Chapter Twenty: Earth Tears

Mel felt compelled to remain at that spot, and Zim could not persuade her to move. She stared ahead, seemingly at nothing, and the Irken pleaded long into the night for her to move, should Irken soldiers find them and slaughter them.

"No. I'm not moving."

"The Dib is gone. You must accept this."

"He is not gone. I am staying here for more than one reason, you know."

"Human, you cannot do this--"

"I'll do what I feel like! If you want to leave, then do so! This is my choice, Zim. This is something I must do."

"Your days are numbered, then."

"I am well aware."

"Don't endanger yourself like this! If you want to be stupid, do it some other way!"

"I am not acting on stupidity or whim or feeling. I am acting on something else. Something I don't fully understand and can't translate into words, but it is mutually known. You do know the feeling, the detection process that indicates an electro-magnetic presence. Don't tell me you are ignorant of that."

"What is wrong with you? Something else is at work; you're right about that. Stop acting foolish! We'll never find Dib if we wait here, and he won't find us!"

"That is why I remain here. I have to allow him to accept me as disappeared and not dead or alive for certain. In that, if I do die on this world, this reality, this plane of existence--whatever you want to call it--he'll never know. He'll have hope. A hope he can cling onto for the rest of his life. Something that can't be taken away from him. That is what I seek."

"Mel, if you do not leave on your own, I'll have to make you leave."

"Really," she said rather than asked. "How?"

"By force, no less."

"And how do you propose to force me?"

"I could threaten to leave myself and kill Dib on my own. Personally, I don't care for the stink-creature. The only reason I count him as my ally is because of you, and if you're going to give yourself up to this death-hole that you once called home, I might as well kill him too."

"I do not lack confidence in the fighting capability of either of you. He'll be enraged that you left me here, and that will strengthen his want to kill you and determination to succeed."

"Yes, but with anger comes fear, and that will weaken him."

"He won't let that cloud his perception."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Very sure. I don't want either of you to die, but it must happen. One of us three will die."

"That is certain. You do have another option, though."

"What is that?"

"If you don't want either of us to die, you could have yourself killed."

"And I suppose you would kill me? Oh, thank you, you are too kind."

"As a matter of fact, I would."

"I don't think that you could. Do you have the guts to raise your weapon of choice over my head and slaughter me for good? I'm not even sure that I can die in this reality, or else there would be an imbalance in the one I come from--the reality from which I left would have a case of missing matter."

"There is an easy way for that to be compensated. Ever hear of the matter compensation effect?"

"Fill me in."

"When matter is displaced into an alternate universe and then cannot be returned in its former state, it will cause a cosmic imbalance and force a black hole to form. With this extreme overload of matter, it must be emptied somewhere--into the black hole--and released into an additional alternate universe. This alternate universe will create an opening into the one you came from and send an equivalent amount of matter back there, so as to alter it slightly from its reality of origination--this one. Death can occur, but only when the proper conditions are set. Those conditions are set now, human...I could easily kill you."

"Perhaps physics would allow, but I don't think your mind would allow."

"You may die anyway. Maybe something resulting from the surgery will cause you to choke or something. The universe will decide. You have no control, human. You only have the illusion of control."

"I am perfectly well aware of the 'fate effect.' One receives information about a possible future whether they are aware of that information or not, do something intentionally or subconsciously to prevent that from happening, and their actions end up being the very cause. Yes, yes, I know. But I don't think you will kill me."

"I've tried it before."

"Then prove you can do it in the situation where you are not pressured to kill me."

"Aren't you pressuring me now?"

"I am challenging you. If you think you can make this happen, then do so. You never know when there might be a quirk of time."

"True. You are a pitiful human, though, and that I can't forget. We are enemies, and as such, I will destroy you without regret!"

"Do you think you can?"

"Of course I can!"

"We'll see if you can handle an implied pressure, two voices in your head telling you with equal intensity both to kill me and not to kill me. It is up to your desires to overrule those thoughts."

"Prepare to die!" Zim searched for a ray gun and aimed it at her.

"Are you really going to kill me like that? With the push of a button or the pull of a trigger? Don't you think that it's enough of a loss of dignity that I'm not even going to make an effort to stop you?" Zim retracted the gun and searched for a knife.

