Chapter Fourteen: Of Species and Logic

     Tuesday. Dib must've already arrived on Falen, but Mel didn't care. Her life had changed, and Dib was but a mere attribute to a phase of learning. Gir was back at Zim's house already, and Mel was soon to live there. Oh, Zim still insisted that they were enemies, but she had a feeling that he'd cave at any time now.

     Gaz was apparently a Seraul/human, showing why she usually remained apathetic even when Earth was in danger, along with a general distaste for humanity. Dib was obviously a Falen/Seraul, and Professor Membrane was a Seraul, but somehow had gotten a good disguise long ago and fooled everybody. And Zim was, of course, an Irken.

     If Mel was an alien, it didn't seem likely that she was any of those species and she thought the idea unlikely, and she dared to go so far as to say that it was absurd. However, such a statement could hardly be used as a basis for determining the truth, for that's what Dib would've said only a month ago...

     The whole issue with Dib's emotions and everything that had occurred in the past few weeks was dead to her, and she was moving on. After all, Dib probably didn't think of her for another moment when the transmission ended. The phone rang, disturbing her from her thoughts.

     "Hello?"

     "Mel, this is Zim."

     "Oh, hi."

     "I've considered your offer to team up with me and...I've accepted. You may move in at any time now."

     "Thanks, Zim; I've already packed."

     "You have?"

     "Yep. Knew you'd let me. Knew it all along."

     "Well...just hurry up!"

     "All right." She didn't have much; she only carried her skool supplies and books with her. Everything that reminded her of Dib was discarded. Mel wanted to start her life anew and forget of her former friend who had forgotten her. Apparently, she didn't feel any pleasant ties with him anymore.

     Once Mel arrived at Zim's house, she shook his hand in greeting and saluted him. She dropped her book bag at the side of the couch and sat down, awaiting further instructions. When Zim finally came back, he had several compact disks with him, and he inserted one into the television set.

     "In case you still have any loyalty to humanity, I shall brainwash it out of you with these films."

     "Zim, do you really want to have an assistant who is brainwashed and can't think for herself like some kind of freakish zombie thing? I don't think I could really DO anything for you if that's the case. I'd become just another ordinary human and you'd have to dispose of me. That doesn't sound productive...no, not at all."

     "Then how do I know that you're not still against me?"

     "I never really was 'against you.' That just came up when I was Dib's friend and I didn't want to be against my own friend. I'm really backing you up; you've got to trust me."

     "But how do I know that?"

     "Zim, if I wanted to destroy this base...I would've done it LONG ago. Back when I still knew about all the tricks and defenses Dib encountered when he used to sneak in here."

     "Okay...but what if you decide you're Dib's friend again while you're here and try to get back at me for him?"

     "What kind of stupid plan is that? Everyone knows that the ultimate revenge is hardly killing that person. It's torture, both physically and emotionally, something I don't have the capabilities of doing here."

     "Then why did Dib try to kill me?"

     "Because of a prophecy that I would die painfully when Irk conquers Earth."

     "And you think he isn't concerned about your welfare?! Anyone who dares enter an Irken's base and try to kill him is either a fool or a fool in love! Doesn't he know that an Irken can't be killed in his own base?!"

     "Really? Cool! Then if I exploded you here, would you still be alive?"

     "There ARE exceptions such as that, but to stab an Irken in his base is asking for trouble, because when that happens, the first wave of reinforcements arrive!"

     "Oh no...Zim, you must stop them!"

     "Why?"

     "Because, Zim, if Irk conquers Earth, then I DIE. Do you not realize what this means?!"

     "Uh..."

     "If those reinforcements get here, Zim, I'll die horribly, and so will Dib."

     "I thought you said you didn't like that worm!"

     "I don't. Not even as a friend, anymore. But still--when someone's life is at stake, you've gotta DO something about it! You can't just stand around and watch!"

     "Oh, aren't you the hero?" Zim said mockingly.

     "Nope. Sure aren't. YOU are."

     "What? Me? Why me? I hate Dib!"

     "Stop whining and call off the reinforcements. It's my life in danger too, you know."

     "Oh...okay. I'll call it off..." Zim grumbled as he went below. "Filthy human."

     "I heard that!" Setting the transmissions device to contact the Tallest, Zim cleared his throat and straightened his posture.

     "Greetings, My Tallest! As an earth-monkey attacked me in my own base..." the Tallest grinned at each other in anticipation, "...I'm aware that you've probably already sent reinforcements to assist my mission of dooming this filthy planet."

     "Uh...sure, Zim."

     "Well, I want you to...to call it off. I...have made a change in plans. Yes!"

     "Uh, we'll be seeing you, Zim," Tallest Red mumbled, "or hopefully not."

     "What's that?"

     "Uh, nothing! Nothing."

     "Then you're going to bring them back?"

     "What? Oh, uh...yeah, sure, whatever."

     "Thank you! Invader Zim, signing off!" Zim swiveled around to see Mel standing at the foot of his base.

