A/N- wow… I can't believe that I've left this one for sooo long! Talk about
being distracted by work! Oh well…its not like that many of you missed me.
*sniffleness* Ummm…to those of u that have been following *and* reviewing a
big apology! I seriously got bombed in work and I had to get the other
fic's 10th chapter out. Now I gotta work on this one. Please review and
make sure that my efforts weren't for nothing. Ta.
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I dragged Lindsey into this room and pushed him into the chair about half an hour ago, and I still haven't gotten anywhere with him. All I really want is for him to calm down and talk to me. If he wants us to have a loving relationship, he's gonna have to open up to me and tell me what he's feeling. There's no point in attacking Angel and not talking to me if he wants to keep *us* going and he knows it.
"Come on…" I urge for the thousandth time, stopping my pacing and crouching in front of him again. "You've got to talk to me."
He looks up at me, his eyes full of apology. "And say what? I'm sorry for being jealous and confronting the guy that kissed my girlfriend behind my back?"
"No. But there is a difference between confronting and trying to provoke a fight with someone." I reply. "But that's not what we have to talk about and you know it."
"I know…" He says, looking back down at the floor. "I'm ashamed that I did…but Cordelia, he kissed you. He told you to leave me and stay with him. I was angry. I was upset. I was afraid that you might actually take him up on it, so I needed to tell him to stay away." He pauses, a tiny rueful smile slipping onto his lips, "The fact that you're his seer and he's your champion makes that a bit hard…but it was instinct." He looks back up at me. "I don't want to lose you. I'm sorry that I provoked and tried to attack your best friend and all, but I really don't want you to leave me."
I smile at him. He's soo sweet. I really can't believe that he's the same evil lawyer that tried to kill us all time and time again…Then again, that's *not* him anymore. It hasn't been for a long time and it won't be ever again. Or at least, I hope it won't be.
I hate myself for it, but I keep getting this itsy-bitsy idea in my head that says when he crawls back to W&H, he really *will* betray us. I can't help it. I mean, its either that or he's already working for them. Either way, we're all doomed.
I shake the horrible possibilities away and concentrate on working through these issues with Lindsey. "Honey," I say, placing my hand on his knee (partly to reassure him tenderly and partly to steady myself from toppling over). "You don't have to worry like that. I'm not gonna leave you any time soon and if you're not planning on leaving me, I don't see us breaking up or whatever…" I look deep into his eyes, searching for his reaction. "Okay?" He nods and I smile even more. "Good."
I push myself back up so I'm once again looking down at him. He follows suit and stands as well, pulling me into his embrace, keeping his arms around my waist. I lean my head on his shoulder. This still feels so right. I take a deep, calming breath in. His aftershave has the nicest smell. I can't describe it. Slightly musky, a tiny bit fruity, masculine, but not too harsh… Intoxicating. I love it. Hell, I love him. Its sooo hard to believe, but I do.
The problem is; What if this really *is* an act? What if he *is* gonna betray our trust? What's gonna happen to me and our baby if he does? I don't want to think about it. I really don't. But, I have to. To make sure that I'm prepared.
I want to believe every other instinct inside me that says I'm just being paranoid, but I can't be too safe here. It's not just my life on the line anymore. I have to remember that there is a baby I will have to account for from now on. I think that I just realised something.
I'M NOT READY TO TAKE THAT RESPONSIBILITY!
I'm too young to have a baby. The world is a far too dangerous place these days, and that's *without* counting the demons and underworldly scum that shares it with us. I don't think I'll be a good mom. I don't think I have what it takes. And then there's the whole 'Childbirth is the most painful thing in the world' thing (although I doubt that the woman that said that ever had to suffer a mind-numbing vision). And what if Lindsey leaves me? I'm definitely not ready to raise this kid on my own… And I don't want to have to turn back to Angel and the others for help…
"What the hell have I gotten myself into?" The words slip out of my mouth before I even realise I've even thought them.
