exams? What exams? Err, um, I'm studying, really I am. I hope to get at
least 2 more chapters out before I leave for vacation at the end of next
week. We'll see if that happens or not
"Yo!" Akira greeted, as Soujiro joined him outside the designated nightclub.
"Hey. Where's Rui?"
"Late as usual. You know him; he's probably still asleep."
"Yeah. You're right." Soujiro shrugged, "No sense waiting out here in the cold."
The two boys entered the smoky club, and immediately began a fierce debate about the safest place to sit and talk. Since they were meeting to hang out with each other, and not to pick up girls, they needed to find a place to chill where they would not be noticed by the throngs of tipsy women at the bar. And, of course, both Akira and Soujiro had very definite ideas about what sort of niche such safety might be found in. Eventually, they laughingly reached a compromise and sat down, trusting that Rui's unerring instincts would home in on their location when he arrived.
"So," Akira began, after they'd placed the order for their first round of drinks, "What have you been up to this week?" With a sly wink and a nudge, "Did you ever hook up with that chick I told you about? You know, the one with the interesting piercings?"
"Nah," Soujiro grinned, and joked, "I was afraid to get stabbed by her jewelry. . . . That spike through her lip you described. . . . The last thing I need is to get impaled on that thing."
Akira laughed, as he was meant to.
Before Akira could pursue the topic of Soujiro's recent exploits, or lack thereof, Rui finally arrived at the table.
"There's a bunch of crazed women at the door looking for you." he greeted, "Can't you two go anywhere without attracting such an annoying swarm?"
"Ah, you're just jealous." Soujiro replied, "But never fear, if you'd just take our advice, you too could have any of those lovely ladies, right Akira?"
"Yeah!" Akira enthused, "I don't know why you don't come out with us more often, Rui. You need a woman in your life." Privately, he added, "so you can stop moping after Tsukushi and making Tsukasa's life difficult. . . ."
"Women are such a hassle." Rui asserted, settling deeper into his seat, "Why bother?"
Soujiro and Akira exchanged looks, as if to say, "Is this boy smoking crack, or what?" But, after all, it was Rui. He must be in one of his moods again. Not that that should be any surprise.
"So what have you been up to?" Soujiro inquired, as he finished off his first drink, and waved the waitress over for a second round.
"Catching up on sleep, I bet." Akira teased.
Rui just shrugged enigmatically.
"I bet he's been sulking since Tsukushi told him off, " Soujiro mused silently, "I wonder if he realizes that she'd be happy to see him? He must know that she can't stay mad at him long. No one ever stays mad at Rui." Surprised to find himself actually thinking such things, Soujiro quickly took a sip of his gin and tonic, and opened his mouth to turn the conversation back to Akira. Of course, as is so often the case, he was interrupted by the ringing of his cellphone. "Damn it, I thought that thing was still off."
"Sorry guys," Soujiro grimaced as he went to answer the call, "Hello?" With a cringe of pain, he pulled the phone away from his ear abruptly, "Please, can you not talk so loud, I can hear just fine! Just 'cause it's loud at your end. . . . bah, what were you saying again? . . . Oh, ok. I don't see why you're so excited, it was no problem at all. . . . Why are you calling me now of all times? .. . . Oh, yeah the phone was off. Sorry. Hey look, I'm with the guys right now, can I call you back tomorrow? Ok, I'll see you Monday. Bye." Soujiro exhaled deeply as he clicked his phone shut.
"Who was that?" Akira inquired curiously, "A new girlfriend? I bet she thinks you're out picking up other women now."
(Just then, a still hyperactive Tsukushi was hanging up her end of the line. She'd been so thrilled yesterday when she'd aced her calculus test. She'd wanted to thank Soujiro for all his help in person, as she'd never done so well in that horrible class before. But, she'd not been able to reach the boy. Why was it that he never seemed to turn his phone on? Tsukushi was taking a break from waiting tables, when she'd decided on a whim to try one last time. So maybe she'd been a bit loud, she could hardly hear herself speak, here. (The restaurant was very crowded and noisy this time on a Saturday). But really, Soujiro didn't need to sound quite so irritated. Then, a startled-and completely mistaken-realization hit Tsukushi; Soujiro was probably out on a date or something. She must have interrupted. Tsukushi automatically blushed in embarrassment, thankful that nobody who might care could see. "I'll apologize, if he comes to school Monday.." She told herself, making a mental note not to call Soujiro late at night again-after all, he wasn't like Tsukasa-Soujiro did have a social life. At least, he did when he wasn't depressed out of his mind. Still shaking her head in inappropriate embarrassment, Tsukushi went back to work.)
