Chapter 4
"Spike, Spike!"
Buffy was only greeted by the sound of her voice echoing off the concrete walls. "Where the hell are you?" she said almost to herself.
She had promised Xander that she would get him out of the school basement today, before he could wreak any more havoc on the walls. Buffy grudgingly admitted to herself that her concern was not so much for the added workload that Spike's tantrums would put on Xander, but for Spike himself. Spike had really lost it. The last time they had spoken he seemed to have lost all touch with reality and almost didn't seem to recognize her, or at least he didn't seem to believe she was really there talking to him. Being this close to the hell mouth central couldn't be helping either. She had gone to see Clem at Spike's old crypt the night before during her patrol. He had seemed happy to hear that his friend was back in town and quite concerned when Buffy told him of his mental state. Before she could even ask, he had vehemently assured her that the crypt was still Spike's home and that he would clear out ASAP unless she thought Spike needed someone around. She wasn't sure what to tell him on that one, so she told Clem they'd have to wait and see. She wasn't so sure Clem would want to stay with Spike once he saw what had become of the once proud vampire.
Buffy made one more sweep around the basement, in case Spike was hiding from her. Also, with the way the walls seemed to move it was hard to know if she'd checked every room. She finally made it back to the room where Spike usually seemed to hang around. She leaned against the door frame surveying the Spartan furnishings, if you could even call them that. There was a chair, obviously from a student desk and a few scraps of paper littered about, she also thought she saw the remains of a rat in one corner, but decided against investigating that any further. She winced when she noticed the holes in the walls that were causing Xander so much concern. Spike was really drowning in the guilt his soul had caused and seemed to feel it necessary to inflict pain on himself at every opportunity. She had wondered if Angel had been the same when he first got his soul back. She had even thought of calling him for some advice on how to deal with Spike, but had stopped herself. Angel and Spike weren't exactly fond of one another and she didn't know how he'd react to the news. Plus there was also the fact that she hadn't been able to bring herself to tell anyone about Spike's new acquisition. She supposed she was being silly, but she couldn't bear the questions that she knew would come. It had been his choice but she couldn't help feeling guilty about the shape he was in. She knew her friends wouldn't judge her like that and maybe that was partly why she hadn't told them. Call it her own form of self abuse, she didn't want anyone to try to lighten the burden she felt. Oh but wait 'til Dawn finds out, she won't have to worry about abusing herself then. Dawn will be furious in the way that only a teenager who feels left out of the loop can be. She had been pretty angry when she found out that Buffy hadn't told her about Spike being back, but she had a feeling that would seem pleasant compared to what would happen when Dawn found about Buffy's latest secret. Maybe she should just go ahead and tell her. She had thought about it. She knew it had really hurt Dawn when she had found out about the bathroom incident. Spike had been her friend and had taken care of her when Buffy couldn't. She knew that Dawn missed him, but was unable to get past her feelings of betrayal. It would probably help Dawn to forgive him if she knew about the soul, but she would also have a lot of questions that Buffy just didn't want to answer. She really didn't know what to do so she did what she always did, pretended it wasn't an issue. When in doubt…. deny, deny, deny. Besides, lunch was almost over (not that she'd actually had any) and she needed to get back to her job before it was time to go home and get ready of her other glamorous job of slinging burgers and then after that she got to go to her third job as bouncer at the local cemeteries, then if she was really lucky she had another sleepless night ahead of her before she had to get up and start all over again. Maybe Spike had taken her advice after all and found somewhere else to stay, but that'd probably be too easy. She'd just have to check in on him again tomorrow.
************
He looked so hot, leaning over one of the pool tables at The Bronze, his brow crinkled in concentration as he planned his next shot. Buffy snuck up behind him, slipping a stake out of her pocket and holding it's tip lightly against his leather clad back. She leaned up whispering sensuously in his ear.
"I thought I told you to stay away from me and my hangouts vampire."
Spike spun around, having completely missed his shot. He still held the pool cue and had a cocky half-smile pasted across his face.
"Didn't realize you were the boss of me Slayer. 'Sides you seem to be the one seekin me out." He leered at her and picked up his beer from the edge of the pool table, bringing it to his mouth.
"Shut up Spike", Buffy said before slapping the beer from his hand sending it flying across the room.
"You little bitch…"
"I said shut up."
With that Buffy ripped the pool cue from his hand, slamming him down hard on the pool table before straddling his hips and crushing his mouth in a rough kiss. Suddenly The Bronze disappeared and they were in his crypt, actually in the bed. He was making love to her slowly. She arched her back trying to increase the friction between them, but he just laughed softly into her hair.
