DISCLAIMER: I do not have or own JQ, nor do I have any rights to them. I
have no affiliation with Hanna-Barbera, Time Warner, or the Cartoon
Network; I am writing this purely out of love and respect for JQ. This is
written strictly by a fan, for the enjoyment of other fans, and I have
received no payment or other compensation, so don't sue me!
CATEGORY: Family, Past, Vignette
RATING: G
ARCHIVE: Suze may have. No other archiving without permission.
As usual, thanks to the B.A.D. Babes, Helen and Meach, for the betaing, encouragement, and when needed, the harassment. And in addition, for not letting me disappear into the abyss that was last year. Spense, January 1, 2003
INTROSPECTIVE: THROUGH THE EYES OF A CHILD
Takes place approximately 1 month after Rachel's death prior to Hadji joining the family; Jonny is six, and the setting is Palm Key.
Jonny Quest played quietly in his room. He sat on the floor with his miniature cars and drove them listlessly through the tunnels he had built with his blocks. He glanced outside the open window to the bright sunny late afternoon. These used to be his favorite kind of days. He and Mommy would build castles on the beach, and sometimes they would make Daddy come with them. But that was before Mommy went away.
At the sound of a speedboat way off in the distance, Jonny got up on his knees, and stretched over his bed to better see out the window. He watched hopefully, hoping the boat was heading for Palm Key to bring Mommy back, but it went on past the island. Jonny sagged in disappointment as the sound diminished, and sighing, went back to his cars. Both Daddy and Agent Andrews said that Mommy wasn't going to come back. Daddy said she was in heaven. Jonny thought about that a lot. But he kept hoping she'd come back anyway. He just couldn't believe that she would leave him. At least she would come say goodbye.
Agent Andrews opened the door to his room. "Com'on kid. Dinner's ready," he announced, then disappeared again. Jonny obediently got to his feet and headed for the kitchen. Agent Andrews had come after Mommy had left. Daddy had explained that he was supposed to teach Jonny and protect him. Protect him from what, Jonny wasn't sure. But he didn't think the man liked him. He'd rather have Mommy.
Jonny had decided a while ago that maybe he must have done something wrong, and made Mommy go away. Daddy said that wasn't true, but Agent Andrews seemed to think he was bad, so Jonny thought it must be the case. He was trying hard to be really, really good, so maybe Mommy would come back. And if she didn't, being good might make his Dad like him again. He knew Daddy didn't like him anymore, because he never came to see him anymore. And Agent Andrews said Daddy didn't want Jonny to go visit him in his lab anymore either.
Jonny slid quietly into his chair at the kitchen table. Only his place was set. His heart sank. That meant that Daddy wasn't coming to eat dinner with him, again. Maybe he was gone too, and Agent Andrew's hadn't told him. Maybe he wasn't coming back either. Worriedly, Jonny tried to remember the last time he'd seen him, but couldn't. Jonny began to panic. He just had to find out. "Agent Andrews?" he asked in a small voice. Agent Andrews didn't like him to ask questions.
"What kid?" the man said brusquely, without turning from the pot he was stirring. Jonny sometimes wondered if the man knew his name.
Jonny took a shaky breath. "Is Dad having dinner now too?"
Agent Andrews gave a loud, exasperated sigh. "Kid, your Dad is working. He's got more important stuff to do than to be bothered to come eat. He doesn't need the distractions, or the intrusions. He'll eat when he's hungry."
The man turned and spooned Spaghetti onto Jonny's plate. If possible, Jonny's heart sank even lower. He didn't like this Spaghetti. He liked the kind with the noodles on his plate first, then the sauce on top of it. And the kind of sauce that had a lot of meat in it. When Mommy made it, you could smell the sauce cooking all day long. And it tasted different. This was runny and didn't have enough noodles. And Agent Andrews had made this for dinner every night for a while now. Jonny had told him that he didn't like it, but the man told him to eat it anyway. Jonny just stared at his plate in despair.
"What's the matter, kid? Eat your dinner," Agent Andrews said impatiently.
Jonny felt like crying. "I'm not hungry," he whispered despairingly. That wasn't true, but he couldn't eat this again. Mommy used to make all kinds of different stuff, not the same thing everyday. Especially if he didn't like it. He really wanted his Mom back. Jonny felt a tear slide down his cheek. He quickly brushed it away, hoping the Agent didn't see it. Unfortunately, he wasn't quick enough.
"Oh, for . . . fine kid. Don't eat. But you could have told me earlier before I went to the trouble of making it! Geez . . ." He waved Jonny away from the table. "Go play." He shook his head in disgust. "And stay away from your Dad's lab," he called as Jonny slid off his chair. "He doesn't need any intrusions."
Jonny nodded quickly and hurried out of the room. He could hear Agent Andrews continuing in disgust as he cleared Jonny's untouched plate. "Especially from some snot-nosed, sniveling brat of a kid."
Jonny ran for his room as he burst into tears. Reaching it, he flung himself onto the armchair, and curled into a tight ball, sobbing his heart out. He was really hungry, he wanted his Mom, and he badly wanted Dad to like him again. He was trying so hard to be good, but he didn't seem to be doing very well at that, at least according to Agent Andrews. All he could do was to try to be even better behaved, but he wasn't so sure that even that would bring Mom home now.
* * *
Agent Andrews turned off the light and left the room, leaving Jonny in bed for the night. Jonny was still upset. He really had wanted to say goodnight to Daddy, but the Agent wouldn't let him. Jonny worried that Daddy really had gone away, just like Mom
Jonny turned his head slightly so he could look outside. It wasn't quite dark, and he could still see the water, but not for much longer. He'd watch until he couldn't see anymore, hoping a boat would come. Mom and Dad might be on it. That would keep him awake.
He HAD to stay awake. When he slept, he had bad dreams. Agent Andrews didn't like that. He got mad if Jonny woke him up by crying because of the dreams. Jonny also hated the dreams. He couldn't really remember them, but he knew he didn't want to be alone afterwards. But Agent Andrews just got disgusted with him if he asked the man to stay with him. Jonny knew the Agent didn't like him. He had finally decided that it must not only be because he was misbehaving, but also that he was acting like a baby all the time, crying and afraid to stay alone, and . . . other things.
Jonny turned over onto his side, making it easier to see out the window. He stifled a gasp as his shoulder hurt. Agent Andrews had hurt it earlier while he was giving Jonny his bath. Jonny had slipped and the Agent had caught him and held him up by his arm. Jonny's shoulder really hurt, but he hadn't said anything because the big, dark-haired man was already disgusted with him anyway, and had called him a clumsy wuss.
Jonny yawned, then caught himself. He really had to stay awake. He hated the bad dreams. He could hardly see the water anymore, it was getting so dark. He wouldn't be able to see if Mommy came home. But he could hear, he supposed. He smiled a little as he thought about his Mom. She was so much fun. She knew everything. Lots of fun games, and she loved to read him stories. Jonny became lost in the good memories, smiling to himself as he gave way to exhaustion.
* * *
Jonny woke up later that night in absolute, consuming terror, drenched with sweat, and biting back a scream. Even in his fear, he knew Agent Andrews would be really, really mad if he woke him up, or if he bothered his Dad. If Daddy were even here. He looked wildly around, still caught up in the dream. Someone was coming to get him, he had to hide! Flinging the covers back, he looked around for a good hiding place. Where they couldn't find him. He scuttled silently to the darkest corner of his room, and wedged himself into the corner between the wall and his dresser. Even the starlight couldn't reach here. If he stayed silent, he should be okay. Shaking, he hugged his knees tightly, and waited.
* * *
He didn't know how long he had stayed in the shadows. The room was bright, and the moonlight was shifting over the floor, but thankfully, stayed away from his corner. Jonny hadn't relaxed. He wasn't completely sure why he was so afraid, but he just knew that this was the safest place to be. He was even more sure of it, when his room door opened silently, and a dark, shadowy figure moved in without a sound, making its way confidently towards Jonny's bed. Jonny wedged himself in tighter, hoping to avoid notice.
The figure stopped short, as he realized the bed was empty. The person paused for a moment, then turned around, as though searching for Jonny. Jonny tried again to make himself smaller, and quieter yet. Apparently it didn't work very well, because the figure made it's way over to Jonny's hiding place.
Jonny was certain that his loudly beating heart had given him away, as the figure bent down in front of his hiding place.
"Jonny?"
Jonny bit back a sob as he recognized his father's familiar voice. But, he knew his Dad didn't like him anymore. Agent Andrews had all but said so. Daddy would be mad, just like Agent Andrews would have been, because he was out of bed.
"Son?" Benton knelt down in front of Jonny's hiding place. "What's the matter?"
Jonny was torn as Benton reached for him. He wanted to see his Dad so badly, but Daddy didn't like him anymore. He flinched as Benton touched him, but he didn't struggle as he was carried back to his bed. Maybe Daddy would stay with him for awhile. Even if he didn't like him. It seemed his wish would be granted this night. Benton sat down on the bed, stretching his legs out and leaning back on the headboard. He held Jonny tightly on his lap, wrapping a blanket around him. That felt good, Jonny was cold. He leaned against his Dad. Even if Daddy didn't like him anymore, he could pretend that he did, at least for now.
"Jonny, what's the matter?" His father's voice was calm and soothing. It was so familiar that Jonny thought he might cry. Again. "You can tell me."
Jonny was tempted. Maybe if asked why his Dad didn't like him anymore, he could change whatever it was, and make him like him again. He took a deep breath and whispered, "How come you don't like me anymore? Did I do something to make Mom go away? Is that why?"
"What?. . . Jonny, I love you. How could you possibly think that I don't like you?" His father's voice was incredulous. "What on earth gave you that idea? And, no, there was nothing you did to cause Mom's death, Son. We've talked about this before."
Jonny was relieved that he didn't do anything to cause Mommy to go away. But still. Daddy never wanted to see him anymore. If he liked him still, why didn't he want to see him?
"You're always in your lab," Jonny answered, voice quavering.
"Yes, I've been busy. You haven't been to visit me for quite awhile, Son. Why not?"
'Why not?' Jonny thought to himself in amazement. Did Daddy really want him to come see him? But . . . "Agent Andrews says I shouldn't. He says you're too busy and I mustn't intrub . . . introo . . . bother you. He says you're working on really important stuff and I shouldn't get in your way. That you don't have time." The walls began to break down, and Jonny's words flowed like water. "Agent Andrews tells me to go play. He doesn't have time for me either, he just reads."
Jonny was crying now. He was so confused. Agent Andrews had been telling him all the time that Daddy was too busy for him. But Daddy was saying something different. Who was right? Adults weren't supposed to lie. But something was very wrong.
"Jonny." Benton's voice was firm. "Look at me."
Jonny hesitated. He didn't know what to think anymore, and he wasn't sure he liked his father's tone, but he obeyed. To his surprise, his father's face looked kind.
Benton held Jonny's gaze firmly, and said deliberately, "Agent Andrews is wrong."
Jonny was startled by that. "Wrong?" He asked hesitantly.
"Wrong," Benton repeated strongly. "I will always have time for you. If I'm busy, I will tell you myself, not Agent Andrews. You can always come see me."
Jonny felt relief flood him. But still . . . "But, Agent Andrews said . . ." he began.
