A/N: Thanks to hrlo and Lady Bug for the Rory details. (Although I still can't believe she hasn't started her SATs or Subject tests yet- I guess being fictional you can take all 4 tests at the last moment.) My beta reader failed to point this grade thing out to me (But I'll forgive her) so when I asked her again, she said she didn't take her SATs until October senior year and her PSATs in junior year. Apparently, I was the only one of my friends who started taking both tests early…I even found my score reports to double check, since I also took 3 Subject Tests as well.. So Rory better get cracking! Anyhow, I'll go back and change it, but it shouldn't really make a huge difference because Rory's only showing up in phone conversations for like, the next ten chapters. (And in our high school, every grade had a president, vice-president, treasurer, etc and new elections were held every year. And every year, I ignored them.)
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Chapter 4
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"I feel so stupid!" Lorelai practically shouted when Sookie opened her door.
Sookie stood back and let Lorelai in. "Care to tell me why?"
"The Luke thing!" Lorelai explained.
Sookie gave a knowing nod. "Ah, of course. Should have figured it had something to do with Luke."
Lorelai made a frustrated noise. "I just spent an hour walking around in a circle because your car wasn't in the driveway the first six times I passed your house, so now my feet hurt and I like Luke," she said, squeezing in the part about Luke very quickly.
Sookie didn't miss it and clapped her hands excitedly. "You figured it out! Tell me about it, tell me all about it. Act it out if you must!"
Lorelai shook her head. "It wasn't a big scene. It wasn't a scene at all. I was at the diner, and I was watching him put boxes away, and I've seen him do that hundreds of times, but this time it was different. I was checking him out! And then it made me think of the time he let me help him put stuff away, and then I had this picture in my mind of us putting groceries away back at my house..."
Sookie interrupted her. "Groceries?"
Lorelai stopped her pacing. "It was a fantasy."
"Gotcha."
"And then I realized, everyone was right! I do like Luke. You all kept saying it, but I didn't know, I really didn't. And there weren't any little subtle hints either, it's not like I would walk into the diner and go 'hmm, Luke looks hot today.'" Lorelai was pacing frantically around her living room, while Sookie sat on the couch and watched at her, looking for all the world like she was watching Venus and Serena go at it.
"It's like there was this tiny little switch in my brain that shut down any part of it that would even remotely consider Luke to be a possibility. And I think that switch ran on Luke's Coffee, it used it like gasoline to keep the switch on. Then with that stupid fight, and the subsequent NOT going to Luke's and inability to procure enough Luke-coffee, the switch broke and all of a sudden, I'm thinking of Luke in everyway I shouldn't be. I'm thinking of Luke in his blue flannel, because that's the one that brings out his eyes, I'm thinking of Luke talking with that Chilton mom and I'm getting angry and jealous over it still, even though there was nothing going on. I'm thinking of Luke in the diner, getting hot and sweaty cooking my burger, so he takes his shirt off to wipe the sweat from his brow and finishes cooking my burger bare-chested."
Lorelai paused, as if mentioning this made her think about it all over again. She shook her head to clear it, and picked up her rant where she left off. "Okay, so I know that never happened but I'm allowed to have fantasies, right? Oh! Remember my engagement party? The happiest moment was when I saw Luke walk up. The best part of my engagement party was when he shows up! Don't you think I should have realized right there that something was going on with me and my feelings for Luke, when my fiancé talking and dancing with me fails to make me as happy as when the Diner Man decides to grace us with his presence? Aaargh!! I am so stupid!" She kicked the couch in frustration, and whimpered when her toe began to throb.
With a dramatic flourish, she threw herself on the couch next to Sookie and sprawled bonelessly against the arm. "I'm so stupid, they shouldn't allow me to live anymore, that horrible Weakest Link woman should show up on my doorstep and insult me and then drag me off to my execution. And everyone can point and laugh and say, 'We knew all along!' Then I'll be killed and a month after my death, Luke'll be pouring coffee and fixing things for the Chilton lady, and they'll put the chuppa over my grave and turn it into an annual Stars Hollow festival. Miss Patty will tell stories about Poor Lorelai, who couldn't see what was right in front of her until it was too late. Because it is too late, and even if they don't haul me off to my execution it's too late." She slumped forward and put her head between her hands.
