Chapter 9

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Forty minutes later, Lorelai was already falling asleep again. Luke had let her take her painkillers after finishing the pie, but he still had to close up the diner before he could take her home.

"Do you do this every night?"

"You mean, clean? Yes, I clean every night."

"But it's so long and boring. And a waste of time. It's just going to get dirty again tomorrow."

"The health inspector doesn't agree with you."

"Yeah, well, screw him."

"He's fifty-eight and forty pounds overweight; I'll pass."

"Yeah. You got standards, after all." Lorelai wrinkled her nose. "What is that horrific smell? And that weird black thing it seems to be coming from."

"Sulfur. And the weird black thing is a grill brick, to scrape the grill clean. It's a volcanic rock, it's got tiny spicules in it that are good for scraping metal clean because they're tough, but not hard enough to scratch the grill and damage it."

"Thanks for the lecture, Mr. Wizard."

"Just trying to keep you from falling asleep."

"Here's a tip: don't lecture me on rocks." Lorelai took the last sip of her beloved coffee, which she'd been hoarding since Luke turned off and cleaned the coffee machine twenty minutes ago. She pushed the mug aside and folded her arms on the counter, pillowing her head against them. "I didn't realize it takes this long after closing to finish."

"Why do you think I'm always kicking you and Rory out? I got things to do."

"I just thought you were unsocial."

"That too." He tossed the grill brick in the trash.

"Yay! All done?"

"Almost. The trash and the grease bucket need to be taken out."

"Grease bucket?"

"Yes, the bucket that transports the daily grease drippings from under the grill to the grease trap out back."

"Oh, so it's not the nickname of some guy you're gonna murder."

"What?"

"Never mind. It's the drugs talking."

"Fine. I'm going out back now, so don't do anything stupid."

"I never do."

Luke grabbed the trash bag in one hand and the grease bucket in the other. When he was out of earshot, he mumbled, "You almost married Max." He dumped the trash and grease, then went back in the diner, only to find her sleeping with her head on her arms.

He quickly went upstairs and changed his shirts, and remembered to grab his toothbrush. Lorelai was still sleeping when he returned, so for the third time that day he picked her up and carried her out of the diner. She woke up when he put her in the truck.

"Hey, how'd I get here?" she groggily asked.

"Magic," Luke replied, then closed the door and locked up the diner.

He got in his truck and started the engine. "Such a nice night," Lorelai commented, her voice dreamy. "Can we walk?"

"I can. You can't. Thus, truck."

"Okay," she conceded, and scooted over on the seat. She rested her head on his shoulder and fell back asleep. Luke thought it might be a good idea to write the makers of Percocet a thank you letter.

The drive to her house took only three minutes, even though Luke tried to make it last by driving at twenty-five miles an hour. She looked so peaceful that he picked her up and carried her to the door instead of waking her. If he wasn't careful, it could turn into a habit.

When he reached the door, he realized he didn't have a key, and he'd personally ensured that the locks on the doors couldn't be easily picked. "Lorelai?"

"Hmm?" She kept her eyes closed, but wrapped her good arm around his neck.

"The key?" he inquired.

"Hmm?" God, now her fingers were sliding up his neck and playing with the hair sticking out from his hat. His arms got shaky. Did she want him to drop her?

"Stop it. Where's your house key?"

"Purse."

Luke didn't have her purse, and she didn't have her purse, so he surmised it was back at the diner. Great. "Do you have a spare key?"

"In the turtle. Not the frog." She used the hand on the back of his neck as leverage to pull herself up, and ran her tongue along his collarbone, up his throat, and to his ear. She gave his lobe a quick nibble and whispered, "Ribbit."

"Jesus, Lorelai," Luke groaned, and quickly set her down before he did drop her. He propped her against the door, and she wrapped her arms around his waist. He wanted to kiss her so badly, and knew that the only thing stopping him this time was the inappropriateness of the situation.

