A/N- Yeah, I know...the last one was a little, okay, A LOT fluffy, but it was to get all the characters inter-relating... I'm getting back to the C/L/A dynamic now. I promise. *sigh* I'm a little down `cos its almost like all my reviewers are slacking off (see, I got addicted to getting reviews and now I'm not getting as many as before and it feels like you're not reading)...besides a few of you (who should know who you are) whom I am truly grateful for...
I mean it guys, I (like a certain ex-watcher with an inferiority complex) start to have less faith in my fic if it looks like you're over it. Don't underestimate the slacking-off ability of an over-worked 12^th grader... if you guys don't want it anymore, I'll gladly throw in the towel and put my extra time to my calculus homework...and its *not* an idle threat. I HATE MATH, but I'll do it if you're not depending on my continuing the story... With that said, *please tell me what you think*. I really like getting reviews...and constructive criticism is gladly accepted. Really. Also, I don't care if you've already reviewed...each chapter is different and therefore needs the attention... thanks.
********************************
Angel just took Cordelia away to talk to her. In private. Why does that still bug me? I mean, I've been over this with him. He loves her and I accept that. I don't like it, but I'll accept it.
I watched them walk into his office a couple of minutes ago. I hate to admit it, but all I could think of was what he might be saying...or even doing to her right now... Pathetic, much? I'm the jealous boyfriend. I get that now. And you *can't* sit there and tell me that everything is gonna be fine or that Angel isn't going to act on his feelings. I'm not an idiot.
I may be a lot of things, but stupid is not one of them. Well, it never used to be. Not for the old Lindsey...but I'm afraid that this *new* me, the one that has fallen in love with Cordelia Chase, might not be quite as sharp in the brain department when it comes to matters of the heart. Hell, the old Lindsey never even had a heart...metaphorically speaking.
They still haven't come back out yet. Should I be worried? No. Cordelia (as far as I know) loves me. There's no chance she'd drop everything we can share for Angel... right? Oh god I hope I'm right.
"So...you and Cordelia are having a kid, huh?" A voice asks behind me. I'm shaken out of my paranoid thoughts.
"Yeah..." I start slowly, turning to face the petite blonde vampire slayer. "Well, that's what she told me..."
She smiles awkwardly. "Wow...Cordy would have to be the *last* person that I'd see as being a mom...but it looks like she's changed...A *LOT*..."
"I guess we all change at one point or another...I mean, look at me. I used to work for Wolfram and Hart. I used to be one of their cruellest and most ruthless...and, well, look at me now. I'm helping out their mortal enemy and falling in love with their mortal enemy's colleague...not to mention trying to destroy *them*..." I just let that all rush out. I'm sharing my most personal information to a complete stranger...and somehow, I feel better.
Her smile eases a little. "Its confusing isn't it? You're one thing your entire life and then *BOOM*...it's like, for one reason or another, you've gotta start all over again at being something completely different. Sometimes for a good reason, other times for barely any reason at all...but it's like you see everything in a new light and because its not familiar anymore you almost feel lost. Then the person you'd least expect to connect with falls right into your arms and you realize that you really have been going at everything the wrong way, but you don't know how to handle anything anymore and the world is collapsing around you..." She drops onto the couch. She'd run the last bit together almost without taking a breath, and blushes a little. "Listen to me rambling. It must be really boring, huh?"
I sit down next to her. "No. I know *exactly* where you're coming from." I let a few seconds of comfortable silence pass between us. "So, where do we go from here? I mean, with our lives...Do we just sit back and hope it makes sense one day? Or, do we try to take control before everything spirals into an even bigger mass of confusion?"
"I don't know." She tells me. "I really don't know..."
After a few more minutes of silence, Angel and Cordelia walk out of the entryway to the offices. I notice that her face is streaked with the tears she's obviously shed. I stand up and walk over to her, pulling her into my arms, all the while glaring at Angel over her shoulder. Whatever he's said to make her cry, he's gonna pay for it.
Cordy pulls my face to hers, making our eyes meet. "Lindsey..." She shakily begins. "Can we talk?"
"Certainly." I reply. She turns and walks toward the courtyard. I follow obediently. She takes a seat on the stone bench, and I do the same. I don't say anything. I figure that if she wants to tell me what's going on, she'll be the one to begin.
"A-Angel told me t-that he loved me." She finally manages. I already knew this, so I don't say anything. She continues. "H-he said that he realized that he was *in* love with me after it was too late." Once again, I wait for her to keep going. "S-so I was kinda taken by surprise... I mean, *Angel* in love with *me*? It had to be a joke, right? But after a while, I knew he was being serious...Then he kissed me." I feel my blood start to boil. Cordelia takes my hand and I only just manage to resist the urge of wrenching it away. She looks into my eyes, searching for my reaction. I just frown. "B-But...it was a `I'm-letting-go-of-you' kinda kiss. The `goodbye and farewell' kind. He said that he doesn't want things to change between us and he just wants me to be happy...but I can see how hurt he is."
