Chapter 6: Janice Is Flavour of the Month

Author's Note: I have to admit that this one does not seem to be attracting the readers, so I am planning to finish it off (but it will still need more than one chapter), with apologies to those who have taken the trouble to both read and review. I shall leave the possibility of continuing open, but only impassioned pleas will lead me to carry on :).

I am not the only writer to complain of a shortage of reviews recently. You readers, please remember that any encouragement is welcome, and that writers do respond to criticisms that have more basis than "How can you possibly (fill in as required, e.g. imagine one of the Friends doing that / think of Janice as a human being etc.)?"

Talking of responding to criticisms, I promise to put (even) more effort into making the Friends less "British" in the way I make them talk – thanks to Helga von Nutwimple for acute comments (anyone who hasn't read her (?) fics go and do so at once – they are the best thing on the site since the retirement of Ann Pascal, even better than Ethan's tremendous series). Anyone else who spots a particularly glaring "Britishism" please let me know (you can find my email by double-clicking on my name at the head of each chapter or in the summary). But I will say this: I do not think "talking British" is the same as simply talking with long words and proper syntax, as I would expect Ross to do at times (NB his mocked insistence on "whom"), also Julie, a fellow academic, and as Chandler quite often does for humorous effect (remember, also, that Emily is British :) ).

Having written in my note to the last chapter that I couldn't recall anything suggesting that Ross has an interest in art, there he is in 5,23 (repeat just seen on British TV) keen to go to the new Van Gogh exhibition, so there you go. Emily must be pretty intellectual also, if she went to the theatre and a poetry reading with Susan (4,18), not to mention the light opera Die Fledermaus in New York (4,14).

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'I'm glad I've caught you in,' said Monica, smiling into the phone. 'I never like using voicemail – I want to talk.'

'So talk already,' came Janice's voice back, with a smile in her voice. 'Sorry, I've had a load of work on; that's the way it goes in my job. I tell you, sometimes it feels like half my income's going to neighbours and baby-sitters for looking after Maggie. So what's new?'

'We may have got Joey to drop the bet,' said Monica. 'He said he'd talk to Chandler, and Chandler said he'd talk to Joey, when we put pressure on him at our Sunday meal, so … But that's not all. Phoebe got it out of Joey, when he came back from your date, that he might be getting seriously interested in you.'

There was silence at the other end.

'Janice?' said Monica. 'You still there?'

'Yeah, sure,' said Janice apologetically. 'It's just… that was a bit of a shock. Good for the ego, I guess, but …' Her voice trailed off.

'You don't sound very enthusiastic,' Monica commented.

'Well, would you be?' said Janice rather fiercely. 'I mean, I know he's your friend, but in my book the guy's a total jerk when it comes to women. What number girlfriend do you think I'd be – five hundred and fifty first? And how long do you think I'd last? A week, a month if I'm lucky?' She was beginning to sound rather mad. 'I want more than that.'

'Sure you do, Janice,' said Monica gently.

'At least with Chandler, I had more than that,' Janice ranted on. 'That one time … oh, how I regret it, sometimes, the way I let him persuade me to go back to Gary for Maggie's sake … and stuck with my decision even when he changed his mind, the rat …' Now she sounded sad.

'Tell me, Janice,' said Monica, keeping her voice gentle. 'If Joey changed, might you accept that he could be seriously interested in you?'

There was another silence, then a sigh. 'He can be very sweet,' said Janice eventually, 'and he is pretty damn cute. If he could only be cured of chasing after every pretty girl he sees … But that's never going to happen, is it?'

It was Monica's turn to sigh. 'I wouldn't be so sure. He got close to being truly in love once, with an actress called Kate, but she went to LA for her career. Would you give him a chance, at least? He said you started being more like your old self when you were on the date.'

'Well, yeah,' said Janice a bit defensively, 'that was really for my own protection. Concentrating on it kept me from … well, I can see why so many women fall for him.' Her voice had gone soft. 'Isn't it a pain that you can never get everything you want in a guy?' She added rather wistfully.

'I know what you mean,' said Monica sympathetically, 'but remember the last words of Some Like It Hot: nobody's perfect.'