Sookie tried to think of something comforting to say, but apparently Lorelai's rant wasn't over yet. "Everything between Luke and I is ruined, it's not gone but it's nowhere near the levels of greatness that it used to be, just like the last season of Buffy. I don't want to be the last season of Buffy! I want to be the Friends episode where Ross tells Rachel she never should have told him she had feelings for him and they yell, but at the end they kiss in the coffee shop while the rain pours down!"
"Lorelai, breathe!" Sookie commanded. Lorelai began breathing rapidly, sucking in great gulps of air. "Not so fast!" Sookie amended. "We don't want you hyperventilating."
"Oh, because that would be the worst thing that could happen."
"Okay, I understand you're in a bad place right now, so I'll
overlook the unwarranted sarcasm."
"Sorry, Sookie. Mr. Sarcasm got out of his cage, and he's quite the wily beast. Gonna have to call the Croc Hunter guy in to round him up. Hey, does Jackson know you had a crush on him? Because I think there's a sale on khaki shorts going on. You guys can have a fun role-playing night."
Sookie's face was red. "I didn't have a crush on him!"
"Please, Sookie. You put his voice on your answering machine."
"Because it was funny. 'Crikey, looks like she got away!' See? Because I wasn't home. Ha." Sookie gave up. "Okay, he was kind of hot. But we have way more important things to deal with now." Sookie giggled. "This is sooo good."
"What could it possibly be?"
"It's raining!" Her statement was accompanied with some giggling and excited pointing toward the window, where outside Lorelai could see that it was indeed raining.
"Oh, yes, raining. Yay, water. What's your point?"
"You don't have to be the last season of Buffy! You have the perfect chance at this very moment to be that episode of Friends! It's a sign!"
"I don't know, Sookie. What if I run in there and he yells at me for getting water on the floor and kicks me out, or worse, just refuses to talk to me. What if he doesn't like me anymore?"
"Of course he likes you, silly! He more than likes you, he loves you, it's right…"
"There in his eyes," Lorelai finished the sentence for her. "I know, you've said that before, but what if you're wrong, Sookie? Can you imagine the horrendous scene that would unfold if you were wrong? 'Hey, Luke, guess what, I kinda like you, maybe I love you, I don't know, you wanna see where it goes?'" Lorelai grabbed one of Jackson's hats that was lying around and put it on her head. "'Whoa, Lorelai, what are you talking about? I don't like you like that. What got into you? I told you to stop drinking so much coffee. I have to go now, things to do, flannel shirts to buy.'"
Lorelai took the hat off and threw it haphazardly on the couch. "It's not like I can take his eyes home with me and give them a thorough examining, make a conclusion, and then give them back to him."
"That would be neat, though. And very helpful. But trust me, honey, the entire town can't be wrong on this."
"You want me to blindly trust a bunch of people who can't even remember to bring matches to a bonfire every year?"
"He built you a chuppa. He didn't want you to marry Max, but he still built you a chuppa. That's love."
"Oh god, Sookie, you're getting that daytime soap opera romance look on your face. Next you'll be telling me Luke's my long lost cousin and that he's pregnant with my evil twin who takes over and pretends to be me because I was conveniently hit by a car and got brain damage and amnesia."
Sookie held up her hands in frustration. "Lorelai, just go. Even if you chicken out, and don't say anything to him, you can at least just pretend like you were there for some coffee and nothing else. He'll buy that, he knows all about you and your scandalous love affair with Mr. Bean." Sookie flushed. "Not Mr. Bean the funny looking English guy, but the coffee bean!"
"That could work."
"Great, it's settled." Sookie dashed over to the closet and fished around for something. "Here!" she said, shoving an umbrella into Lorelai's hand. "Now get the hell out there and do what you want to do."