"That's not our problem." I snap, finally. Jumping up from the seat, I throw my hands around wildly, emphasizing my frustration. "I knew he had feelings for you Cordy, but I never thought he'd go so far as to KISS you! Not while you were still with me! How can he even dare to put you through that sort of emotional blackmail?! If anyone should be hurting it's you and I at the moment!" With that burst of anger out of my system, I start to calm down. "He kissed you..." I repeat, still in disbelief.
"Lindsey," She responds firmly. "I told him that he shouldn't have kissed me, especially if he wanted to keep our friendship the way it was before, but at the same time he had to. It...I don't know...gave him closure? He just gave me away to you...a very noble and romantic gesture...don't you get it?"
"He crossed a boundary." I argue. "I know I'm being hard to deal with but *I'm* the jealous boyfriend... and that...that bloodsucking *fiend* has just kissed *my* girlfriend! I think I'm allowed to be a little hurt. I'm surprised he didn't tell you that you should leave me and live a wonderful and happy life with him." At the slightly guilty look she gives me, my eyes widen. "He *did*, didn't he?"
"Not in those exact words, but the choice was given..."
"Great. Just great." I plonk back down onto the seat beside her, emotionally exhausted.
She places her hand back onto mine again. "I told him that he could shove his wonderful and happy life `cos I'm content with what I got."
"Really?"
She nods. "Plus, I want *our* baby to have the best possible life with its dad. Hell, *I* want to have the best possible life with its dad." She squeezes my hand. "So, you forgive me?"
"I have no reason to." She looks a bit, well, heartbroken...so I have to add the rest of my thinking. "Its not you that I'm upset with. Angel on the other hand-"
"Put yourself in his shoes. What would you have done?"
I'm silent. I can only think of telling her a lie: That I would respect the other man. Truthfully, I'd think `Screw the other man'. After what seems like hours I whisper, "I hate it when you're right."
She laughs and kisses me. "I'm always right."
I stand up and offer her my hand. "Come on, we've got a law-firm to dispose of."
********************************
A/N(2)- Well...remember what I said before. I can either do the extra calculus homework (BLECK) or I can write some more of this fic. It's your call.
PS- I am *really* thankful to those of u that *have* reviewed. Please don't stop at the one review... every chapter has its own personality (so to speak)... please tell me what you think...
I mean it guys, I (like a certain ex-watcher with an inferiority complex) start to have less faith in my fic if it looks like you're over it. Don't underestimate the slacking-off ability of an over-worked 12^th grader... if you guys don't want it anymore, I'll gladly throw in the towel and put my extra time to my calculus homework...and its *not* an idle threat. I HATE MATH, but I'll do it if you're not depending on my continuing the story... With that said, *please tell me what you think*. I really like getting reviews...and constructive criticism is gladly accepted. Really. Also, I don't care if you've already reviewed...each chapter is different and therefore needs the attention... thanks.
********************************
Angel just took Cordelia away to talk to her. In private. Why does that still bug me? I mean, I've been over this with him. He loves her and I accept that. I don't like it, but I'll accept it.
I watched them walk into his office a couple of minutes ago. I hate to admit it, but all I could think of was what he might be saying...or even doing to her right now... Pathetic, much? I'm the jealous boyfriend. I get that now. And you *can't* sit there and tell me that everything is gonna be fine or that Angel isn't going to act on his feelings. I'm not an idiot.
I may be a lot of things, but stupid is not one of them. Well, it never used to be. Not for the old Lindsey...but I'm afraid that this *new* me, the one that has fallen in love with Cordelia Chase, might not be quite as sharp in the brain department when it comes to matters of the heart. Hell, the old Lindsey never even had a heart...metaphorically speaking.
They still haven't come back out yet. Should I be worried? No. Cordelia (as far as I know) loves me. There's no chance she'd drop everything we can share for Angel... right? Oh god I hope I'm right.
"So...you and Cordelia are having a kid, huh?" A voice asks behind me. I'm shaken out of my paranoid thoughts.
"Yeah..." I start slowly, turning to face the petite blonde vampire slayer. "Well, that's what she told me..."
She smiles awkwardly. "Wow...Cordy would have to be the *last* person that I'd see as being a mom...but it looks like she's changed...A *LOT*..."
"I guess we all change at one point or another...I mean, look at me. I used to work for Wolfram and Hart. I used to be one of their cruellest and most ruthless...and, well, look at me now. I'm helping out their mortal enemy and falling in love with their mortal enemy's colleague...not to mention trying to destroy *them*..." I just let that all rush out. I'm sharing my most personal information to a complete stranger...and somehow, I feel better.