Janice chuckled. 'You may be right. But tell me,' she went on in a funning tone, 'don't you think Rachel's perfect?'

'Ooh, not fair,' said Monica lightly. 'She's pretty damn close, in my eyes, and that's all I'm going to say.'

'Nice save,' said Janice appreciatively. 'Hey, you know Ross and Emily invited me to dinner? I feel flattered.'

'The night of your date with Joey, you impressed Ross a lot,' said Monica. 'Emily too. I hope you have a great time.'

'I like Emily,' said Janice. 'Well, I'll see you guys around. I think I can drop into Central Perk now without getting the big freeze.' She gave a brief rendition of her old laugh and rang off.

Monica felt Rachel's eyes upon her and looked at her with a smile. 'I don't suppose I need to fill you in on what was going on there.'

'No, I got most of it,' said Rachel, 'but what were you saying I was pretty damn close to?'

'Being perfect,' said Monica, walking towards her and smiling more broadly.

'Only close?' said Rachel as she got up, but she was smiling too.

They embraced and kissed, both once more feeling amazed joy that they should have found their soulmates in each other. Things might have developed, but Joey walked in without knocking, as usual.

'Whoa!' he said. 'Should I come back later?'

'No, Joey, it's okay,' said Monica, smiling at him as she and Rachel gently disengaged.

'When you're in love, you're often kissing without feeling you have to go any further,' said Rachel, also smiling at him. 'What can we do for you?'

'You remember when we were talking, about my getting serious with Janice?' said Joey. 'Well, I wonder if you could give me some advice. I mean, I can hardly ask Chandler.'

Monica frowned slightly. 'Why not? If the bet's off, he should have no reason to give you bad information. The bet is off, isn't it?'

'It's not that,' said Joey evasively. 'You know the rules: she was his girlfriend.'

'You and your stupid rules!' Monica fumed. 'I can see maybe why men get protective of their sisters, but ex-girlfriends? That's just ridiculous and possessive. Besides, Kathy was your girlfriend once, and you're okay with that now.'

Joey still looked bothered. 'I don't know … I'm getting this feeling, Chandler might be getting interested in Janice again. I mean, she's changed so much, you can see why he might.'

'He has no right to do that, when he has a perfectly good girlfriend in Kathy,' said Monica severely. 'Okay, come sit down, and we'll talk.'

'Coffee? Cookie?' Rachel offered.

Joey grinned. 'Yes to both of those.' When Rachel's back was turned, he said quietly to Monica, 'I still can't get over the way Rachel now loves to get food and drink for everyone.'

'Yes, isn't it great?' said Monica, looking at her fondly. 'She's just got like this, with no pushing from me whatever, if you'll believe it. So, you've decided, you do want to carry on with Janice?'

Joey grinned a little lopsidedly. 'I know it's hard to believe, coming from me. But when I heard her talk in Central Perk that evening, about art and the British House of Lords and everything, I had this feeling, here's this girl who's really smart, and she's attractive, and yet she's willing to go out with me, even though I know squat about anything.' He sounded perfectly sincere. 'Not many of my girlfriends have been extra-smart, you know.'

'Well, obviously, or they wouldn't have gone out with you,' Monica quipped.

'Nice one, Mon,' said Rachel as she brought over Joey's coffee and a plate of cookies. 'Do you want anything?'

'I think I'll take a coffee as well, thanks, sweetie,' said Monica, beaming at her. Rachel gazed back lovingly for a moment, then seemed to tear herself away and went back to the coffee machine.

Monica turned to Joey, to see him gazing at her rather wistfully . 'When I see you two together, I can't help thinking, I want that,' he said.

'That's one thing you have to find for yourself, Joey,' said Monica sympathetically but firmly. 'And to get and keep it, you have to lose interest in anyone else. Of course, if you're in love enough, you would – temporarily, at least.' She flashed a grin at him.

Rachel brought over Monica's coffee and one for herself. 'So, have you come up with any good ideas for Joey yet? Because I have one if you don't.'

'Go ahead,' said Monica.

