Disclaimer II: I am further away that this style of diary-fic has been popularly used to great effect by Arabella, particularly in her HQOW series. I'd like to disclaim any accusations of plagiarism. The idea of diaries other than Tom Riddle's haunted me after CoS and I've worked through this fic and a few companions for quite a while, before I discovered her writing. I did not steal her idea, only had a similar one and wrote it later, and have tried very hard not to let any of her ideas bleed into mine from that point forth. This will probably become evident as you see the differences between her theories and mine. With that, I must say that hers are enjoyable reads, as is Jedi Boadicea's Blood and Ink.
Author's Notes: Yes, I've fudged Quidditch Through the Ages and I know italics are technically are supposed to be used to show emphasis rather than bolds or underlinings. However, most people in real life do not always adhere to such rules; furthermore, I wanted to distinguish between the writing styles of Mavis, Lola, and Remus (and later Maurice). Pity ff.net no longer allows fonts. That would've been interesting.
Dedication: To Voltora, one of my first fanfic encouragers and friends, and in mutual Remus-love.
The Reluctant Diaries:
Remus J. Lupin
Part One
Saturday: To-Do List
1) Arrange a way to get to King Cross Monday (where to get Muggle clothes? Post-transformation? Portkey?)
2) Go over Remus's supplies list
3) Arrange and prepare to go back to Grating (Purchase Floo powder?)
4) Establish bed-time (do not compromise anything later than 9)
5) Buy ingredients for Sleeping Draught (ashpodel root discount until 1 Sept)
Ah! Busy day, I see.
Excuse me?
Oh, I am sorry, did I startle you?
Er, no… I just didn't know this was an enchanted notebook. My apologies - my son conveniently forgot to mention this.
Ah, I see. My apologies as well.
No, no, quite all right. It's just I was planning to use you as my organiser…
Oh, dear. Feel free, madam (or at least I hope you are a 'madam'; my handwriting discretion skills are not quite what they used to be.) I shall simply keep quiet.
Oh, no, I couldn't do that! You would be dreadfully bored. I'm Lola Lupin, and you…?
My name?
Er - yes, I suppose.
Mavis.
Ah. Good day, Mavis. I'm sorry if I'm a bit out of it… this changes things. You see, today my son Remus was in Diagon Alley when he wound up talking to a group of girls who gave him this diary with a strong, enthusiastic suggestion to record his days at Hogwarts. Apparently they were rounding up every first-year they could find, although they were just 'ickle firsties' themselves.
I think I see.
Precisely. So this evening Remus tells the story and we had a good laugh - and then he tells me to keep this, er, you. He doesn't really want to start journaling. He took you, I'm afraid, to humour the girls.
Hm. Well, a pretty natural reaction from an eleven-year-old boy.
Yes. Well, actually, I've forced books on him so many years he's heartily sick of it. The idea of having to fill a diary - he just mentally drew the line there. Hmm. Let me think. Mavis, I confess, I'm a horrible over-fretting mother.
I had to raise my younger siblings. I believe I can sympathise, Mrs Lupin.
Oh, it's just Lola, please. Truthfully, I've had two husbands and separated from both of them… although not at the same time, of course! I certainly didn't mean it that way…
Of course not. I didn't believe of you for a moment.
Now, you would really be quite bored with me. I also really don't think Remus knew you were…
Enchanted?
Er, yes. Don't hold it against him.
I wouldn't think of it.
I've a brainwave. This is sort of a favour to ask, but go you suppose we could wipe all of this; I'll force you on Remus, and you could sort of - keep an eye on him at Hogwarts?
It's not as if I have much of a choice…
Oh, but you do. That's why I asked. Would you mind very much? I don't mean you would have to be a go-between or anything of the sort; I'm just an overprotective mother with separation anxiety…
I wouldn't; but I'll be quite clear. I simply cannot break confidences by spilling Remus's secret to you and I cannot play second mother by trying to dictate him.
Oh, no! I wouldn't dream of it. Just - oh, dear, I'm so very nervous and I'm trying not to show it. Just - oh, just keep an eye on him and just give me a quick review every summer.
