Chapter Eight: Kivoc of Earth and the Love of a Friend
From Mel's diary, three days later (Monday):
Before I explain the thoughts that raced through my mind, the thoughts that I knew were going to change my life forever, I must first get this point across: Dib was sensitive to his Falish ancestry, and even ashamed of it, no matter how foolish he knew it was. I cannot properly convey the difficulty this posed for me, and still poses for the future. And, indeed, a Kivoc is something that could not possibly help the situation.
Dib now insists that he doesn't mind it, but I know he's lying. It's affected him deeply, and I feel pity, but that's for another time. Hmm...what else can I say? This thing has made me utterly happy and utterly sad. As soon as I can cheer myself from sorrow, another storm comes, throwing problems in my face in rough torrents of misery.
I look at the sky of time; one end--the past--is the purest sky blue you've ever seen, the other--the future--a storm of oppressive and forbidding clouds. I want to run back to the deep and alluring blue, the one that represents all I love of nature, no matter how many miles I may travel across time and across space, but I know that if I choose that path of ignorance and shelter myself from reality, the storm clouds of the future will only grow fiercer, waiting for a time of penetration so as to strike the hardest blow. I know that if I face my own future, my own fate, I may one day pass through that storm and live without this heavy burden.
Alas, I see Dib enter now. He senses that I am deep in thought, but is aware of my knack and love for writing, and doesn't see it as anything unusual. I still feel terrible about holding my secret inside of me, especially after he openly admitted that he was an alien. I feel badly about that. Still, rarely can one change what is done. Dib is coming to tell me something now.
He only reminded me of the time; I do get carried away often. Skool begins in an hour, so I think I will finish this entry soon. That is, depending on an individual's opinion of soon.
When I had explained to him what a Kivoc is, I'm not sure how he dealt with it. It must be a shock to him, and I'm quite sure he thought me a traitor when he scowled at me. I remember it as though it occurred only a moment ago.
I was standing there, and he asked me what a Kivoc was. I didn't want to tell him. A thousand thoughts raced through my mind, and I wondered if I should lie to him. I wanted to lie, oh how desperately I wanted to lie. I didn't even want to admit that I was a Kivoc to MYSELF! I remember biting my lip, nervously wetting the roof of my mouth with my tongue in hopes of holding off my speech for just a second more.
However, as he grew impatient, I couldn't fight it any longer. I told him. At first, his eyes were wide in shock and horror. He feared me. That look made me feel the worst inside that anyone could possibly feel, the one look that yelled everything of broken trust. He scowled harshly at me in utter revulsion, spat at my feet, and relayed a message telepathically that, when put into the words of the English language, said 'traitor'.
Running down corridor after corridor, he tried to get away from me. It was obvious that he was sickened at my sight, and I wondered why I HADN'T lied to him. I suppose that even if I'd postponed my confession this long, at least I had to fess up sometime. Lying was not an option.
The main indicator that I am a Kivoc is my psychokinetic powers. Hardly any creature inherits this ability, with few exceptions such as Dib, and even then, he can do far more than speak telepathically, which is the limit of the Falish horizon. The fact that I am human makes my ease with this ability even more incredible. And yet, no one suspected a thing until that time in the Falish hospital.
What I do not believe Dib realized is that I saved his life. I gave myself away and willingly blew my cover to save his life. He just doesn't see the underlying message.
Dib is my friend, and as such, I love him and value his life. He is in the living room now, reading magazines. I looked up from this tablet I'm writing on to smile, but he frowned and went back to his magazine. I now know that I should've told him from the beginning what a Kivoc was and that I was such, but didn't want to be, so he'd know that I wasn't who he thought I was.
At least we're in the same class, and we can speak with telepathy during lectures. I sense negativity from him directed at me, and it hurts, but I can't let it get me down. I haven't let negativity bother me before, and I still won't let it harm me. I know that I must keep my positive attitude, and then maybe he will know that I mean no harm.
I am at skool now. I arrived early. Dib rudely told me to get ready for skool this morning, and I responded that I already was ready. So, I heaved my backpack over my shoulder and walked to skool without him.
The day has now ended, but something happened at lunch today. Ms. Bitters had just announced the skool dance for this Friday, and how if we didn't go, we'd get detention for a week. During this announcement, I saw Dib quickly glance at me, and then turn his head away. We sat at separate tables again today, and Zim did something unexpected. He asked me to go to the dance with him. He ACTUALLY asked me to go to the dance with him.
I loudly yelled 'no' into his face, and slapped him. How DARE he have the nerve to do such a thing! After trying to get Dib and I to die just DAYS ago, he asks me out to a dance?! It did not make sense. Then, it hit me. Zim probably overheard Dib muttering about me or had heard from the Falish that I am a Kivoc. He probably hoped to get me on his side.
