Chapter 3
WHEN I FIND MY PIECE OF MIND
"Okay, Cloud, you may open my gift", Tifa orders Cloud with cheerful tone. The feast is over and everyone has gone for their own business. Now they are alone on their own. Tifa has changed her cloth to her usual famous dress. Cloud puts his hand inside his pocket to reach a small gift from Tifa and pulls it out. He shows the small box to Tifa.
"What's inside this ?", Cloud asks Tifa although he knows she will not answer his question.
"Just open it…", Tifa smiles nicely at him. Cloud nods and unties the ribbon that wraps the gift. Tifa looks at him with curious look. When the ribbon is completely untied, Cloud opens the box and looks inside it. Tifa gets more curious. She hopes that he will like her gift. Slowly Cloud pulls out something from the box. It is a silver necklace with a pendant in Ultima sword shape. Cloud smiles at the necklace then to Tifa. From his smile, Tifa knows that he likes her gift.
"Thank you, Tifa. It is a nice gift". Cloud then puts the necklace around his neck. Tifa sighs, but it is a sign of relieved feeling.
"I was afraid that you don't like it", she gives her comment. Cloud stares at his new necklace. It really suits him. He then says to Tifa, "Don't worry Tifa, I really like it…It is so…unique. Thanks a lot, Tifa". Cloud sweeps Tifa's hair gently.
"I ordered that necklace personally, because your Ultima sword is kind of rare one", she explains. Cloud places the pendant on his palm and looks closer. He recalls his past on how he struggled to get Ultima sword. It was a tough experience.
"I hope you are not mad anymore because I missed your birthday", Tifa says slowly as she touches the subject that has just made her embarrassed. "I promise it won't be happened again", she gives her promise.
"Hey, forget about that, Tifa…I am really all right, nothing's wrong…it's true", Cloud cuts off Tifa's words. He places his finger on her lips and shakes his head slowly. Cloud then slumps his back on a chair next to him.
"You said that you prepared that meal with Aeris….is that right ?", Cloud asks Tifa, glancing at her who is still standing. Tifa nods her head. She then explains, "She looked like need a refreshing since Sephiroth's second defeat. When she asked whether I would prepare something on your birthday, she offered a hand to help me. I just let her did it. She enjoyed making the meal, but…I can't even imagine how she could miss your birthday like I did", Tifa smiles to herself as she recalls that embarrassing but funny moment. They did not forget Cloud's birthday, they just forgot the day when Cloud's age added one. She giggles. Cloud laughs a little too.
"Cloud…", Tifa calls him after they laugh. Cloud turns his head to her. Tifa continues, "You really changed a lot…". She says her words almost in a whisper, "Do you remember that you were a cold person before the war? You truly were, but slowly you…changed…Although sometimes you look so introvert, you now look more…alive…". Cloud is going to response for Tifa, but he keeps his mouth locked. He tends to let Tifa tell her feeling. "Cloud, I am very glad to see that you change over the time…The way you care about me…it makes my heart live in peace". She then stares at Cloud's Mako-blue eyes. Cloud can see a pair of beautiful ruby eyes on him. A look that he always loves to see. Tifa kneels beside him and rests her head on his thighs.
"Tifa…?", Cloud inquiries Tifa's action. "Nothing, Cloud", she replies, "I just want to be like this…To feel your heart…". Cloud sweeps her long hair gently. He says nothing. Tifa is just the same. She wants to devour the moment together with her love. She just lets Cloud stroke her hair and closes her eyes. She feels a peaceful moment envelops them within its embrace. She prays moment like this will last forever.
"Cloud…how are your wounds ?", Tifa asks him. "I am in full health now", Cloud replies. After the fight, Cloud was injured badly. When they got back to Midgar, it was Tifa who took care of his wounds. Whenever Tifa was not around, Aeris came to replace her, taking care of his wounds, but actually Cloud always found Aeris looked at him worriedly when Tifa managed to care his wounds. When his wounds were healed, Tifa still worried about him, and Aeris did, too. Actually Cloud did not bother his wounds, he used to have wounds in the past, but he just let the girls cared about him.