"'One stab through the heart to kill, seven times more to enjoy,' goes the old saying."

"Do you think you'll enjoy killing me?"

"You're a human! I enjoy the deaths of humans!"

"You said I was different from them--do you think that the same rules would apply if I am different enough for you to consider me as your ally and companion?"

"Don't try to talk me out of it!"

"I'm not afraid of the death at hand, Zim. Even you can tell that. What do you think motivates me to preserve my life?"

"Love."

"Love? For whom?"

"For...yourself, I guess."

"No. I do not act out of love. My motivation, unfortunately, is much more primal, but we all share it, at least those of us who are still trapped within the limits of physical existence."

"Survival instincts?"

"Right on the nose. Even though you don't have a nose, so I don't think that idiom would have as much impact or meaning for an Irken."

"These aren't survival instincts that drive you to continue, Mel...it's guilt."

"Guilt? Of what?"

"You regret something."

"That can hardly say anything about someone, Zim, for we all have regrets. That, along with survival instinct, is one of the concepts that remain constant in all sentient beings, from what I can tell."

"Something major. Something...your life. Something about your life that has affected you greatly...I know! It's the destruction of the Earth! The destruction of humanity! That's what has you so somber!"

"Not the destruction of my kind, Zim. It's the fact that I once wished for this thing to happen, and not only that, but to cause it myself. Yeah, you heard me. Something I wouldn't tell Dib if I were to be tortured and dangled over the deepest body of water. It's a secret I'd take with me to my grave. I used to want to see this catastrophe! I wanted this horror to be real! It was one of my desires that I daydreamed of! The destruction and absolute obliteration of my kind, even if I could not go on to find the answers to questions I've been asking of myself since I was two! There aren't any answers to be found, but I must persist. Why exist if I can't do something productive or at least seemingly productive? Alas, this is the reality I've come to know."

"Then I won't kill you."

"I knew you'd come around. You just can't kill me...at least not yet."

"We must hurry! The Irken officials probably have a tracer on us now! We've got to find a cavern that their search signals won't penetrate!"

"No! That's what they want us to do! As soon as they see the signal disappear, they'll know we're hiding and that we're trapped. Then it's only a matter of capturing us or blowing us up. We've got to find another way. Is there any way to block the signals while remaining mobile? That way they'll trace us, but we'll be in an entirely different location!"

"Elaborate."

"Well, let's say we had a form of shield, a 'lead umbrella,' if you will. We hold it over our heads and run like heck! They'll think there's a cavern there and they won't know what to think!"

"The only way to diffuse the signal is by method of Verinian--an alloy--but there's nowhere we can get it!"

"Are you sure? Wait...what about a Voot Runner? Is that made of Verinian?"

"Yes, of course."

"The Voot wreckage! When I crashed, it was left into scraps! It just might work! Come on!" Mel took Zim's gloved hand and headed for the crash site. They arrived shortly after and carefully inspected the remains. "Yes...this just might work. We'll take another piece with us, just in case we find Dib and he's on their scanners too."

"Good idea."
"On the count of three, we lift this over our heads, and run. One...two...three! GO!" They lifted the scraps, Mel carrying the extra one, and headed northward. On their way, she got the compulsion to explore a nearby cave. "Hey, Zim, let's go in here. It'll give us a break from holding these things over our heads."

"Okay. Sounds good to me." Upon entering, they lowered their shielding and saw a bright, yellowish luminescence farther ahead of the natural alcove.

"What's that light? Is it a part of the Phantom Wandering?"

"No...I've never heard of such things in the stories...have you?" Mel smacked his forehead for sheer stupidity.

"What do you make of it?" Zim shrugged. "Ugh! Well, I'm going to find out." Zim dropped the scrap of Verinian he had gripped so tightly and ran after her.

"Don't be too hasty! It might even be a group of Irken soldiers!"

"Okay. Let's take the quiet approach." Creeping along the sides of the enclosure, they stealthily made their way towards the lighted area. "Oh my God...Zim, these are...these are...these are people."

"Probably just from the Phantom Wandering."

