Chapter Sixteen: Fali Failure

Mel and Zim were out in space already, and neared their destination--planet Fali. Zim consoled her about what she'd seen by saying that the Seraul just project false images to make their enemies go insane and that he'd never kill her. This comforted her only a small amount, and she still worried. They landed on Fali by nightfall, and, fortunately, Gir had slept the whole way there.

Dib was staying at the Syvi Hotel, syvi meaning 'wanderer,' in room 101. Mel knocked on the door, and when he opened it, his eyes opened wide in disbelief. Some of his Falish features were beginning to set in, for he was thinner and taller, was turning a pale blue, and had larger eyes.

"What are you doing here, Mel?!"

"You knew I was coming."

"I would've never thought that Zim would take you--I'm so glad you're here!"

"And I'm glad to be here. Mind if Zim comes in? After all, he did take me here."

"Well...okay." Once Mel had sat down on the bed, Zim walked in and punched Dib in the nose. "Agh! What was that for?!"

"Part of our agreement."

"Agreement?" They looked at Mel.

"Uh...Dib, I kinda said he could stay here. No harm, right?"

"No harm?! No harm?! He's an Irken! He'll try to zap us during the night! No way! Uh-uh! Zim is NOT staying in the same hotel room!"

-One painful hour later-

"Dib, fluff my pillow!" Zim ordered.

"Don't push it, Zim."

"So, Dib-worm, how'd you get any Falish currency?"

"I didn't."

"Eh?"

"Since I'm the one in the prophecy, everyone gives me stuff for free."

"Geez, you were born with a silver spoon in your mouth."

"Yep...and Mel..."

"You're sick."

"What?"

"You were born with Mel and a silver spoon in your mouth?"

"That's not what I mean! I mean that I've got a friend. Otherwise, I'd be alone here."

"So, I thought you were supposed to be some cold-hearted Seraul now."

"Somehow...it just stopped. I can't explain how, but I guess...never mind."

"What?"

"Can't you hear me? I said 'never mind.'"

"Party pooper."

"Party pooper? That doesn't make any sense, you doofus."

"I thought you were the doofus."

"How would you know?"

"You admit to your doofus-ness?"

"No! How do you know about the argument?"

"Mel told me."

"She did?"

"Yep. She told me lots about you. Lots about the Dib that no one sees. The dark side of the Dib."

"Is it really that bad?"

"Oh, yeah! Of course it is! All you two ever did was argue! It's a wonder she thinks you're her friend, Dib-ika."

"Is that your latest insulting name for me?"

"Yes."

"Oh. Okay, then. But what does she think about me?"

"She spoke really nastily about you when you first left. When she moved in, she didn't want anything to remind her of you."

"Is it really that bad?"

"Yep. I wonder what's on the tube."

"I'd better see how she is."

"Oooh! All my Falens is on!" Zim yelled excitedly. Mel was currently in the bathroom, so Dib knocked.

"You can come in, Dib." He opened the door and closed it behind him.

"How'd you know it was me?"

She paused from brushing her hair and relayed a message telepathically, saying, "I know."

"I'm really sorry if I made you feel bad."

"It's okay. I'm fine."

"From what Zim said, you didn't want anything to remind you of me. I think that indicates a problem."

"I wasn't mad at you or anything, Dib. I was just...frustrated. Frustrated with circumstance."

"Really?"

"Yes, really."

"In that case, do you want to go watch All my Falens with Zim?"

"Nah. I hate the Earth version. Plus, I'd hate to see the Falish version of Adam Chandler."

"In that case, do you want to get a bite to eat?"

"Sure. Zim! Zim, stop watching the Falish version of that twisted soap opera if you want to eat dinner!"

"Not now! I think that these two are getting together! No, don't kiss him! He's your long-lost-twin-cousin!"

"Ugh...that's...disturbing. Let's go now before I lose my appetite." They left, Zim anticipating the long-lost-twin-cousin make-out scene. (By the way--for those of you who are thinking 'How can there be twin cousins?,' this is a FALISH soap opera, and for different species, weird things can sometimes happen in those regards. Thank you.)

They arrived at a restaurant, the Tiw Deqa, (delightful taste) and they ordered what looked like spaghetti and a lobster-like creature (don't worry, it was dead). The topic for conversation was how the planet Fali was, and it wasn't until dessert came that Mel told Dib of what she had seen of the future.