"Do you think we will be in such fight again ?", Tifa asks him again with low voice. Cloud strokes her hair softly. "Why did you ask that ?", Cloud asks her back. Tifa sighs. She opens her eyes and replies, "Because I worry about you. You have been alive so far over those fights, but for how long ? What if we meet a stronger enemy ? What if we face someone..or something beyond our power, and our knowledge ? Cloud…I don't want to lose you…". Tifa spoke with sad tone. Cloud takes a breath. He knows she is right. Life is unpredictable. When they fought Sephiroth for the first time, he knew they could win, somehow he had the faith on it. However, at the second fight with Sephiroth he started to doubt his faith. Sephiroth was almost untouchable. Even Knights of The Round materia was not enough to defeat him. He needed to perform his Omni Slash to finish his foe. Also, if it was not because of Aeris came back, they would not win over him. They did not even know that Sephiroth was back again. Cloud shakes his head in sorrow. Is he getting weaker ? Or his enemy is too strong ? He cannot reply that. A fight is a fight. There are only two options : win or lose, live or death. A slight chance can turn the winning side to the loser side, vice versa.
"I…don't know…", Cloud finally responds Tifa. Before Tifa reacts, Cloud continues his words, "but I believe, as long as I have reason to keep alive, I will win the fight, anywhere, anytime". Tifa lifts up her head to see his face. "What is your reason ?", she asks. Cloud gives her a calm look and speaks up,
"You".
"Did you say the truth?", Tifa chases him with her questions. Cloud nods as reply. He gives her a look as if he says 'Yes'. Tifa feels her heart filled with joy. She takes a breath and rests her head again on his thighs. "Promise to me…that you'll stay alive…no matter what…", Tifa pleads to him with low voice. She is very afraid that bad things will come again, and worse, she is always afraid that she will lose him.
"Tifa…", Cloud responds. He is in doubt for some seconds. He does not want to give Tifa a fake promise, but he knows he must try. Cloud then says, "…Yes…I promise…".
"Thanks, Cloud…I feel much better now…", Tifa feels a burden is swept away from her heart. From her tone Cloud knows she trusts his words. She closes her eyes again to enjoy the moment with him.
"Cloud, how about our future ? Will we be together like now ?", Tifa asks him out of blue. She opens her eyes. Cloud keeps on sweeping her hair. Without waiting for his response, Tifa adds, "Those are my dreams, Cloud…I pray everyday that we will make them come true". With a graceful motion, she stands up from her kneeling position and faces Cloud. This time Cloud stands up from the chair. He notices a slight change on Tifa's expression.
"Cloud, I need to talk to you…it's about our…unfinished plan…", Tifa stares at Cloud with hopeful look. Cloud senses the direction Tifa talks about. "When are we going to marry ?", she finally asks what is in Cloud's mind.
"When the right time comes..", he replies. He stops for a moment, then continues, "I hope it will be soon". Tifa nods her head and responds, "I wish that, too". She now looks relieved. With her hand, she caresses Cloud's right cheek and stares into a pair of Mako-blue eyes in front of her.
Deep inside his heart, Cloud really wants to make it happen, but a strange feeling starts to urge : a feeling that tells him this is not going well.
………………
Cetra…Aeris stands up from her kneeling position. She was taking care the flowers. She looks at her surrounding and finds she is still alone inside Midgar church.
That voice…Planet again….,she thinks. She hears the same vibrant voice again,
Cetra…the time will come soon….
Aeris sends questioning vibes back, indicating that she still does not understand.
Planet…what do you mean… ?A wind from outside comes in and swings the flowers gently. Silence rings. Aeris stands on her spot, tries to digest the meaning of signal she has received. She feels there is something inside Planet's voice. It sounds so…sad yet so mysterious. She has feeling that something is going to happen again.
Planet, please tell me what is going on….she pleads to Planet. She waits for a moment, and finally a reply comes to her mind,
Prepare yourself….. Aeris feels Planet has closed the contact, yet she still feels sadness inside Planet's voice. She shakes her head confusedly and kneels down again. She stares her flowers she left since the first fight. To her amazement, she finds that those flowers are still fresh, it is just like someone takes care of them while she was not there. Eventually, she lifts up her head to see a hole on the roof. She smiles to herself. She cannot forget that moment. If there was not a hole on the roof, there would not be a man named Cloud Strife came to her life. Remembering him, Aeris puts her hand inside her pocket and pulls out something. She stares at that thing on her palm and thinks whether he will like it or not.
"Aeris…?". Suddenly a voice echoes inside the church. Aeris quickly turns her head to see who calls her. On the church's door, she finds a familiar person to her.