"Ah, no. . . "Soujiro hesitated. Oh hell, why not, what was wrong with telling his friends the truth? "Actually, it was just Tsukushi."
"Huh?" It was Akira who spoke, but both he and Rui turned to stare at Soujiro.
"What? Why are you looking at me like that? She just wanted to thank me for helping her study for her math exam!" Soujiro gulped the rest of his drink, and slammed the empty glass down in irritation.
"Hmmm." Rui started to look thoughtful. (If indeed, any expression could be discerned upon that cool visage.) Absentmindedly, he called the waitress over, and ordered a bottle of scotch for the table.
"You. . . did . . What?" Akira choked out in a strangled voice.
"Helped. . . her. . . Study." Soujiro replied as if talking to a very stupid child. More normally, he continued, "What's wrong with that? She asked for help." As the bottle arrived, he started to pour for his friends.
"You actually remember that shit?" Akira was incredulous.
"Sure why not? Hey, I know you still can remember the GDP and major exports of every industrialized nation. So, I remember math. Give it a rest, ok?" Soujiro was getting defensive. "Damn it, I should have lied" he silently berated himself. He sipped at his scotch in an attempt to calm down.
"Ok, Ok," Akira spread his hands placatingly, "But Makino? I mean, couldn't you find a cute girl to tutor? If you're going to go through that much effort, you may as well get some reward out of it."
"Tsukushi's cute." Rui interrupted calmly, as he gazed at the amber liquid swirling in his glass.
"We all know what you think." Akira continued, "But you're biased. Soujiro's got better taste than that, right?"
"Umm. . . "
"And furthermore, dude, how can you teach her anything? She's always flipping out over every little thing. I bet she gets angry over every mistake she makes. . . "
"Hey," Soujiro protested, "Why are you so annoyed at her? She's not like that all the time. Really, She's much calmer and less stupid when Tsukasa's not around. Right, Rui?"
"Mmmm." Was all Rui had to say.
"You want to know why I'm annoyed?" Akira asked, "It's because of Makino that Tsukasa has spent the past week imprisoned by Tsubaki. She bloody well tied him up! We shouldn't let one of our members suffer that sort of indignity. And you're hanging out, teaching calculus of all things, to the one who caused it all." Angrily, he tossed back the rest of his drink, and poured himself another.
"Is that it?" Soujiro asked incredulously, "You do recall, don't you, just how hard We had to try to get those two to go out to begin with? Remember; Canada, your guest house, Shigeru's island? If We hadn't pushed them so hard, they might never have gotten over their own idiocy enough to go out in the first place! If anything, It's as much our fault as theirs that Tsukasa's such a wreck. If we hadn't interfered, they might have given up sooner when they realized how miserable they were really making each other. Instead they waited this long, getting more and more fed up with one another. Because we wouldn't let them give up." Maybe this analysis wasn't entirely valid-it definitely gave the boys far too much credit for their efforts-but, just then Soujiro was struck by the need to defend Tsukushi from her detractor. Irately, he reminded himself, "Damn it, This has got to stop." He clenched his teeth tightly to prevent himself from revealing anything more damning in his attitude. "And why isn't Rui defending her? Isn't he supposed to be the one in love with that silly woman?" This last he did not say aloud, much as he wanted to.
Rui was, in fact, observing Soujiro very intently from beneath half-lidded eyes. Hmmm.
"Ok. I get your point," Akira held up his palms in surrender. He didn't really dislike Tsukushi, Who could? Exasperatingly clueless as she could be, she was still a good person. And of course, she had cute friends. . . .Akira felt his train of thought start to wander, and quickly decided it was time to get Rui more involved in the conversation. "Ahem." Akira cleared his throat, ". . . .And speaking of Makino and hooking up. . . Rui, just how far did you ever get with her?"
"Hmmm?" Rui stared expressionlessly over the rim of his glass at the now ginning playboy. "I've seen her naked." He set his glass down with a definitive click of finality.
