CHAPTER EIGHT

~Deepest Desires~

Severus Snape

Severus dashed inside one of the boys' toilets cubicles and sat down on the seat, unable to control his breathless puffing. As he blinked his eyes furiously to fight away the tears that had crept up, he ran his shaking hands through his hair, messing it up even more. He put his hands to his face and felt that it was icy cold.

Why? Why did this always happen to him? Why was he always the one to be picked on? It wasn't fair. Potter and his stupid friends didn't know what it was like to feel like this – embarrassed and angry. Not to mention loneliness. Everybody liked them, everybody thought they were amusingly funny, everyone thought they were geniuses. But no one liked him. No one even bothered to understand his own emotions. So what if some first year with greasy hair got laughed at by the school? They didn't even care … after all, it wasn't their feelings that were being hurt.

His mental and physical restraint on his tears were unhelpful. They rushed out anyway. Severus stayed in that cubicle for so long, he lost track of time. As his sobbing lessened, he heard pairs of footsteps walking along the tiled floor of the toilets. Then a voice.

" … I can't wait for something like that to happen again. It's incredibly funny when it especially happens to Severus. See his face? Ah, it was a priceless moment." Severus recognised it as Lucius Malfoy's voice.

Two other students chuckled at this remark. He assumed that this must be Crabbe and Goyle.

"The poor guy though, he's such a loner. Nobody really likes him do they?" A pause. "Well, I've never seen anyone even come up and talk to him. But I don't blame them – he's so anti-social."

Severus felt the heat rise to his face. After hearing the sound of water running, then the taps being turned off, the footsteps and nasty comments finally died down and Severus was able to come out of his hiding spot. Glancing at his awful reflection on the ancient mirror, he saw that his face was sallow and colourless.

He was the only one that felt sorry for himself.

* * *

Halloween arrived early one morning and the Gryffindors woke up to the sound of … well, the usual chirping of birds – nothing special. James saw the giant outside the castle, dragging an enormous deep green Christmas tree. Suddenly, an idea clicked in his head, like always. But this time, it wasn't actually something that had to do with pranks.

"Hey, what do you say we give the gamekeeper a visit today?" he asked the others.

"Aw, c'mon, James. I thought it was only Snape that we would pick on … the gamekeeper hasn't done anything to us!"

"What are you talking about?" James asked, scratching his head. "I wasn't saying that we pull a trick on him!"

"Oh."

"Am I that mean?" James frowned.

"Well, it depends …"

"Shut up, Sirius." James said and Sirius laughed. "So what do you think? I reckon he'd be worth meeting, seems like a nice kind of guy."

"You're sure he's not … dangerous?" Remus asked uncertainly.

"Dangerous?" James repeated.

"Yeah, well he looks sort of savage, don't you think?"

"No."

"Well, he does to me."

"He doesn't have to look nice to be nice!" James cried, waving his hands. "I mean, just take Peter for example -" Peter stopped eating and looked up. "- he's not exactly good looking but he's pretty harmless, ain't he?"

Remus laughed along with Sirius while Peter scowled.

"Don't take it too seriously now, Peter," said James. "Anyway, back to this – this person-gamekeeper-thing, we could go down to his hut – I heard that's where he lived – and we could meet him there."

The others looked hesitant but James urged them and in the end, they gave up and agreed.

* * *

The four ran down the neat lawns of the school to where the giant lived. Only James looked the most excited of the lot. Remus and Sirius didn't give away any expression at all, but Peter looked terrified of meeting someone at least five times bigger than he was.

James knocked three times on the hard wooden door and they waited with held breaths. What if he really was dangerous?

The door opened a tad and an extremely large and shaggy face appeared between the gap. The four gave loud gasps as the giant growled, "Anythin' I can do for yeh lads?"

James cleared his throat and quite bravely said, "I'm James Potter and this is Peter Pettigrew, Sirius Black and Remus Lupin. We're first years at school and I don't know if you remember us or not but when we arrived here, you brought us to the boats and we kinda sailed across the lake with you. We thought that it was a tremendously fine day today to meet another staff of the school and that's –" James was interrupted by a sharp jab on his rib that came from Sirius.

"You don't have to say a speech!" he whispered.

James's cheeks reddened and he looked up to the giant's face which, to his surprise, was crinkled in a warm smile. He opened the door wider and they were able to see bits and pieces of what the small house contained. The giant extended his large hand.