'Show an interest in her kid,' said Rachel. 'Nothing too obvious – I mean, don't shower her with presents – '

'Couldn't if I wanted to,' Joey interrupted. 'I'm next door to broke.'

Rachel frowned a little. 'That makes it more difficult. I was going to suggest, you give them some kind of treat. You know, a trip to the Park with a visit to an icecream parlour, that kind of thing. Could you use a loan of a few bucks?'

Joey pulled a face. 'I already owe Chandler big time. I don't want to owe you too.'

'Well, if it would make you feel any better, I could charge you interest,' said Rachel. 'You know, like a dollar a year.'

Joey laughed. 'I couldn't do it, Rachel, but thanks.'

She shrugged. 'The offer's there. My job pays pretty well. Well, at least you can talk to Janice about Maggie, show her that you're interested.'

Joey nodded. 'It's a good idea.'

'Are you invited to this dinner party she's going to, with Ross and Emily?' Monica asked.

'Oh yeah,' said Joey enthusiastically. 'Isn't it great? I mean, I get to see her again without having to ask for a date. Hey, do you think I should prepare, like read my encyclopedia book, maybe?'

Monica's lips twitched. 'Joey, there's no telling whether they'll talk about anything beginning with V. But go ahead, it can't hurt.'

Joey nodded and grabbed another cookie. 'These are the best,' he said happily. 'Did you make them, Rach, or are they Monica's?'

'Let's call them a joint effort,' said Monica, grinning at Rachel.

'I did all the hard work,' said Rachel mock-indignantly. 'You just gave the orders.'

'It's knowing what orders to give that counts,' said Monica, and ducked as Rachel pretended to throw a cookie at her. Then both flopped back in their seats laughing.

Joey regarded them indulgently. It occurred to him that Ross and Emily did not seem to behave like this, although of course he didn't see them at home; neither, as far as he knew, did Chandler and Kathy. So maybe there was more than one way of being in love. But he certainly liked the way Monica and Rachel showed it.

Later, when Joey had left, Monica looked at Rachel shrewdly. 'You know what? I think the bet may still be on. I'm going to call Janice again.' She picked up the phone, but when she tapped in the number, it was busy.

It had taken Chandler a lot of effort to psych himself up sufficiently to call Janice. Three times he had picked up the phone determinedly, then put it down and paced around the apartment, gnawing his lip. He knew that he should not be doing it, that he was endangering his relationship with Kathy even if, as was only too likely, he got turned down flat. But more and more, he felt he had to try. Somehow, Janice seemed to have transformed herself, and in the process she had become really desirable again. All the traits that irritated him had effectively disappeared, and now she was showing others that he never knew she possessed. The memory of the time when they had had "Hollywood love", as Janice had called it, had faded, but he had not forgotten that he had been very happy. He had not been seeing so much of Kathy recently, and enjoyable though their relationship was, he felt he was marking time, while the memory of how he had distrusted her without reason, though never referred to, always lay between them. It had been very convenient for him that she seemed happy to keep things at their present level, and put no pressure on him at all. But he was beginning to feel that he could handle a relationship that was aiming to go somewhere. He had nerved himself to make a commitment to Janice once, when she had not been ready. If only he could get her interested, maybe he could do so again, and she would be ready.

So what was holding him back? A certain guilt about going behind Joey's back, but mainly the fear of rejection, even humiliation – if she chose to, Janice could even destroy his relationship with Kathy. But …

'Oh, the hell with it,' he said, and tapped in Janice's number. He beamed involuntarily when he heard her voice, now lacking the harsh overtones that it had often had.

'Janice, it's me,' he said haltingly, 'Chandler.'

'Well, hello, Chandler Bing,' she said cheerfully. 'What can I do for you?'

'I, um, just rang to see how you were,' he said.

'Oh, I'm fine,' she said lightly. 'In fact, now that I have made friends with your friends, I'm better than fine.' She chuckled.

 'And, and I wanted to tell you …' He dried.

'Yes?' she said enquiringly.

'To tell you,' he said in a rush of inspiration, 'that I'm really, truly sorry about the Yemen business. I was so goddamned immature!'