"I'll talk with Agent Andrews in the morning."
Jonny sighed deeply. He felt better, and brave enough to say, "I don't like Agent Andrews. Agent Andrews doesn't like me either."
"Agent Andrews will be leaving," his father said firmly.
Jonny sagged against Benton, closing his eyes, and said a soft "good". He was so tired. He felt his father rub his back reassuringly. Jonny began to feel safe again for the first time in a very long time.
Benton's voice broke through his fog of fatigue once more. "Would you like to go on a picnic tomorrow? Just the two of us? I could really use a day off, especially a day off with you."
Jonny woke up again quickly at that, and looked up happily at his father. Benton laughed, and commented, "I take it that's a yes." Jonny grinned, and closed his eyes sleepily again, contented. Maybe his Dad really did like him after all, was his final thought as he drifted off to sleep once more.
* * *
The all-consuming nightmare woke Jonny up with a gasp. He struggled to regain his bearings, focusing on his room, and the familiar objects. The big chair in front of the window, his toy chest, the overflowing bookcase on the other wall. As he calmed down, anxiety was replaced with despair as he realized he had wet his bed - again. Jonny groaned and turned his face into his pillow and tried to hold back sobs. Just when his Dad had begun to like him again. Jonny shook with the effort of suppressing his sobs. He'd had such a fun day; he and Daddy. They'd had a picnic and walked on the beach and went out in the boat, and just, well, had fun. And best of all, they'd spent the whole day together until Jonny's bedtime.
But now . . . if his Dad found out . . . he'd be just as mad as Agent Andrews got. Agent Andrews would spank him for wetting his bed, and call him names. Jonny shuddered as he recalled the things Agent Andrews would say to him as he paddled him. It seemed, no matter how hard Jonny cried and screamed, he could still hear every word. The punishment was bad enough, but the words were worse. "Rotten little bastard . . . way too old for this . . . no wonder Quest wants nothing to do with him . . . kid like this . . . royal pain . . . grow UP kid! . . . spoiled . . . waste of time . . . nightmares, bedwetting, Geez! . . . parents must just hate you . . ." and on and on. Jonny sobbed harder as he remembered.
Jonny didn't want to wet his bed. He just couldn't help it. He hadn't done this before Mommy went away, and he didn't think he did it very often now. But now, Jonny would have to ask Daddy for help. Jonny's heart sank at the very thought. He'd rather face Agent Andrews. He just knew his Dad wouldn't want a six-year-old son who still wet his bed.
Jonny just didn't know what to do. He buried his face in his pillow to stifle the sobs he just couldn't hold back, and gave way to his misery.
"Jonny? What's wrong?"
With a sinking feeling, Jonny realized that his father had somehow heard him. He turned his face deeper into his pillow, trying to ignore his father, and has body shook with sobs.
"Jonny?" Benton's voice was full of concern as he touched Jonny's shoulder. Jonny squirmed away, thinking that Daddy wouldn't be so nice when he found out what he'd done.
"Son, its okay, I'm right here."
Jonny struggled, sobbing wildly, as his father turned him over. He tried to get free, but Benton was bigger and stronger.
"Shhh, Jonny. Calm down. Now what's the matter?"
Jonny wiggled desperately, trying to get away before Benton realized what had happened. But his father prevailed, and finally freed Jonny from the tangled bedclothes and picked him up, despite his son's best efforts to the contrary.
"Now, Son, what is the matter . . . Oh."
Jonny cried even harder in huge gulps that effectively blocked out anything Benton was saying. He was beside himself, and thrashed frantically as his sodden pajama bottoms were removed. First Mommy went away, and now Daddy would be mad at him for wetting his bed like a baby. It was bad enough when Agent Andrews punished him for it; but he knew the Agent didn't like him anyway. However Jonny didn't think he could bear getting a spanking from Daddy right now. He was trying so hard to get him to like him again.
"Easy, Son, it's all right."
Benton's words finally penetrated Jonny's hysterical sobs as, to his surprise, he found that he was being wrapped in a warm blanket instead of receiving the expected punishment. He hiccupped sobs uncontrollably as Benton hugged him tightly, and kissed his temple. If anything, his voice was even kinder than it had been before.
"Shhh, Jonny. I'm not mad, I promise. It's okay. Really. Shhh. Calm down. Now, lets get you cleaned up."
Jonny finally gave in completely, and collapsed against Benton's shoulder, now sobbing in relief. Benton rubbed his son's back comfortingly and talked to him softly as he moved around the room, collecting clean pajamas for his son. Jonny couldn't make out the words, but he liked the soft, gentle tone. Benton continued the quiet flow of words as he carried Jonny into the bathroom and drew a warm bath. Benton got Jonny bathed, into clean pajamas, and wrapped in a blanket once again, then put him into the large armchair into his room.
Jonny was still crying softly, now more in relief and exhaustion than anything else. He just couldn't believe that Daddy wasn't mad at him. He watched tiredly, his eyes getting heavy, as Benton quickly and efficiently changed the sheets on his bed.
He was nearly asleep when he was picked up again, and settled into Benton's lap as his Dad sat down in the armchair with him.
Benton hugged him close, then asked softly, "Has this happened before, Son?"
Jonny was just too tired to try and hide anything anymore. He buried his face into his father's chest and nodded miserably.
"I'm sorry, Jonny. I didn't know. I wish I had. From now on, if you have another accident, or a nightmare, or are scared for any reason, I want you to come and find me, all right?"
Jonny froze at the final comment. 'Come and find him?' Why? Before he could come to any conclusions, Benton spoke again.
"Jonny, look at me, please."
Jonny reluctantly lifted his eyes to meet his father's gaze, and was surprised to see him smiling kindly.
"I don't want you to be alone if you have a problem, Son," Benton continued, gently. "I want to help you. I'm not upset, or angry with you. And I won't be angry if you have to wake me up, or interrupt me while I'm working. I just didn't know you were having troubles. So come and find me, all right?"
Jonny couldn't believe it. He nodded as his vision blurred with the ever- ready tears. He had cried so often since Mommy went away. He hated acting like a baby. But he was just so tired.
Benton just smiled at him again, and cuddled him closer. The last thing Jonny remembered was his Dad holding him tightly, rubbing his back, and humming softly to him. Jonny dropped off to sleep feeling safe and comforted for the first time in a long time.
* * *
Jonny trotted down the beach toward the house, seashells in hand. He wanted to show them to his Dad. Daddy always knew what they were called, and a shorter name for them too. He even knew that stuff had lived inside them. Jonny had been amazed this week to find out that his Dad knew as much about shells as his Mom did. Maybe Mommy had taught him, too.
As he headed for the house, Jonny thought about the last several days. It was almost like it used to be, before Mommy went away. Daddy still had to work, but he let Jonny come into the lab with him, setting up his toys in a corner of the big room.
When Jonny wanted to go outside, sometimes Benton would come out and play with him, other times, like today, Jonny would play by himself in sight of his father, who would work on the patio or the porch, answering phone calls and correspondence.
Jonny decided that he was happy. Well, almost. There were two problems in his mind. One, he wanted Mom to come home. He was still sure she would, sometime, even though Daddy said she wouldn't. The other was that Daddy made him take naps. Jonny's mood blackened. He hated naps. He hated it when Mommy made him take them too. You weren't supposed to sleep when it was light out. It was only time for sleeping when it was dark. He glowered to himself. It was almost lunchtime. Then Daddy would make him take a nap. He hoped that Daddy would forget about it today.
He thought about yesterday. He had thrown the biggest tantrum he could, but Daddy sill made him go to bed after lunch, even though Jonny had told him that he hated him. Somehow, even though he didn't think he would, he had fallen asleep. When he woke up, it was much later, and he began to worry that maybe Daddy had believed him when he said he'd hated him. And maybe he'd go away like Mommy because he'd been so awful. Fearfully, he'd gotten up to find his father.
Checking first the lab, then the office, and finding them both empty, Jonny had run through the house calling, getting more frightened by the moment when he couldn't locate Benton.
"Jonny, what is it? What's the matter?" Benton had appeared suddenly from the outside porch, looking concerned.
"I thought . . . you'd . . . left . . ." Jonny sobbed as Benton scooped him up.
"Now why would I ever do that?" Benton said with a laugh, carrying Jonny out to the porch and setting down on the swing. He hugged his small son tight.
"'Cause I was bad about taking a nap, an' I said I hated you," Jonny wept, tightening his grip to choking proportions around his father's neck.
Jonny could feel the vibration from his father's soft laugh, as Benton gently eased his son's chokehold on him. "Son, I would never leave you, no matter how badly you misbehave. I will say that yes, you did behave badly, but why would you ever think I'd leave you? I love you so much," he continued, kissing his son lightly. "And I knew you didn't really hate me. And it wouldn't matter if you did. I would still love you," he finished with another laugh.
Jonny pressed his face against his father's shoulder, feeling the comforting rumble from his father's deep chuckle. He felt better. But still . . . "But Mommy left," he whispered softly. He felt his father freeze.
Jonny looked up, frightened at the sudden change in Benton's demeanor. He was even more terrified at the sight of a tear tracking its way down Benton's cheek.
"Daddy . . .?" he whispered hesitantly, fearfully. He never saw his father cry.
Benton began to move again. Squeezing his son tightly, he said chokingly, "I know she did, Jonny. And I miss her too. But she didn't want to leave either of us. She loved us both. And I promise, I won't leave you. All right?"
"Promise?" Jonny asked, somewhat reassured that Daddy was missing Mommy as much as he was.
"Promise," Benton replied firmly to his son, as he slowly regained his composure. "I miss her so much too . . ." he added again, more quietly.
Jonny thought hard about that scene as he made his way down the beach towards the house. He hadn't realized that Daddy missed Mommy so much too. Maybe he wasn't acting as much like a baby as he had thought, crying all the time 'cause Mom was gone, if Daddy cried too. Daddy was certainly not a baby!
Thinking very hard about this, Jonny had reached the house before he knew it. He hadn't been looking at it, because he knew Dad was there, on the patio. So, he was surprised to see another man standing talking to his father, who was also standing.
"Jonny!" Benton called to his son, holding out his hand.
Jonny jogged happily up to the patio. He loved company. As long as it wasn't Agent Andrews.
"Daddy! Look what I got!" He called, holding out his treasures.
"You've got some more shells? Great. Set them on the table for now, and we'll look at them later," Benton instructed his son with a smile. The visitor grinned as well.
Jonny did as he was told, then took his father's hand, leaning against Benton's side and looked at the stranger.
"Jonny, this is Agent O'Hara. He's going to give you you're lessons."
Jonny's smile dimmed slightly at that. He studied the man. He certainly seemed different from Agent Andrews. He had a big smile and a dark tan and lots of sandy hair. He knelt down to look Jonny in the eye.
"Hi, Jonny. It's nice to meet you."
Jonny leaned into his father shyly, but responded with a big smile.
Agent O'Hara patted his shoulder and stood up again.
"If Jonny needs me for any reason, Agent O'Hara, I want you to come get me, regardless of the time, or what I'm doing.. Is that understood?"
"Yes sir," The agent responded with an easy smile.
"And you aren't to abuse that privilege, Son. Do you understand?" Benton sternly informed his son, swinging his hand to make sure he had his son's attention.