Odd arrangement, but I like it quite well. It's been a while since I've been a student's diary. Mind you, it's intriguing. I am getting excited.
Thank you. Very much.
Not at all.
There is one more thing…
Yes?
Lola?
If you have any objections, I want to know, not Remus.
But I don't, truly.
No. Let me get to it. My son is a werewolf.
Oh.
Do you mind?
Not particularly. As his diary, I am actually spelled against holding any such thing against him in our exchanges, even if I wanted to. I doubt I will. Diaries get fascinating glimpses into people's souls. Although I admit to praying we're separated during full moon, if you don't mind me saying.
Oh, no, he wouldn't. Promise. He's really quite levelheaded. Are you positive?
Very. In fact, this promises to be interesting.
Well… okay then. But, remember - I did not tell you about this. In fact, you never even talked to me and don't even know whose possession you are in. It's just that Mum, in a fit of sternness, decided that he simply needed to do some journaling for the benefit of his growth.
Ha! Yes, I see. 'Mum' is the word. Tell him the very first word he writes is his password, so choose carefully.
Oh, yes, right. Thank you, Mavis. Thank you very much. You don't know what peace of mind this gives me.
I can imagine.
Thank you. I'll talk to you next year, then?
Promise.
HoHYW
26 August
Well, here is the result of Mum's latest 'cause-I'm-your-mother-that's-why' moods.
I remember them well. Quite irritating, no?
Oh, pardon me. Did you know this diary was living? Enchanted?
I think I am getting an inkling.
Indeed. I am Mavis Townshed, just Mavis, thank you. And yourself?
Remus Lupin. I think. I am a bit surprised… sorry.
Quite all right, as you did not know. How did you come by me?
It was yesterday, in Diagon Alley.
Oh, goody. Are you going to school?
Er, yes. Hogwarts.
Indeed! I went there myself.
Really? You were once alive?
Alive, indeed! You don't think I am dead now?
Oh, right, sorry.
But yes. Why, child, I was one of the first students of Hogwarts School. But go on. In Diagon Alley…
Right… I was stopped by five girls. They are Hogwarts first-years, too: Mercy Mullen, Samantha Orr, Hannah Mockingham, Arabella Hagley, and Olivia Bodine. It seems they were handing out diaries to all their fellow first-years. They were insistent that the records would be 'invaluable' at the end of our seven years.
Actually, they were quite right.
They probably were. I'm sorry, but I'm not really as eager. I tried to give you to Mum.
And she…?
Gave it back. Developing good writing skills, a quiet time for reflection, and 'soul-searching' are supposed to be good for me.
Mavis?
Sounds like something a mother would say.
It took you a moment to reply and now your handwriting is shaky. Are you laughing?
In the name of tact and friendship, keep talking.
Oh. Right. Well, no offence, but I kind of was used to the idea of a journal, as they are completely accepting.
I am a journal, Remus.
Well, you're not a normal journal.
No, but I do swear I am completely accepting.
I've found no one can have a personality and be completely accepting.
Very austere observation. I assure you I am highly accepting, then. What is it you think I can't accept?
What? Oh. Nothing, really. Just a thought.
Are you sure?
Never mind. It's been five minutes, so I'm released from punishment. Good evening.
Good evening.
HoHTW
27 August
Hello, Mavis.
Good day, Remus. Being forced to do a daily entry again?
Yes.
I am sorry for making it all the more difficult. I imagine it is hard, having an audience.
No, I was going to say sorry for being so rude yesterday. I was just… surprised. And now I feel a bit forced to write now, even at Hogwarts.
I see. It's quite all right.
Thanks. Mavis, do you get… bored in there?
I can flip through my memories and re-read the entries of my former diarians and talk to my friend Maurice. I must admit new entries are a relief. Especially anything amusing.
Amusing? Sorry. That's not really me. Although… say, that was rather funny. Do you want to hear?
Please.