He did hold onto her longer than necessary, however, after making sure she could stand on her own. "Stay," he ordered, then quickly found the ceramic turtle and pulled out the spare key. Lorelai's body was blocking the lock when he returned. He hooked an arm around her waist and pulled her off the door. Her body pressed against his. With trembling hands and extreme concentration he managed to stick the key in the lock and open the door.

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Luke had spent the night in sheets that smelled like Lorelai, which meant he'd hardly gotten any sleep at all. In retrospect, sleeping on the couch would have been more comfortable. He did manage to catch a few hours, until Lorelai's clock blared pig noises at five-thirty, waking him from a particularly nice dream featuring the owner of the bed he was sleeping in. He was already beginning to forget the details, but the most important detail, the utter lack of clothing, was still with him.

With a groan, he summoned the energy to get up and pushed the thoughts of Naked Lorelai to the back of his mind. He still had to get back to his place, take a shower, open the diner, and make sure Jess went to school; all of which left him no time to daydream. With great resolve, he got up from the warm bed and found the bathroom.

He gave up on finding breakfast in Lorelai's kitchen and decided to eat when he got to the diner. He knocked on the door to Rory's room apprehensively, knowing Lorelai wouldn't want to be woken up at this hour. The question of whether or not she would remember the licking incident last night had yet to be answered. It might be a little awkward if she did.

"Lorelai?" He opened the door slowly and stuck his head in. She was sleeping, curled into a little ball under the covers. "Lorelai?" he tried again. He went over to the bed and shook her.

"Go away, Rory," she mumbled. Luke realized that was the first time, and most likely last, he'd been mistaken for a sixteen year old girl.

"Come on, Lorelai, wake up. You can go back to sleep in a few minutes." Lorelai responded by sticking her head under the pillows.

Luke grabbed the pillow and pulled it away from her, then yanked the covers off. She was still wearing her clothes from last night, since she'd been too tired and out of it to change and Luke sure as hell wasn't going to do it for her. She moaned loudly at the loss of the blankets and groggily sat up.

"What are you doing here?"

"Making sure you don't stick forks in the toaster, remember?"

"Why would I do that?"

"Because you were heavily medicated."

"Oh. Right. I thought that was all some kind of dream."

"I have to go open the diner. Taylor's probably there already, planning his speech on opening businesses on time at the next town meeting."

"Just throw French fries at him."

"You gonna be okay here? I'll call Sookie to check on you later."

"I think I can manage."

"Does the arm hurt?"

"Not too much."

"And the head?"

"About the same as the arm."

He remembered what Dr. Cox had said about head trauma. "Is your sight blurry?" He waved his hand in front of her face. "Can you follow my hand? Are you dizzy?"

"I will be if you don't get your hand out of my face."

Luke concluded that she was fine. "Do you uh, remember what happened last night? On the porch?"

Lorelai thought back and frowned. "I remember being in your truck. That's the last thing."

Luke didn't know to be disappointed or relived. "Okay."

"Why, what happened at the porch? Did I pull a drunken, slutty sorority girl move on you?

"No! Uh, no," he answered slightly more calmly. "We just discovered that the porch rail was loose. Again. So uh, I said I'd come by and fix it. For you. Later."

"Thanks. The house has been falling apart since we got in that fight. And I ran out of water in the cooler."

"I'll change it when I fix the porch. Call me if you need anything."

"Anything?" There was a mischievous glint in her otherwise sleepy eyes.

He handed her the pillow, then threw the covers back over her. "Almost anything. Use common sense."

"I don't have common sense. I have special, unique sense."

"It's way too early for this. Sleep. I'll be back to check on you around lunchtime."

"Goodnight," Lorelai said, and fell right back asleep. Luke wondered how she did it. He left the house, and on the way to his truck, gave the railing a solid kick.

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Lorelai was woken again at a slightly more decent hour when the phone rang.