"No, no...I can tell the difference. Apparitions and hauntings have characteristics that distinguish them from this...there's the same air of death, but this is of a different nature entirely... Do you realize the significance of this? People still live, Zim. There is a chance. It's slim-nil, but still...it's a chance all the same." Mel grabbed Zim's hand again and led him to the circle of people. Among them, she noted, there was an old lady with half of her face burnt and charred, a young boy of about ten with an arm missing and his ear torn off, a man without hands and his face contorted impossibly, and a small girl of about eight years with her face and arms covered completely in ash and dust. It seemed, at first, that this was the only injury she suffered from the many explosions, but when she turned to face the other way, it became known that a small part of her spine was jutting out and that she couldn't move her neck. In the middle of this was a slab of stone with a boy of about thirteen resting upon it. Though the glare from the flames partially concealed their view of him, she noticed his jet-black hair and a pair of cracked, bent-up glasses set crookedly upon his nose like another set of eyes and knew immediately who this was.

Stepping out from the shadows, she called his name: "Dib?"

Zim tugged on her arm, trying to hold her back, convinced that this was another part of the Phantom Wandering, but it didn't work.

"Leave me alone, Zim!" This not being successful, she kicked him in the squeedily spooch and toppled into the center of the circle. Not caring of the surprise and confusion this caused, Mel righted herself and studied her friend with a look of misery. He wasn't breathing. Checking his pulse, she found none.

"He is gone," the old woman spoke. "We found him lying down outside, collapsed." Mel looked up to her, back down at Dib, and then up again at the woman. She continued, "We're going to give him a ceremony in the fire. He will be returned to the Earth from which he came."

"Don't you notice that he's...not human?"

"Yes. But he did not destroy us. He tried to help us."

"How do you know?"

"When he became conscious, he said, 'Earth, my home...Mel, failure.' Then he died."

"Are you sure that he's...gone?" She nodded. Tears welled up in her eyes. "I know that death is nothing to be sad over...nothing to cry over...and yet I find myself crying for the loss of my friend."

"We are sorry for your loss." The people in the group bowed their heads down in silent respect. After a minute or so, they brought their heads up once more and witnessed something spectacular. Mel wiped a tear out of her eye, and, with her index finger, rubbed the wetness on his forehead.

"You thought you weren't human just because you're another species. Today, I prove you wrong. Here are human tears, tears you would have coming out of your eyes this moment if you were alive. These tears, these Earth tears, are yours to keep eternally." One by one, the others wiped a tear from their eye and did the same. Finally, Zim stepped from the shadows, forced a tear out, and, in spite of the burning pain, placed it on his former enemy's head. This great respect for the dead they never knew inspired awe in Zim and Mel. At the Irken's sight, they recoiled in fear and distrust.

"One of the destroyers! He's here! He's here!"

"Don't worry; this is Zim. He's on our side now. I know that. I've offered him many opportunities for him to kill me and he hasn't taken a single one of them! I've been utterly defenseless when he has high-tech weaponry and offered myself to be killed, but he doesn't accept. If I tell him not to kill you, as my friend, he will obey."

"As you are the deceased one's surviving friend, you may choose his form of burial."

"He will be returned to the Earth. We'll dig a spot and cover the dirt over him. We can make a gravestone, too. I can't...I can't believe he's gone..."

"Do you want to say your final goodbyes?"

"Yes. Yes, please."

"Would you like to be alone?"

"Yes." They backed away to a darker part of the cave, and she held his hand. Cold. Lifeless. "I can't believe that this has happened. Such an improbable event. I can't believe it. What happened to you? It's not your time to go. I know it isn't. It wasn't my time at the Voot crash, and this is not your time. I can feel it. Such peace...I wish not to disturb you from that peace, though, and whether I want to have you back among the living, I must allow whatever is taking place to take place. I'll miss you, though. As a hero...and as a friend." Zim approached her and patted her back.

"It'll be all right. I'm sure he's happy, and he wants you to be happy."

"I know that, Zim...it's just an adjustment. It's something that will take getting used to." As she relaxed her grip on Dib's hand, she felt him squeeze back. "What? Oh...I must be imagining things..." In spite of these words, his hand didn't let go, and he even held on tighter. "Zim, I think he's..."

"That's impossible. He's dead."

"I don't know, Zim, it feels like..." She timidly reached her other hand for his chest, and his heart was beating. "He's alive! Zim, he's alive!"

"What?! He was just dead, though! You're going insa--he is alive!" The crowd of people walked forth and noted that he was very much alive.