"What?" Lindsey asks, gently prying me from his shoulder, placing his hands on my shoulder and looking me in the eye. "What do you mean?"
I try to shrug him off and add a warm smile for extra charm. "Oh…nothing…I was just talking to myself…Not important."
Lindsey doesn't buy it for a second. "Cordelia…I'm not an idiot." He tells me. "Although, there *are* people that'll happily dispute that…I need to know what's going on with you as much as you need to know what's going on with me. So start talkin'."
With a sigh I tell him my latest fears, finishing with a tearful, "I'm *really* not ready for this." And then, against all my will, I break into tears. I can't stand this overly emotional stuff that comes with the pregnancy…why must my hormones (or whatever it is that causes these stupid mood swings) be thrown outta whack? Queen C does *not* break down in tears. Then again, I haven't really been Queen C in a long time.
Lindsey pulls me back into his arms and I sob against him. Every so often he offers the occasional "It'll be fine", "You're gonna be an excellent Mom" or "I'm not going anywhere. I'll be here for you whenever you need me" while he rubs my back.
After a few minutes I start to pull myself together and wipe at my eyes. Lindsey pulls out his handkerchief and I gladly accept it. Blowing my nose in the most possible lady-like manner I can, I smile sheepishly. "Damn these stupid mood swings. I thought they were s'posed to come *later* in the pregnancy."
He raises his hands and shrugs. "Don't look at me. I don't know a *thing* about stuff like that."
I roll my eyes playfully. "Typical man."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Okay…we all set? Every one to their stations?" Angel calls, 'Decoy Connor' in his arms.
We've been allocated into groups now. Its time we got 'Operation Kaboom' (or whatever it was called) into action. In the lobby of the Hyperion, we have Angel, me, Lorne and Wesley. Hiding around the corners upstairs are Spike, Buffy, Xander and an assortment of Lorne's buddies that have a vendetta against Wolfram and Hart. (We agreed to their involvement because we needed as much back up as possible and as long as they don't attack anyone on our side…INCLUDING Lindsey…it's all good.) Outside, lurking in the shadows are Gunn and a few members of his old gang (who only joined in because W&H are not too liked in their circles either). Willow, Tara and Fred are poised (also looking after the real Connor) on computers on the top floor, having already completed an assortment of spells for protection and invisibility to anyone who may be a threat to them. They've got more stored under their sleeves, but first they gotta do the hackage of W&H files. And Lindsey, well…He's in the nursery getting ready for an all-too- convincing ass-kicking from Angel.
I glance around at everyone else still in the lobby. They nod in response to Angel's question. Over the walky-talky Spike checks in with his typical "Peaches, we're all good here. When's the fighting?" Next comes Gunn's "Angel, we're set and ready. You just gotta say the word." The final group is Willow's, who answers with "Is this on? Oh…it is? Okay…Testing…1,2,3…Sorry. Always wanted to say that. Anyhows, we're all set here. Give us the green light and we're off and running…or typing in our case…Okay. How do you turn it off? That button there? No…I know what I'm doi… *Click*"
Shaking his head with the tiniest of smiles, Angel gets himself into position, sitting down across from me and Lorne, nursing a bundle of blankets that has been enchanted to look, feel, smell, move and even *sound* like Connor to those that don't know the truth. (We can hear the same sounds though, so it looks convincing 'cos when it cries, it's only natural for Angel or I to make a move to calm it. If not, it could seem strange to the people we're trying to trick…It makes sense to me, anyway.) Against my judgement, we decided to *not* tell Lindsey. In case he really was gonna betray us. Plus, if he thinks it's the real baby, it'll look more believable as well.
"I just hope that we can act this out without screwing up." I say casually.
Angel smiles and nods. "Yeah…plus I feel like an idiot talking to a bundle of blankets. Its really not my style."
Lorne hides a chuckle and we act like it's a normal day…er…night here in the Hyperion. It's all part of our plan. Just in case we're being watched or whatever. After a little while Angel stands and makes his way over to the elevator, still carrying 'DC' (Decoy Connor). Its been starting to make noises so, he treats it as he would Connor and goes to put it to bed. This is now where Lindsey's gonna pretend to try and kidnap him.