'It's all right, I understand,' she said. 'How are you and Kathy getting on, anyway?'

Chandler just stopped himself from groaning aloud. 'Well, we're, we're okay, but …' He dried again.

'But?' she prompted.

'It's just … I remember how we used to be, you and I,' he poured out. 'I don't have that with Kathy, and I don't think I ever will. I …' He took a deep breath. 'I'd like to see you, Janice, not just in Central Perk with the others, but …' He could think of no easy way to put it.

'Are you asking me for a date?' she said incredulously. 'After all this time, and when you know Joey's interested in me, and you have a girlfriend anyway?' She did not sound mad, simply amazed.

Chandler swallowed, croaked, cleared his throat and tried again. 'Yes, that's what I'm doing,' he said hoarsely, trying to sound more confident than he felt.

'Weeell,' she said, her voice amused. 'Who would have thought Chandler Bing would be so bold? Mmm, it's sort of tempting, you know, but …'

'No buts,' he cried. 'I have already used this conversation's ration of buts. Please, Janice, give me a chance – for old times' sake?' He tried not to sound as if he was begging, but of course he was.

'Old times,' she said. 'We certainly had them. Look, let me think about this. I mean, this is a fairly major step, wouldn't you agree?'

'Oh yes, yes,' he cried. 'Take all the time you need,' he added, mentally cursing himself for sounding so eager to please.

'Okay, Chandler Bing,' she said in a rather "sexy" voice. 'I'll be in touch before very long, I promise.'

Chandler put the phone down and went to pour himself a drink, feeling rather shaky. He suddenly realised that Joey could have come in at any moment during that conversation. But he could not believe that Joey was really interested in Janice; the antipathy he had shown towards her in the past had surely been too strong. Anyway, Chandler now felt determined to bury the bet at the earliest possible opportunity, and hope that Janice never got to hear of it, or he was dead. Suddenly panicky, he decided to call everyone who knew about it, starting with Ross and Emily.

Janice put the phone down, smiling to herself, but she had hardly done so when it rang again. Surprised, she picked it up. 'Janice speaking.'

'Janice, there's something you have to know,' said Monica urgently. 'Joey was over here, and he wouldn't say that the bet was off. We think he's genuinely interested, but …'

'It's raining buts at the moment,' said Janice. 'I had a whole bunch from Chandler just now. Do you know, he wound up by asking me out?'

'Nooo!' said Monica in amazement. 'What did you do?'

'Well, I didn't turn him down – said I'd call him,' said Janice, giggling a little. 'I know I shouldn't, but it's nice to be flavour of the month, you know? But please don't tell Kathy. I won't take him away from her, though it seems to me he may be drifting away. I just want to see what I do feel about him now.'

'Hmm,' said Monica pensively. 'You know, this sounds like the title of that British sitcom, Men Behaving Badly. Don't encourage him to drift away from Kathy, Janice, please. We put a lot of effort into getting him back together with her.'

'I know, I know,' said Janice, 'and now I'm friends with you guys I don't want to do anything to upset that. Besides, I owe him for his part in the bet. It's just … well, I really loved the guy once, you know? I'm not being some kind of heartless vamp here.'

'Sure, Janice, sure,' said Monica warmly. 'I trust you. When's this dinner with Ross and Emily?'

'Holy cow, it's tonight!' cried Janice in sudden alarm. 'All this chatting on the phone, and I've not even showered! Look, I'll be in touch.'

'Have a great time, Janice,' said Monica hastily as Janice put the phone down and almost ran to her bedroom.

'So, Ross, have they found the answer to what killed off the dinosaurs yet?' said Janice over dinner. 'I heard, it's all the result of this great big meteorite landing in the Bay of Mexico.'

Beaming at a chance to talk about his passion, Ross said, 'Well, that could certainly have been a factor, but …' and went into a long spiel of which Joey did not understand word one, except that it was all about time and climate and stuff. He felt proud of Janice for being able to talk with Ross on apparently equal terms. Because Ross was smart, everyone knew that – it was just, he was so boring. He tried to catch Emily's eye to express sympathy, but she seemed absorbed in the conversation between Ross and Janice. Joey smiled sentimentally: it was good that Ross's wedding was working out so well.