"Hey, it's me. How're you doing?" Luke asked when she answered. Lorelai liked all the attention his guilt was bringing.

"Fine. How you doing?" she said, imitating Joey on Friends.

"You hitting on me?"

"Maybe. Depends on what you're wearing."

"Flannel."

"Then no." She sat up and groaned.

"What?"

"I just woke up, and my arm is itchy, and I can't scratch it because of the stupid cast. And now it's going to bother me all day until I get so crazy I start to gnaw it off."

"Try to resist the temptation. I called Sookie and she's on her way over there now, so you can at least be distracted by food."

"My day is suddenly brighter." There was a knock at her door. "Ooh, looks like Sookie's here already. Food now. Talk later."

"Bye," Luke said, and hung up.

Lorelai went to the door, but it turned out to be Babette, not Sookie. "Hey, what brings you by?"

"You can't expect Luke's truck to stay outside your house all night and not have inquiries made, doll," Babette explained.

Lorelai rolled her eyes. "It was doctor's orders."

"A prescription of hot loving?" Babette winked.

"Ugh, not like that. We slept in different rooms; go back home and call Patty with the disappointing news."

"So you're disappointed that you slept in different rooms," Babette manipulated Lorelai's words with the skill of someone who only heard what they wanted to hear.

"Yes. I'm completely heartbroken; I'm going to go cry my eyes out now and eat lots of ice cream."

Babette wished her well and went back to her own house. Lorelai closed the door and realized she still had an important phone call to make, one that putting off until later would only make worse. With a resigned sigh, she picked up the phone and dialed. Emily answered.

Lorelai decided to dive right into it. "Hey, Mom, guess what?"

"Lorelai, I do not have the time these little games of yours require. Just tell me."

"I broke my arm!"

"You say that like it's a good thing."

"It is. Well, no it's not, but it's a good thing that I'm calling you right away to tell you I broke it."

"I suppose."

"Oh, admit it, you're happy I called."

"Lorelai."

"Come on say it, I know you're dying to."

"Lorelai."

"Say it, Mom. Say, 'I'm glad you broke your arm, Lorelai, and remembered to tell us about it.'"

"You're very peculiar, you know that?"

"That was Mike Wallace's headline way back in '82, Mom."

"I hope you're still coming to dinner on Friday."

"Wouldn't miss it for all the opium in China. Hey, you wouldn't by any chance happen to have all the opium in China, would you? Cause my arm hurts."

"Were you planning on telling me how you broke it, or am I supposed to guess this as well?"

"I was going to tell you, but now I'm intrigued as to what your guesses would be."

"Knowing you, it probably involved some sort of bull-riding contest, or another equally ridiculous situation."

"When have I ever ridden a bull?"

"You do own cowboy boots."

"Madonna owns cowboy boots. It was fashionable at the time."

"Are you going to tell me how it happened, or not?"

"Oh. Uh, long story short, I fell down my porch stairs."

"I'd like to know the long part, too."

"It's not like there's gonna be a test on this, Mom." Lorelai did not want to get into the Luke-specifics of the event. It was bad enough Emily already thought they had some sort of clandestine relationship.

"When my daughter tells me she's fallen down a flight of stairs, I would like to know the circumstances leading up to the event."

"It wasn't a flight, there's only three."

"How, Lorelai?"

Lorelai grudgingly explained it.

There was a pause after she'd finished, then Emily said, "Well, I was right, it was some ridiculous situation." Lorelai waited for the questions, and wasn't disappointed. "Luke the Diner Man left you a new coffeemaker. Was it some sort of engagement token? Lord knows you wouldn't tell me until three days before the wedding. Most girls get rings but for you, a coffeemaker seems appropriate."

"No, Mom, Luke and I are just friends. A friend who happened to break my old coffeemaker."

Emily felt inspiration strike. "I have a wonderful idea, Lorelai."