"Hi, Cloud.", Aeris replies with cheerful tone. She smiles at him. Cloud smiles back faintly and walks toward her.
"What are you doing here, Cloud..?", Aeris asks him. She is quite surprised to see him in her place. Cloud replies, "Well…I…um…I was just walking around here….and I just dropped by here…". Aeris notices a bit of nervous tone on Cloud's words. She giggles. She then gives Cloud a funny-questioning look. That makes Cloud act more nervously. He scratches his head to hide his feeling, but Aeris can still see it.
"What are you doing here, Aeris..?", Cloud asks her back. When he looks the flowers near her, he adds, "Taking care of your flowers ?". Aeris nods and replies, "Yes…kind of that. It has been long time since the last time I cared about them".
"But you were here too about two weeks ago, right ?", Cloud asks her. It was when she was being revived and came back to Midgar to warn the others about Sephiroth. Aeris replies, "Yes…that was when…I…met you…again…". Her voice trails off.
"I met you once in the church…", Cloud's finger points to the roof hole, "and I met you again…in the same place". Aeris smiles. "What a coincidence, Cloud", she responds. Cloud grins.
She is right…what a coincidence…he agrees with her.
Cloud walks to the flowerbed and kneels down. "How are your flowers ?", he asks her. Aeris kneels next to him and plays her finger on a flower. "They are fine, I don't know how..or who…or what thing cared my flowers", she says. Cloud sees her emerald green eyes sparkle when she talks about her flowers. He must confess that he loves to see those eyes. He watches Aeris' beautiful visage for a moment, but Aeris does not seem to notice him.
"I even wonder how could these flowers grow in such place….but if it was you who took care of them, then I understand", Cloud gives his opinion. Aeris turns her head to Cloud. She cannot understand what he just said. Cloud then explains, "Every living needs nourishment to keep them alive, but they also need an unseen substantial nourishment that gives them power and will to survive. Theses flowers are no exception. You did not only take care of them physically, you also treated them with love. Your love made them alive, that's why they still bloom even in such place".
"Really ?", Aeris looks at him. She feels flattered. "What could be else ?", Cloud asks her back.
"Aeris, may I pick up your flower ?", Cloud suddenly asks for her permission. "Sure", Aeris replies shortly. She is surprised that Cloud suddenly asks such a question. As long as she knows him, he never has a fond feeling about plants. However, she cannot say 'no' to him. Cloud then picks up a flower gently. Its petal color is green. Cloud gives a gesture with his hand, telling Aeris not to move. Aeris follows his order with questioning look. Cloud then puts the flower he picked up on Aeris' honey brown hair and says, "Um…would you like a flower ? It's only one gil". Cloud says the same words Aeris used to say in the past. He grins to Aeris who starts to go red in the face. She does not know why Cloud acted like this, but she enjoys the moment with him. Always.
"Thanks, Cloud…you are so nice", Aeris thanks him, "but…those are words of mine…You just can't say that without my permission…". She teases him. Cloud chuckles. Aeris asks him, "Why did you choose that flower ?". Cloud shrugs his shoulder for reply. "I don't know what that flower's name is, I picked up it because its color is green", he finally speaks up, "and it reminds me about someone's eyes, she once sacrificed herself to save the others". He stares meaningfully at Aeris. "And now she was alive again…", Cloud continues his words with low voice. Aeris looks at him intently.
"Welcome back, Aeris, now you are among us again", Cloud exclaims, "sorry I didn't say those welcoming words when we met here about two weeks ago".
"Cloud…", Aeris responds, "you already did that when we met again….not with your words, but with your heart…I could feel it…thank you, Cloud…". She then gives Cloud a nice smile. "Never mind", Cloud replies shortly. He stands up, followed by Aeris.
"Hey, what's the matter, Aeris ?", Cloud asks Aeris confusedly as he notices a change on her expression. Aeris bites her lips, and starts to say, "Umm…Cloud…I am sorry for being forget when your birthday was…that was a shaming event…". Aeris does apologize to Cloud. She thinks it is an unfair thing that Cloud is still nice to her after she missed his birthday. She should expect a bad thing from her relation with Cloud, but now it turns clearly that good thing still leads, he is still kind to her.
"It's okay, Aeris, it's okay…let's stop talking about it again", Cloud cuts off her words. He smiles to ease Aeris.