"Zim's probably right, though. That won't come true. They were just trying to manipulate you."

"But...I had that vision before I even met you, and I've had it a lot since...and Dib, there's something else I must tell you."

"What is it?"

"Just before he tried to kill me, your father said that he killed your mother."

"He's lying."

"No. Some of the blood on the ax he carried dripped onto my clothes. Zim analyzed it, and it's a match. I'm so sorry...you must be so sad."

"It's all right. At least I can feel sad for her."

"Zim just barely saved me in time. I think I might've cracked at any moment when you were shot."

"It's all right. That's not reality, and it won't be. Don't worry."

"Thank you." They left and made their way back to the hotel. When Dib flicked the light switch on, he saw Zim sleeping in the bed, drooling.

"Eww..." Dib said. "I sleep there, you know. Get up!" Kicking Zim onto his side didn't help, so Dib kicked him off the bed, letting him tumble to the ground. Zim still snored.

"I'll get something to clean the pillow with."

"Clean it?! I'm not sleeping on a bed that Zim's slobbered all over in some sick dreams of his!"

"Fine, Dib. Have it your way. We'll turn the pillow over."

"Turn it over?!"

"Yes, Dib, turn it over. What is your objection this time?"

"It's still the same bed! The idea that you have me lying in saliva is sickening!"

"Oh, geez! You're as bad as Jerry Seinfeld! Not that there's anything wrong with that!"

"There is a point when that joke isn't funny anymore."

"Really? I've never reached it!"

"Well, you've just about reached it!"

"Will you keep it down? It's the equivalent of 11:00 at night!"

"Okay!"

"Good, because I don't want anyone coming up and complain--" Dib tossed a pillow into her face--the saliva pillow. "YUCK! Oh, you'll pay for that one!" She smothered him with the same pillow, causing a greater ruckus than before. He finally got the pillow away, and threw it to her once more. However, this time she was just enough off balance for her to fall down. She fell backward onto Zim, who, when woken up, shoved her to the side.

"What are you doing, Zim?!" Dib yelled.

"Hey, I was half-asleep, Dib-ika!"

"Mel, are you okay? Zim, check and see if she's all right." Zim turned her on her side, and checked her pulse.

"Dib, this isn't good."

"What is it?"

"The atmosphere...she won't be able to take much more of it."

"Why just her and not me? I've been here longer than her."

"Stupid Falen! She's human! She can't take this atmosphere. I must take her back to Earth."

"Oh. Tell her I said goodbye and I enjoyed her company."

"I will. I'd better take her back right away."

"All right. Make sure that if she's conscious by tomorrow that she calls."

"Okay." Zim left, carrying Mel with him. A news flash interrupted Dib's thoughts.

"...and this new brand of snacks on an obscure planet called Earth has made the Tallest of Irk decide to take over Earth. It should be done within a few days, and humans, the inhabitants, obliterated. Here on Fali, though, the weather seems to be clear and sunny..."

"Oh no...Zim's gonna take Mel back to Earth, but it'll be destroyed...her vision will come true...no! I can't let it! I must stop Zim!" He ran downstairs, where Zim was setting Mel down in Tak's Voot. "Zim! No! You can't take her to Earth! She'll die!"

"What?"
"Zim, the Irkens want to conquer Earth for its snacks. Mel will be there. It's supposed to be destroyed in a couple days! We can't have that happen!"

"Don't worry, Dib-ika, I'll keep her hidden. No one will know."

"They'd better not, Zim, or I'll cut your throat open!"

"She'll be fine! Stop worrying, you little baby!"

"I hope so, for your sake!" Zim shut the Voot's top and they took off. An hour into their trip, Zim received a transmission from the Tallest.

"Zim? I thought this was Tak's Voot," Tallest Purple wondered.
"It was, My Tallest, but it came crashing back to Earth."

Tallest Red pushed Purple to the side and said, "Well, I guess we're going to have to rely on you, then. You see, we need military personnel with invading experience to lead the soldiers when they do the narrow search for life and destroy it after we've bombarded the planet with lasers. The snacks have been taken to safety. So, how far are you?"

"Not that far. I'm just outside of the planet Fali, the third independent species."

"Is that a young Falen you have unconscious?"