Well, it wasn't all that spectacular, but it was in Diagon Alley again. It was windy, damp, chilly… just regularly nasty. I could barely walk against the wind and I had my books from Flourish and Blottts when I was stopped by someone. I didn't know him, but he was my age. He was taller though. Also he looked a little intimidating. And right out of the blue he asks if I play Quidditch!
Do you?
I've never flown before. I heard there's flying lessons at Hogwarts. I'm dying to try. But I barely got to say no when he pulled me into a Quidditch store and bought an Accelerator.
That's a broomstick?
Top-of-the-line, brand-new, amazing. Also very fast and very expensive. The clerk sort of stared at this boy and warned him six times that it could not be returned once it left the shop, very bemused. It was odd. I had no clue where I came in, but you could not make yourself heard with him (and I don't mean the clerk). He snatches the Accelerator and shoves over a few handful of Galleons as if it were nothing. Then he drags the broom and myself outside.
Mavis, he held the broom out and told me to take it. An Accelerator.
My goodness! That's wonderful!
Wonderful? It was awful. I couldn't accept that! Although… I did sort of want to.
Why wouldn't? I admit to being a Quidditch addict, but in my day girl flyers were heavily frowned upon. So did you get it?
Well, I thought he was joking. But then he shoved it at me and I nearly dropped the books and the Accelerator into the mud in shock. I must have looked like such an idiot. Yet he still really didn't listen a bit. So finally I had to pretty much shout no!
Then (this is where it was funny) he turns to this older girl, who I believe is his sister, and says innocently: 'Elsie V. (no idea what the V is about), what am I going to do? This is unreturnable.'
The rogue! All a trick!
Yes, but wasn't it grand? I nearly died trying not to laugh. Elsie V. looked horrified, but in too much shock to protest.
Poor girl probably puts up with that all the time.
I bet so. I swear, that boy just looked wicked, but I rather liked him. It was the greatest joke.
It certainly was. I shall chuckle over that one for days.
Go ahead. I will, too. I hope we meet up at Hogwarts. I'll write tomorrow.
G'night.
HoHYW
28 August
Hello, Mavis.
Good morning, Remus! You're writing early, I see.
Yes.
Handwriting is a little shaky… are you all right?
I'm just fine.
If you say so.
I'm trying. You write too quickly.
I'm sorry. Go on.
There isn't much to go on about.
Ah. Just five minutes of stalling, then?
Exactly. Any ideas?
I'm rather interested in knowing what classes are at Hogwarts now, if you don't mind.
Not at all. I believe there are further classes in later years, but for first-years it runs: Astronomy, Charms, Defence Against the Dark Arts, Herbology, History of Magic, Potions, and Transfiguration.
Hm. Read over your books?
I skimmed them. I don't need to know everything in them just yet, right?
I highly doubt it. Do you mind if I ask you a question?
I cannot promise to answer.
Shrewd one, aren't you? Well, what exactly is that password from?
Oh, that. Well, truth be told, I wanted to be sure to pick something no one would guess, so I took the initials of one of our history books: History of Hundred Years' War. Just on a whim.
Oh! I see. Well, I promise no one will guess. Do you like history?
It's sort of interesting, but I'm tired of it. Mum was so afraid I would not go to Hogwarts, she got all sorts of books for studying. I'm quite certain I've memorised them by now and never want to hear of Sir Arthur Wellesey again as long as I live.
Ah. Understandable. Could you tell me of this Hundred Years' War some day? I've missed a lot, being a diary some thousand years…
All right. But not just now… I'm a little busy. Til later, Mavis.
Good-bye, dear.
HoHYW
30 August
My word! You missed a day!
I know.
Is your mum relenting?
Sort of.
You can tell me any 'let's fool the jailer' stunts. I am your diary, keeper and confidant of all secrets.
Remus?
Well, here's a secret I'd rather tell now before I've got to worry about Hogwarts and all. Only I'd rather not mention it at all.
It's your choice, my dear, but I suggest you go on.
Fine. I didn't write yesterday because the 28th was full moon and I'm a werewolf. And if you never write back again I understand.