"Really?" Akira and Soujiro looked eager to hear more. (Though really, Soujiro was more relieved that he was no longer the one being cross- examined), "Tell us more! What happened?"
"That's it." Rui shrugged, "She was unconscious at the time."
Soujiro slapped his head in dismay. That was so typically Rui.
Now Rui looked faintly annoyed. "Haven't you guys heard this before? Shigeru's hotsprings?"
Akira shook his head, "No. Remember Tsukasa didn't want to talk about that trip. Ever."
"Oh." Rui sighed, and in what, for him, was an epic speech, explained, "Tsukushi fainted in the spring, I rescued her. End of story."
Akira sighed, "Rui are you sure you're really a man? Nothing else, ever?"
"Akira, why are you pestering Rui? You know what Tsukushi's like. Anyway, when are you going to tell us about Your new girlfriend?" Soujiro poured himself another drink.
But, Akira's mind was stuck in a single track.
"And why is it I'm the only one still calling her 'Makino'? do I have to sleep with her too, before I get to use her first name?"
"Oh shit!" Soujiro muttered, as Rui suddenly focused in on him. "Akira, If Tsukushi doesn't kill you for mentioning that, then I will."
"Oh fuck, I did it again" Akira looked contritely guilty, staring into his glass as if the liquor contained therein could tell him the source of his folly. "Sorry."
"Again?! you idiot! Who else did you tell?" Soujiro sighed, "And you wonder why she doesn't let you get too familiar."
"Hmmm." Rui's eyes narrowed and grew cold, as he seemed to try to peer into Soujiro's soul.
"If you're going to say something, Rui, then just say it!" Soujiro tossed back his entire glass of scotch in one gulp. "I can't take any more of this 'hmmming,' and 'mmmming' and why the hell do you keep looking at me like that?"
"Err," Akira glanced nervously at the line of empty glasses in front of Soujiro, "Are you two sure you don't want to talk about it some other time?"
"I didn't want to at all, Akira." Soujiro growled, "And I'm really not in the mood to justify myself, again. You keep sounding like you're accusing me of something. And now Rui's giving me the evil eye. I didn't come here to put up with this shit. I thought I came out for a relaxing evening with my friends. I guess I was wrong." Pushing moodily, and a bit unsteadily, to his feet, Soujiro prepared to leave.
Great, just great, all the effort he'd put into maintaining his emotional equilibrium was completely shot.
Rui looked like he'd finally decided on what he wanted to say, but Soujiro interrupted before he could even open his mouth, "Akira, you brought it up. You explain it. . . I'll talk to you Monday." Turning abruptly away, he headed for the door. There, he paused briefly to wrap his arm around the waist of an attractive girl, whisper a few enticing words in her ear, and lead her off, giggling , to the nearest hotel.
Akira was left to shrug helplessly, and smile guiltily at Rui. "Sorry about that. Soujiro hasn't been feeling well recently, I think it's left him on edge."
"Mmmm. . . ." Rui rested his chin between his hands. When he spoke at last, his voice was dangerously calm, as if, instead of feeling nothing, Rui was putting all his strength into not showing just what was going through his head. "So tell me what you were referring to." If anything, he was more upset than Tsukasa at the increasing evidence of Tsukushi's growing friendship with Soujiro.
"Ah. So, you remember. . . ." Akira hastily tried to explain the story he'd heard from Soujiro and Tsukushi.. . . "And that's it. She says nothing happened, really, and you know what she's like. It must be true. . . ." Akira was trying to soothe Rui, but he failed to understand why Rui was looking increasingly pained.
"She turned me away. She chose to confide in Soujiro; the man whose come- hither smile always used to make her flinch, a boy whom she never took seriously. She trusted Soujiro more than Me." Rui growled silently. The sting of this rejection was worse than the pain he'd ever felt over losing Tsukushi to Tsukasa. At least then, he'd always known that Tsukushi needed him to confide in, to give her strength when her fights with Tsukasa got to be too much. But now. . . . What happens now? Was it only because he'd come on too strong after Tsukasa'd hurt her? Probably. Rui tried to convince himself that this aberrant behavior was just one of Tsukushi's warped defense mechanisms. But there was only one way to find out.
He had to go speak to her himself. Whether or not she wanted to see him. Rui needed an answer.