"No, this is an Earth-girl..." Zim saw their confused stares and said, "I'm going to destroy her when I get to my base. She was...trying to attack me, so I want to destroy her properly."

"Eh, you go do that. And don't let us down!"

"Yes, My Tallest!"

"And remember, we say don't let us down!"

"Yes, My Tallest, I heard you clear the first time! I'll get right on it! Invader Zim, signing off!"

"We're doomed, aren't we?" Purple nodded.

"Our snacks!" he wailed. Zim guided the ship carefully on a course for Earth, remembering that he'd left Gir at the hotel on Fali.

'Ah, well,' Zim thought. 'At least I have one less thing to worry about. I don't want to become a whiny thingy like the Dib-ika.' Mel still was unconscious when Zim landed the Voot at his base. The Irken military marched through the streets, and explosions were heard every now and then. Usually the ships didn't accidentally shoot an Irken base...usually. He put extra shields over his base just in case the unthinkable might happen. From deep within the structure, Zim watched the doom about him. Though he hated the human race with every fiber of his being and had dreamed of one day bringing the downfall of an enemy planet, he'd never actually conquered a planet. He saw the buildings crumble, one by one, and families fleeing. Every human in sight wore a coat of dust and a look of death, not even having time to realize what was happening, just hoping not to be another statistic.

His eye caught sight of a small girl, her face plastered with dirt, giving the term "dirt-child" new meaning. Her eyes were depressing and seemed as penetrating as the dark voids that were the ghost of eyes in an ancient skull, and she seemed not about to cry--she looked emotionless, cold like death, and did not flee in panic. Instead, she stood there like a stone and didn't even blink. An Irken machine that resembled a Megadoomer walked near, and she closed her eyes, as though resigning herself to her fate. Then, she did something unexpected. Without any further emotion than the giving up her eyes last held, she walked straight into the path of the metal monster and was crushed. Zim cringed and made a sickly sound of horror. He'd seen the fatal end of enemies, he'd caused a many incidents of miserable demise, he'd lived and thrived off the utter terror of screeching human earth-monkeys, but this...this could not be. This was not mere destruction. This was torture.

And all for snacks.

Zim thought of the human in his base, the human he was currently protecting against orders. He was now a military official, and did not have the power to stop the invasion. It was going to happen, and was happening now. The end seemed to come nearer than thought. 'Her death will occur when the planet's skies cloud red and purple with the symbol of Irk....' The prophecy echoed in his mind, the one of ancient Fali, the one about to come true.

Dib still wanted to contact her, but Zim warned him of the danger that the signal might be tapped; they could not take such risks. Mel, who was now conscious, seemed aware of what was to come.

One day, while visiting her, Mel spoke to him. "Zim, do you know what I last said to him?"

"No. What?"

"The last words of mine Dib will ever hear are 'YUCK! Oh, you'll pay for that one!'"

"You're going to live through this, Mel."

"No, I'm not. The prophecy says I won't, my visions say I won't, and...well, you're military position says I won't."

"Eh?"

"In my vision, you were a military leader in charge of a group of Irken soldiers. For fear of being discovered and being killed yourself, you killed me. That's how things work, Zim. You even told me you'd never forgive yourself, and you'd eventually commit suicide, but still, it'll happen, it'll all play out like the dark tragedy it is. The three of us will be dead within 72 hours."

"No. It won't happen that way. I won't kill you."

"There's no guarantee."

"I'll give you armor you can wear underneath your clothes. That way, if I do cave, you'll still live and have a chance."

"Hmm...not half bad. I like it."

"I've already fitted it for you. Here." Zim handed her a remote control.

"This is armor?"

"Yes. Press the button and it'll activate."

"Oh, I get it." She pressed the button, and smiled.

"Do you trust that I gave you quality armor?"

"Hmm...I know the real test. Take a knife and whack me with it."

"A knife? This is for lasers! A knife will cut through that armor like butter!"

"Ugh, how could you be so short-sighted? Irken soldiers carry knives, Zim."

"Why would superior Irken soldiers carry such primitive weapons?"

"Fool! FUNDING! Funding is the main determining factor! They can't afford to carry and twirl around laser guns and such!"

"But in all of the parades, they have--"

"A parade is a show like any other, Zim. You don't seem to acknowledge the barrier between entertainment and reality. If you really want me to be safe, fix it."

