got the next 3 chapters outlined in my head. Now.. so let's see if they end up written anything like I intend. ok, that's a totally gratuitously long A/N for what is, essentially, a filler chapter
This understanding girl, no matter how she might momentarily take pity on him, as one might take pity on a broken-winged bird, could not be his. No matter how comforting he might find her presence, he could not pursue her. Soujiro knew Tsukushi's heart belonged to Tsukasa. And Soujiro, though he might not have been a good man, still was not the sort to willingly or knowingly betray his friend's trust.
Soujiro sighed, as he breathed in Tsukushi's gentle scent. He was used to loneliness, used to walking through life alone. It would not matter if he stayed that way a bit longer. Or, so he told himself. Besides, he shook his head clear, even just having Tsukushi as a friend should help him to feel less alone. That was all there was to it. This is what he must believe, if only for his own self-preservation.
Soujiro reluctantly loosened his grasp on Tsukushi. Gripping her shoulders, he looked down at the worried girl, and smiled hesitantly.
"Thank you," he murmured, and gravely kissed her on the forehead.
Tsukushi promptly blushed scarlet, "Are you going to be OK now?" she inquired.
"Yeah. I'm sorry." Soujiro ran a hand through his hair as he released her, "I didn't mean to unload it all on you."
"It's OK, I don't mind." Tsukushi smiled back, surprised to find that she really didn't mind this newfound intimacy with the strange boy before her.
Unfortunately, neither much knew where to go from here, and the moment passed. Tsukushi, as usual, was the first to flush with embarrassment. She did not know what to say, what to do after such a close moment, with a boy who, in so many ways, was still a stranger to her.
"Umm. It's getting late. Would you like a ride home?" Soujiro broke the lengthening silence at last, as he looked away nervously.
"Ahh.. sure." Tsukushi stammered, "If you're sure you're going to be ok?"
Soujiro shrugged in reply, "I'll be fine. I've taken up too much of your time already." It was obvious that in his own discomfort and strange inner turmoil, he was trying to brush Tsukushi off. She recognized this fact, and denied once more
"No, it's OK, really." All the while wondering, why was he now in such haste to get rid of her, when moments before he'd clung to her as if he would never let her go. Chalk one more up to the inscrutability of men. Tsukushi sighed inwardly, but made no more protest as Soujiro gathered up her books and led her back out into the night.
As the door to the hotel room clicked shut behind him, Soujiro felt his cool, assured mask drop back into place once more. But his jaded eyes refused to obey him, and continued to find refuge in staring at the back of Tsukushi's head, as if they could bore through to her inner thoughts and tell him why. why he felt the nearly overwhelming urge to fold up the diminutive girl into his arms, to entrust to her his inner secrets that he'd never told another soul. They were not feelings he was used to, and the shock made it hard for him to maintain his public face. But, for the sake of his pride, he managed, somehow.
The two were silent throughout the cab ride to Tsukushi's apartment. There really was no need to speak anyway. At last, they arrived, and Tsukushi reached for the door. Before she could step out, however, Soujiro acted on impulse once more, and trapping her chin with his hand, he leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek. A chaste kiss, but unexpected nonetheless, and Tsukushi found her face growing warm once more.
"Tsukushi," Soujiro murmured, his face mere inches from hers, "You're a better friend than you know."
"Ah... you're welcome!" Tsukushi stammered, utterly flustered by the sincerity shining in his gorgeously dark eyes. But just what the hell did that last comment mean anyway? "I don't want to think about it!" she sternly reminded herself, and with a final wave goodbye, Tsukushi fled into her building.
"I will never understand men!' Tsukushi muttered as she climbed the stairs to her apartment. Thankfully, neither Rui nor Tsukasa was lying in wait for her at the top, and she gratefully slipped into her apartment, locking the door behind her. As Tsukushi collapsed into bed at last, and began to drift off to sleep, her last coherent thought was, "I really hope that when I wake up in the morning, I'll find that it was all a dream. That's the only thing that would make this evening make sense."
---
Akira sat cross-legged on his bed, cell phone limply dangling from one hand. Every few minutes, he'd lift it, punch in Tsukasa's number, and stare at the phone. He never quite could make himself hit send, And, eventually, he'd clear the display, letting his hand fall once more.