My dear, no, indeed. How long ago did you get bitten?
You don't mind?
Heavens! I honestly don't. You're my diarian, and remember what I said about being very accepting.
Remus?
I'm sorry. I'm just a little… surprised. For years I thought the only one who accepted me was Mum… later my stepfather… and now Professor Dumbledore, of course. It's odd.
How so?
Well, no one else seems to think so. Werewolves are thought of as monsters, after all, and most only care about that. This summer Mum and I were forced out of a village… again. I cause so much trouble.
My dear, I've already seen you are a caring and intelligent person, and the being victim of what was most likely an accident is not anything that would sway that opinion.
Right. How on earth could you see that from three-and-a-half entries?
You took me off those girls out of politeness. You were quick to ask if I was bored, and if there was anything you can do for me. You understood the Accelerator incident. You picked a clever password. And you are very sane and sensible for a child with your curse. I hate to say, but many werewolves are mistrusted for a reason. Many adults are driven mad by it all.
Mavis?
Yes?
I need a moment to think. Is that okay?
I expect you would. Go on and think away.
Okay. And Mavis?
Yes, Remus?
Thanks.
*
HoHYW
Okay, I'm back. Writing twice in one day… I think Mum is going to faint with happiness.
Ha!
If you don't mind, could you tell me when you were bitten? I'm actually rather curious, if you think you wouldn't…
No, it's okay. I figured I'd have to answer. It was a few weeks after my fifth birthday.
Fifth! You were five?
Yes.
Goodness.
Mavis?
Yes?
Whatever am I going to do at school?
You will have to be more exact, dear. And I must say I am quite surprised you are going at all. I've never heard of it before… not that I'm not rather pleased you are.
Prof Dumbledore said I'm the first at Hogwarts.
Dumbledore… last I heard, he defeated Grindelwald and was a Transfiguration teacher. Is he Headmaster now?
Yes. And almost a moment too late.
How so?
Our Hogwarts letters were signed by Dumbledore. Oh, you should have seen Mum. I haven't seen her so thrilled in years… perhaps when she married Chris. But in half an hour we got one from the Headmaster, Armando Dippet.
That Hufflepuff who was a potions expert?
I suppose so. Mum read the letter and started crying.
Oh, dear.
I had never seen her cry before. I was terrified. But the letter just said that they had discovered I was a werewolf and I could not come. Mum stopped crying after I read it and started asking about planning dinner… of all things. She never mentioned the letter for a month, just went on with it.
But now…
Dumbledore actually came to visit us last month to 'apologise' and 'offer an explanation'. Dippet retired.
You sound surprised he came.
Well, of course! He's the greatest wizard in the world, after all. Drinking tea as casual as anything in our kitchen. Which was a bit of a nightmare, actually, as it was raining and the roof was leaking, and we had run out of sugar. Mum almost died of shame.
Oh, Remus… so, about school, you are nervous?
Yes.
Then I take this opportunity to assure you that it is a common feeling. So why?
I've never been able to get on with children my age. Not since I was bitten and left Canan Millbury (that was our village, both my mother and father's families had been there for ages), and if they found out… it doesn't quite take a genius to figure out what a disappearance the same time every month means…
You'd be surprised.
And even if they don't… it's hopeless. Even when I do talk to someone… it's difficult. In the town we were staying in just before this I had played with some of the children there; ended up kicking the ball too hard, losing it… and then they found it out as well. I always mess it up in the end.
You'll get to practise; seven years to learn.
Seven years… that's a long time. It's actually longer than the time I've been a werewolf.
Would you like my advice?
It definitely won't hurt.
Be yourself, have fun, try talking, and I'm fairly sure you will make some wonderful friends.
Sure. And then they'll find out. Mavis, it's -
By which time they will like you so much it won't matter.
Right. You are definitely very optimistic. Well, term starts tomorrow, so we'll find out.
Be sure to write.
All right.
Try to on the Express (that is what it's called now, correct?) if just for a moment. As I recall, it's a dreadful long time. Last I heard it took a full day.