     "Hello, Zim," she said rather nonchalantly.

     "What the--?! What are you doing here?! Why didn't the alarm go off?!"

     "You don't live in Dib's house for a month and not pick up on these things. Besides, I always keep a supply of cupcakes on hand."

     "Gir?"

     "Of course! Who else? The robot parents? Dib was right; your defenses DO need some tightening...tightening of a loose screw in Gir's artificial intelligence chips, that is. Did you know that Gaz is an alien?"

     "No..."

     "See, Professor Membrane really is Dib's real father, so that means that he's Seraul because Dib is a Falen/Seraul, and if he's really Gaz's father, then that means that Gaz is a Seraul/human hybrid, but she seems apathetic, a trait that is common amongst the Seraul. You're an Irken, so that means that I know...One, two, three, four, five...five aliens! Cool!"

     "Mel, you're talking too mu--"

     "And did you know that I've been aboard the Falish ships? They're neat! I was also brainwashed by some other aliens that are the same kind that put a price on Dib's mind and I was endangered as well! I almost died! And Dib tried to kill you just before he left, but now he doesn't care anymore because his Seraul emotion suppression thingy is kicking in and he's--"

     "Mel! Stop talking!"

     "Uh...thanks for snapping me out of it, Zim. I got a little ahead of myself in thoughts, there. Dib used to do that sometimes, but that stopped when he left."

     "Yes, but really, he doesn't like you--"

     "UFO? He had lots of UFO magazines, but they're in his old room right now because he didn't care for them anymore and--"

     "Mel, are you okay?"

     "--sometimes when you're an alien it affects you deeply and nothing seems okay, like it affected Dib. Imagine thinking that you're one species for your entire life and finding out that you're another? Imagine if you found out suddenly that, despite the fact that you look Irken, lived your life on Irk, and have no reason to believe you're not Irken, you are a human. How would that feel?"
     "Mel! You really MUST snap out of it, now!"

     "Did you know that I've never seen Dib snap his fingers, but I have done so. I've snapped my fingers lots of times, even to sixteenth beats during an eight-minute-long song! 'Long' and 'song' rhyme! Did you know that? I make sentences inadvertently rhyme a lot; it's a habit of mine. Sometimes it gets annoying, and people tell me to shut up when it happens too much, but I don't pay attention, especially since they're idiots, much like the ones at skool who used to make fun of Dib before he left." Zim shook her back and forth, trying to get something to go back to normal inside of her.

     "MEL! STOP IT! STOP IT! ZIM COMMANDS YOU!"

     "W-what?"

     "That's BETTER! You stupid human! You're rambling non-stop, and this time not just to mess with my mind! Admit it--you don't like the fact that Dib went to planet Fali without you."

     "No; he isn't my friend anymore. He's lost his emotions."

     "But you wish he didn't, don't you?"

     "Yes, but--"

     "Don't deny it! He's still your friend, and if you talk about him one more time I'm going to go crazy! So call him up!"

     "I can't. I left the transmissions watch back at his house. I even...I even threw it away."

     "Then that's it. Guilt. Oh, you humans preoccupy yourselves with guilt much more than us superior Irkens."

     "Yeah, and you Irkens preoccupy yourselves with superiority much more than us humans."

     "You may use my transmitter, pesky human."

     "He should be on planet Fali."

     "Computer! Locate 'Dib'--half-Falen, half-Seraul, somewhere on planet Fali."

     Within moments, the computer had a target. "'Dib' found--do you want to be put into communications?"

     "Yes." Dib's image appeared shortly afterward on the screen, and Mel noticed that he looked ill. "Dib, Mel wants to talk with you."

     "Yeah?"

     "Yes. Mel, get over here!" Zim motioned to her where the screen was.

     "Hello, Kiana. How's everything on Earth?"

     "Don't call me that!"

     "It's a wonderful name, and it means that you are important. Why don't you like it?"

     "It's not that I don't like the name; it's what it represents. It represents that you've changed. I don't like that Seraul quality. It's made you different. You don't consider me your friend anymore. I bet that after I told you off it didn't affect you one bit."

     "Of course it did."

     "What?"

     "Kiana, I do care, believe it or not."

     "Then call me by my name."

     "That is your name."

     "You know what I mean."

     "All right, then, Mel it is."

     "Was it really so hard?"

     "No."

     "Isn't there anything that can be done to stop this?"

     "No. Not when I'm alone like this. It would've really been nice if you'd come."

     "Then you mean...if I had come, you might have a chance?"

     "That's what I said."

     "What about now? Is there any way I could come now?"
     "Not until in twenty years. It'd be too late by then."

     "Wait a minute...Could I take Tak's Voot Runner?"

     "Tak's Voot...I forgot all about that!"

     "Then I could take it?"

     "You couldn't pilot it, though."

     "Zim could! I'm sure he could!"

     "Yes, he could...but the question is, would he?"

If life is the opposite of death according to logic, then logic becomes a paradox, for such a conclusion is illogical.

--Invader Mel's Diary of Perception.

!!