Jonny, not altogether sure what the words meant, although he understood to warning tone of voice, nodded as well.
Benton smiled at Jonny again and squeezed his hand. "Good boy." He looked again at the agent. "Well, Agent O'Hara, what do you think of Palm Key?" Benton moved to the table and took a seat, pulling Jonny up onto his lap.
"Well, Sir, it's a beautiful place. Is it always this hot?"
Jonny tuned out the adults, and squirmed off his father's lap. He reached for one of his shells to play with and wandered out to the sand, close to the patio, thinking that this man might be nice. He was better than Agent Andrews, that was for sure.
* * *
Jonny had cause to change his mind about Agent O'Hara in short order. He was really nice when Daddy was around, but he talked differently when it was just the two of them. The first thing that happened was the very afternoon the Agent had arrived. Jonny had stayed out on the beach after his Dad had gone back into the lab to work. Agent O'Hara had just commandeered the phone, and spent a really long time on it, talking to a lot of different people. Jonny was hungry. He kept trying to tell the agent, but the man kept telling him they would eat in a little bit. He got meaner each time Jonny asked. Jonny 'thought' he'd been asking nicely - he did say please - but the Agent seemed to think he was acting badly. Finally the man lost his temper, and grabbing Jonny by the arm, had marched him into his room, and locked the door. He didn't let him out until dinnertime. The only good thing that happened that day, was Daddy came to read him a story when it was bedtime.
Agent O'Hara was the same over the next few days. Whenever Daddy was with them, Agent O'Hara was really nice. Whenever he was gone, he started out okay, but the more lessons he gave Jonny, the more impatient he got. Jonny didn't understand the lessons. And the more questions he asked, the meaner Agent O'Hara would get. He'd finally end up locking Jonny in his room, telling him he'd let him out when he'd done them correctly. He tried to do them right, but he just couldn't. Agent O'Hara would just look at them, shake his head in disgust, and throw them back at him, telling him to do a better job. Then he'd lock the door again.
Once, Jonny heard voices. He could see a boat tied up outside, and Agent O'Hara visiting with a lot of girls in bikinis. Most of the other times, he could see the man sitting in the sun, talking on the phone. It would get really hot in his room, too. At least he could get water out of his bathroom, but the Agent would lock the door to the hallway from there too. Jonny tried to sneak out the window once. He didn't try it again. The Agent got really mad, and had hit him. His ribs still hurt from that.
The only good thing was that he did get to see Daddy, usually at breakfast. Unfortunately, the Agent always seemed to be there too. Although Daddy would hold him on his lap, he and the Agent were always talking, and seemed to like each other. Agent O'Hara always seemed really nice when his Dad was around. And when Dad would ask how the lessons were going, Agent O'Hara would always say just find. Jonny kept his mouth shut at that. He didn't know why the Agent wasn't telling Daddy about how bad he was being during his lessons. Jonny knew that he was being bad, because he wouldn't be getting locked in his room that much if he weren't. Daddy would have been mad at him too, especially about the time he tried to sneak out the window. So, he guessed it was just as well that Daddy didn't know.
However, when Benton appeared unexpectedly in his bedroom doorway one afternoon, unlocking the door with an odd expression on his face, Jonny didn't stop to think about how bad he'd been, or the fact that his father didn't know, or that now he'd get punished some more; he just flung himself at him, sobbing. As Benton picked him up, Jonny wrapped his arms around his father's neck, determined that nobody, but nobody, was going to get him to let go. Burying his face into Benton's shoulder, he sobbed out his heartache from the last few days.
Once they were settled in Jonny's armchair, Benton asked why he was locked in his room. Jonny broke down told him about not doing his lessons right, and being punished. Jonny knew his Dad would be mad, but he didn't care, as long as he could stay with him. Benton surprised him, though, by asking where Agent O'Hara was, and what he was doing. Jonny just shrugged, wrapping his arms around his father's neck more tightly.
"I'm going to go have a talk with him," Benton said grimly, shifting Jonny slightly as he made to get up.
"NO!" Jonny wailed, hanging on tighter, and sobbing. "Don't leave me."
"Trust me, Son, I'm not," Benton continued in the same grim tone. His actions belied the hard tone of his voice, however, as he cuddled Jonny closer, and stroked his hair and back gently. And throughout the next kaleidoscopic few minutes, consisting of an angry confrontation with the Agent, and an equally ugly phone call regarding the same, his actions towards his son remained kind and gentle, in spite of his angry words and easily detected tension toward the focus of these conversations. Jonny just buried his face into his father's shoulder through all of it, and determined never to let him out of his sight again.
* * *
The days following Agent O'Hara's departure were hard on Jonny. He panicked if his Dad was out of sight for too long. But Daddy was really nice about it, and let him play in the lab while he was working, and sat with him while he went to sleep. One morning after this pattern had settled into a routine, Jonny played very quietly with his toys in the corner of the lab that Benton had set up for him. He stifled a yawn, then looked quickly at his father to see if he'd caught it. He hadn't. Benton was fully involved in something on his computer.
Jonny's stomach growled and he hid a yawn once more. It was way past lunchtime, and Jonny didn't want his Dad to remember, 'cause then he'd have to take a nap afterwards. Jonny was tired, no doubt about that, but there was no way he was going to take a nap if he didn't have too. He'd had lots of nightmares last night, and had had another accident as well, much to his dismay. But Daddy never got mad, and Jonny had interrupted him a lot last night. Daddy was always nice when Jonny had bad dreams. Not like the Agents. Jonny scowled at the thought.
But, he refused to take a nap today. And if it meant going without lunch because Daddy didn't remember, that was just fine with him. He hid another yawn as the phone rang. Jonny lay quietly on the floor, playing with a truck, hiding the yawns. He closed his eyes, just to rest them, for a second or two.
"Jonny, come here, please." Benton's voice called. Jonny was surprised. He didn't remember Daddy hanging up the phone, or even stopping talking! But he obediently got up and went to his father, who was sitting at his desk. Benton pulled him up onto his lap. Jonny didn't like the serious expression on his face. He didn't know what it meant, but he found out quickly enough.
"That was Mr. Corvin. He is coming tomorrow with a new agent who will be staying here."
"NO!" Jonny exploded. "NO AGENT!"
Benton sighed as he tightened his arms around his son who was struggling to get off his lap. "I'm sorry Son, but there will be an agent here," he began.
"NO AGENT!" Jonny shouted again, then began to sob. "MOMMY! Only MOMMY!" Jonny was not going to have anything to do with anymore agents. Mommy needed to come home now. She'd stayed away too long. "Mommy! No Agents," Jonny wailed again.
Benton sighed deeply and hugged his son tightly, kissing the top of his head. "I know Son. But Mommy isn't coming back." He said it so quietly that Jonny barely heard him.
Jonny shook his head violently. "Mommy!" He sobbed. This was all wrong. Mommy needed to come home NOW. He pushed away the sudden memory of the long box in the church. Daddy said Mommy was in there. Then the box went into the ground. He shook his head violently again, trying to dispel the memory. "Mommy! I want Mommy," he wailed into his father's chest.
"I know. Oh, do I know, Son. But she's not coming back." Benton's own voice was quavering.
Jonny just shook his head as he cried.
Benton stood up, tightly hugging his son. "I think you need a nap, Son."
"NO! No NAP!" Jonny wailed, but not as strongly as previously. It was hard when he was held so tightly. He tried to struggle free, but he was carried easily down the hall by his father.
"How about I read you a story?" Benton asked him.
"No. Mommy. Mommy read story," Jonny sobbed brokenly. He had to get Daddy to understand. Mommy needed to come home now.
"Shh, Jonny," Benton calmed him as he reached Jonny's room.
"Mommy," Jonny continued to cry. "Mommy."
Benton quickly undressed him and put him to bed. "I know, Jonny. I want her back too."
Jonny was relieved when his Dad sat down on the bed, stretching his legs out and leaning against the headboard like he'd done that night when Agent Andrews was still here. He burrowed up against his side, still sobbing. At least Daddy wasn't going anywhere. Benton hugged him close until he cried himself to sleep. It didn't take very long.
* * *
The next morning Jonny sat at the kitchen table, half-heartedly pushing his scrambled eggs around on his plate. He propped his elbow on the table, resting his cheek on his hand. He yawned yet again. It had been a miserable night. He'd had more nightmares than ever, and had wet his bed again. Two nights in a row. Jonny just sighed. He just couldn't believe he'd done that. But Daddy didn't get mad, and had even slept in the chair in his room the rest of the night.
He yawned again. This morning wasn't any better. Another Agent, an Agent Bannon, was coming today. Why couldn't they just leave him and Daddy alone. They were fine by themselves. But Dad said he had to have lessons. Jonny had pointed out that he could learn from Daddy. Daddy had laughed and said no, he couldn't, and that he had to be protected. Jonny didn't get it. But Daddy seemed to think it made sense, so there wasn't much Jonny could do. He wasn't looking forward to meeting this man.
"Eat your breakfast, Son."
"I don't want to," Jonny said sullenly.
"Are you full?" Benton asked, ignoring his son's tone.
Jonny nodded. "Uh-huh."
"Yes . . ."
Jonny sighed, and finished the phrase as expected. "Yes Sir." Dad was being really nice, but he knew better than to push it.
"Good boy," Benton smiled approvingly at his son, and tousled his hair.
Jonny smiled sunnily back. He really liked Daddy. Not as much as Mommy, but close.
Benton took Jonny's plate and finished cleaning the kitchen. Jonny just sat yawning at the kitchen table. They both heard a plane land close by.
"Come on, Son," Benton held out a hand to Jonny. He looked resigned. "They're here."
Jonny sniffed back the beginnings of tears, and just held both arms up beseechingly to his father. He didn't care if he was acting like a baby. Benton smiled again, and obligingly picked up his young son, carrying him down the hall as a knock sounded on the front door.
Jonny tightened his hold around Benton's neck, and buried his face deeper into his shoulder. He didn't want to see this man any sooner than needed.
"Corvin."
Jonny heard his father greet the newcomers shortly. Jonny didn't like his Dad's tone of voice and was glad it wasn't directed at him. He just clung tighter to Benton. He heard the greetings and introductions, but didn't react until Benton said directly to him, "Jonny, I need you to wait with Agent Bannon while I talk to Mr. Corvin."
Jonny panicked. How could his Dad do this too him? He HATED agents, and now Daddy wanted him to stay with one again? Alone?
"NO!" Jonny howled. Didn't Daddy get it? "No Daddy! I don't want to!" Jonny tried to get through to his father. He could take him with him while he talked to Mr. Corvin. He just couldn't make him stay with this stranger, this 'agent'. "Don't go away!" He was sobbing now. "Don't leave meeeee . . . " He clutched tighter to his father, and Benton's arms tightened convulsively around him.
At Benton's hesitation, Jonny held out the hope that he could stay with Daddy, until a strange voice interjected calmly, "Here, I'll take him," and Jonny felt himself being disengaged from his father by a stranger's hands. He panicked again, gripping Benton's neck in a stranglehold.
"It's just for a few minutes, Son," Benton told him firmly.
Jonny didn't care. He fought with everything he had in him to keep from being taken away. But his father (his father!) performed the ultimate betrayal by helping the stranger take him.