Lorelai couldn't remember actually taking the umbrella, or leaving Sookie's house, but somehow she was standing on the sidewalk, facing the general direction of the diner. She turned back to the house, and Sookie was on the porch, protected from the rain. She waved and gave Lorelai two thumbs up. Lorelai rolled her eyes and began walking toward the diner. Toward Luke. Toward what could possibly- and most likely be- the most humiliating event of her life. The only thing that could make it any harder was if Emily showed up to inform her that a lady did not traipse about in the rain attempting to begin romantic liaisons with diner owners.
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The rain had kept people off the streets; sane, normal people didn't walk in torrential downpours. Lorelai, however, had never been classified into that group. She hovered in the doorway of the diner, watching Luke sweep the floors in the semi-darkness. When she tried the door, she found it locked. She decided it was an omen, and she should turn away and give up. But Luke had heard the door being pulled on, and looked up. Lorelai could see the questions in his eyes, the inner debate going on his head evident on his face. Should he let her in, or should he let her stand out in the rain and hope she'd take a hint and go away.
But Luke was Luke, and he couldn't have left her standing in the rain no matter the circumstances. He crossed over to the door in three quick strides- why had it taken her so long to notice just how large he was? He turned the lock and opened the door.
"Hi," was the only thing Lorelai could think of to say.
"Hi," was the only thing Luke could think of to reply.
They stood there, both trying to read the other, both feeling like the other was in a foreign language, and without any of those handy subtitles.
Finally, Luke broke the silence. "We don't have any coffee."
Lorelai chickened out. "Yeah, that's what I came here for. Coffee. Darn. None. I'll just be going now." Wuss! She screamed at herself. She turned on her heel, made a decision, and then turned on it again. Luke had also started to turn away. She reached out a cold, wet hand and grasped his forearm. He looked at her, and she looked in his eyes.
And it was right there. In a rare moment, Lorelai could think of absolutely nothing to say. She took a step closer to him, and the decrease in distance increased her boldness. Her other hand found its way to his shoulder, and she stood on her tiptoes. Her face was only inches from his when she whispered, "I'm not here for coffee."
She felt the tremor that passed through Luke in her hand, and that was the only warning she had to the sudden and swift movement she next experienced, like a rumble before the earthquake. The earth had moved and somehow, she was in his arms, and his fingers were sliding through her wet hair, cradling her head as he pressed his lips to hers. She kissed him back, the feelings swirling around in her stomach and the dizziness in her head making her forget the door to the diner was still open, forget that the rain was blowing in, spraying them both with cold droplets that did nothing to lower the heat between them.
Being held by him made her feel tiny, and he lifted her up as though her weight was insignificant. She wrapped her legs around his waist and deepened the kiss, sliding her tongue into his mouth as her hands tangled in his hair, the baseball cap falling unnoticed to the floor. His hands had left her head and found new places they wanted to be, feeling her back and her bottom through the wet layers of clothing she had on. It was electrifying, filling her with both a passionate heat and a tender warmth, even though her skin was cold from the rain.
She felt dizzier and realized Luke had taken a few steps forward, kicking the door shut before he pushed her against it. Resting most of her weight against the glass, his hands could explore even further, and his warm touch was a shock to her cold skin as he slid them under her shirt. His hands danced along her stomach and her lower back, and she urged him higher by making the next kiss even more ardent than the last. When his hand cupped her breast, she moaned, breaking her mouth away and instinctively thrusting her hips against his.
"Lorelai," he moaned. Lorelai reached for his flannel and…
Stepped right into a giant puddle of water.
"Damn it!" she cursed, her boot filling with cold ickiness. Her imagination had taken over during her walk and she hadn't even realized she was daydreaming. She didn't even remember looking for cars before crossing the streets. "Wonderful," she muttered, as she continued to the diner, "I have naughty daydreams of Luke which lead to my untimely demise as I'm hit by a car."
She was somewhat irate that it had all been her wandering mind, and not the real thing. It had gone so well, too well in fact. Which meant that the real thing would go horribly. That was how the world worked.
When she reached the diner, she paused on the steps, debating whether to go in. The sign was flipped to the 'closed' side and the lights in the main room were off. She moved closer, making out a light from the kitchen area. Then she saw him, wiping the grill. Her heart was beating way too fast and her hands were shaky. Maybe this was what normal people felt when they overdosed on caffeine.