Sure enough, the sounds of a struggle erupt over the baby monitor and a beaten looking Lindsey appears, tearing down the stairs at a 100 miles per hour, one very pissed off Angel right behind him in full vamp mode. If I didn't know that this was staged, I'd be very scared. As it is, I'm a little shaken. So, now it's my turn to join the scene.
I jump up as they get closer and try to stop Lindsey, but he's gone before I can say anything. I block Angel's path and stop him instead.
"Get out of my way." He snarls.
"Not until you tell me why you're trying to kill my boyfriend." I reply defiantly.
Angel refuses. "Cordelia! I SAID MOVE!"
"No!" I yell back. "Not until you-"
"He tried to kidnap Connor! That filthy little slime ball is still evil! Now let me go tear him apart!"
Way to go Angel with the acting…Not. He should take a few lessons one day. Hey, there's an idea. I can triple as his receptionist, seer *and* acting coach, especially if he plans on going undercover on a few cases. Wearing a bright (and ugly) Hawaiian shirt won't always do the trick…I'm getting sidetracked here. Where was I? Oh, yeah… Maybe, for today's purposes, he should just keep his game face on and his mouth shut. If he has to speak, just growl a few times or something… Anyhow…it's my line. "WHAT?!" See…now, *THAT* was believable.
Angel snarls, mucho convincing too…Much better than before. Oh, god…he's going to *talk* again. I'm prepared for his improvising…I hope. "You heard me." He growls, "Now move. I don't want to have to hurt you."
"Angel…" I coo, "Maybe there's been some sort of misunderstanding." Here I go, ready to become the confused voice of reason and panic. I start to stutter and rush the sentence out for dramatic emphasis. "M-maybe he was t- trying to help you and you just jumped to conclusions 'cos we all know that you hate him and don't want him around…or…or he might have-"
"Cordelia," Angel snaps, catching on quickly to what I want him to do/say. "I wouldn't make something like that up. I know how much you like the guy now and I was trying to like him myself…for you. But I know what I saw! He was there *hiding* in the nursery and the second I was out the door he tried to make off with my son! Tell me that he's not evil!"
I find myself shaking, getting completely into character and tell myself that this isn't an act anymore. From now on, it's all real. "Its not true." I say, shaking my head furiously. "I wont let it be."
Angel doesn't budge. Something tells me he's doing the same thing and getting into character. Good. He'll be a lot more convincing that way. Staring me down he whispers, "Too bad. It is happening and I'm gonna make sure it doesn't go any further." He tries again to push me out of the way.
"No!" I protest. "Let me. If he's really gone evil again, *I'm* gonna be the one to let him have it. Okay?" It's not a question. It's a statement *phrased* as a question, if that makes any sense.
He looks uncertainly at me, as does Wesley as he walks up to stand beside the vampire. "Cordelia," the Brit says, "I don't think that in your current condition-"
"Lindsey's the one that got me into my 'current condition', as you put it, and he won't hurt his own unborn child no matter how evil he is." I reply sternly and full of resolve. "I've made my decision guys. You can't change that." I soften. "Look, if it gets out of control, I'll call you. Fair?"
Hesitantly, they both nod. I draw Angel away from the doors and grab my purse. I turn to the men to give my instructions as I leave. "If I'm not back or you haven't heard from me in an hour, you can come after me. Until then, STAY HERE."
Neither moves to protest, but Angel looks like he's seriously debating it. I turn and head to the front doors.
As I walk out onto the street, I take one last look at the hotel. I can't help realising that however this thing plays out, nothing is ever going to be the same again. Am I really ready for the change?