"Go on," the stranger, that Jonny had yet to look at, told his Dad. "Leave him to me. We'll be fine." Jonny's struggles doubled at that. He wouldn't be fine. He had enough experience with agents by now to know that. They said one thing, but did another. He continued kicked and squirming and anything else he could think of as he sobbed in complete frustration. He was frantic as the man carried him away from his father.
The man didn't yell at him or hit him as soon as Daddy was gone, like the other agents had, even thought Jonny was hitting and kicking at him. Instead, he just carried him, ignoring all Jonny's efforts to the contrary, into his own room, then deposited him on the armchair in the corner.
As Jonny got his bearings, he could see a red shirt and the back of the man's head, with white hair, looking at his toys. He suddenly wondered if the man was old. Only old people had white hair. He dismissed the thought quickly however, and concentrated on the matter at hand. He had to find Daddy before he went away. Since the man's back was turned, this would be a good time to go. Still sobbing softly, he slid off the chair with another quick look at the man, tried quietly to make for the door.
"Hey, hey! Whoa there, kiddo!" The man turned and quickly grabbed him. "Where're you going?"
Jonny struggled, and lost it again, as the man held him by the shoulders and knelt down to look at him. He met Jonny's gaze calmly. Jonny was surprised that he didn't seem to be angry. But it wouldn't last long. He knew that about agents by now. They were always mad at him for something. It didn't seem to matter what he did.
"I want Daddy!" He wailed in frustration. He didn't even try to behave. Daddy wouldn't be happy about it when he found out, but his behavior never mattered anyway, where agents were concerned.
"Now, what are you worried about?"
The man's voice was nice, but Jonny wasn't buying it. He didn't trust this man, and he needed to get to Daddy before he left.
"D.d..ad..d..y," Jonny stuttered uncontrollably through his tears.
"What about him?"
This man didn't get it, Jonny thought. "He's gone. He's not going to come back." Jonny tried to explain. He couldn't get away from the man, so maybe he could get him to understand why he had to find Daddy quick.
"Now, why would you think that?" the white-haired man asked him, still at Jonny's eye-level.
Jonny looked at the man in surprise. "Be-because Mommy went away and never came ba-back," he tried to explain, through his uncontrollable crying. He could feel his body shaking.
"But you're Dad came back, didn't he?" the man said calmly.
Jonny thought about this. He had come back. Mommy didn't, but Daddy did. He nodded slowly.
"Then don't you think he'll probably come back to you, since he's still in the house?" the agent continued, logically.
Jonny breathed a mental sigh of relief. So Daddy hadn't gone yet. He was still in the house.
The agent continued. "Now, you won't be able to see him until he's done talking to Mr. Corvin, so why don't you pick someplace for us to wait until he's done?" The man stood up, and shifted his grip to Jonny's hand. "Now, where shall we wait?"
Jonny tried briefly to tug away, but could see at once it wouldn't work. So, if he couldn't get away, where to wait that Daddy would be sure to come? He had it! Daddy's bedroom. He'd have to pack clothes before he went away; anyway, that's what he always did, so that's where Jonny would be. Then Daddy would have to take him with him. His mind made up, he made for the door, tugging the agent behind him. To his surprise, the man came willingly. He didn't let go, like Jonny hoped, but he did let Jonny lead.
Jonny determinedly made his way to Benton's bedroom, trying to hurry so that the man holding his hand wouldn't change his mind. Once inside, the sight of the familiar room where Jonny had often visited Mommy and Daddy about did him in. He missed Mommy so much.
Finally and decisively tugging himself free, he flung himself onto the big bed, buried his face into the familiar quilt, and broke down completely. Mommy. He wanted Mommy to come back. And Daddy. Daddy just couldn't leave without him. He could still smell Mommy's scent very faintly. Like flowers.
Slowly, through his sobs, he heard familiar words floating by him. But the tone was wrong. Jonny tried to listen. He suddenly realized it was his favorite story. The one Mommy had always read to him. The one about the lion, Aslan. How did the agent know about it? He began to calm as he listened, letting the familiar words wash over him. He fell asleep, crying lightly, listening to the loved words, and pretending it was the loving voice of his mother.
* * *
Jonny woke up several hours later, shattering a lovely dream about his mother, who was with Aslan the lion, and was waving happily at him. He closed his eyes again trying to get it back, but it was gone. Sighing, he rolled over and got his bearings.
He was still in Daddy's room. He breathed a soft sigh of relief. Then Daddy hadn't gone yet. All his stuff was still here. He hesitated. But Mommy's had been too. Jonny shut that thought down quickly. He'd just go find Daddy.
Throwing off the comforter, and yawning hugely as he clambered off the big bed, he made his way into the hall. Relief coursed through him as he heard the murmur of Daddy's voice from the kitchen. The voice's grew clearer the closer he got to the kitchen. Benton's voice, and the answering, unfamiliar voice . . . maybe not unfamiliar. Jonny recognized it as the voice that read the story to him.
Jonny caught a brief glimpse of a red shirt as he climbed onto his father's lap, rubbing his eyes and yawning. Daddy was talking to the agent. Daddy had never spent much time with the agents before now. He always just went back to work.
"Have a good sleep?" His father asked as he gave Jonny a hug.
"Uh-huh," he responded as he settled contentedly.
Benton smiled and began. "Agent Bannon . . ."
"Race." The other man's voice interjected firmly.
"Race," Benton agreed with a laugh, "suggested that he give you your lessons in a corner of my lab. It's fine with me. Is that all right with you?"
Jonny was beyond surprised. He looked up at his father in amazement as he agreed. "Uh-huh!"
"Thank Agent Ban . . . Race," Benton instructed him with a smile.
Jonny looked over at the new agent for the first time. He did have white hair, but to Jonny's surprise, he wasn't old at all. Well, not that old. He wasn't as old as Grandpa Doug. He was as old as Daddy. But only men Grandpa's age had white hair. Jonny filed that bit of information away for future retrieval, and studied the man more carefully. He had a kind smile on his face as he looked at Jonny. He might be all right. Especially if he let him have lessons in Daddy's lab. Jonny decided that maybe he'd give this man the benefit of the doubt. He'd have to see. "Thank you," he responded at parental urging, with a tentative smile at the man.
* * *
One week later, Jonny was definitely feeling more comfortable with the new agent. He did indeed let him have lessons in Benton's lab. But he didn't let Jonny interrupt him. Race made Jonny wait to go show his father something until Benton was taking a break AND they were taking a break in their lessons. Then he could go over and visit Daddy. But it wasn't so bad, because he could always see him, so Jonny knew Daddy hadn't gone away. And Dad would often look up and meet Jonny's gaze. Jonny wasn't sure how he knew he was looking at him, but he did. Benton would smile, then go back to work. Or sometimes motion to Jonny to pay attention to Race. Jonny didn't like having to have lessons, but Daddy was close by, so it was okay, he guessed.
Jonny also found that Race was a lot like his father in many ways. For instance, he spent time with him, and showed him all kinds of neat stuff, just like Daddy did. And he made him take naps too, much to Jonny's dismay. Tantrums didn't seem to work any better with Race than they did with his Dad, either. And unlike Agents Andrews and O'Hara, who would yell at him, or hit him, Race just ignored him, or put him to bed. But Race was fun too. He knew all kinds of things, and didn't mind Jonny asking questions. He answered them just as patiently as Daddy did. But what Jonny liked best, was that every night, Race made sure that Daddy came to read him a story and put him to bed. And, like Daddy, Race didn't get mad if he woke him up, by a nightmare, or even an accident. Race would just smile, handle what needed to be done, then take him to see his father. Jonny was slowly coming to feel safe again.
A little over a week after Race's arrival, Jonny and Race were in the kitchen. Race was getting ready to prepare dinner, and Jonny had just gotten up from a really long nap. He was disgusted to see how much of the day had been wasted 'cause he'd been sleeping. He was sitting at the table drinking a glass of milk Race had gotten for him.
"Well, what do you want for dinner, kiddo?" Race asked, looking absently through the cupboards.
Jonny thought about it for a moment, then asked tentatively, "Can we have Mommy's spaghetti?" He waited in trepidation. Agent Andrews had always yelled at him when he asked that.
Race turned and looked at him quizzically. Leaning back against the counter, and folding his arms over his chest, he asked, "Your mother's spaghetti? Is that different from regular spaghetti? And you told me that you didn't like spaghetti."
Jonny clarified firmly, "I don't like Agent Andrews spaghetti. I like Mommy's. She said she made it the way her Mommy did."
Race laughed. "A family recipe, huh? Well, lets see if we can find it." He turned back to the counter and the recipe boxes and books. "Let's see . . . In here maybe?" He touched a well used wooden box and looked over at Jonny for confirmation. At Jonny's nod, he brought it back to the table and began to look through it.
"Ah, here it is," Race commented in satisfaction, pulling out a card. Jonny recognized it immediately. The spaghetti sauce stains were unmistakable. "Let's see. . . " Race paused, "Looks like this takes all day. Sorry Jonny, no-can-do tonight."
Jonny's face fell in disappointment.
"Hey, relax kiddo," Race laughed. "We can't make it today, but we sure can tomorrow. We'll start it in the morning, and you can help me. We'll make it your math lesson. How's that?"
Jonny grinned happily, nodding emphatically. He had no idea how making spaghetti and math lessons could be done at the same time, but that was okay.
Race began looking through the recipe box for something to make for dinner that evening, but Jonny wasn't paying attention. He was thinking hard about something that he'd been wondering about for awhile.
"Race?" Jonny began. He wasn't sure how to ask this. He hoped the agent wouldn't get mad.
"Hummm?" was the absent reply.
"How come you know so much about what kids like? I mean, you're not a Daddy, you're an agent, an' agents don't like kids."
Race looked up, grinning, and appeared amused. "What do you mean, 'agents don't like kids'? I happen to know lots of agents who love kids. I'll be sure to introduce you one day."
Jonny remained unconvinced.
Race laughed at Jonny's expression. He continued, "And actually, I am a Dad. I have a daughter a year older than you."
"You do?" Jonny was really surprised. "But how come you don't live with her?"
A sad smile appeared on the tall man's face, and Jonny began to worry that he had said something wrong, and that Race was going to get mad. But he didn't. Instead, he motioned for Jonny to come sit on his lap. Jonny got up and walked around the table, and climbed up.
Once he was settled, Race continued quietly, "She lives with her mother now. Her mother and I are divorced. Do you know what that means?"
At Jonny's puzzled expression and negative shake of his head, Race gave another sad smile and explained. "That means we don't live together anymore."
Jonny thought about this. It was really weird. He couldn't imagine a mom and dad not living together. And Race didn't seem to like it. Jonny had never seen him so sad. So why did he do it, this 'divorce'? "What's your kid's name?" He asked tentatively.
"Jessica. We call her Jessie."
"Do you miss her?"
"Yes, Jonny, I do. Very much."
Jonny leaned back against Race, as he began looking through the recipes again, and thought about this. He suddenly realized that he felt safe with this man. The same way he felt safe with Daddy. And Race was missing someone the same way he and Daddy were missing Mommy. And Daddy seemed to like Race too. He made a sudden decision. "Race?"
"Yes?"
"When you really miss your kid, you can pretend I'm your kid too."