"Really..?", Aeris asks with an investigating look. Cloud replies calmly, "I never bother such a little thing.".
"Well then…", Aeris now feels better, "I hope this will turn things better". She pulls out something she stared before Cloud came. It is a small gift box. She hides the gift behind her body and gives Cloud a mysterious smile.
"What was that ?", Cloud asks curiously.
"Happy birthday, Cloud…", Aeris moves her hand forward and gives her gift to Cloud with playful motion. Cloud just accepts Aeris' gift with a quite surprised expression, but he remains calm.
"Thank you, Aeris…", he whispers softly. Aeris stares at him. She really wants to lean to him and hugs him, but at second thought, she decides not to do that. The reason, she does not want to remember. It relates to the fact she saw with her own eyes at the feast this morning.
"I hope you'll like it", Aeris exclaims. Cloud opens the gift and takes a look inside. Aeris watches him anxiously. She really wants to know how he would response to the gift. Cloud does not say anything, he just glances at Aeris.
"You…don't like it…Cloud ?", Aeris frowns. Her face grows sad. She cannot understand the way Cloud glanced at her. Cloud does not reply her, instead, he picks something from the box. The real gift from Aeris is a pocket watch. Cloud studies his new watch and compares it with his old one on his wrist.
"Cloud…?", Aeris' voice comes into his ears. She sounds concerned. Cloud still keeps quiet. He opens his new pocket watch and a song is heard from the watch. He listens for a while, and then closes the watch and puts it into his pocket carefully.
"Nice watch, and also nice music…", Cloud finally gives his comment on her gift. "Once again, thanks, Aeris". He smiles at Aeris and looks into her eyes. From his look, Aeris knows Cloud's words were not only from his lips, but truly from his heart. He really meant it. This makes her heart relieved. The hardest part has gone.
"Phewww…I ever had thought that you don't like my gift at all", she speaks up. Her tone is back to cheerful one as usual. Cloud shakes his head quickly and responds, "No, I like it, I really like it, Aeris…and…". He pauses for a moment. Aeris' left eye grows wide. She waits for Cloud's next words.
"…thank you for your kindness, preparing my birthday celebration…", Cloud continues his unfinished words with low voice.
"You said thanks for my meal although I and Tifa were late ? What's the matter, old Cloud ?", Aeris asks, but actually teases Cloud. "Well…not everyone remembers my birthday…", Cloud replies groggily, not realizing that Aeris was teasing him. Aeris giggles to see Cloud like this.
"From now on, at least there are…two persons who will remember when your birthday is", Aeris responds, giving him a pleasant look, " …and I will not miss your birthday again…promiisee". Aeris giggles. Cloud only nods.
"Oh, and Cloud…thanks for the flower too", Aeris points the green flower on her hair. Cloud nods again. "You look so…charming with that flower", he says. Aeris pushes him softly and responds, "You make me flattered". She giggles again. Cloud only grins.
"Could we take a seat ? I am tired of standing here", Cloud advises Aeris and points his thumb to one row of church's bench. "Good idea", Aeris speaks her agreement. They both then sit together on the front row.
"Well…it's been two weeks since that fight", Aeris starts to open the conversation again. "Cloud, how about you ? You were injured that time…". She looks at Cloud carefully. "Here I am…still breathing…", Cloud replies lightheartedly. Aeris studies his feature. Cloud looks normal as usual. She does not see a tired face or wounds on him. Resting for two weeks was enough for them all. She was also injured a little, but she did not care about that. All she cared was him. The man she loved.
"No wonder, Tifa cared for you very much…", Aeris comments. Her face turns sad. She stares on the church's altar with blank look. She remembered how Tifa spent most of her time to take care of Cloud while he was injured. She wanted to take care of Cloud too, but she realized that could make Tifa jealous. She took Tifa's place while she was not around, or being asked to. Aeris did not want to break their relationship. She still has heart for Cloud, but it is another matter that Cloud chooses Tifa, not her. However, it hurts her.
"Aeris…? What's up ?", Cloud asks Aeris. His tone sounds concerned. "No..nothing…not at all…", Aeris shakes her head quickly. Cloud shrugs his shoulder as a sign that he does not understand what happened. They both sit in silence again. Cloud rests his back on the bench and gazes to the roof. Whenever he looks at the church's ceiling, he always tries to find the hole on it. The hole he will never forget. Aeris notices what Cloud sees. She follows what Cloud does, staring to the ceiling. They look at the hole, and both keep quiet. Eventually, with his eye tip, Cloud glances at Aeris. He finds a smiling angel staring at the ceiling. He wants to know what she is thinking about, but he does not care. It is her figure that he cares about. Her beauty and innocent expression take his breath away. Cloud stares at her with awe.