"Oh, no. You have that tone in your voice."

"I feel like I should know this man better, after all, he spends so much time around my girls."

Lorelai ignored Emily and kept right on talking. "That eureka tone, which indicates you think that the idea you just thought of is right up there with the other Great Ideas in History, like when Martin Luther had the inspiration to do a little hammering."

"I know you insist he's just a friend, but you can bring a friend, especially since Rory's not here. We do enjoy company."

"Or when Gandhi decided, 'Hey, you know, I'm not really that hungry.'"

"What? Why are you talking about Gandhi?"

"Um, because he's coming to dinner?"

"Luke is."

"No, Gandhi."

"You're confusing me, Lorelai."

"Welcome to my world." Lorelai sighed. There was no way in heaven, hell, or any other theoretical plane of existence that she was bringing Luke to Friday night dinner. "He only eats healthy food."

"I'm sure Chef can accommodate him."

Lorelai tried another angle. "Mom, he runs a diner. Friday night is a busy night, he can't just toss it off to come to Hartford."

"Oh, I'm sure he can take a night off to meet his future in-laws."

"Luke and I are NOT getting married."

"I'll wager you anything of your choosing that by the time Rory graduates from high school, you two will be engaged or married."

"You are completely whacked out of your gourd. Not to mention obsessed. And you seem to have a gambling problem."

"I notice you aren't accepting that bet. Afraid you'll lose?"

"I'm not taking the bet and I'm not taking Luke to dinner."

"Lorelai," Emily began, and Lorelai knew that her mother had a card hidden up her expensive sleeve.

"Yes?"

"Answer me this. How do you expect to drive to Hartford with one arm and on pain killers? You would be endangering your life and I refuse to allow you to do it."

There was a knock on the door, and this time it proved to be Sookie. Lorelai gestured for her to come in.

"Fine," Lorelai huffed, "I'll ask him. But he'll say no, I can tell you that already."

Emily smirked. "Care to bet on that?"

"No. I'm calling Gambler's Anonymous on my cell phone as we speak." Lorelai pointed to the phone and mouthed 'Emily.' Sookie nodded, then pointed to the kitchen and mouthed, 'food.' Lorelai gave her an excited thumbs up, then returned to the very disturbing conversation she was having with her mother.

"I don't see what the big deal is, Lorelai. Your father has some business thing to do, which means it's just you and I if no one comes with you."

Lorelai gulped. "Sounds cozy," she managed to get out.

"Yes, doesn't it?" Emily responded with the saccharine patronizing of someone who knew they had victory in sight. "Of course," Emily continued, "if it will be just you, then you can't possibly drive out here alone, high and with only one good arm. But I can always drive down there. Oh, here's an idea, we could go eat at Luke's place. You and Rory are always raving about it."

"Or I could O.D. on my pain pills and none of this would have to happen," Lorelai cheerfully commented. That option was starting to look pretty good.

"Just ask him, Lorelai. There's no harm in asking."

"Ugh. Fine. Bye, Mom."

Lorelai walked into the kitchen and dejectedly sat at the table.

"Sookie, the word 'smug' is not even remotely adequate to describe her."

"So let's make a new word! I love making new words." Sookie's excitement showed through in her frenzied egg-beating.

"Hey, watch the omelet."

"Sorry, honey." Sookie finished beating the eggs at a normal rate.

"I can't believe she wants Luke to come to dinner. Do you think maybe she's on some kind of medication? When did she start jonesing on Luke?"

"Jealous?"

"Please."

"She does have a point though. You shouldn't be driving on medication, it's dangerous. What if a deer jumps out into the road and you can't swerve in time and BAM! Bye, bye Bambi!"

 "I have an idea! Why don't you come with me Friday? That way you can drive and I don't have to be subjected to whatever crazy scheme Emily's cooked up."

"I would, sweetie, but unless Emily's planning on hosting Jackson's birthday dinner, I can't."