There was a sudden pause, then Race gave him a hug. "Thank you, Jonny. I'll remember that."
Jonny smiled, and thought that Race would be a really good person to have around until Mommy came back. She'd like him too.
CATEGORY: Family, Past, Vignette
RATING: G
ARCHIVE: Suze may have. No other archiving without permission.
As usual, thanks to the B.A.D. Babes, Helen and Meach, for the betaing, encouragement, and when needed, the harassment. And in addition, for not letting me disappear into the abyss that was last year. Spense, January 1, 2003
INTROSPECTIVE: THROUGH THE EYES OF A CHILD
Takes place approximately 1 month after Rachel's death prior to Hadji joining the family; Jonny is six, and the setting is Palm Key.
Jonny Quest played quietly in his room. He sat on the floor with his miniature cars and drove them listlessly through the tunnels he had built with his blocks. He glanced outside the open window to the bright sunny late afternoon. These used to be his favorite kind of days. He and Mommy would build castles on the beach, and sometimes they would make Daddy come with them. But that was before Mommy went away.
At the sound of a speedboat way off in the distance, Jonny got up on his knees, and stretched over his bed to better see out the window. He watched hopefully, hoping the boat was heading for Palm Key to bring Mommy back, but it went on past the island. Jonny sagged in disappointment as the sound diminished, and sighing, went back to his cars. Both Daddy and Agent Andrews said that Mommy wasn't going to come back. Daddy said she was in heaven. Jonny thought about that a lot. But he kept hoping she'd come back anyway. He just couldn't believe that she would leave him. At least she would come say goodbye.
Agent Andrews opened the door to his room. "Com'on kid. Dinner's ready," he announced, then disappeared again. Jonny obediently got to his feet and headed for the kitchen. Agent Andrews had come after Mommy had left. Daddy had explained that he was supposed to teach Jonny and protect him. Protect him from what, Jonny wasn't sure. But he didn't think the man liked him. He'd rather have Mommy.
Jonny had decided a while ago that maybe he must have done something wrong, and made Mommy go away. Daddy said that wasn't true, but Agent Andrews seemed to think he was bad, so Jonny thought it must be the case. He was trying hard to be really, really good, so maybe Mommy would come back. And if she didn't, being good might make his Dad like him again. He knew Daddy didn't like him anymore, because he never came to see him anymore. And Agent Andrews said Daddy didn't want Jonny to go visit him in his lab anymore either.
Jonny slid quietly into his chair at the kitchen table. Only his place was set. His heart sank. That meant that Daddy wasn't coming to eat dinner with him, again. Maybe he was gone too, and Agent Andrew's hadn't told him. Maybe he wasn't coming back either. Worriedly, Jonny tried to remember the last time he'd seen him, but couldn't. Jonny began to panic. He just had to find out. "Agent Andrews?" he asked in a small voice. Agent Andrews didn't like him to ask questions.
"What kid?" the man said brusquely, without turning from the pot he was stirring. Jonny sometimes wondered if the man knew his name.
Jonny took a shaky breath. "Is Dad having dinner now too?"
Agent Andrews gave a loud, exasperated sigh. "Kid, your Dad is working. He's got more important stuff to do than to be bothered to come eat. He doesn't need the distractions, or the intrusions. He'll eat when he's hungry."
The man turned and spooned Spaghetti onto Jonny's plate. If possible, Jonny's heart sank even lower. He didn't like this Spaghetti. He liked the kind with the noodles on his plate first, then the sauce on top of it. And the kind of sauce that had a lot of meat in it. When Mommy made it, you could smell the sauce cooking all day long. And it tasted different. This was runny and didn't have enough noodles. And Agent Andrews had made this for dinner every night for a while now. Jonny had told him that he didn't like it, but the man told him to eat it anyway. Jonny just stared at his plate in despair.
"What's the matter, kid? Eat your dinner," Agent Andrews said impatiently.
Jonny felt like crying. "I'm not hungry," he whispered despairingly. That wasn't true, but he couldn't eat this again. Mommy used to make all kinds of different stuff, not the same thing everyday. Especially if he didn't like it. He really wanted his Mom back. Jonny felt a tear slide down his cheek. He quickly brushed it away, hoping the Agent didn't see it. Unfortunately, he wasn't quick enough.
"Oh, for . . . fine kid. Don't eat. But you could have told me earlier before I went to the trouble of making it! Geez . . ." He waved Jonny away from the table. "Go play." He shook his head in disgust. "And stay away from your Dad's lab," he called as Jonny slid off his chair. "He doesn't need any intrusions."
Jonny nodded quickly and hurried out of the room. He could hear Agent Andrews continuing in disgust as he cleared Jonny's untouched plate. "Especially from some snot-nosed, sniveling brat of a kid."
Jonny ran for his room as he burst into tears. Reaching it, he flung himself onto the armchair, and curled into a tight ball, sobbing his heart out. He was really hungry, he wanted his Mom, and he badly wanted Dad to like him again. He was trying so hard to be good, but he didn't seem to be doing very well at that, at least according to Agent Andrews. All he could do was to try to be even better behaved, but he wasn't so sure that even that would bring Mom home now.
* * *
Agent Andrews turned off the light and left the room, leaving Jonny in bed for the night. Jonny was still upset. He really had wanted to say goodnight to Daddy, but the Agent wouldn't let him. Jonny worried that Daddy really had gone away, just like Mom
Jonny turned his head slightly so he could look outside. It wasn't quite dark, and he could still see the water, but not for much longer. He'd watch until he couldn't see anymore, hoping a boat would come. Mom and Dad might be on it. That would keep him awake.
He HAD to stay awake. When he slept, he had bad dreams. Agent Andrews didn't like that. He got mad if Jonny woke him up by crying because of the dreams. Jonny also hated the dreams. He couldn't really remember them, but he knew he didn't want to be alone afterwards. But Agent Andrews just got disgusted with him if he asked the man to stay with him. Jonny knew the Agent didn't like him. He had finally decided that it must not only be because he was misbehaving, but also that he was acting like a baby all the time, crying and afraid to stay alone, and . . . other things.
Jonny turned over onto his side, making it easier to see out the window. He stifled a gasp as his shoulder hurt. Agent Andrews had hurt it earlier while he was giving Jonny his bath. Jonny had slipped and the Agent had caught him and held him up by his arm. Jonny's shoulder really hurt, but he hadn't said anything because the big, dark-haired man was already disgusted with him anyway, and had called him a clumsy wuss.
Jonny yawned, then caught himself. He really had to stay awake. He hated the bad dreams. He could hardly see the water anymore, it was getting so dark. He wouldn't be able to see if Mommy came home. But he could hear, he supposed. He smiled a little as he thought about his Mom. She was so much fun. She knew everything. Lots of fun games, and she loved to read him stories. Jonny became lost in the good memories, smiling to himself as he gave way to exhaustion.
* * *
Jonny woke up later that night in absolute, consuming terror, drenched with sweat, and biting back a scream. Even in his fear, he knew Agent Andrews would be really, really mad if he woke him up, or if he bothered his Dad. If Daddy were even here. He looked wildly around, still caught up in the dream. Someone was coming to get him, he had to hide! Flinging the covers back, he looked around for a good hiding place. Where they couldn't find him. He scuttled silently to the darkest corner of his room, and wedged himself into the corner between the wall and his dresser. Even the starlight couldn't reach here. If he stayed silent, he should be okay. Shaking, he hugged his knees tightly, and waited.
* * *
He didn't know how long he had stayed in the shadows. The room was bright, and the moonlight was shifting over the floor, but thankfully, stayed away from his corner. Jonny hadn't relaxed. He wasn't completely sure why he was so afraid, but he just knew that this was the safest place to be. He was even more sure of it, when his room door opened silently, and a dark, shadowy figure moved in without a sound, making its way confidently towards Jonny's bed. Jonny wedged himself in tighter, hoping to avoid notice.
The figure stopped short, as he realized the bed was empty. The person paused for a moment, then turned around, as though searching for Jonny. Jonny tried again to make himself smaller, and quieter yet. Apparently it didn't work very well, because the figure made it's way over to Jonny's hiding place.
Jonny was certain that his loudly beating heart had given him away, as the figure bent down in front of his hiding place.
"Jonny?"
Jonny bit back a sob as he recognized his father's familiar voice. But, he knew his Dad didn't like him anymore. Agent Andrews had all but said so. Daddy would be mad, just like Agent Andrews would have been, because he was out of bed.
"Son?" Benton knelt down in front of Jonny's hiding place. "What's the matter?"
Jonny was torn as Benton reached for him. He wanted to see his Dad so badly, but Daddy didn't like him anymore. He flinched as Benton touched him, but he didn't struggle as he was carried back to his bed. Maybe Daddy would stay with him for awhile. Even if he didn't like him. It seemed his wish would be granted this night. Benton sat down on the bed, stretching his legs out and leaning back on the headboard. He held Jonny tightly on his lap, wrapping a blanket around him. That felt good, Jonny was cold. He leaned against his Dad. Even if Daddy didn't like him anymore, he could pretend that he did, at least for now.
"Jonny, what's the matter?" His father's voice was calm and soothing. It was so familiar that Jonny thought he might cry. Again. "You can tell me."
Jonny was tempted. Maybe if asked why his Dad didn't like him anymore, he could change whatever it was, and make him like him again. He took a deep breath and whispered, "How come you don't like me anymore? Did I do something to make Mom go away? Is that why?"
"What?. . . Jonny, I love you. How could you possibly think that I don't like you?" His father's voice was incredulous. "What on earth gave you that idea? And, no, there was nothing you did to cause Mom's death, Son. We've talked about this before."
Jonny was relieved that he didn't do anything to cause Mommy to go away. But still. Daddy never wanted to see him anymore. If he liked him still, why didn't he want to see him?
"You're always in your lab," Jonny answered, voice quavering.
"Yes, I've been busy. You haven't been to visit me for quite awhile, Son. Why not?"
'Why not?' Jonny thought to himself in amazement. Did Daddy really want him to come see him? But . . . "Agent Andrews says I shouldn't. He says you're too busy and I mustn't intrub . . . introo . . . bother you. He says you're working on really important stuff and I shouldn't get in your way. That you don't have time." The walls began to break down, and Jonny's words flowed like water. "Agent Andrews tells me to go play. He doesn't have time for me either, he just reads."
Jonny was crying now. He was so confused. Agent Andrews had been telling him all the time that Daddy was too busy for him. But Daddy was saying something different. Who was right? Adults weren't supposed to lie. But something was very wrong.
"Jonny." Benton's voice was firm. "Look at me."
Jonny hesitated. He didn't know what to think anymore, and he wasn't sure he liked his father's tone, but he obeyed. To his surprise, his father's face looked kind.
Benton held Jonny's gaze firmly, and said deliberately, "Agent Andrews is wrong."
Jonny was startled by that. "Wrong?" He asked hesitantly.
"Wrong," Benton repeated strongly. "I will always have time for you. If I'm busy, I will tell you myself, not Agent Andrews. You can always come see me."
Jonny felt relief flood him. But still . . . "But, Agent Andrews said . . ." he began.
"I'll talk with Agent Andrews in the morning."
Jonny sighed deeply. He felt better, and brave enough to say, "I don't like Agent Andrews. Agent Andrews doesn't like me either."