"Slow down there luv, we've got all night….we've got forever."
"Spike, please" she panted. "I need you, I…"
Suddenly his face changed, the demon emerging. He withdrew from her quickly pushing her away with a feral growl and look of disgust.
"You lying little whore, what have you done with Buffy?!"
"Spike what are you talking about? Wh..What's wrong with you?"
"You know what's wrong bitch. You might be able to fool everyone else. But guess what? I'm not buying it."
Buffy was then pinned to the bed under his weight. His long fingers closed around her throat squeezing until she thought she would pass out. She clawed at his hands, drawing blood but he only laughed at her. She thrashed, trying to throw him off but it seemed as if she had lost all of her strength. She felt herself being pulled into the darkness, his sneering face becoming smaller and smaller as the light receded.
**********
"Buffy, Buffy wake up!"
Buffy awoke with a start. Dawn was standing over her shaking her by the shoulders.
"Buffy are you okay? I could hear you all the way downstairs."
Buffy looked around disoriented. She noticed that all of her covers were now in the floor and there was a large rip in the fitted sheet which was still grasped in one of her fists. She looked back into the worried eyes of her sister, reality flooding back to her. Willow appeared in the door wearing pajamas and a serious case of the bed head.
"What's going on guys? I heard screaming. Is… Is everyone okay?"
Buffy just stared wide-eyed at Dawn.
"Buffy, answer me. You were screaming that you couldn't breath. You're really scaring me."
Buffy finally found her voice.
"I'm sorry Dawnie… Willow. It was just a dream. A really… bad dream. I didn't mean to wake you."
"It's okay, I was already up. I was just trying to make us some breakfast when I heard you." Dawn replied. She had obviously already been to the shower, her hair was up in a towel and she was wearing a pink robe.
Willow looked a little sheepish. "I don't have a class till 11:30, I thought I'd sleep in. Not.. not that I'm complaining about being woke up. I… I was just trying to explain why I was still in my pajamas. I mean, I know you still are and that's fine", she said glancing at Buffy. "I'm babbling aren't I?"
"A little", Dawn confirmed.
"I just feel like I should be up and you know ….. doing something to make up for, for .."
"Your turn to the darkside?" Dawn offered.
"Well, if you want to put it that way.." Willow stopped, noticing the tears standing in Buffy's eyes.
"Buff, that must have been some dream. What was it about? Do you think it was, ya know a slayer dream… a omen of some sort? Do we need to hit the books, do some research?"
Buffy wiped the tears from her eyes willing herself not to break down and cry in front of her friend and sister.
"No Will, I don't think so. Just seen to many bad horror movies lately, I guess."
Willow and Dawn both looked unconvinced.
"Don't worry Willow, Buffy will tell you later I'm sure", Dawn said crossing her arms.
"Dawn what are you talking about?" Buffy asked.
"It's just that nothing's changed. You say you're going to quit sheltering me and here you go again. Can't tell poor little baby Dawnie anything, she might get scared, she might cry."
"Dawn, I'm not hiding anything from you. It was just a bad dream, besides I don't even really remember what it was about."
"Whatever Slayer." Dawn then spun around flipping her hair and stomped out of the room in a dramatic huff.
Willow remained, looking a little uncomfortable following Dawn's display. She wasn't sure if Buffy was really trying to protect Dawn or if it had been like Buffy had said, only a dream.
"Is there something you need to tell me Buffy?"
"No Willow, there really isn't. It was just a dream…… What time is it?" Buffy then glanced at her clock answering her own question, it was 6:01a.m.
"Crap, I have to get up", she groaned.
"I'll stay up too if it will help", Willow offered.
"No, Will go back to bed there's no point in both of us suffering. I'm the chosen one. It's my sacred duty to guard the hell mouth and listen to teenagers cry about their horrible little lives."
"I thought you liked working at the school?" Willow looked at her friend with concern.
"I do. I'm sorry. I just didn't sleep too well last night." She offered Willow a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.
"Well, I'll let you get ready. I'm making dinner tonight, so don't be late." Willow tried to sound stern with the last part.
"Yes mom." Buffy said with a salute.
With Willow gone, Buffy covered her face with her hands, rubbing her eyes. The dream had been so horrible, so real. Being in Spike's arms again, if only in a dream, had felt wonderful she admitted. But then it had to go and take such an ugly turn. God, why was she having these horrible nightmares? She probably hadn't gotten 5 hours of decent sleep in the past 5 days. For once she hadn't dreamed about the hell mouth, but this had been almost worse.
"Shake it off Buff" she said to herself aloud. "You've got things to do, people to see and all that happy crap."