"Rubeus Hagrid, Keeper of the Keys and Grounds at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. But you can call me Hagrid, tha's what everyone does." He smiled yet again. "It's me own, famous speech."

The four laughed nervously but they were starting to realise that maybe this giant – Hagrid – was not as bad as they thought he would be.

"Care to have a cup o' tea? I was jus' makin' one meself, but it'd be no trouble ter make four more," he said. So James, Sirius, Remus and Peter walked awkwardly inside the hut and the first thing they noticed was a massive package standing in one corner of the hut. It was so big that it was just the right size – the tip of the … whatever it was … was just touching the roof.

Hagrid must've noticed them staring at it because he said, "Ah, I still have ter deliver that ter Professor Dumbledore. Picked it up this mornin' from Gringotts … trusts me see, the Professor does. Gets me ter fetch him the most important things." Hagrid beamed with pride.

"But Hagrid, what is it?" asked Remus, still staring at the package.

"It's a mirror," Hagrid answered. This wasn't the answer the four were expecting.

"A mirror? What's so important about a mirror?" asked James.

"Well, er, s'matter o' fact, I dunno." Hagrid muttered.

"Can we have a look then?"

"S'pose it wouldn' hur'," agreed Hagrid.

Carefully, he stripped the brown paper off the object and set it aside. When the thing was completely visible, everyone gaped at it, admiring its smooth, flawless glass and its complex and delicate golden frame in which the words: Erised stra ehru oyt ube cafru oyt on wohsi were engraved in fancy writing.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Peter wondered aloud once they had closed their open, gaping mouths.

"What's what supposed to mean?"

"The writing – there – on top."

"Ah, I wouldn't have a clue."

"Looks ter me like some kind'o old language or summat," said Hagrid, scratching his wild beard.

"Wonder what it means … " said Remus, walking closer to the mirror so that he was the one on the very front. Suddenly he gasped.

* * *

Remus Lupin

Remus's head snapped up to the ceiling as his eyes widened even more at the sight in the mirror. For not only did he see his regular eleven-year-old self, but just above his head hung the bright, circular shape of the full moon, radiant and shimmering, just visible behind the dark clouds surrounding it.

Suddenly Remus grew scared. The full moon! How could it be? It only showed up two days ago. How can it appear twice in a month in less than three days?

His instincts told him to crouch and hide his face underneath his arms like he always does just before he transforms. He waited for the hairs on the back of his neck to grow longer; for his mouth to morph into the snout he had grown to hate so much; for his nails to become deadly sharp … after a while of feeling nothing, Remus looked up and saw that everyone was eyeing him rather weirdly.

"Remus?" said James. "Are you okay?"

Remus gave a momentary look at the enchanted mirror once more. There he was again, but this time he was crouching, just like his real self. He stood up carefully and so did his mirror-self. He didn't understand. There was the full moon, but why wasn't he transformed yet? Slowly, he smiled. This mirror could tell the future! He knew it!

Remus turned back to the others, the grin still on his face.

* * *

Peter Pettigrew

"What happened to yeh?" asked Hagrid, glancing worriedly at Remus. "Yeh looked like someone was about to hurt yeh or sumthin'."

"I'm fine Hagrid, believe me," replied Remus, looking very happy.

"If yeh say so …"

Peter nervously walked up to the mirror. Usually, he disliked mirrors because he couldn't stand his own reflection which usually showed a fat boy with really thin hair and watery eyes. But there was something strange about this particular piece of framed glass that drew his attention.

As he looked in the mirror, he saw a strange reflection. It was the picture of two identical marble stone pillars, one beside the other, and on the side of one of them was a fine drawing of a small rat etched on the surface of the solid stone. On the other pillar however, was not a picture of a matching rat but an illustration of a proud stag, its antlers held high in the air. As Peter watched, not daring to blink in case he missed anything, the pillar in which the stag was carved into started to fall apart.

The column crumbled, the picture of the stag which was situated at the very top of the pillar was reaching the floor at a shocking rate. Peter's eyes never left the mirror. As the cloud of dust and debris faded away and landed on the ground, Peter saw that only the fragment which contained the stag remained lying at the foot of the other stone pillar.

The reflection suddenly moved and the image was rapidly twisting into another scene in a whirl of dark colours. And Peter saw the same rat as before, only this time it was real and alive, accompanied with a bowing stag. The huge creature was bent on one knee; it seemed to be showing the utmost respect for the puny little creature.