"Agent Andrews will be leaving," his father said firmly.
Jonny sagged against Benton, closing his eyes, and said a soft "good". He was so tired. He felt his father rub his back reassuringly. Jonny began to feel safe again for the first time in a very long time.
Benton's voice broke through his fog of fatigue once more. "Would you like to go on a picnic tomorrow? Just the two of us? I could really use a day off, especially a day off with you."
Jonny woke up again quickly at that, and looked up happily at his father. Benton laughed, and commented, "I take it that's a yes." Jonny grinned, and closed his eyes sleepily again, contented. Maybe his Dad really did like him after all, was his final thought as he drifted off to sleep once more.
* * *
The all-consuming nightmare woke Jonny up with a gasp. He struggled to regain his bearings, focusing on his room, and the familiar objects. The big chair in front of the window, his toy chest, the overflowing bookcase on the other wall. As he calmed down, anxiety was replaced with despair as he realized he had wet his bed - again. Jonny groaned and turned his face into his pillow and tried to hold back sobs. Just when his Dad had begun to like him again. Jonny shook with the effort of suppressing his sobs. He'd had such a fun day; he and Daddy. They'd had a picnic and walked on the beach and went out in the boat, and just, well, had fun. And best of all, they'd spent the whole day together until Jonny's bedtime.
But now . . . if his Dad found out . . . he'd be just as mad as Agent Andrews got. Agent Andrews would spank him for wetting his bed, and call him names. Jonny shuddered as he recalled the things Agent Andrews would say to him as he paddled him. It seemed, no matter how hard Jonny cried and screamed, he could still hear every word. The punishment was bad enough, but the words were worse. "Rotten little bastard . . . way too old for this . . . no wonder Quest wants nothing to do with him . . . kid like this . . . royal pain . . . grow UP kid! . . . spoiled . . . waste of time . . . nightmares, bedwetting, Geez! . . . parents must just hate you . . ." and on and on. Jonny sobbed harder as he remembered.
Jonny didn't want to wet his bed. He just couldn't help it. He hadn't done this before Mommy went away, and he didn't think he did it very often now. But now, Jonny would have to ask Daddy for help. Jonny's heart sank at the very thought. He'd rather face Agent Andrews. He just knew his Dad wouldn't want a six-year-old son who still wet his bed.
Jonny just didn't know what to do. He buried his face in his pillow to stifle the sobs he just couldn't hold back, and gave way to his misery.
"Jonny? What's wrong?"
With a sinking feeling, Jonny realized that his father had somehow heard him. He turned his face deeper into his pillow, trying to ignore his father, and has body shook with sobs.
"Jonny?" Benton's voice was full of concern as he touched Jonny's shoulder. Jonny squirmed away, thinking that Daddy wouldn't be so nice when he found out what he'd done.
"Son, its okay, I'm right here."
Jonny struggled, sobbing wildly, as his father turned him over. He tried to get free, but Benton was bigger and stronger.
"Shhh, Jonny. Calm down. Now what's the matter?"
Jonny wiggled desperately, trying to get away before Benton realized what had happened. But his father prevailed, and finally freed Jonny from the tangled bedclothes and picked him up, despite his son's best efforts to the contrary.
"Now, Son, what is the matter . . . Oh."
Jonny cried even harder in huge gulps that effectively blocked out anything Benton was saying. He was beside himself, and thrashed frantically as his sodden pajama bottoms were removed. First Mommy went away, and now Daddy would be mad at him for wetting his bed like a baby. It was bad enough when Agent Andrews punished him for it; but he knew the Agent didn't like him anyway. However Jonny didn't think he could bear getting a spanking from Daddy right now. He was trying so hard to get him to like him again.
"Easy, Son, it's all right."
Benton's words finally penetrated Jonny's hysterical sobs as, to his surprise, he found that he was being wrapped in a warm blanket instead of receiving the expected punishment. He hiccupped sobs uncontrollably as Benton hugged him tightly, and kissed his temple. If anything, his voice was even kinder than it had been before.
"Shhh, Jonny. I'm not mad, I promise. It's okay. Really. Shhh. Calm down. Now, lets get you cleaned up."
Jonny finally gave in completely, and collapsed against Benton's shoulder, now sobbing in relief. Benton rubbed his son's back comfortingly and talked to him softly as he moved around the room, collecting clean pajamas for his son. Jonny couldn't make out the words, but he liked the soft, gentle tone. Benton continued the quiet flow of words as he carried Jonny into the bathroom and drew a warm bath. Benton got Jonny bathed, into clean pajamas, and wrapped in a blanket once again, then put him into the large armchair into his room.
Jonny was still crying softly, now more in relief and exhaustion than anything else. He just couldn't believe that Daddy wasn't mad at him. He watched tiredly, his eyes getting heavy, as Benton quickly and efficiently changed the sheets on his bed.
He was nearly asleep when he was picked up again, and settled into Benton's lap as his Dad sat down in the armchair with him.
Benton hugged him close, then asked softly, "Has this happened before, Son?"
Jonny was just too tired to try and hide anything anymore. He buried his face into his father's chest and nodded miserably.
"I'm sorry, Jonny. I didn't know. I wish I had. From now on, if you have another accident, or a nightmare, or are scared for any reason, I want you to come and find me, all right?"
Jonny froze at the final comment. 'Come and find him?' Why? Before he could come to any conclusions, Benton spoke again.
"Jonny, look at me, please."
Jonny reluctantly lifted his eyes to meet his father's gaze, and was surprised to see him smiling kindly.
"I don't want you to be alone if you have a problem, Son," Benton continued, gently. "I want to help you. I'm not upset, or angry with you. And I won't be angry if you have to wake me up, or interrupt me while I'm working. I just didn't know you were having troubles. So come and find me, all right?"
Jonny couldn't believe it. He nodded as his vision blurred with the ever- ready tears. He had cried so often since Mommy went away. He hated acting like a baby. But he was just so tired.
Benton just smiled at him again, and cuddled him closer. The last thing Jonny remembered was his Dad holding him tightly, rubbing his back, and humming softly to him. Jonny dropped off to sleep feeling safe and comforted for the first time in a long time.
* * *
Jonny trotted down the beach toward the house, seashells in hand. He wanted to show them to his Dad. Daddy always knew what they were called, and a shorter name for them too. He even knew that stuff had lived inside them. Jonny had been amazed this week to find out that his Dad knew as much about shells as his Mom did. Maybe Mommy had taught him, too.
As he headed for the house, Jonny thought about the last several days. It was almost like it used to be, before Mommy went away. Daddy still had to work, but he let Jonny come into the lab with him, setting up his toys in a corner of the big room.
When Jonny wanted to go outside, sometimes Benton would come out and play with him, other times, like today, Jonny would play by himself in sight of his father, who would work on the patio or the porch, answering phone calls and correspondence.
Jonny decided that he was happy. Well, almost. There were two problems in his mind. One, he wanted Mom to come home. He was still sure she would, sometime, even though Daddy said she wouldn't. The other was that Daddy made him take naps. Jonny's mood blackened. He hated naps. He hated it when Mommy made him take them too. You weren't supposed to sleep when it was light out. It was only time for sleeping when it was dark. He glowered to himself. It was almost lunchtime. Then Daddy would make him take a nap. He hoped that Daddy would forget about it today.
He thought about yesterday. He had thrown the biggest tantrum he could, but Daddy sill made him go to bed after lunch, even though Jonny had told him that he hated him. Somehow, even though he didn't think he would, he had fallen asleep. When he woke up, it was much later, and he began to worry that maybe Daddy had believed him when he said he'd hated him. And maybe he'd go away like Mommy because he'd been so awful. Fearfully, he'd gotten up to find his father.
Checking first the lab, then the office, and finding them both empty, Jonny had run through the house calling, getting more frightened by the moment when he couldn't locate Benton.
"Jonny, what is it? What's the matter?" Benton had appeared suddenly from the outside porch, looking concerned.
"I thought . . . you'd . . . left . . ." Jonny sobbed as Benton scooped him up.
"Now why would I ever do that?" Benton said with a laugh, carrying Jonny out to the porch and setting down on the swing. He hugged his small son tight.
"'Cause I was bad about taking a nap, an' I said I hated you," Jonny wept, tightening his grip to choking proportions around his father's neck.
Jonny could feel the vibration from his father's soft laugh, as Benton gently eased his son's chokehold on him. "Son, I would never leave you, no matter how badly you misbehave. I will say that yes, you did behave badly, but why would you ever think I'd leave you? I love you so much," he continued, kissing his son lightly. "And I knew you didn't really hate me. And it wouldn't matter if you did. I would still love you," he finished with another laugh.
Jonny pressed his face against his father's shoulder, feeling the comforting rumble from his father's deep chuckle. He felt better. But still . . . "But Mommy left," he whispered softly. He felt his father freeze.
Jonny looked up, frightened at the sudden change in Benton's demeanor. He was even more terrified at the sight of a tear tracking its way down Benton's cheek.
"Daddy . . .?" he whispered hesitantly, fearfully. He never saw his father cry.
Benton began to move again. Squeezing his son tightly, he said chokingly, "I know she did, Jonny. And I miss her too. But she didn't want to leave either of us. She loved us both. And I promise, I won't leave you. All right?"
"Promise?" Jonny asked, somewhat reassured that Daddy was missing Mommy as much as he was.
"Promise," Benton replied firmly to his son, as he slowly regained his composure. "I miss her so much too . . ." he added again, more quietly.
Jonny thought hard about that scene as he made his way down the beach towards the house. He hadn't realized that Daddy missed Mommy so much too. Maybe he wasn't acting as much like a baby as he had thought, crying all the time 'cause Mom was gone, if Daddy cried too. Daddy was certainly not a baby!
Thinking very hard about this, Jonny had reached the house before he knew it. He hadn't been looking at it, because he knew Dad was there, on the patio. So, he was surprised to see another man standing talking to his father, who was also standing.
"Jonny!" Benton called to his son, holding out his hand.
Jonny jogged happily up to the patio. He loved company. As long as it wasn't Agent Andrews.
"Daddy! Look what I got!" He called, holding out his treasures.
"You've got some more shells? Great. Set them on the table for now, and we'll look at them later," Benton instructed his son with a smile. The visitor grinned as well.
Jonny did as he was told, then took his father's hand, leaning against Benton's side and looked at the stranger.
"Jonny, this is Agent O'Hara. He's going to give you you're lessons."
Jonny's smile dimmed slightly at that. He studied the man. He certainly seemed different from Agent Andrews. He had a big smile and a dark tan and lots of sandy hair. He knelt down to look Jonny in the eye.
"Hi, Jonny. It's nice to meet you."
Jonny leaned into his father shyly, but responded with a big smile.
Agent O'Hara patted his shoulder and stood up again.
"If Jonny needs me for any reason, Agent O'Hara, I want you to come get me, regardless of the time, or what I'm doing.. Is that understood?"
"Yes sir," The agent responded with an easy smile.
"And you aren't to abuse that privilege, Son. Do you understand?" Benton sternly informed his son, swinging his hand to make sure he had his son's attention.
Jonny, not altogether sure what the words meant, although he understood to warning tone of voice, nodded as well.
