!WARNING! if you choose to read on – you will be subjecting yourself to an extreme !silly!fic! and the author will take no responsibility for any damages that may occur.
Disclaimer – I do not, cannot, and shall NEVER own Harry Potter, or any of the characters mentioned in the following story.
Pairings – hey that's a mystery you will just have to find out for yourselves. A slight warning though- there may be some slash but nothing too big, o and yes offcourse there is gonna be loooaaaddss and looooaaddss of mush, slush and sap (what do you expect with a title like that?) as well as some humour (my special brand hope ya like it)
Rating – ERRM this is always the hard part . . .id venture a Pg13
A/N – as always if you read pleaaaasssee review! =) thankee kindly. Oh and don't ask me bout the Alice in Wonderland thing – im crazy, you should know that by now tsk tsk. – and a resounding YES! I feminised Crabbe!!! Woop! And we have Goyle I think he's in Alfa-Male mode. That or he's just a Neanderthal - but that's not such a great achievement is it? =P enjoy.
Thanx 2 – Shadow mouse, jessiCA, Anrion (woop genious lmao - evil genius? Mad Evil Genius? I think that's a little more me =P), Werd, AmZ(who I loooove because she reviews my other story too =D thanx sweetie), puffy_girl and Loki (heh ur sweet *blush*) =D MERRY CHRISTMAS
Special Thanks go to – LvlySenbei my beta – shes hardworking and brillient. Thanks hon. Oh and also to a writer no one here probably knows – the genius, the godess of all fanfic – Hergerbabe. She doesn't write HP fic but she is a mistress of slash. Ne way she inspired my to finish this off so you can thank her (if you like it) or alternately curse the day she was born (if you've gotten this far and ur still complaining =P) though I would rather the former.
Btw - my other fics at the mo. A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words (finished) and Twists of Fate (started). I tend to write angstiness so if you want more sillyness write me a challenge and your wish is my command.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
~Cupid Gone Crazy~
Look! Up in the sky! Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No it's . . . Cupid? . . . wait a sec . . .
"NEVILLE??!?!?!?"
Floating lazily in an updraft, the creature spread its little white wings and giggled – madly. Pudgy and half-naked, he was a sight to behold in white satin boxers with enchanted hearts that giggled along with him. If you didn't notice the malicious glee twinkling in the baby blues or the razor sharp arrows strapped between his wings, you could almost believe that he was just a slightly odd, but surely innocent, winged adolescent (hey, students of Hogwarts here! They're looong desensitised to all things weird and wacky). Besides, it was Neville! He wouldn't hurt a fly, or more importantly all of them – who cared about a fly. (Heh. It's nice to know they're still optimistic but really - don't underestimate the guy with the arrows - bad move.).
. . . and the entire student populace trembled in fear.
Poor Neville was no more.
But Cupid had come to town - and he was ready to play.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
In a flurry of wings, Cupid zoomed off, ricocheting off walls in his excitement (complete with those satisfying Pinging noises). He was an ancient mythological being on a mission. Cupid had come to Hogwarts and he was sick and tired of oblivious teenagers (and teachers – all billowy robes and stern expression. Phh who do they think they are?). It was time they learned their lesson – no one is immune to love – and armed with magical arrows and The Power of the Gods (ok maybe just one god – a little one) he was just the crazed lunatic to teach them.
Turning a corner and suddenly coming to a screeching (silent) halt in midair, a downright evil expression spread across Cupid's angelic features. Prrrrrrfect (Cupid was also the god of happy cats - who'd a thunk it?). Reaching back between his wings, Cupid drew a single golden arrow (classic. And the pink pompoms added that extra touch of class). Reaching down to his satin boxers, Cupid plucked a giggling heart, spearing it on the end of the arrow. Placing the arrow in his matching golden bow, Cupid drew it slowly back, taking aim before letting it fly with a resounding Twangangang. The arrow and heart exploded above the two boys scoffing muffins in the middle of the corridor, showering golden sparks and tiny giggling hearts on their completely oblivious heads.
Poor unsuspecting victims.
MWUAHAHAHAHAHA
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Crabbe and Goyle sat on the cold stone floor surrounded by an assortment of snack foods. Chocolate and chips and cake, oh my! Both boys contentedly stuffed their faces with various items of unwholesome goodness, communicating their happiness with grunts and sloppy chewing noises. Life was grand . . . And then it happened. Life suddenly got that little bit better.
Crabbe blinked rapidly for a moment, trying to clear the little stars spinning before his eyes. Heh. That was strange. Glancing over at his comrade, he noticed for what seemed the first time that Goyle had a beautifully muffin shaped head – cute. Heh. That was strange.
Goyle turned to grin with satisfaction at his partner in crime (Kitchen raiding. It's naughty. Don't do it. Heh. Just kidding) and was hit all at once by a dazzling light. Crabbe's fair hair shone golden in the half-light of the stone corridor, his skin was bright with the radiant glow of happiness, his lips gleaming moist and delicious – tasty, enticing. Tearing his eyes from the temptation of those lips, Goyle gazed into two deep pools of shimmering, luminous blue. Crabbe was staring straight back at him, their eyes locked in a deserted hallway (hmmm). And he was beautiful.