Peter felt a funny feeling in his stomach. At that very moment, his heart had a sudden desperate desire, wanting nothing else but power.

* * *

"Are you okay too, Peter? You look a bit strange," said Sirius.

Peter turned his face to him.

"Wipe that odd look off your face, please, you're scaring me."

"This is no ordinary mirror," whispered Peter.

"We've noticed. Remus has already told us that it doesn't show the same old reflections," explained James. "He saw something that seemed to bring good news, eh, Remsey?"

Remus looked uncomfortable as everyone's eyes turned on him.

"Erm … yeah …"

"What did you see?" Peter asked eagerly.

"I – I saw … I saw my auntie getting better from her, um, werewolf bite," he lied.

"That's excellent!"

"Ye're auntie got bitten by a werewolf?" said Hagrid.

"Y-yeah … ages ago … must be about thirty years now."

"Beau'iful creatures I say," said Hagrid hoarsely. "Everybody hates 'em though, don't understand why …"

"But, Hagrid, they bite," cried Sirius, looking disbelieving.

"So? Don't mean they're not fascinating. Werewolves are one o' the most misunderstood creatures! People take one look at them, scream like a banshee and go runnin' off somewhere."

"I don't blame them," muttered Remus. No one heard him.

"So, Peter, tell us what you saw."

"I don't know it was really weird though. Okay, there were these two pillars right …" Peter explained about the extraordinary image that his reflection showed. He was very proud of what he saw, but of course, he had no idea what it meant. Neither did any of the others.

"It's my turn to look in now!" exclaimed Sirius running to look at the mirror.

* * *

Sirius Black

Sirius elbowed the others out of the way in his excitement. As they all grunted in disapproval, he gaped at the image before him.

It showed himself, tall and gangly, black hair and all, with his mother's slim arms wrapped around him. In front of him sat his laughing brother Jamiel, looking like a younger version of himself and next to his mother stood –

Sirius blinked. Who was that man? Sirius needn't have asked this question to himself … he knew who this man was … it was his father. It had to be.

At that moment, Sirius's heart skipped a beat. His whole body was filled with such a strong emotion he had never felt before and all he wanted right at that very second, was a complete family. For his father to be alive, to be with them.

He had never met his father. He died a couple of days just as Sirius was born, leaving his mother to fend for both Sirius and Jamiel. Teodor Black was murdered. His killer still remains unidentified and Sirius longed to find out who did this merciless act. His father's body had been found near some forestry, his face a skeletal white, his blank eyes wide open and timorous.

His mother had never wanted to discuss the subject of his father's death and he didn't blame her. It was only one day when Sirius had been playing hide and seek with his brother that he found a particular hiding spot in his mother's wardrobe that he stumbled across the newspaper cuttings. Moving black and white pictures revealed the discovery of Teodor's rigid body. Informative text surrounded the tragic scene … text that told Sirius everything he needed to know about his father's death … everything but who its killer was.

After his encounter with the cuttings, Sirius had tried desperately to obscure the horrible images from his mind as they brought nightmares each and every single night. Much to his dismay, they still stayed in his mind, fresh as ever.

* * *

James Potter

Sirius stayed in front of the mirror, staring at it with an expression of hunger and longingness printed on his face. What could he see? James wondered. He tapped Sirius carefully on the shoulder and Sirius turned abruptly, clearly surprised. His eyes were large and he looked slightly teary.

James opened his mouth to ask what he had seen but Sirius cut in. "You're next, James." And with that Sirius walked out of the cabin, oblivious to the fact that everyone was looking at him strangely.

James took a tentative step towards the mirror. Surely what he was about to see couldn't be as bad as what Sirius saw. But as James got closer and closer to the glass, a girl's pretty face loomed into view and he realised instantly who it was.

Lily Evans.

What? James screamed inside his head. What's Lily got to do with anything? Though as James continued to stare at the face, he started to notice her infinite beauty, the flawless texture to her golden skin, the –

James stopped. The mirror showed not only her face but his as well. As James continued to watch, his mirror-self gave Lily a kiss, square on her crimson lips.

James couldn't take it any more. He screamed and jumped back, surprised at what he just witnessed. Him kissing that stuck-up, too-smart-for-anyone girl! That was impossible! Whatever Remus said about the mirror telling the future was so a lie. But if what Remus said wasn't true, then what did this mirror predict or tell?