"She has a healing touch! Her tears revived him!" His eyes slowly opened, and Mel propped him up against the side of the cave. Waving her hand in front of him, she tried to get him to respond.

"W-where am I?"

"You're here with us, Dib."

"Am I dead?"

"No, no...you're alive. You're as alive as the rest of us. Zim, get me some water or something."

"I don't have any water," he replied.

"Then food!"

"I don't have any--"

"Get him something else, then! He's just awakened from being dead, and I think he deserves something out of it!" The people handed some scraps of moldy, dirt-encrusted bread that was as hard as wood, and Mel scraped the mold and some of the dirt off. "Here. Have some of this." Dib made a face, for it wasn't too appetizing, but when he realized the nature of the gift--precious, hard-to-come-by food--he accepted. Tears of joy streamed from her face and down her cheeks. They handed her a flat rock, and she collected the tears on it. "Lick this. You're very dehydrated."

"Uh...do I have to?"

"Yes, you're voice is terrible. You can't go forever without eating or drinking." Reluctantly, he licked the rock of its teardrops, and thanked her for it. "We'll have to rest here for the night. We might be able to move tomorrow, depending on how well you feel." He slept, and stayed up all night, watching him.

"Mel," Zim said, "you've been sitting there all night. You need sleep."

"I just don't want to fall asleep and wake up to find that he was dead the whole time. If it is a dream, I must prolong it. If not, I can't let him slip back into death."

"Suit yourself." Eventually, she did nod off, and Zim awoke her the next morning. "Mel, wake up!"

"What?"

"Mel, wake up! You were having nightmares!"

"Then you mean...wait, we're in the cave still. I couldn't have dreamt it."

"No, but you started screaming in the middle of the night about Dib dying again. You were acting as though Irken soldiers were invading this location!"

"We'd better move out of this cave place, though, because you know my record of dreams and the future."

"Yes, I know. But Dib is seriously ill, and can't go. Everyone else is packing up. I told them to move on without us, and we'll catch up later."

"He can't go with us?"

"No. He can't even sit up. It's something like a fever, but much worse. He can't move."

"You can't possibly consider leaving without him!"

"Why not?"

"Because! We're together, a team; we have to stay together."

"I'm not a part of that. If the Dib can't go, that's his problem. I'm saving my life."

"But Zim, please, be reasonable!"

"I am being reasonable! I'm not going to wait here to die just because Dib can't live."

"I'm staying here! Won't you stay here, uh, to...protect me?"

"No way! If you want to be stupid, that's your choice! Follow my example! You have to think this way during war!"

"Abandon my friend? Abandon my friend who I have solemnly sworn to stick with, through thick and through thin? Abandon my friend who has saved my life? I will not betray him just to save my own self!"

"I speak not only for myself, but that is what he told me. He says that if you truly care for him as your friend, you will leave with me. Come along, now. What he has is highly contagious. It could kill you, too."

"I can't. I'm not going to leave. That's too cruel. As I said, death will occur no matter what I do, whether in the next few minutes, days, weeks, years, decades...but I only get the chance to stand up for a friend so rarely. And if I leave now, I couldn't return. I would be forever ashamed of my actions, and I wouldn't feel right about living. Perhaps I will die at the expense of caring for my friend. Then so be it! I don't want to live out of unjust circumstance!"

"Mel, you make a good point, but he says he won't mind it if he dies. He would mind it if you died, though."

"If it weren't for me, this would not even be happening. My appearance in this reality screwed everything up...I am so sorry. I've made his life better, but I've made it far worse."

"You told me that he threatened himself with a knife, and you saved him from it."

"If it weren't for my presence, he wouldn't have done that."

"Oh, no? And what about being his friend and assisting him during his times of need?"

"I guess, but--"

"Mel, don't you get it?! If it weren't for you, he'd already be dead! Accept what can't be change and fix what can! Other than that, there's nothing you can do! You must let him go on this one. Release him of his suffering. Don't hold on any longer, or you'll just torture him more. Mel...you know it's the right thing to do."

"I couldn't..."

"Yes, you can." She walked toward him, slowly, deliberately, and saw his miserable face.