To be continued.
erk, akira's really an ass in this. I didn't mean to do that. Oh well. Next time: what's rui going to say?? And soujiro angsts more. Yay!
"Yo!" Akira greeted, as Soujiro joined him outside the designated nightclub.
"Hey. Where's Rui?"
"Late as usual. You know him; he's probably still asleep."
"Yeah. You're right." Soujiro shrugged, "No sense waiting out here in the cold."
The two boys entered the smoky club, and immediately began a fierce debate about the safest place to sit and talk. Since they were meeting to hang out with each other, and not to pick up girls, they needed to find a place to chill where they would not be noticed by the throngs of tipsy women at the bar. And, of course, both Akira and Soujiro had very definite ideas about what sort of niche such safety might be found in. Eventually, they laughingly reached a compromise and sat down, trusting that Rui's unerring instincts would home in on their location when he arrived.
"So," Akira began, after they'd placed the order for their first round of drinks, "What have you been up to this week?" With a sly wink and a nudge, "Did you ever hook up with that chick I told you about? You know, the one with the interesting piercings?"
"Nah," Soujiro grinned, and joked, "I was afraid to get stabbed by her jewelry. . . . That spike through her lip you described. . . . The last thing I need is to get impaled on that thing."
Akira laughed, as he was meant to.
Before Akira could pursue the topic of Soujiro's recent exploits, or lack thereof, Rui finally arrived at the table.
"There's a bunch of crazed women at the door looking for you." he greeted, "Can't you two go anywhere without attracting such an annoying swarm?"
"Ah, you're just jealous." Soujiro replied, "But never fear, if you'd just take our advice, you too could have any of those lovely ladies, right Akira?"
"Yeah!" Akira enthused, "I don't know why you don't come out with us more often, Rui. You need a woman in your life." Privately, he added, "so you can stop moping after Tsukushi and making Tsukasa's life difficult. . . ."
"Women are such a hassle." Rui asserted, settling deeper into his seat, "Why bother?"
Soujiro and Akira exchanged looks, as if to say, "Is this boy smoking crack, or what?" But, after all, it was Rui. He must be in one of his moods again. Not that that should be any surprise.
"So what have you been up to?" Soujiro inquired, as he finished off his first drink, and waved the waitress over for a second round.
"Catching up on sleep, I bet." Akira teased.
Rui just shrugged enigmatically.
"I bet he's been sulking since Tsukushi told him off, " Soujiro mused silently, "I wonder if he realizes that she'd be happy to see him? He must know that she can't stay mad at him long. No one ever stays mad at Rui." Surprised to find himself actually thinking such things, Soujiro quickly took a sip of his gin and tonic, and opened his mouth to turn the conversation back to Akira. Of course, as is so often the case, he was interrupted by the ringing of his cellphone. "Damn it, I thought that thing was still off."
"Sorry guys," Soujiro grimaced as he went to answer the call, "Hello?" With a cringe of pain, he pulled the phone away from his ear abruptly, "Please, can you not talk so loud, I can hear just fine! Just 'cause it's loud at your end. . . . bah, what were you saying again? . . . Oh, ok. I don't see why you're so excited, it was no problem at all. . . . Why are you calling me now of all times? .. . . Oh, yeah the phone was off. Sorry. Hey look, I'm with the guys right now, can I call you back tomorrow? Ok, I'll see you Monday. Bye." Soujiro exhaled deeply as he clicked his phone shut.
"Who was that?" Akira inquired curiously, "A new girlfriend? I bet she thinks you're out picking up other women now."
(Just then, a still hyperactive Tsukushi was hanging up her end of the line. She'd been so thrilled yesterday when she'd aced her calculus test. She'd wanted to thank Soujiro for all his help in person, as she'd never done so well in that horrible class before. But, she'd not been able to reach the boy. Why was it that he never seemed to turn his phone on? Tsukushi was taking a break from waiting tables, when she'd decided on a whim to try one last time. So maybe she'd been a bit loud, she could hardly hear herself speak, here. (The restaurant was very crowded and noisy this time on a Saturday). But really, Soujiro didn't need to sound quite so irritated. Then, a startled-and completely mistaken-realization hit Tsukushi; Soujiro was probably out on a date or something. She must have interrupted. Tsukushi automatically blushed in embarrassment, thankful that nobody who might care could see. "I'll apologize, if he comes to school Monday.." She told herself, making a mental note not to call Soujiro late at night again-after all, he wasn't like Tsukasa-Soujiro did have a social life. At least, he did when he wasn't depressed out of his mind. Still shaking her head in inappropriate embarrassment, Tsukushi went back to work.)