"Damn that man for being born! Couldn't he have stayed in the womb just one extra day? And hey, birthday party that I haven't been invited to? What's that?"

"Birthday dinner, as in a meal cooked for two people, consisting of Jackson and myself, because Jackson flat out refuses to have a party."

"Who doesn't love a party? Can we throw him one on Saturday, so we can have a party?"

"But July 4th is in two days, that's not a big enough birthday party for you?"

"Wow. I completely forgot. Fireworks and apple pie, I'm excited already." Sookie put Lorelai's omelet in front of her. "Ooh! I'm even more excited."

Sookie sat across the table from Lorelai and rested her chin in her hands. "So, tell me, what's the situation on the Luke front?"

"All quiet."

"No! You're chickening out?"

"I'm not chickening out, chickens aren't quiet, duh, everyone knows that." Lorelai stuffed more of the omelet in her mouth so she wouldn't have to answer another question.

"Come on! All the T.V. shows are on reruns, I've got to find entertainment somewhere."

"Maybe that's why she wants me to bring Luke to dinner. Diagnosis Murder is all repeats, and it's just no fun when you already know who the killer is."

"I don't think Diagnosis Murder is still on." Sookie switched the subject. "So does Luke snore?"

"I don't know, Sookie, he wasn't within earshot."

"But he said he slept in your bed."

"And I slept in Rory's."

Sookie frowned. "That story just got a lot less interesting."

"Hey let's pick a more interesting story, then. Like, oh….how'd Michel take the news of my injury? Did he have fun with the Swedish businessmen all by himself?"

"Oh, it was quite the amusing medley of accents."

"Were any of the Swedish businessmen also chefs?"

"Sadly, no."

"Well then I'm not sad I missed it. Although I'll bet Michel cursing me was probably entertaining."

"Oh, it was."

"Did it go something like this?" Lorelai cleared her throat and did her Michel impersonation. "'Damn that crazy woman. You would think she'd have learned the proper way to walk by now. But no, it is just one catastrophe after another. She should do both of us a favor and stand in front of a bus and get it over with.'"

"Wow, it's like I'm there all over again." Sookie picked up Lorelai's dirty dish and headed to the sink. The one good thing about breaking an arm was that other people did the things you hated to do for you.

"I can't believe I forgot about July 4th. It's gonna be so weird without Rory there. Who will I make jokes about Taylor to?"

"Oh, here's a thought….LUKE?"

Lorelai shook her head. "Sookie, I can't ruin it now. You should have seen us last night, getting along and having fun, and he actually shared pie with me, Sookie. Pie! That's like me eating tofu."

"But it's perfect timing. You can share a blanket and lie back and watch the fireworks, and make some fireworks of your own." Sookie did a little hip shaking, just in case Lorelai wasn't quite getting the meaning.

But of course, she did get it. "I just don't think now is the right time."

"Fine. But when he finds some health-food conscious, green-tea drinking, eco-friendly woman at a Greenpeace meeting and they get married, don't say I didn't warn you."

"Luke doesn't meet anybody, he never leaves the diner." But Lorelai couldn't shake the uneasy feeling Sookie's comment had created. If she was honest with herself, she'd been jealous of both Rachel and Ava, the Chilton Booster Club woman, and that had been before she even realized she liked Luke. How much worse would it feel if what Sookie said did happen?

Lorelai tried to push the thought from her mind. "He's not even in Greenpeace," she mumbled. "I think."

-end ch. 9-

Hey hey hey! (I've got Fat Albert on the brain.) Reviews are always good, b/c they help me figure out what you like and what you don't like. I, for instance, like cheese. But I don't like oranges. All that pulp, blech. Hey, give me a break it's 5 am.

(Another note: sorry I haven't been as prolific as before. I've started on a Wolverine fic and it's diverted my attention. Bad Wolverine! Bad! He's gonna get such a spanking!)