He insisted that it wasn't to gain any advantage, and from the mind signals he gave me, I knew that it was true. Stranger yet, he said he liked me. I asked him to what extent, and he said, "A friend." However, despite this, it wasn't convincing. Dib seemed almost jealous, but you never can tell for what reasons he's jealous. If Zim beats him at anything, he's jealous, no matter the situation. What was even more curious was how I ENJOYED the jealousy. At least for once, Dib gets his own claim of victory. After all, as long as the two of us are friends, Zim and I could never go to a dance; Dib wouldn't permit it.
And now, here I am, at a dress shop, picking out a dress for myself. To further Dib's victory against Zim and perhaps win his trust once more, I've decided to go to the dance with him. Imagine the looks on the popular kids' faces when Dib arrives at the dance and he's actually WITH somebody! I'd enjoy it just for that, if not for the good fruit punch they always have. That's delicious...
To make my plan even more devious, I've made the arrangements, and I bribed the music guy, so the only songs that will play will be from Yes, Boston, and the Beatles: my three favorite groups.
I wonder if Zim's going to be there, and if he'll stir any trouble. I'll have to mention to Dib not to boast about getting a...(shudder)...date...so Zim won't ruin anything, but I'll probably forget. I will tell Dib to bring a camera so we can show the pictures as proof to him.
I suppose that this whole thing is as much vengeance for me as it is for him, along with getting him to trust me again. After all, I still haven't asked him. I think I'll get myself a new outfit along with the dress so that when I walk in, he'll notice the outfit and be sidetracked-- there won't be time for him to scowl.
I made my purchase choices, left the store, and I'm back at Dib's house. I'm going to find a place to change into my new outfit, and then I'll visit him. I think he might even ask me first--that is, once I get a chance to explain my loyalty to humanity. If I have not yet written what a Kivoc is, I shall do so now. A Kivoc is a person who already has distaste for their own kind, so some aliens--the grays, to be precise--train them to have supernatural abilities and to try to destroy their kind. This, of course, is something Dib has every right to be appalled at. However, I have turned against them and think for myself. I am his ally now, and he should know that I no longer wish harm against this planet's inhabitants...though it is tricky to suppress that thought. I only hope that he sees it the way I do.
The feeling of sadness is the most dreaded of human emotions, yet dreading the experience of it only leads into sadness rather than preventing it. This is one of fear's best ways of getting through to the human psyche.
--Invader Mel's Diary of Perception.
From Mel's diary, three days later (Monday):
Before I explain the thoughts that raced through my mind, the thoughts that I knew were going to change my life forever, I must first get this point across: Dib was sensitive to his Falish ancestry, and even ashamed of it, no matter how foolish he knew it was. I cannot properly convey the difficulty this posed for me, and still poses for the future. And, indeed, a Kivoc is something that could not possibly help the situation.
Dib now insists that he doesn't mind it, but I know he's lying. It's affected him deeply, and I feel pity, but that's for another time. Hmm...what else can I say? This thing has made me utterly happy and utterly sad. As soon as I can cheer myself from sorrow, another storm comes, throwing problems in my face in rough torrents of misery.
I look at the sky of time; one end--the past--is the purest sky blue you've ever seen, the other--the future--a storm of oppressive and forbidding clouds. I want to run back to the deep and alluring blue, the one that represents all I love of nature, no matter how many miles I may travel across time and across space, but I know that if I choose that path of ignorance and shelter myself from reality, the storm clouds of the future will only grow fiercer, waiting for a time of penetration so as to strike the hardest blow. I know that if I face my own future, my own fate, I may one day pass through that storm and live without this heavy burden.
Alas, I see Dib enter now. He senses that I am deep in thought, but is aware of my knack and love for writing, and doesn't see it as anything unusual. I still feel terrible about holding my secret inside of me, especially after he openly admitted that he was an alien. I feel badly about that. Still, rarely can one change what is done. Dib is coming to tell me something now.
He only reminded me of the time; I do get carried away often. Skool begins in an hour, so I think I will finish this entry soon. That is, depending on an individual's opinion of soon.
When I had explained to him what a Kivoc is, I'm not sure how he dealt with it. It must be a shock to him, and I'm quite sure he thought me a traitor when he scowled at me. I remember it as though it occurred only a moment ago.
I was standing there, and he asked me what a Kivoc was. I didn't want to tell him. A thousand thoughts raced through my mind, and I wondered if I should lie to him. I wanted to lie, oh how desperately I wanted to lie. I didn't even want to admit that I was a Kivoc to MYSELF! I remember biting my lip, nervously wetting the roof of my mouth with my tongue in hopes of holding off my speech for just a second more.