Benton smiled at Jonny again and squeezed his hand. "Good boy." He looked again at the agent. "Well, Agent O'Hara, what do you think of Palm Key?" Benton moved to the table and took a seat, pulling Jonny up onto his lap.
"Well, Sir, it's a beautiful place. Is it always this hot?"
Jonny tuned out the adults, and squirmed off his father's lap. He reached for one of his shells to play with and wandered out to the sand, close to the patio, thinking that this man might be nice. He was better than Agent Andrews, that was for sure.
* * *
Jonny had cause to change his mind about Agent O'Hara in short order. He was really nice when Daddy was around, but he talked differently when it was just the two of them. The first thing that happened was the very afternoon the Agent had arrived. Jonny had stayed out on the beach after his Dad had gone back into the lab to work. Agent O'Hara had just commandeered the phone, and spent a really long time on it, talking to a lot of different people. Jonny was hungry. He kept trying to tell the agent, but the man kept telling him they would eat in a little bit. He got meaner each time Jonny asked. Jonny 'thought' he'd been asking nicely - he did say please - but the Agent seemed to think he was acting badly. Finally the man lost his temper, and grabbing Jonny by the arm, had marched him into his room, and locked the door. He didn't let him out until dinnertime. The only good thing that happened that day, was Daddy came to read him a story when it was bedtime.
Agent O'Hara was the same over the next few days. Whenever Daddy was with them, Agent O'Hara was really nice. Whenever he was gone, he started out okay, but the more lessons he gave Jonny, the more impatient he got. Jonny didn't understand the lessons. And the more questions he asked, the meaner Agent O'Hara would get. He'd finally end up locking Jonny in his room, telling him he'd let him out when he'd done them correctly. He tried to do them right, but he just couldn't. Agent O'Hara would just look at them, shake his head in disgust, and throw them back at him, telling him to do a better job. Then he'd lock the door again.
Once, Jonny heard voices. He could see a boat tied up outside, and Agent O'Hara visiting with a lot of girls in bikinis. Most of the other times, he could see the man sitting in the sun, talking on the phone. It would get really hot in his room, too. At least he could get water out of his bathroom, but the Agent would lock the door to the hallway from there too. Jonny tried to sneak out the window once. He didn't try it again. The Agent got really mad, and had hit him. His ribs still hurt from that.
The only good thing was that he did get to see Daddy, usually at breakfast. Unfortunately, the Agent always seemed to be there too. Although Daddy would hold him on his lap, he and the Agent were always talking, and seemed to like each other. Agent O'Hara always seemed really nice when his Dad was around. And when Dad would ask how the lessons were going, Agent O'Hara would always say just find. Jonny kept his mouth shut at that. He didn't know why the Agent wasn't telling Daddy about how bad he was being during his lessons. Jonny knew that he was being bad, because he wouldn't be getting locked in his room that much if he weren't. Daddy would have been mad at him too, especially about the time he tried to sneak out the window. So, he guessed it was just as well that Daddy didn't know.
However, when Benton appeared unexpectedly in his bedroom doorway one afternoon, unlocking the door with an odd expression on his face, Jonny didn't stop to think about how bad he'd been, or the fact that his father didn't know, or that now he'd get punished some more; he just flung himself at him, sobbing. As Benton picked him up, Jonny wrapped his arms around his father's neck, determined that nobody, but nobody, was going to get him to let go. Burying his face into Benton's shoulder, he sobbed out his heartache from the last few days.
Once they were settled in Jonny's armchair, Benton asked why he was locked in his room. Jonny broke down told him about not doing his lessons right, and being punished. Jonny knew his Dad would be mad, but he didn't care, as long as he could stay with him. Benton surprised him, though, by asking where Agent O'Hara was, and what he was doing. Jonny just shrugged, wrapping his arms around his father's neck more tightly.
"I'm going to go have a talk with him," Benton said grimly, shifting Jonny slightly as he made to get up.
"NO!" Jonny wailed, hanging on tighter, and sobbing. "Don't leave me."
"Trust me, Son, I'm not," Benton continued in the same grim tone. His actions belied the hard tone of his voice, however, as he cuddled Jonny closer, and stroked his hair and back gently. And throughout the next kaleidoscopic few minutes, consisting of an angry confrontation with the Agent, and an equally ugly phone call regarding the same, his actions towards his son remained kind and gentle, in spite of his angry words and easily detected tension toward the focus of these conversations. Jonny just buried his face into his father's shoulder through all of it, and determined never to let him out of his sight again.
* * *
The days following Agent O'Hara's departure were hard on Jonny. He panicked if his Dad was out of sight for too long. But Daddy was really nice about it, and let him play in the lab while he was working, and sat with him while he went to sleep. One morning after this pattern had settled into a routine, Jonny played very quietly with his toys in the corner of the lab that Benton had set up for him. He stifled a yawn, then looked quickly at his father to see if he'd caught it. He hadn't. Benton was fully involved in something on his computer.
Jonny's stomach growled and he hid a yawn once more. It was way past lunchtime, and Jonny didn't want his Dad to remember, 'cause then he'd have to take a nap afterwards. Jonny was tired, no doubt about that, but there was no way he was going to take a nap if he didn't have too. He'd had lots of nightmares last night, and had had another accident as well, much to his dismay. But Daddy never got mad, and Jonny had interrupted him a lot last night. Daddy was always nice when Jonny had bad dreams. Not like the Agents. Jonny scowled at the thought.
But, he refused to take a nap today. And if it meant going without lunch because Daddy didn't remember, that was just fine with him. He hid another yawn as the phone rang. Jonny lay quietly on the floor, playing with a truck, hiding the yawns. He closed his eyes, just to rest them, for a second or two.
"Jonny, come here, please." Benton's voice called. Jonny was surprised. He didn't remember Daddy hanging up the phone, or even stopping talking! But he obediently got up and went to his father, who was sitting at his desk. Benton pulled him up onto his lap. Jonny didn't like the serious expression on his face. He didn't know what it meant, but he found out quickly enough.
"That was Mr. Corvin. He is coming tomorrow with a new agent who will be staying here."
"NO!" Jonny exploded. "NO AGENT!"
Benton sighed as he tightened his arms around his son who was struggling to get off his lap. "I'm sorry Son, but there will be an agent here," he began.
"NO AGENT!" Jonny shouted again, then began to sob. "MOMMY! Only MOMMY!" Jonny was not going to have anything to do with anymore agents. Mommy needed to come home now. She'd stayed away too long. "Mommy! No Agents," Jonny wailed again.
Benton sighed deeply and hugged his son tightly, kissing the top of his head. "I know Son. But Mommy isn't coming back." He said it so quietly that Jonny barely heard him.
Jonny shook his head violently. "Mommy!" He sobbed. This was all wrong. Mommy needed to come home NOW. He pushed away the sudden memory of the long box in the church. Daddy said Mommy was in there. Then the box went into the ground. He shook his head violently again, trying to dispel the memory. "Mommy! I want Mommy," he wailed into his father's chest.
"I know. Oh, do I know, Son. But she's not coming back." Benton's own voice was quavering.
Jonny just shook his head as he cried.
Benton stood up, tightly hugging his son. "I think you need a nap, Son."
"NO! No NAP!" Jonny wailed, but not as strongly as previously. It was hard when he was held so tightly. He tried to struggle free, but he was carried easily down the hall by his father.
"How about I read you a story?" Benton asked him.
"No. Mommy. Mommy read story," Jonny sobbed brokenly. He had to get Daddy to understand. Mommy needed to come home now.
"Shh, Jonny," Benton calmed him as he reached Jonny's room.
"Mommy," Jonny continued to cry. "Mommy."
Benton quickly undressed him and put him to bed. "I know, Jonny. I want her back too."
Jonny was relieved when his Dad sat down on the bed, stretching his legs out and leaning against the headboard like he'd done that night when Agent Andrews was still here. He burrowed up against his side, still sobbing. At least Daddy wasn't going anywhere. Benton hugged him close until he cried himself to sleep. It didn't take very long.
* * *
The next morning Jonny sat at the kitchen table, half-heartedly pushing his scrambled eggs around on his plate. He propped his elbow on the table, resting his cheek on his hand. He yawned yet again. It had been a miserable night. He'd had more nightmares than ever, and had wet his bed again. Two nights in a row. Jonny just sighed. He just couldn't believe he'd done that. But Daddy didn't get mad, and had even slept in the chair in his room the rest of the night.
He yawned again. This morning wasn't any better. Another Agent, an Agent Bannon, was coming today. Why couldn't they just leave him and Daddy alone. They were fine by themselves. But Dad said he had to have lessons. Jonny had pointed out that he could learn from Daddy. Daddy had laughed and said no, he couldn't, and that he had to be protected. Jonny didn't get it. But Daddy seemed to think it made sense, so there wasn't much Jonny could do. He wasn't looking forward to meeting this man.
"Eat your breakfast, Son."
"I don't want to," Jonny said sullenly.
"Are you full?" Benton asked, ignoring his son's tone.
Jonny nodded. "Uh-huh."
"Yes . . ."
Jonny sighed, and finished the phrase as expected. "Yes Sir." Dad was being really nice, but he knew better than to push it.
"Good boy," Benton smiled approvingly at his son, and tousled his hair.
Jonny smiled sunnily back. He really liked Daddy. Not as much as Mommy, but close.
Benton took Jonny's plate and finished cleaning the kitchen. Jonny just sat yawning at the kitchen table. They both heard a plane land close by.
"Come on, Son," Benton held out a hand to Jonny. He looked resigned. "They're here."
Jonny sniffed back the beginnings of tears, and just held both arms up beseechingly to his father. He didn't care if he was acting like a baby. Benton smiled again, and obligingly picked up his young son, carrying him down the hall as a knock sounded on the front door.
Jonny tightened his hold around Benton's neck, and buried his face deeper into his shoulder. He didn't want to see this man any sooner than needed.
"Corvin."
Jonny heard his father greet the newcomers shortly. Jonny didn't like his Dad's tone of voice and was glad it wasn't directed at him. He just clung tighter to Benton. He heard the greetings and introductions, but didn't react until Benton said directly to him, "Jonny, I need you to wait with Agent Bannon while I talk to Mr. Corvin."
Jonny panicked. How could his Dad do this too him? He HATED agents, and now Daddy wanted him to stay with one again? Alone?
"NO!" Jonny howled. Didn't Daddy get it? "No Daddy! I don't want to!" Jonny tried to get through to his father. He could take him with him while he talked to Mr. Corvin. He just couldn't make him stay with this stranger, this 'agent'. "Don't go away!" He was sobbing now. "Don't leave meeeee . . . " He clutched tighter to his father, and Benton's arms tightened convulsively around him.
At Benton's hesitation, Jonny held out the hope that he could stay with Daddy, until a strange voice interjected calmly, "Here, I'll take him," and Jonny felt himself being disengaged from his father by a stranger's hands. He panicked again, gripping Benton's neck in a stranglehold.
"It's just for a few minutes, Son," Benton told him firmly.
Jonny didn't care. He fought with everything he had in him to keep from being taken away. But his father (his father!) performed the ultimate betrayal by helping the stranger take him.
"Go on," the stranger, that Jonny had yet to look at, told his Dad. "Leave him to me. We'll be fine." Jonny's struggles doubled at that. He wouldn't be fine. He had enough experience with agents by now to know that. They said one thing, but did another. He continued kicked and squirming and anything else he could think of as he sobbed in complete frustration. He was frantic as the man carried him away from his father.