"I'm going to kill you now, Dib. I don't want you to suffer anymore. I am so, so, SO sorry...I do this out of friendship...I do this out of care and love. Dib, do you have anything for me to use?" He pointed to his right pocket, and she searched inside of it, finding the handle to a kitchen knife with a makeshift sheath surrounding it. Unsheathing it, she fought tears back, and raised the knife above him. "I apologize...for this is what I do to help you be peaceful and happy." The knife quivered in her hand and she tossed it to the other side of the cave. "I can't do it."

Mel remained in the spot next to her friend, and Zim stood by her, watching. A disturbance was felt in the air, and it seemed as though the Irken armada was landing outside. The Earth shook, and Mel was flung into the air and against the cave wall. Winds were high, and could not be of a natural origin. Soon, everything was back to normal, though one could hardly define normal in this state of being, and she walked back to where Dib lay.

With a whisper that held death in its wake, Dib said, "Mel...take everything I have. Look in my pockets. Search my clothes. I want you to have these things when I die."

"You're not going to die! This nonsense must stop! This madness must end!"

"I will die. I'll die here. You know that."

"I would prefer that you didn't."

"We can't always have things as we'd like them."

"Well, maybe this one time we will." She gripped his hand, hoping that he might be restored to health. Nothing happened, and soldiers of three armies--the Falish, the Seraul, and the Irkens--filed into the cavern, all pointing guns to their heads.

"Hold it right there!" they shouted. The voice of the Tallest filled the cave, instructing them to put down their weapons, or the whole planet would be obliterated. The weaponry of the Irkens fell immediately to the ground, and the Falish followed slowly after, then the Seraul.

"We've come for the one named Dib!" the Irken in charge yelled at them. "He is supposed to help us, according to the legend!"

"No! He is of our planet!" the Falish military officer said. "He is to lead us into victory and freedom according to prophecy!"

"You are both wrong!" the Seraul leader said. He had light green skin and large, orange eyes that burned like a raging fire. Tall and muscular with reptilian scales, he looked the perfect image of a military official. "The one named Dib has a father of our planet, though now deceased. He is to live on Seraul, his rightful planet."

"He's going to die!" Mel shouted. "He's about to die and you fight over which planet he is to have citizenship to! This is insane! He's about to die! You should respect that! You people have lost sight of what it is to be a species! Preying on one another like you're the primitive animals from which you descend! Fighting wars and slaughtering species like it were all just a game! Weeding out emotions from a creature's mind and watching their torment for the sake of a form of science no one ever knew! That's not what this life's all about! This life is about finding out answers to all the questions imaginable and determining what path is best! Treat him with some dignity! That is all that I ask. Don't treat him as an experiment, but as a human being. Because that is what he is! It doesn't matter what flesh you wear or what name you go by. Being human is living with human emotions and thoughts and knowing that special bond that can be found within friends. This is what I know. If you do not accept my words as fact, then respect it as opinion and philosophy."

"Mel..." Dib whispered with a weak voice, "Kiana...listen to me. They won't respect that. They'll take me and experiment on me. I cannot live through that. I cannot escape. I want you to kill me. I don't want to die at the hands of my enemy. I want you to kill me. You must do this."

"The boy speaks of her as Kiana! She is his friend that was told in the prophecy that holds the powers of a Kivoc! Only he can address her by her first name!"

"Then the prophecy's wrong," Zim said. Everyone turned to the little Irken, and he continued, "I call her Mel. I do not call her the title that she was given, because that's what it is. A title. Kiana is a title, meaning 'Mysterious One.' But I call my close friends by their names, not their titles. Mel is my friend. Not any Kiana."

"Mel, you must kill me," Dib pleaded. "You must! Kill me! Don't let me die at their hands and horrible experiments! Let me die peacefully! Take that knife out and stab me in the heart! Do it! Quickly!"

"Dib, I can't. I WON'T! I WON'T DO IT!"

"You must."

"NO! I CANNOT KILL YOU!"

"You have to. You must. Do it. Do it for my dignity."

"I will try. And please remember that these Earth tears are yours to keep for all eternity."

"I will remember that." She lifted the knife, the blade gleaming brilliantly in the light that filtered through into the cave.

"She can't do it!" someone screamed. "She cannot do it! The prophecy says that she is the Kivoc unable to kill even her worst enemies! If she can't kill her worst enemies, how can she kill her best friend?!"