A full day… I suppose I'll find time.
One last thing: did Dumbledore mention where you will be going when it's full moon?
He said he had a plan and that I would soon find out. He said there was a deserted house he secured, and a secret way to get there.
Oh. Just checking. And do the teachers know?
Yes. Which is rather uncomfortable. Mavis? I don't feel quite well from Friday night. I'd honestly rather not think about it all.
I'm sorry. That's your tactful way of saying 'stop being nosy', right? G'night, and good luck, dear.
Thanks, Mavis. I'll write tomorrow.
30 August
Mavis? It's Lola... what on earth was my password? 'To-Do'?
Hello, Lola. Never mind that for now. It's 'Saturday'. Just checking in?
Yes. Oh, Mavis, I'm a mess. I can't stand it. There is no way in this world or that which is to come that I can let Remus go tomorrow. At the last second I'll hold him back. No, I won't. I can't. It's the absolute best opportunity for him. I can't deny him that. I can't embarrass him or myself or explain to Albus Dumbledore, of all people, why he didn't arrive. I won't be able to concentrate at all while he's gone. What if something happens? If he's found out, wi-
I hate to sound rude, but… Lola!
Oh, I know. I know. I'm ridiculous and I'm rambling and I'm downright taking advantage of your position.
My dear Mrs Lupin, for you and all loving mothers I have the greatest of sympathy. And you're not the only half-hysterical woman I've comforted.
Oh, I'm half-hysterical now, are I?… Sorry! That wasn't intended maliciously. It was sarcasm, which is far from becoming, but I feel it's my only retreat.
Oh, Lola. You have plenty of things going positively for your son's well-being. To start, you have this infamous Albus Dumbledore on your side, and Remus himself is an extraordinary lad.
But he is only a boy… what if he ever took it in his head to do something silly, something any of us would've done as schoolchildren that didn't matter much but would cause a great disaster considering his lycanthropy? I worry so much about that. The desire to fit in and willful adolescent emotions…
Take comfort. He's not quite there yet. Eleven is still a fairly sensible age, and you've brought him up on a good foundation.
If something did go wrong, he'd never forgive himself. Nor would anyone else!
You would, and that would count for a great deal.
Not in Azkaban. Not for the Committee.
Lola, think what a life he'll have if he never takes this chance.
Dear Mavis, where did you ever come by this wonderful logic that I'm beginning to realise I can never fight against?
One thousand years and access to more of human sorrow and joy and various other extraordinary emotions than it's really quite healthful to get. Now, I know I cannot promise you everything shall go right. But I can say with a great degree of certainty that not everything shall go wrong! Really, Lola. You struck me as a sensible woman.
I suppose I did. That wonderful façade helps.
It's no façade. Get a good night's sleep.
I've been trying. Remus already had one nightmare, and that usually indicates more to follow. Nightmares! What'll his roommates say?… You're right. I shouldn't be fretting and I'm making every problem seem bigger than it is. I do swear I normally have some more common sense. I'm just having a breakdown now and in the morning after Remus is safely on the train I'll be heartily ashamed of it.
There is no reason to be ashamed. Again, you dear mothers warm me to my heart… well, not that I have one, but to my soul. And remember, I had raised my younger brothers and sisters. It can be a heartbreaking task as well as a lovely one. And I can only imagine the extra hardship considering…
Did he tell you?
Yes. Just today, in fact.
Mavis, I'm so relieved. He scarcely trusts anyone. But then again, I suppose it's difficult not to trust you… I hope he doesn't think to start spreading it around at Hogwarts at the drop of a hat, though…
I'll persuade him not to.
Thank you, really. I appreciate everything so much.
And you love that boy to death. Covers a lot of lapses of sanity in my eyes. Honestly, try to rest. See him off with a smile tomorrow. No reason to give Remus any more doubts… which he has a wealth of.
I will. Till next year?
I can tell you're thinking doomfully 'so many things can happen in a year!'. Yes, till next year.
Take care of yourself, and good night, Lola.
Good night, Mavis.