However, as he grew impatient, I couldn't fight it any longer. I told him. At first, his eyes were wide in shock and horror. He feared me. That look made me feel the worst inside that anyone could possibly feel, the one look that yelled everything of broken trust. He scowled harshly at me in utter revulsion, spat at my feet, and relayed a message telepathically that, when put into the words of the English language, said 'traitor'.
Running down corridor after corridor, he tried to get away from me. It was obvious that he was sickened at my sight, and I wondered why I HADN'T lied to him. I suppose that even if I'd postponed my confession this long, at least I had to fess up sometime. Lying was not an option.
The main indicator that I am a Kivoc is my psychokinetic powers. Hardly any creature inherits this ability, with few exceptions such as Dib, and even then, he can do far more than speak telepathically, which is the limit of the Falish horizon. The fact that I am human makes my ease with this ability even more incredible. And yet, no one suspected a thing until that time in the Falish hospital.
What I do not believe Dib realized is that I saved his life. I gave myself away and willingly blew my cover to save his life. He just doesn't see the underlying message.
Dib is my friend, and as such, I love him and value his life. He is in the living room now, reading magazines. I looked up from this tablet I'm writing on to smile, but he frowned and went back to his magazine. I now know that I should've told him from the beginning what a Kivoc was and that I was such, but didn't want to be, so he'd know that I wasn't who he thought I was.
At least we're in the same class, and we can speak with telepathy during lectures. I sense negativity from him directed at me, and it hurts, but I can't let it get me down. I haven't let negativity bother me before, and I still won't let it harm me. I know that I must keep my positive attitude, and then maybe he will know that I mean no harm.
I am at skool now. I arrived early. Dib rudely told me to get ready for skool this morning, and I responded that I already was ready. So, I heaved my backpack over my shoulder and walked to skool without him.
The day has now ended, but something happened at lunch today. Ms. Bitters had just announced the skool dance for this Friday, and how if we didn't go, we'd get detention for a week. During this announcement, I saw Dib quickly glance at me, and then turn his head away. We sat at separate tables again today, and Zim did something unexpected. He asked me to go to the dance with him. He ACTUALLY asked me to go to the dance with him.
I loudly yelled 'no' into his face, and slapped him. How DARE he have the nerve to do such a thing! After trying to get Dib and I to die just DAYS ago, he asks me out to a dance?! It did not make sense. Then, it hit me. Zim probably overheard Dib muttering about me or had heard from the Falish that I am a Kivoc. He probably hoped to get me on his side.
He insisted that it wasn't to gain any advantage, and from the mind signals he gave me, I knew that it was true. Stranger yet, he said he liked me. I asked him to what extent, and he said, "A friend." However, despite this, it wasn't convincing. Dib seemed almost jealous, but you never can tell for what reasons he's jealous. If Zim beats him at anything, he's jealous, no matter the situation. What was even more curious was how I ENJOYED the jealousy. At least for once, Dib gets his own claim of victory. After all, as long as the two of us are friends, Zim and I could never go to a dance; Dib wouldn't permit it.
And now, here I am, at a dress shop, picking out a dress for myself. To further Dib's victory against Zim and perhaps win his trust once more, I've decided to go to the dance with him. Imagine the looks on the popular kids' faces when Dib arrives at the dance and he's actually WITH somebody! I'd enjoy it just for that, if not for the good fruit punch they always have. That's delicious...
To make my plan even more devious, I've made the arrangements, and I bribed the music guy, so the only songs that will play will be from Yes, Boston, and the Beatles: my three favorite groups.
I wonder if Zim's going to be there, and if he'll stir any trouble. I'll have to mention to Dib not to boast about getting a...(shudder)...date...so Zim won't ruin anything, but I'll probably forget. I will tell Dib to bring a camera so we can show the pictures as proof to him.
I suppose that this whole thing is as much vengeance for me as it is for him, along with getting him to trust me again. After all, I still haven't asked him. I think I'll get myself a new outfit along with the dress so that when I walk in, he'll notice the outfit and be sidetracked-- there won't be time for him to scowl.
I made my purchase choices, left the store, and I'm back at Dib's house. I'm going to find a place to change into my new outfit, and then I'll visit him. I think he might even ask me first--that is, once I get a chance to explain my loyalty to humanity. If I have not yet written what a Kivoc is, I shall do so now. A Kivoc is a person who already has distaste for their own kind, so some aliens--the grays, to be precise--train them to have supernatural abilities and to try to destroy their kind. This, of course, is something Dib has every right to be appalled at. However, I have turned against them and think for myself. I am his ally now, and he should know that I no longer wish harm against this planet's inhabitants...though it is tricky to suppress that thought. I only hope that he sees it the way I do.
The feeling of sadness is the most dreaded of human emotions, yet dreading the experience of it only leads into sadness rather than preventing it. This is one of fear's best ways of getting through to the human psyche.
--Invader Mel's Diary of Perception.