Her smile eases a little. "Its confusing isn't it? You're one thing your entire life and then *BOOM*...it's like, for one reason or another, you've gotta start all over again at being something completely different. Sometimes for a good reason, other times for barely any reason at all...but it's like you see everything in a new light and because its not familiar anymore you almost feel lost. Then the person you'd least expect to connect with falls right into your arms and you realize that you really have been going at everything the wrong way, but you don't know how to handle anything anymore and the world is collapsing around you..." She drops onto the couch. She'd run the last bit together almost without taking a breath, and blushes a little. "Listen to me rambling. It must be really boring, huh?"
I sit down next to her. "No. I know *exactly* where you're coming from." I let a few seconds of comfortable silence pass between us. "So, where do we go from here? I mean, with our lives...Do we just sit back and hope it makes sense one day? Or, do we try to take control before everything spirals into an even bigger mass of confusion?"
"I don't know." She tells me. "I really don't know..."
After a few more minutes of silence, Angel and Cordelia walk out of the entryway to the offices. I notice that her face is streaked with the tears she's obviously shed. I stand up and walk over to her, pulling her into my arms, all the while glaring at Angel over her shoulder. Whatever he's said to make her cry, he's gonna pay for it.
Cordy pulls my face to hers, making our eyes meet. "Lindsey..." She shakily begins. "Can we talk?"
"Certainly." I reply. She turns and walks toward the courtyard. I follow obediently. She takes a seat on the stone bench, and I do the same. I don't say anything. I figure that if she wants to tell me what's going on, she'll be the one to begin.
"A-Angel told me t-that he loved me." She finally manages. I already knew this, so I don't say anything. She continues. "H-he said that he realized that he was *in* love with me after it was too late." Once again, I wait for her to keep going. "S-so I was kinda taken by surprise... I mean, *Angel* in love with *me*? It had to be a joke, right? But after a while, I knew he was being serious...Then he kissed me." I feel my blood start to boil. Cordelia takes my hand and I only just manage to resist the urge of wrenching it away. She looks into my eyes, searching for my reaction. I just frown. "B-But...it was a `I'm-letting-go-of-you' kinda kiss. The `goodbye and farewell' kind. He said that he doesn't want things to change between us and he just wants me to be happy...but I can see how hurt he is."
"That's not our problem." I snap, finally. Jumping up from the seat, I throw my hands around wildly, emphasizing my frustration. "I knew he had feelings for you Cordy, but I never thought he'd go so far as to KISS you! Not while you were still with me! How can he even dare to put you through that sort of emotional blackmail?! If anyone should be hurting it's you and I at the moment!" With that burst of anger out of my system, I start to calm down. "He kissed you..." I repeat, still in disbelief.
"Lindsey," She responds firmly. "I told him that he shouldn't have kissed me, especially if he wanted to keep our friendship the way it was before, but at the same time he had to. It...I don't know...gave him closure? He just gave me away to you...a very noble and romantic gesture...don't you get it?"
"He crossed a boundary." I argue. "I know I'm being hard to deal with but *I'm* the jealous boyfriend... and that...that bloodsucking *fiend* has just kissed *my* girlfriend! I think I'm allowed to be a little hurt. I'm surprised he didn't tell you that you should leave me and live a wonderful and happy life with him." At the slightly guilty look she gives me, my eyes widen. "He *did*, didn't he?"
"Not in those exact words, but the choice was given..."
"Great. Just great." I plonk back down onto the seat beside her, emotionally exhausted.
She places her hand back onto mine again. "I told him that he could shove his wonderful and happy life `cos I'm content with what I got."
"Really?"
She nods. "Plus, I want *our* baby to have the best possible life with its dad. Hell, *I* want to have the best possible life with its dad." She squeezes my hand. "So, you forgive me?"
"I have no reason to." She looks a bit, well, heartbroken...so I have to add the rest of my thinking. "Its not you that I'm upset with. Angel on the other hand-"
"Put yourself in his shoes. What would you have done?"
I'm silent. I can only think of telling her a lie: That I would respect the other man. Truthfully, I'd think `Screw the other man'. After what seems like hours I whisper, "I hate it when you're right."
She laughs and kisses me. "I'm always right."
I stand up and offer her my hand. "Come on, we've got a law-firm to dispose of."
********************************
A/N(2)- Well...remember what I said before. I can either do the extra calculus homework (BLECK) or I can write some more of this fic. It's your call.
PS- I am *really* thankful to those of u that *have* reviewed. Please don't stop at the one review... every chapter has its own personality (so to speak)... please tell me what you think...