Simultaneously, both boys realised they were staring and looked away uncomfortably. Goyle opened wide and stuffed a whole lamington into his mouth while Crabbe desperately tried to think of something to say into the awkward silence (now its awkward, before it was just silence. Picky, picky). Unfortunately, thinking wasn't really Crabbe's strong suit (you could practically see the little puffs of smoke coming from his ears).
Finally he mumbled, "Euh, Pass the pumpkin juice, Goyle." (Sheer brilliance!)
Hands shaking a little as he scrambled for the juice, Goyle swallowed before handing it over. "Um. Sure, Sweetie." (*sigh* don't you love the Freudian Slip?)
Blinking confusedly for a moment, Crabbe finally smiled before reaching out to take the bottle from Goyle's hand. "Sweets? Oh yeah, sure – some of them too. Thanks."
What the . . . ? Goyle hid his confusion and grabbed a handful of sweets from the pile next to him, handing them to his beloved . . . wait a sec. Beloved? Oh dear gods what was wrong with him? And. Did he just call Crabbe Sweetie?? (Da Nile ain't just a river in Egypt) One moment Crabbe was his best friend, the next he was his "beloved"? Or . . . had it really been that sudden? He admired and respected Crabbe, he was always happy when they were together and . . . didn't really know what he would do without him. Was that love? (Timbeeeerrr! Oh yeah he's fallen big time. Ain't love grand?)
Crabbe looked at Goyle. Just looked. But really looked for the first time. And he liked what he saw. (oooh yeah that brings the clichés to a level far beyond human tolerance. But still. Aww) Physically, Goyle was strong and broad, masculine and powerful. (*sigh*) But when Crabbe looked into his love's eyes all he saw was kindness. Respect. Admiration. Friendship. . . Love? (Everyone hop on! The clue bus has arrived!)
Yes. A love that was there for the world to see, reflected in his own eyes. Chest heaving, Crabbe locked eyes with Goyle, whose gaze travelled down to his lips. His heart skipped a beat as Goyle's lips parted, wondering he would say. (can anyone see a bodice a round here? Ahhh Let the ripping begin.)
"Uh. Crabbe you . . . um . . . have some sugar just . . .there," Goyle said, bringing his hand up to indicate a spot beside his own lips.
Blushing, Crabbe let his tongue flicker out over suddenly dry lips. Fool. Fool. Fool. Reaching his hand up to swipe away the sugar, Crabbe was shocked to find it caught in Goyle's larger, stronger one.
"Here," the deep, rough tone sent shivers up his spine, "Let me get that." And Crabbe melted into a pair of strong arms, safe and beloved. Forever.
(Hercules! Hercules! Hercules!)
Poor us – we've unwittingly stumbled into a bad romance novel.
But hey! I like bad romance novels. *grin*
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
. . A very long time (and 8 ½ serves of chocolate mousse) later . . .
*grunt*
*squeal*
*wet slurping noises*
A happy little sigh echoed through the stone corridor. "Mmmmmm . . . you taste like chocolate."
Twin moans sounded long and loud. "Mmmmmmm . . . Chocolate."
The two boys looked at each other, identical cheeky smiles spreading across their faces. Standing abruptly, Goyle bowed low to his love who was still sitting on the ground and offered his arm. "Mister Crabbe, would you do me the honour of accompanying me to the kitchens?"
Batting his eyelashes coquettishly, Crabbe threaded his arm through Goyle's and rested his head on the taller boy's shoulder. "Always," He vowed with a soft smile.
Awwwww *sniff* how sweet.
. . . . . . . .?
What? I'm not that insensitive.
Well . . . ok . . . *sigh* Poor lovesick fools. (There. Happy?) . . . Or maybe it should be –
Poor kitchen elves.
Chocoholics in love are a force to be reckoned with.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The torches fixed to the walls guttered then leapt, spewing sparks and making light and shadow dance wildly on the walls.
"Two down. So little time, so much to do. Lets get this party started!"
The sound of malicious giggles filled the corridor, slowly dissipating as the beat of wings faded into the distance.
Poor Snape. Poor McGonagal. Poor innocent students.
They had no idea. *sigh*.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
ahhh that was fun. Oh this is TBC with our next lucky couple . . you cant get rid of me that easily.
A/N – ok I *do not* have a thing for Crabbe, Goyle or Crabbe/Goyle. This pairing just kinda struck me here. Also the characters aren't really that developed in the books, so there's a lot of room to work with them.
Tune in next week boys and girls, same wacky time, same wacky network for . . . "Cupid Gone Crazy!"
*cue theme song* Next Time - Snape. McGonagal. Snape and McGonagal. Destiny? Joke? Some fabulous mixture of the two? You decide.
!!!!!