"Ah, no. . . "Soujiro hesitated. Oh hell, why not, what was wrong with telling his friends the truth? "Actually, it was just Tsukushi."
"Huh?" It was Akira who spoke, but both he and Rui turned to stare at Soujiro.
"What? Why are you looking at me like that? She just wanted to thank me for helping her study for her math exam!" Soujiro gulped the rest of his drink, and slammed the empty glass down in irritation.
"Hmmm." Rui started to look thoughtful. (If indeed, any expression could be discerned upon that cool visage.) Absentmindedly, he called the waitress over, and ordered a bottle of scotch for the table.
"You. . . did . . What?" Akira choked out in a strangled voice.
"Helped. . . her. . . Study." Soujiro replied as if talking to a very stupid child. More normally, he continued, "What's wrong with that? She asked for help." As the bottle arrived, he started to pour for his friends.
"You actually remember that shit?" Akira was incredulous.
"Sure why not? Hey, I know you still can remember the GDP and major exports of every industrialized nation. So, I remember math. Give it a rest, ok?" Soujiro was getting defensive. "Damn it, I should have lied" he silently berated himself. He sipped at his scotch in an attempt to calm down.
"Ok, Ok," Akira spread his hands placatingly, "But Makino? I mean, couldn't you find a cute girl to tutor? If you're going to go through that much effort, you may as well get some reward out of it."
"Tsukushi's cute." Rui interrupted calmly, as he gazed at the amber liquid swirling in his glass.
"We all know what you think." Akira continued, "But you're biased. Soujiro's got better taste than that, right?"
"Umm. . . "
"And furthermore, dude, how can you teach her anything? She's always flipping out over every little thing. I bet she gets angry over every mistake she makes. . . "
"Hey," Soujiro protested, "Why are you so annoyed at her? She's not like that all the time. Really, She's much calmer and less stupid when Tsukasa's not around. Right, Rui?"
"Mmmm." Was all Rui had to say.
"You want to know why I'm annoyed?" Akira asked, "It's because of Makino that Tsukasa has spent the past week imprisoned by Tsubaki. She bloody well tied him up! We shouldn't let one of our members suffer that sort of indignity. And you're hanging out, teaching calculus of all things, to the one who caused it all." Angrily, he tossed back the rest of his drink, and poured himself another.
"Is that it?" Soujiro asked incredulously, "You do recall, don't you, just how hard We had to try to get those two to go out to begin with? Remember; Canada, your guest house, Shigeru's island? If We hadn't pushed them so hard, they might never have gotten over their own idiocy enough to go out in the first place! If anything, It's as much our fault as theirs that Tsukasa's such a wreck. If we hadn't interfered, they might have given up sooner when they realized how miserable they were really making each other. Instead they waited this long, getting more and more fed up with one another. Because we wouldn't let them give up." Maybe this analysis wasn't entirely valid-it definitely gave the boys far too much credit for their efforts-but, just then Soujiro was struck by the need to defend Tsukushi from her detractor. Irately, he reminded himself, "Damn it, This has got to stop." He clenched his teeth tightly to prevent himself from revealing anything more damning in his attitude. "And why isn't Rui defending her? Isn't he supposed to be the one in love with that silly woman?" This last he did not say aloud, much as he wanted to.
Rui was, in fact, observing Soujiro very intently from beneath half-lidded eyes. Hmmm.
"Ok. I get your point," Akira held up his palms in surrender. He didn't really dislike Tsukushi, Who could? Exasperatingly clueless as she could be, she was still a good person. And of course, she had cute friends. . . .Akira felt his train of thought start to wander, and quickly decided it was time to get Rui more involved in the conversation. "Ahem." Akira cleared his throat, ". . . .And speaking of Makino and hooking up. . . Rui, just how far did you ever get with her?"
"Hmmm?" Rui stared expressionlessly over the rim of his glass at the now ginning playboy. "I've seen her naked." He set his glass down with a definitive click of finality.
"Really?" Akira and Soujiro looked eager to hear more. (Though really, Soujiro was more relieved that he was no longer the one being cross- examined), "Tell us more! What happened?"