"Hey, what are you looking at ?", suddenly Aeris realizes that Cloud now gazes to her. Her cheeks turn to crimson red. Cloud does not react. He just keeps on looking at Aeris.
She becomes more mature now…He thinks about her inside his mind. He cannot lie to his heart that she is more beautiful after she came back from her death.
"Hey, don't look at me like that…how must I react, Mr. Spiky-Blondie ?", Aeris responds playfully. She feels her heart beats faster. Cloud chuckles. "All right", he says, and turns his head again to the ceiling. He smiles to himself. Somehow, he enjoys this moment. This time, Aeris looks at him intently.
"Cloud…", she calls him softly. "Yeah…?", Cloud responds. He turns his face to Aeris and finds that her expression turns to a serious one. Aeris then continues, "I…I want to thank you, Cloud…for keeping your promise". Her voice trails off as she finishes her words. Cloud's left eyebrow is raised. "My promise…?", Cloud asks in confusion. Aeris nods and replies him, "When we were on Highwind, you promised me to win the fight…and stay alive…". Cloud knows Aeris wants to tell more. He pays attention to her.
"You fought bravely…I know it was so hard for you to defeat Sephiroth. I was so afraid that you would not make it…I was so…hopeless. Even finally I understood what Planet meant, it was still too dangerous to fight Sephiroth", Aeris tells her thought. "But finally you did it…and you are still alive…I am very glad to see you breathing…". Aeris finishes her words with smile. Cloud looks at her intently. With her eyes, she requests for his response.
"Why ?". That is the only word from Cloud's lips. Aeris becomes a bit nervous being asked like that. She expects Cloud would smile to her, or just keeps quiet, but to her amazement, she finds him looking at her seriously.
"What…what do you mean, Cloud ?", she asks him back with nervous tone. Cloud does not reply, instead he stands up from the bench. "Aeris…", Cloud calls her softly. "Why do you want me to keep alive ? Of course I will fight to the end, and I know I must be alive….but, why did you bother such a little thing ? ".
Aeris quickly stands up as she hears Cloud's response. She is very shocked, Cloud can see that although he does not know what the reason is. Her beautiful visage grows sad. She cannot believe what Cloud said. His words struck her.
He said…that was a little thing ?…she asks herself in sadness, almost in disbelief. She hangs her head down. That's it…he never accept my affection….never…he just wants Tifa..not me, a simple flower girl …You lose, Aeris, face it….. . Aeris bites her lips to hold her emerging tears in her eyes. She pushes strength to her heart and lifts her head to see Cloud's face.
"Aeris…?", Cloud calls her again. He feels awkward. Somehow he knows that he made Aeris became like this. Aeris sees caring eyes in front of her, but that is not enough for her.
"You…you are right…Cloud…Of course you will fight and keep alive for Tifa,…you don't need to remember your promise…", Aeris says to him with trembling voice, yet almost in whisper. "I am sorry…you don't have to worry about me…". She picks up the flower that Cloud gave her from her hair and puts it on Cloud's palm. Cloud does not say anything. He just stares at Aeris confusedly.
"Aeris…", he tries to stop her. Aeris forces herself to smile. "It's okay, Cloud…you only want Tifa…Your new necklace, it's from her, isn't it ? Don't worry about me, I will be fine…". She then walks to the church's main door, leaving Cloud. Cloud cannot hold her. He knows it is useless. Although Aeris seems weak physically, she has a tough heart. Before Aeris leaves the church, she once again turns her face to Cloud and smiles. Cloud can only see her back disappears from his sight. He catches her smiled at him, but to his eyes, that was a smile to hide her sorrow. Cloud lifts up his head and curses at himself. Nothing he can do about it now. He regrets that he does not have a chance to explain to her. Now, Aeris is gone and he did not even say anything.
But…why must I be like this…?, he asks himself. If it was his other friend, it would just be enough for him to say sorry and everything turns back to normal again. This time, he feels that a simple 'sorry' word will not suffice. He really needs to find a piece of his mind to fix this matter.