This was a stupid idea. How did she ever let Sookie convince her it wasn't? Lorelai took a deep breath and made a deal with herself. If Luke's door was unlocked, she'd go in; but if it was locked, she'd turn around and go home.
Damn. It gave under her push, and she stepped quietly inside the diner. Unfortunately, the little bell above the door tinkled with her entrance, and the sound was nearly deafening as it bounced around the empty diner.
Maybe Luke hadn't heard it, she hoped. She knew she couldn't do this. This kind of thing was just supposed to happen, that's the way it went in all the books and movies, and she had no training in openly admitting her feelings. She and Luke were supposed to get stuck in an elevator, or find themselves in a ridiculous situation where they pretended to be a couple, or get drunk and admit their feelings; that's the way it always seemed to go in fiction. Lorelai decided that real life sucked.
Luke turned around to see who had come in so late. He honestly could not tell if he was surprised to see it was Lorelai. She had always confused him, and now more so than ever. He squashed the little surge of hope in his chest; she was probably just here for coffee.
"There's no coffee." Now she could just go away and leave him to the world of fun that was grill-cleaning.
Lorelai's mind was trying to decide which route to take. She could chicken out and leave, or she could get this horrible secret off her chest. "No coffee," she finally replied. Then she realized she made no sense. "Not here for coffee, I am. I mean, I'm not here for coffee." Way to make a sentence. Her brain was totally fired. From now on she'd let her nose make the decisions.
The silence grew. And grew. Martha Stewart could have knitted a sock in the passing time, complete with ribbing and bows and those stupid little tassles.
"Well," Luke finally said, gruffer than usual. It was partly a prompt for her, partly the beginnings of a sarcastic statement by him, and partly something to say because the silence was driving him crazy.
He watched her as her face made numerous expressions, all of them failing to manifest in actual spoken words. "Look, if you've got something to say, say it, but if not I'm going back to scraping the grease that accumulated off the grill, because contrary to what you believe, extra grease does not make food taste better."
Her lip trembled. He instantly hated himself. She was going to cry and it was his fault. He took a step closer to her, then paused mid-stride when he remembered two things: he was supposed to be mad at her, and he had no idea how to comfort her. So he just stood, and looked at her, then the floor, then the ceiling, and back at her. He continued this process of looking, occasionally adding in a glance at his feet or the wall, while she continued to have her own inner debate.
Luke realized the worst part about being mad at her was that he still wanted her. His heart and his body, of course, wanted nothing more than to accept her apology and just be near her without having to put his guard up. But his brain just wouldn't allow it. His brain kept screaming at his stupid heart and stupid body that this was for their own good, because she'd end up hurting him one way or another, by being with someone else or by rejecting him. That one day, they'd thank his brain for this.
Lorelai, in the meantime, was getting nowhere closer to what she'd come to say. She should scrub the mission and call it a failure instead of just standing there avoiding eye contact with Luke all night. But then where would she be? Right back at square one, where square one was avoiding the diner and Luke altogether. She'd be just as miserable, only now she'd be miserable every day for the rest of her life. And hungry. Square one sucked. This made a little piece of her give in, and even though she couldn't tell Luke how she felt completely, she could give him a clue.
Luke had been on the floor part of his staring routine when there was a blur in front of him, then arms around his neck. Startled, he realized that what he'd initially thought was an attacking bear was just Lorelai hugging him. Lorelai was hugging him. Hugging. With arms. Her hair smelled like apples. He finally managed to get his own arms working, and hugged her back. He liked the way her head fit right under his chin. He liked the way her arms wrapped around his waist and her hands clutched his flannel.
Lorelai said something, and though it was muffled from her face being pressed against his chest, it sounded to him like, "I miss you." And then she was gone, the bell tinkling after her, and if it wasn't for the rain water now soaking the front of his shirt and the scent of apples lingering in his nose, he would have thought he'd imagined the whole thing.
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end Ch. 4
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