Akira was torn by indecision. On the one hand, Tsukasa was his friend and he deserved to know if Tsukushi really had been seduced by Soujiro. On the other. Akira couldn't quite believe that Soujiro would actually do such a thing; all seemingly incriminating evidence to the contrary. Soujiro was his friend too, and if Akira was wrong, and told Tsukasa his suspicions anyway. Well. everyone knew what Tsukasa's jealousy would lead to. If Soujiro was truly innocent, he didn't deserve that. Hell, Akira wasn't sure he'd deserve that, even if he had been sleeping with Tsukushi. Tsukasa had always been just a little too extreme in his punishments, especially when he felt betrayed. And so, Akira sat and dialed, and sat some more, 'till at last, with a weary sigh, he collapsed. Tomorrow, he'd get the truth out of Soujiro if he had to beat it from him. Until then, Tsukasa needn't hear a thing.. at least., not from him.
---
Sakurako paced violently across her room. What did Tsukushi think she was doing? Had she finally given up on Tsukasa? It wouldn't be surprising, given what an ass he'd been to her recently, but still.. Sakurako would have thought that Tsukushi would have better taste than to be hooking up with a playboy as shallow as Soujiro. Especially given that Tsukushi already had Rui doting on her like a little puppy. Now that boy was a prize almost as good as Tsukasa. Well, she supposed she'd see Tsukushi tomorrow. Perhaps she'd ask her if she'd liked that delicious trick Soujiro could play with his tongue.. It might be amusing to compare notes with the girl, before Sakurako lit into her for giving up on Tsukasa so quickly.
---
Soujiro silently crept down the deserted hallway of his own home. Faintly, he could hear his mother's sobs coming from her own room; his father must not have come home again. Soujiro grimaced as he tiptoed past. Perhaps he'd have done better to have stayed at the hotel after all. for his mother's weeping threatened to dissolve once more the fragile self control he'd so recently resurrected. Still, he managed to achieve his own bed before he succumbed to the angst that consumed him. Curling into a fetal ball, Soujiro drove the nails of his fingers deep into his palms - letting the physical pain drown out the sound of his mother's soft sobs, the memory of his own hot tears mere hours before, and most of all, the confusion that lapped at his skull at the memory of Tsukushi's pitying eyes. Eventually, he lapsed into an emotionally exhausted sleep, which, thankfully, was dreamless and deep.
---
Rui slept sprawled out across his bed, his face that of a sleeping angel. If anyone had looked in on him, they might have been shocked by the sweet smile that graced his delicate features; at least unless they also knew that he dreamed of Tsukushi's love.
Tsukasa slept the night away, as well. But his sleep was far less restful. Tossing and turning until his sheets were twisted in a tangled knot, he muttered and called out as his dreams played before his eyelids. Replayed in scene after scene, he saw Tsukushi slipping from his grasp. Tsukushi running away, Tsukushi crushed beneath the weight of the world. And he could do nothing. In all his dreams, he was trapped, unable to reach out to her, to embrace her and take care of her the way she needed to be. Sometimes he was held back by his mother, and sometimes it was Rui's face he saw on the villain. Occasionally, he triumphed and won the girl-and then he'd relax a few moments before the nightmares began again. For him, the morning could not come too soon to save him from the torments that assailed him.
And, eventually, the morning did arrive; the sun inching its way up over the horizon, gilding the city streets with its buttery light, bringing warmth to the awakening world, and setting our characters into frenetic motion once more.
To be continued.
Denial is an amazing creature. It lets us function, blissfully unaware, as we slide down the slippery slope to our dooms. Just because you refuse to recognize the shape of your fate, does not mean it won't catch up to you in the end. Soujiro, like most men, was a fool, clinging to his denial like a lifeline. But it was already too late for him. The stage was set, and as you know. the best laid plans.
Hah! I bet some of you are wondering why in this chapter Soujiro only kisses Tsukushi in platonic ways! He's more of a gentleman than Tsukasa/Rui, that's why! Plus he doesn't want to admit he's got feelings for the girl. or something. I'm so full of shit., I know. But you didn't really want me to write a Soujiro-seduces Tsukushi chapter so early in the fic, did you? I certainly hope not! And what chapter is this-- I'm only just now bringing Rui and Tsukasa into the picture? And they don't even do anything here.. Patience, patience, I've got the next 3 chapters outlined in my head. Now.. so let's see if they end up written anything like I intend. ok, that's a totally gratuitously long A/N for what is, essentially, a filler chapter