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A/N- okey-dokey you know what you have to do now, don't you? Yes, I am talking to you. You simply must post a review. Tell me what you think. I don't care how much you say, just as long as you say it. If it sucks, *tell* me. If it doesn't, tell me that too. PLEASE! And remember, the more you guys review, the faster I'll update. Post 10 of the same review if you want! Just let me know what you're thinkin'. Ta.
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I dragged Lindsey into this room and pushed him into the chair about half an hour ago, and I still haven't gotten anywhere with him. All I really want is for him to calm down and talk to me. If he wants us to have a loving relationship, he's gonna have to open up to me and tell me what he's feeling. There's no point in attacking Angel and not talking to me if he wants to keep *us* going and he knows it.
"Come on…" I urge for the thousandth time, stopping my pacing and crouching in front of him again. "You've got to talk to me."
He looks up at me, his eyes full of apology. "And say what? I'm sorry for being jealous and confronting the guy that kissed my girlfriend behind my back?"
"No. But there is a difference between confronting and trying to provoke a fight with someone." I reply. "But that's not what we have to talk about and you know it."
"I know…" He says, looking back down at the floor. "I'm ashamed that I did…but Cordelia, he kissed you. He told you to leave me and stay with him. I was angry. I was upset. I was afraid that you might actually take him up on it, so I needed to tell him to stay away." He pauses, a tiny rueful smile slipping onto his lips, "The fact that you're his seer and he's your champion makes that a bit hard…but it was instinct." He looks back up at me. "I don't want to lose you. I'm sorry that I provoked and tried to attack your best friend and all, but I really don't want you to leave me."
I smile at him. He's soo sweet. I really can't believe that he's the same evil lawyer that tried to kill us all time and time again…Then again, that's *not* him anymore. It hasn't been for a long time and it won't be ever again. Or at least, I hope it won't be.
I hate myself for it, but I keep getting this itsy-bitsy idea in my head that says when he crawls back to W&H, he really *will* betray us. I can't help it. I mean, its either that or he's already working for them. Either way, we're all doomed.
I shake the horrible possibilities away and concentrate on working through these issues with Lindsey. "Honey," I say, placing my hand on his knee (partly to reassure him tenderly and partly to steady myself from toppling over). "You don't have to worry like that. I'm not gonna leave you any time soon and if you're not planning on leaving me, I don't see us breaking up or whatever…" I look deep into his eyes, searching for his reaction. "Okay?" He nods and I smile even more. "Good."
I push myself back up so I'm once again looking down at him. He follows suit and stands as well, pulling me into his embrace, keeping his arms around my waist. I lean my head on his shoulder. This still feels so right. I take a deep, calming breath in. His aftershave has the nicest smell. I can't describe it. Slightly musky, a tiny bit fruity, masculine, but not too harsh… Intoxicating. I love it. Hell, I love him. Its sooo hard to believe, but I do.
The problem is; What if this really *is* an act? What if he *is* gonna betray our trust? What's gonna happen to me and our baby if he does? I don't want to think about it. I really don't. But, I have to. To make sure that I'm prepared.
I want to believe every other instinct inside me that says I'm just being paranoid, but I can't be too safe here. It's not just my life on the line anymore. I have to remember that there is a baby I will have to account for from now on. I think that I just realised something.
I'M NOT READY TO TAKE THAT RESPONSIBILITY!
I'm too young to have a baby. The world is a far too dangerous place these days, and that's *without* counting the demons and underworldly scum that shares it with us. I don't think I'll be a good mom. I don't think I have what it takes. And then there's the whole 'Childbirth is the most painful thing in the world' thing (although I doubt that the woman that said that ever had to suffer a mind-numbing vision). And what if Lindsey leaves me? I'm definitely not ready to raise this kid on my own… And I don't want to have to turn back to Angel and the others for help…
"What the hell have I gotten myself into?" The words slip out of my mouth before I even realise I've even thought them.
"What?" Lindsey asks, gently prying me from his shoulder, placing his hands on my shoulder and looking me in the eye. "What do you mean?"
I try to shrug him off and add a warm smile for extra charm. "Oh…nothing…I was just talking to myself…Not important."