"Oh, okay...waste of quality materials...disrespectful human."

"I'm not being disrespectful! I'm just paying attention to the reality of life, Zim!" He soon returned with the altered armor. "Now...the ultimate test. Bring down a knife on me, if you are really so confident in the armor which you have entrusted my life with."

"Of course." Zim scrounged a knife from amongst his tools and thrust it into her stomach. However, it didn't penetrate. It didn't go through at all. "See? And when you press this other button on the remote, it activates a false-blood release, so that if someone strikes you on the armor, it'll appear that you're bleeding and you might be able to feign death if the need be."

"Ah...very impressive. Thank you, Zim." An alarm went off, causing Zim to divert his attention.

"Unknown vehicle entering the planet's vicinity!"

"What the--? Just a second, Mel, I have to check something." He pressed some buttons, and went back to where Mel lay. "I knew it! That filthy slug!" Though the term 'filthy slug' could mean just about anyone in Zim's frame of reference, Mel knew that he meant Dib. Putting two and two together, she realized what the situation was.

"Why is Dib coming here?"

"He probably came to 'check up' on you! That moronic ika!"

"What ship is he in?"

"I don't know...probably something he rented!"

"Zim, why don't you put him in communications?"

"I was thinking something along those lines myself... Computer! Contact the Dib!" Dib's image appeared onscreen.

"Hi Mel! Hello, Zim."

"Ika! What are you doing here?!"

"Why is that any of your business?"

"Do you want to get killed?! Actually, that would be pretty funny..." Zim chuckled to himself.

"Ha-ha. I'm coming to make sure that Mel's vision doesn't come true! The prophecy has to be proven wrong!"

"Then you don't care about all the free stuff back on Fali?"

"No!"

"Dib, what kind of idiot are you, anyway, entering Irken territory?"

"What are you talking about; I'm not human and I don't look human, either."

"Fool! It doesn't matter if you're human or not! This isn't your territory, and the Irken computers have surely learned of your presence by now! My computer detected you!"
"So? It's not like I'm getting in their way."
"They'll kill you anyway! It's forbidden to enter an Irken battle-zone!"

"Uh-oh."

"They're going to shoot you down at any time now!"

"I'll try to accelerate toward the planet."

"Just don't burn up in the atmosphere; Mel would be awfully distressed if we found you burnt to a crisp."

"I'm well aware of how to land a ship."

"Then stop talking and do it!" The image on the screen shook, went out of focus, and stabilized once more. "That must be them!"

"Yeah, I know!"

"Then take care of it!"

"I can't! The power's gone! Nothing's responding!"

"Fool! Activate the backup power! Hurry!"

"Where is it?!"

"I don't know; I'm not the idiot who rented a spaceship without knowing how to fly one!"

"Here it is!" His ship shook once more and the lighting flickered, dimmed, and died out. He was in darkness, and the picture fluttered. "I've lost all power! No backup left! Nothing's working, and I'm accelerating through the atmosphere quickly! Zim! Tell Mel that I tried to stop--" The connection was lost. Dib and Zim swore at the same time.

"He's dead, isn't he?" she asked.

"No...but it'll soon be that way. I'm sorry."

"Zim, I've got a plan, but I'll have to be careful. According to the current trajectory, about where will he land?"

"Not far north of here."

"I'll be on my way. If he survives the crash, he'll need medical aid in an instant. I need a medical kit for him, now. Can I take your Voot?"

"You're not actually planning on going out there, are you?!"
"Yes, Zim. I am. I'm going to change the future. You just see."

"You're making a big mistake! I won't let you do it!"

"He might be out there, alive! Zim, I need to borrow your Voot so it'll give the appearance that I'm Irken. I've learned how to fly it already."

"Really? When?"

"You showed me how to pilot it in case of emergency on our way to Fali, remember? Well, I'd say this counts as an emergency."

"Okay, but we'll have to keep in constant communication. Good luck, Mel. If you should achieve your goal on this mission in success with your life, you deserve the title 'invader.'"

"'Invader' Mel. Hmm...I like it. Thanks, Zim. I'll keep in touch. I have to, after all. I won't fail your trust in me."

"I have no doubt in my mind that you won't."

Sometimes it takes but the confidence people have in you to make you truly successful.

--Invader Mel's Diary of Perception