Later, as he walked Janice home, he said, 'Man, you sure know a lot about Ross's stuff.'

Janice looked pleased. 'I like to read around,' she said. 'But, you know, it's only what you can get from the articles in Time and Newsweek and so on. You don't get the time to do much serious reading when you have a small child around. In some ways I can't wait for Maggie to go to school.'

'You going to send her to pre-school?' said Joey, seeing an opportunity. 'She's a smart kid.' Inspired, he added, 'You're doing a great job bringing her up.'

Janice smiled at him. 'Why, thank you, Joey! Of course, you have younger sisters, don't you?'

They chatted easily of family matters until they reached her apartment block.

'This was a great evening, Joey,' said Janice. 'Thanks for walking me home. I'm sorry I can't invite you up for a nightcap, but Maggie often wakes up when I get in and I have to settle her down.'

'That's okay,' said Joey, hiding his disappointment. 'Maybe I'll see you at Central Perk tomorrow?'

She looked at him seriously for a moment, then grinned. 'When are you most likely to be there?'

'Once I'm up, most any time,' said Joey. 'I've got no work tomorrow,' he added, trying not to sound depressed.

Janice looked slightly concerned. 'How much work are you getting these days?'

He shrugged. 'Not as much as I'd like.'

'That's too bad,' she said sympathetically. 'I'll see if something can be done. Okay, I'll be in Central Perk around lunchtime tomorrow. Night, Joe.' She had gone inside before he could ask her what she meant, let alone think about trying for a goodnight kiss.

Meanwhile, Ross and Emily were enthusing to each other about Janice as they washed the dishes.

'What great questions she asks!' Ross said. 'It's like she really wants to know, she's not just being polite.'

'Didn't I notice!' said Emily. 'But she was just as good at talking about London.'

'I can't believe we didn't see all this before,' said Ross, shaking his head.

'Well, you know, we did do a bit of remedial work on her, Monica and Rachel and Phoebe and me,' said Emily. 'We showed her how irritating her mannerisms could be and, more important, why she didn't need them.'

'Uh-huh,' said Ross, not really attending. He was gazing into space smiling.

'She'll be around Central Perk more from now on,' said Emily. 'So you'll have other opportunities to talk palaeozoic stuff. And you wouldn't object to me having her round for a chat now and then, would you? She's free more often than Monica or Rachel, and I can relate to her better than to Phoebe, really.'

'Go right ahead,' said Ross, still a bit abstracted. Emily looked at him, wondering what he was thinking about with that goofy look on his face. Was he, conceivably, getting a crush on Janice? Oh well, she knew men did this kind of thing from time to time, and she did not think there was the remotest chance of Janice returning it, especially with Joey showing an interest in her.

When Joey entered Central Perk around noon the next day, he was slightly taken aback to see Janice at the centre of an animated group that included Monica, Phoebe, Emily, and Kathy. They seemed to have taken to the "new Janice" surprisingly fast, it seemed to him. They all looked up when they saw him coming, and Monica said something that made them snicker.

'Hey Joey!' said Janice. 'Good news! Get in touch with your agent. My agency should be putting some auditions your way.'

'Gee, thanks, Janice,' he said very enthusiastically.

'Well, you may not thank me when you have to be on site at five a.m.,' said Janice with a chuckle. 'But a job's a job, eh?'

'It sure is,' said Joey. Suddenly he felt a surge of affection for this woman who had gone out and actually tried to do something for him. He sat down on the table in front of her, took her hand and gazed into her eyes.

'Thanks,' he repeated in a very serious tone. 'You're a real friend, Janice.'

She blinked and moistened her lips. 'It's nice to be appreciated,' she said in a light tone, but she looked uneasy.

'Yeah, and you haven't been, until recently,' he said. 'Look, Janice, I know I wasn't friendly when you were going out with Chandler, but I want to put all that behind me, for ever. Please will you take me seriously as a date?'

[A genuine cliff-hanger! What will Janice say? Stay tuned]