Lindsey doesn't buy it for a second. "Cordelia…I'm not an idiot." He tells me. "Although, there *are* people that'll happily dispute that…I need to know what's going on with you as much as you need to know what's going on with me. So start talkin'."
With a sigh I tell him my latest fears, finishing with a tearful, "I'm *really* not ready for this." And then, against all my will, I break into tears. I can't stand this overly emotional stuff that comes with the pregnancy…why must my hormones (or whatever it is that causes these stupid mood swings) be thrown outta whack? Queen C does *not* break down in tears. Then again, I haven't really been Queen C in a long time.
Lindsey pulls me back into his arms and I sob against him. Every so often he offers the occasional "It'll be fine", "You're gonna be an excellent Mom" or "I'm not going anywhere. I'll be here for you whenever you need me" while he rubs my back.
After a few minutes I start to pull myself together and wipe at my eyes. Lindsey pulls out his handkerchief and I gladly accept it. Blowing my nose in the most possible lady-like manner I can, I smile sheepishly. "Damn these stupid mood swings. I thought they were s'posed to come *later* in the pregnancy."
He raises his hands and shrugs. "Don't look at me. I don't know a *thing* about stuff like that."
I roll my eyes playfully. "Typical man."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Okay…we all set? Every one to their stations?" Angel calls, 'Decoy Connor' in his arms.
We've been allocated into groups now. Its time we got 'Operation Kaboom' (or whatever it was called) into action. In the lobby of the Hyperion, we have Angel, me, Lorne and Wesley. Hiding around the corners upstairs are Spike, Buffy, Xander and an assortment of Lorne's buddies that have a vendetta against Wolfram and Hart. (We agreed to their involvement because we needed as much back up as possible and as long as they don't attack anyone on our side…INCLUDING Lindsey…it's all good.) Outside, lurking in the shadows are Gunn and a few members of his old gang (who only joined in because W&H are not too liked in their circles either). Willow, Tara and Fred are poised (also looking after the real Connor) on computers on the top floor, having already completed an assortment of spells for protection and invisibility to anyone who may be a threat to them. They've got more stored under their sleeves, but first they gotta do the hackage of W&H files. And Lindsey, well…He's in the nursery getting ready for an all-too- convincing ass-kicking from Angel.
I glance around at everyone else still in the lobby. They nod in response to Angel's question. Over the walky-talky Spike checks in with his typical "Peaches, we're all good here. When's the fighting?" Next comes Gunn's "Angel, we're set and ready. You just gotta say the word." The final group is Willow's, who answers with "Is this on? Oh…it is? Okay…Testing…1,2,3…Sorry. Always wanted to say that. Anyhows, we're all set here. Give us the green light and we're off and running…or typing in our case…Okay. How do you turn it off? That button there? No…I know what I'm doi… *Click*"
Shaking his head with the tiniest of smiles, Angel gets himself into position, sitting down across from me and Lorne, nursing a bundle of blankets that has been enchanted to look, feel, smell, move and even *sound* like Connor to those that don't know the truth. (We can hear the same sounds though, so it looks convincing 'cos when it cries, it's only natural for Angel or I to make a move to calm it. If not, it could seem strange to the people we're trying to trick…It makes sense to me, anyway.) Against my judgement, we decided to *not* tell Lindsey. In case he really was gonna betray us. Plus, if he thinks it's the real baby, it'll look more believable as well.
"I just hope that we can act this out without screwing up." I say casually.
Angel smiles and nods. "Yeah…plus I feel like an idiot talking to a bundle of blankets. Its really not my style."
Lorne hides a chuckle and we act like it's a normal day…er…night here in the Hyperion. It's all part of our plan. Just in case we're being watched or whatever. After a little while Angel stands and makes his way over to the elevator, still carrying 'DC' (Decoy Connor). Its been starting to make noises so, he treats it as he would Connor and goes to put it to bed. This is now where Lindsey's gonna pretend to try and kidnap him.