"I can do it if he requests for it to be so," she muttered as he thrust it forward into his heart. Blood gushed out, some splattering on her face and the rest drenching her clothes. Dib's face grew pale, he coughed a little blood out, splattering onto the ground, and fell to the ground. He lay silent there, and everyone was in shock at what she had done. Especially Zim.

"I didn't think you'd..." Zim began, "...I didn't think you'd actually...kill him."

"I didn't think so either. I had to do it, though." There was some muttering in the Old Language, and Mel asked what they were saying.

"They say that they have to retrieve the body to do tests on it."

"What?! Not in a million years! I'm not going to allow that to happen!"

"They're not going to listen to you."

"Then I'll have to make them listen."

"Wait, Mel, what on Irk are you doing?!"

"Just watch! Everyone! Greedy for learning of the physical presences that keep us tied with our primitive natures! Ignoring the knowledge of the things that truly matter like it was yesterday's paper! Take a look at primitive society, and thus doing so take a look at yourselves! Do you have no respect for the deceased? Do you have no respect for other spiritual and mental states? Do you not comprehend what this is doing to your precious societies? Your society is encompassed by this greed and ignorance, and though it takes a separate form and thus a separate course from humanity, do you not realize that what it does is the same? Humanity is just a phase of planet Earth. And your species are just phases of intergalactic history. You ignore the facts and do not fulfill the greatest potential you have because you do not remember or you choose to forget that nothing lasts forever. Nothing.

"Life becomes death, and death becomes life--so saying, existence is a mesh of perpetual changes, most of which we have no control over. These are the answers over which Dib has died for, and these are the answers over which I killed him. These are the truths that the populace has chosen to forget or ignore, the truths that have destroyed and created. With this, I bid you goodbye as I preserve the ideals for which my friend fought."

She searched his pockets and articles of clothing, looking for any items. There was a photograph of Gaz, one of Mel's books, a letter, and another photo--it was the two of them on the night of the skool dance when they were awarded 'best couple.' It was the only picture she had of him, and she carefully tucked it away in her pocket. "It is here," she began once more, "that I say farewell to the dearly departed, and make sure that none of you can snatch him up for experimentation or any such horrors." Mel removed his mangled glasses, put them into her pocket and took off his coat. She placed it on herself, took a stray branch, and lit it in the burning fire. With a tear to her eye, she set fire to him, allowing him to burn up in front of her eyes. "If he cannot live, I must return him to the Earth from which he came." No one made a move, for they were too shocked by her behavior. "May he finally rest in peace."

Zim walked over to her and comforted her. "There might be such a thing as a happy ending," Mel said, "but it always seems to exist elsewhere. It seems like I'm just chasing an impossible dream."

"There, there, human."

"I am so confused at this moment that I won't even begin to question why you regard me differently from the other humans."

"Sometimes there are just questions without answers." He escorted her out of the cave, and not one person attempted to stop them, for it was obvious that this girl, this Kivoc--had an air of mystery about her. No one could really tell what was going on in her mind or what she would do or why, and they figured that this gave her the name Kiana--the 'Mysterious One.'

Living with the knowledge that an entire species regards you as an important person when you have made no accomplishment worthy of this respect is a very dangerous thing. It has ruined many and corrupted them from doing anything worthwhile, in some cases making them power-hungry animals who seek only for riches and fame--monuments to immortalize their likeness. It is for this reason that exceptions have been made in the timeline, allowing such catastrophe to be evaded. As for the question regarding the accuracy of the term 'death,' I must say that I know nothing that is more misunderstood, and I myself do not even begin to comprehend the subject. What I do know, however, is that if humanity, or any species, for that matter, allows physical presences to dominate their lives, we are condemned to clouded vision and faded knowledge in a swirling torrent of misery and pain. 'Nothing lasts forever,' it is said, but this only applies to entities of and concerned of the physical world. After all, nothing of a physical nature lasts forever--it all comes and goes in phases--but that of a spiritual and mental level is everlasting. In short, the very concept of eternity is, both by definition and logic, everlasting. The past, the present, and the future--none truly are distinguishable in the eyes of infinity, and yet those three elements that form our perception of time dominate our lives.

Even when you change the unchangeable fate, you still feel just as confined and trapped as ever.

--Invader Mel's Diary of Perception.