The man didn't yell at him or hit him as soon as Daddy was gone, like the other agents had, even thought Jonny was hitting and kicking at him. Instead, he just carried him, ignoring all Jonny's efforts to the contrary, into his own room, then deposited him on the armchair in the corner.
As Jonny got his bearings, he could see a red shirt and the back of the man's head, with white hair, looking at his toys. He suddenly wondered if the man was old. Only old people had white hair. He dismissed the thought quickly however, and concentrated on the matter at hand. He had to find Daddy before he went away. Since the man's back was turned, this would be a good time to go. Still sobbing softly, he slid off the chair with another quick look at the man, tried quietly to make for the door.
"Hey, hey! Whoa there, kiddo!" The man turned and quickly grabbed him. "Where're you going?"
Jonny struggled, and lost it again, as the man held him by the shoulders and knelt down to look at him. He met Jonny's gaze calmly. Jonny was surprised that he didn't seem to be angry. But it wouldn't last long. He knew that about agents by now. They were always mad at him for something. It didn't seem to matter what he did.
"I want Daddy!" He wailed in frustration. He didn't even try to behave. Daddy wouldn't be happy about it when he found out, but his behavior never mattered anyway, where agents were concerned.
"Now, what are you worried about?"
The man's voice was nice, but Jonny wasn't buying it. He didn't trust this man, and he needed to get to Daddy before he left.
"D.d..ad..d..y," Jonny stuttered uncontrollably through his tears.
"What about him?"
This man didn't get it, Jonny thought. "He's gone. He's not going to come back." Jonny tried to explain. He couldn't get away from the man, so maybe he could get him to understand why he had to find Daddy quick.
"Now, why would you think that?" the white-haired man asked him, still at Jonny's eye-level.
Jonny looked at the man in surprise. "Be-because Mommy went away and never came ba-back," he tried to explain, through his uncontrollable crying. He could feel his body shaking.
"But you're Dad came back, didn't he?" the man said calmly.
Jonny thought about this. He had come back. Mommy didn't, but Daddy did. He nodded slowly.
"Then don't you think he'll probably come back to you, since he's still in the house?" the agent continued, logically.
Jonny breathed a mental sigh of relief. So Daddy hadn't gone yet. He was still in the house.
The agent continued. "Now, you won't be able to see him until he's done talking to Mr. Corvin, so why don't you pick someplace for us to wait until he's done?" The man stood up, and shifted his grip to Jonny's hand. "Now, where shall we wait?"
Jonny tried briefly to tug away, but could see at once it wouldn't work. So, if he couldn't get away, where to wait that Daddy would be sure to come? He had it! Daddy's bedroom. He'd have to pack clothes before he went away; anyway, that's what he always did, so that's where Jonny would be. Then Daddy would have to take him with him. His mind made up, he made for the door, tugging the agent behind him. To his surprise, the man came willingly. He didn't let go, like Jonny hoped, but he did let Jonny lead.
Jonny determinedly made his way to Benton's bedroom, trying to hurry so that the man holding his hand wouldn't change his mind. Once inside, the sight of the familiar room where Jonny had often visited Mommy and Daddy about did him in. He missed Mommy so much.
Finally and decisively tugging himself free, he flung himself onto the big bed, buried his face into the familiar quilt, and broke down completely. Mommy. He wanted Mommy to come back. And Daddy. Daddy just couldn't leave without him. He could still smell Mommy's scent very faintly. Like flowers.
Slowly, through his sobs, he heard familiar words floating by him. But the tone was wrong. Jonny tried to listen. He suddenly realized it was his favorite story. The one Mommy had always read to him. The one about the lion, Aslan. How did the agent know about it? He began to calm as he listened, letting the familiar words wash over him. He fell asleep, crying lightly, listening to the loved words, and pretending it was the loving voice of his mother.
* * *
Jonny woke up several hours later, shattering a lovely dream about his mother, who was with Aslan the lion, and was waving happily at him. He closed his eyes again trying to get it back, but it was gone. Sighing, he rolled over and got his bearings.
He was still in Daddy's room. He breathed a soft sigh of relief. Then Daddy hadn't gone yet. All his stuff was still here. He hesitated. But Mommy's had been too. Jonny shut that thought down quickly. He'd just go find Daddy.
Throwing off the comforter, and yawning hugely as he clambered off the big bed, he made his way into the hall. Relief coursed through him as he heard the murmur of Daddy's voice from the kitchen. The voice's grew clearer the closer he got to the kitchen. Benton's voice, and the answering, unfamiliar voice . . . maybe not unfamiliar. Jonny recognized it as the voice that read the story to him.
Jonny caught a brief glimpse of a red shirt as he climbed onto his father's lap, rubbing his eyes and yawning. Daddy was talking to the agent. Daddy had never spent much time with the agents before now. He always just went back to work.
"Have a good sleep?" His father asked as he gave Jonny a hug.
"Uh-huh," he responded as he settled contentedly.
Benton smiled and began. "Agent Bannon . . ."
"Race." The other man's voice interjected firmly.
"Race," Benton agreed with a laugh, "suggested that he give you your lessons in a corner of my lab. It's fine with me. Is that all right with you?"
Jonny was beyond surprised. He looked up at his father in amazement as he agreed. "Uh-huh!"
"Thank Agent Ban . . . Race," Benton instructed him with a smile.
Jonny looked over at the new agent for the first time. He did have white hair, but to Jonny's surprise, he wasn't old at all. Well, not that old. He wasn't as old as Grandpa Doug. He was as old as Daddy. But only men Grandpa's age had white hair. Jonny filed that bit of information away for future retrieval, and studied the man more carefully. He had a kind smile on his face as he looked at Jonny. He might be all right. Especially if he let him have lessons in Daddy's lab. Jonny decided that maybe he'd give this man the benefit of the doubt. He'd have to see. "Thank you," he responded at parental urging, with a tentative smile at the man.
* * *
One week later, Jonny was definitely feeling more comfortable with the new agent. He did indeed let him have lessons in Benton's lab. But he didn't let Jonny interrupt him. Race made Jonny wait to go show his father something until Benton was taking a break AND they were taking a break in their lessons. Then he could go over and visit Daddy. But it wasn't so bad, because he could always see him, so Jonny knew Daddy hadn't gone away. And Dad would often look up and meet Jonny's gaze. Jonny wasn't sure how he knew he was looking at him, but he did. Benton would smile, then go back to work. Or sometimes motion to Jonny to pay attention to Race. Jonny didn't like having to have lessons, but Daddy was close by, so it was okay, he guessed.
Jonny also found that Race was a lot like his father in many ways. For instance, he spent time with him, and showed him all kinds of neat stuff, just like Daddy did. And he made him take naps too, much to Jonny's dismay. Tantrums didn't seem to work any better with Race than they did with his Dad, either. And unlike Agents Andrews and O'Hara, who would yell at him, or hit him, Race just ignored him, or put him to bed. But Race was fun too. He knew all kinds of things, and didn't mind Jonny asking questions. He answered them just as patiently as Daddy did. But what Jonny liked best, was that every night, Race made sure that Daddy came to read him a story and put him to bed. And, like Daddy, Race didn't get mad if he woke him up, by a nightmare, or even an accident. Race would just smile, handle what needed to be done, then take him to see his father. Jonny was slowly coming to feel safe again.
A little over a week after Race's arrival, Jonny and Race were in the kitchen. Race was getting ready to prepare dinner, and Jonny had just gotten up from a really long nap. He was disgusted to see how much of the day had been wasted 'cause he'd been sleeping. He was sitting at the table drinking a glass of milk Race had gotten for him.
"Well, what do you want for dinner, kiddo?" Race asked, looking absently through the cupboards.
Jonny thought about it for a moment, then asked tentatively, "Can we have Mommy's spaghetti?" He waited in trepidation. Agent Andrews had always yelled at him when he asked that.
Race turned and looked at him quizzically. Leaning back against the counter, and folding his arms over his chest, he asked, "Your mother's spaghetti? Is that different from regular spaghetti? And you told me that you didn't like spaghetti."
Jonny clarified firmly, "I don't like Agent Andrews spaghetti. I like Mommy's. She said she made it the way her Mommy did."
Race laughed. "A family recipe, huh? Well, lets see if we can find it." He turned back to the counter and the recipe boxes and books. "Let's see . . . In here maybe?" He touched a well used wooden box and looked over at Jonny for confirmation. At Jonny's nod, he brought it back to the table and began to look through it.
"Ah, here it is," Race commented in satisfaction, pulling out a card. Jonny recognized it immediately. The spaghetti sauce stains were unmistakable. "Let's see. . . " Race paused, "Looks like this takes all day. Sorry Jonny, no-can-do tonight."
Jonny's face fell in disappointment.
"Hey, relax kiddo," Race laughed. "We can't make it today, but we sure can tomorrow. We'll start it in the morning, and you can help me. We'll make it your math lesson. How's that?"
Jonny grinned happily, nodding emphatically. He had no idea how making spaghetti and math lessons could be done at the same time, but that was okay.
Race began looking through the recipe box for something to make for dinner that evening, but Jonny wasn't paying attention. He was thinking hard about something that he'd been wondering about for awhile.
"Race?" Jonny began. He wasn't sure how to ask this. He hoped the agent wouldn't get mad.
"Hummm?" was the absent reply.
"How come you know so much about what kids like? I mean, you're not a Daddy, you're an agent, an' agents don't like kids."
Race looked up, grinning, and appeared amused. "What do you mean, 'agents don't like kids'? I happen to know lots of agents who love kids. I'll be sure to introduce you one day."
Jonny remained unconvinced.
Race laughed at Jonny's expression. He continued, "And actually, I am a Dad. I have a daughter a year older than you."
"You do?" Jonny was really surprised. "But how come you don't live with her?"
A sad smile appeared on the tall man's face, and Jonny began to worry that he had said something wrong, and that Race was going to get mad. But he didn't. Instead, he motioned for Jonny to come sit on his lap. Jonny got up and walked around the table, and climbed up.
Once he was settled, Race continued quietly, "She lives with her mother now. Her mother and I are divorced. Do you know what that means?"
At Jonny's puzzled expression and negative shake of his head, Race gave another sad smile and explained. "That means we don't live together anymore."
Jonny thought about this. It was really weird. He couldn't imagine a mom and dad not living together. And Race didn't seem to like it. Jonny had never seen him so sad. So why did he do it, this 'divorce'? "What's your kid's name?" He asked tentatively.
"Jessica. We call her Jessie."
"Do you miss her?"
"Yes, Jonny, I do. Very much."
Jonny leaned back against Race, as he began looking through the recipes again, and thought about this. He suddenly realized that he felt safe with this man. The same way he felt safe with Daddy. And Race was missing someone the same way he and Daddy were missing Mommy. And Daddy seemed to like Race too. He made a sudden decision. "Race?"
"Yes?"
"When you really miss your kid, you can pretend I'm your kid too."
There was a sudden pause, then Race gave him a hug. "Thank you, Jonny. I'll remember that."
Jonny smiled, and thought that Race would be a really good person to have around until Mommy came back. She'd like him too.