Sure enough, the sounds of a struggle erupt over the baby monitor and a beaten looking Lindsey appears, tearing down the stairs at a 100 miles per hour, one very pissed off Angel right behind him in full vamp mode. If I didn't know that this was staged, I'd be very scared. As it is, I'm a little shaken. So, now it's my turn to join the scene.
I jump up as they get closer and try to stop Lindsey, but he's gone before I can say anything. I block Angel's path and stop him instead.
"Get out of my way." He snarls.
"Not until you tell me why you're trying to kill my boyfriend." I reply defiantly.
Angel refuses. "Cordelia! I SAID MOVE!"
"No!" I yell back. "Not until you-"
"He tried to kidnap Connor! That filthy little slime ball is still evil! Now let me go tear him apart!"
Way to go Angel with the acting…Not. He should take a few lessons one day. Hey, there's an idea. I can triple as his receptionist, seer *and* acting coach, especially if he plans on going undercover on a few cases. Wearing a bright (and ugly) Hawaiian shirt won't always do the trick…I'm getting sidetracked here. Where was I? Oh, yeah… Maybe, for today's purposes, he should just keep his game face on and his mouth shut. If he has to speak, just growl a few times or something… Anyhow…it's my line. "WHAT?!" See…now, *THAT* was believable.
Angel snarls, mucho convincing too…Much better than before. Oh, god…he's going to *talk* again. I'm prepared for his improvising…I hope. "You heard me." He growls, "Now move. I don't want to have to hurt you."
"Angel…" I coo, "Maybe there's been some sort of misunderstanding." Here I go, ready to become the confused voice of reason and panic. I start to stutter and rush the sentence out for dramatic emphasis. "M-maybe he was t- trying to help you and you just jumped to conclusions 'cos we all know that you hate him and don't want him around…or…or he might have-"
"Cordelia," Angel snaps, catching on quickly to what I want him to do/say. "I wouldn't make something like that up. I know how much you like the guy now and I was trying to like him myself…for you. But I know what I saw! He was there *hiding* in the nursery and the second I was out the door he tried to make off with my son! Tell me that he's not evil!"
I find myself shaking, getting completely into character and tell myself that this isn't an act anymore. From now on, it's all real. "Its not true." I say, shaking my head furiously. "I wont let it be."
Angel doesn't budge. Something tells me he's doing the same thing and getting into character. Good. He'll be a lot more convincing that way. Staring me down he whispers, "Too bad. It is happening and I'm gonna make sure it doesn't go any further." He tries again to push me out of the way.
"No!" I protest. "Let me. If he's really gone evil again, *I'm* gonna be the one to let him have it. Okay?" It's not a question. It's a statement *phrased* as a question, if that makes any sense.
He looks uncertainly at me, as does Wesley as he walks up to stand beside the vampire. "Cordelia," the Brit says, "I don't think that in your current condition-"
"Lindsey's the one that got me into my 'current condition', as you put it, and he won't hurt his own unborn child no matter how evil he is." I reply sternly and full of resolve. "I've made my decision guys. You can't change that." I soften. "Look, if it gets out of control, I'll call you. Fair?"
Hesitantly, they both nod. I draw Angel away from the doors and grab my purse. I turn to the men to give my instructions as I leave. "If I'm not back or you haven't heard from me in an hour, you can come after me. Until then, STAY HERE."
Neither moves to protest, but Angel looks like he's seriously debating it. I turn and head to the front doors.
As I walk out onto the street, I take one last look at the hotel. I can't help realising that however this thing plays out, nothing is ever going to be the same again. Am I really ready for the change?
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A/N- okey-dokey you know what you have to do now, don't you? Yes, I am talking to you. You simply must post a review. Tell me what you think. I don't care how much you say, just as long as you say it. If it sucks, *tell* me. If it doesn't, tell me that too. PLEASE! And remember, the more you guys review, the faster I'll update. Post 10 of the same review if you want! Just let me know what you're thinkin'. Ta.