"That's it." Rui shrugged, "She was unconscious at the time."
Soujiro slapped his head in dismay. That was so typically Rui.
Now Rui looked faintly annoyed. "Haven't you guys heard this before? Shigeru's hotsprings?"
Akira shook his head, "No. Remember Tsukasa didn't want to talk about that trip. Ever."
"Oh." Rui sighed, and in what, for him, was an epic speech, explained, "Tsukushi fainted in the spring, I rescued her. End of story."
Akira sighed, "Rui are you sure you're really a man? Nothing else, ever?"
"Akira, why are you pestering Rui? You know what Tsukushi's like. Anyway, when are you going to tell us about Your new girlfriend?" Soujiro poured himself another drink.
But, Akira's mind was stuck in a single track.
"And why is it I'm the only one still calling her 'Makino'? do I have to sleep with her too, before I get to use her first name?"
"Oh shit!" Soujiro muttered, as Rui suddenly focused in on him. "Akira, If Tsukushi doesn't kill you for mentioning that, then I will."
"Oh fuck, I did it again" Akira looked contritely guilty, staring into his glass as if the liquor contained therein could tell him the source of his folly. "Sorry."
"Again?! you idiot! Who else did you tell?" Soujiro sighed, "And you wonder why she doesn't let you get too familiar."
"Hmmm." Rui's eyes narrowed and grew cold, as he seemed to try to peer into Soujiro's soul.
"If you're going to say something, Rui, then just say it!" Soujiro tossed back his entire glass of scotch in one gulp. "I can't take any more of this 'hmmming,' and 'mmmming' and why the hell do you keep looking at me like that?"
"Err," Akira glanced nervously at the line of empty glasses in front of Soujiro, "Are you two sure you don't want to talk about it some other time?"
"I didn't want to at all, Akira." Soujiro growled, "And I'm really not in the mood to justify myself, again. You keep sounding like you're accusing me of something. And now Rui's giving me the evil eye. I didn't come here to put up with this shit. I thought I came out for a relaxing evening with my friends. I guess I was wrong." Pushing moodily, and a bit unsteadily, to his feet, Soujiro prepared to leave.
Great, just great, all the effort he'd put into maintaining his emotional equilibrium was completely shot.
Rui looked like he'd finally decided on what he wanted to say, but Soujiro interrupted before he could even open his mouth, "Akira, you brought it up. You explain it. . . I'll talk to you Monday." Turning abruptly away, he headed for the door. There, he paused briefly to wrap his arm around the waist of an attractive girl, whisper a few enticing words in her ear, and lead her off, giggling , to the nearest hotel.
Akira was left to shrug helplessly, and smile guiltily at Rui. "Sorry about that. Soujiro hasn't been feeling well recently, I think it's left him on edge."
"Mmmm. . . ." Rui rested his chin between his hands. When he spoke at last, his voice was dangerously calm, as if, instead of feeling nothing, Rui was putting all his strength into not showing just what was going through his head. "So tell me what you were referring to." If anything, he was more upset than Tsukasa at the increasing evidence of Tsukushi's growing friendship with Soujiro.
"Ah. So, you remember. . . ." Akira hastily tried to explain the story he'd heard from Soujiro and Tsukushi.. . . "And that's it. She says nothing happened, really, and you know what she's like. It must be true. . . ." Akira was trying to soothe Rui, but he failed to understand why Rui was looking increasingly pained.
"She turned me away. She chose to confide in Soujiro; the man whose come- hither smile always used to make her flinch, a boy whom she never took seriously. She trusted Soujiro more than Me." Rui growled silently. The sting of this rejection was worse than the pain he'd ever felt over losing Tsukushi to Tsukasa. At least then, he'd always known that Tsukushi needed him to confide in, to give her strength when her fights with Tsukasa got to be too much. But now. . . . What happens now? Was it only because he'd come on too strong after Tsukasa'd hurt her? Probably. Rui tried to convince himself that this aberrant behavior was just one of Tsukushi's warped defense mechanisms. But there was only one way to find out.
He had to go speak to her himself. Whether or not she wanted to see him. Rui needed an answer.
To be continued.
erk, akira's really an ass in this. I didn't mean to do that. Oh well. Next time: what's rui going to say?? And soujiro angsts more. Yay!