The Pane of Glass
Jack looked at his empty drink on his empty coffee table and stood up. His fluid movements did not betray his uncertainty as he picked up his jacket and keys and walked out of his apartment. Outside it had started to rain and he stood in the drizzle on the sidewalk and hailed a cab. It came surprisingly quickly considering the weather but Jack did not hesitate. He knew where he had to go. He thought it was an incredibly bad idea for him to go there, but he knew where he had to go.
He entered the stark, bright jail cell without hesitating; he had ordered his way in to see her like a man who had business to see her. But the bright lights blinded him momentarily and he came to a sudden halt. He couldn't even remember why he had come, but he did remember thinking it was a really bad idea to do so. He walked slowly, forcing one foot in front of the other. It was only through his sheer force of will that he was able to come within sight of her cell. The sight that met him shocked him to say the least. Huddled on the floor of the cell with her head leaning against the glass was his wife. Ex-wife he started to correct himself, but then it occurred to him that perhaps he was still legally married to this woman.
He shook his head to rid it of these extraneous thoughts and focused on the woman's face. He was shocked because it appeared that she was crying. He must have made some noise, scuffled his feet or brushed his jacket against the wall because she turned her face to look right at him. It seemed that the same force of will propelling Jack forward was the only force helping her to her feet. They stared at each other for several moments like opponents sizing up their competition.
"You're drunk," she said dryly and in a quiet voice.
"You're bleeding," he responded tracing a line on the glass where her cheek would have been, had she been up against it. She turned away.
"Why did you come here Jack? To try and make peace between us?" Irina asked him coldly.
Jack could not contain the burst of anger that exploded from him as he punched the glass in front of where she was standing. Irina could not stop herself from flinching.
"There can be no peace between us La-" and then Jack shut his mouth. Irina smirked at his momentary weakness and walked closer to the glass.
"Then I ask you again Jack." She said emphasizing his name. "Why did you come here?"
Jack stood up and straightened his jacket. "Ironically enough Irina, I came here to see if you bleed. It would seem that you do." Jack said as if dismissing her.
As he turned to leave Irina felt the anger build up until she found herself pounding the glass with her fist. "You arrogant son of a bitch" she hollered at him. "And you have the nerve to judge me!"
Jack turned back around with a smirk on his face. "Such vocal vulgarity! It's not like you all." The words rushed out of his mouth. Too late, Jack realized that he should have kept his mouth shut and enjoyed his victory as it was.
Irina's anger disappeared but her expression still had coldness to it. "How would you know Jack? Did you ever really know me at all?"
Now it was Jack's turn to get angry again. "I thought I knew you as my wife." Jack walked back up to the glass separating them. "But you're right, I was wrong about you. But I know you now."
Irina's laugh was hard and brittle. "You thought I was a fool-"
Jack approached even closer to the glass until he was almost touching it. "No I thought you were my wife. And it's me you thought was a fool."
"I thought you were arrogant, and yes a fool as well, for underestimating me. To you I was just a helpless female whose duty it was to feed and clean after the powerful and smart CIA man."
Jack looked at her oddly. "What are you talking about?" he asked her coldly.
Irina shrugged, unwilling to continue. After a moment under Jack's stare she decided to go on. She was too raw to start building her defenses now. "You made it so easy. You even talked about your work to me. You left things lying around. You thought I was incapable of being a threat; that I was too weak, too naive or too stupid to be a threat to you."
"Because I trusted you!" were the only words that Jack could grind out of his clenched jaw.
"You trusted me because you thought you were better than me Jack." Irina said matter-of-factly.
Jack paused a moment. "Wasn't that the point?" he asked quietly, his hurt mixing with the coldness in his voice.
Irina turned away in answer. She preferred Jack the Adversary to Jack the Victim. She had little patience for self-pity.
"I don't even know what to call you." Added Jack as an after thought under his breath.
"That's because a person's name is a very personal thing - Jack," she added pointedly, emphasizing his name. "When you call a person by their name you are reaching into their soul"
"Oh I see. Then I perhaps I should call you Krivda."
Irina threw her head back letting her long hair fall straight behind her back and laughed a deep throaty laugh. "I didn't think you knew so much about Russian mythology. Goddess of Lies? Perhaps, but I've been called worse. I also didn't think you would attach that much power to me."
***
In the CIA rotunda Kendall approached Devlin who was watching the closed circuit screen from the prisoners block. "Do you want me to send someone to bring him out of there?"
Devlin shook his head. "No, I think we should leave them there for a few minutes together."
Kendall's eyes narrowed "Why? No good is going to come of this. The last thing I need is for him to antagonize her."
Devlin raised his hand to cut him off, but Kendall forced this issue. "She's my prisoner!"
"Yes, but he's my agent and he needs to heal. Let him stay a few more minutes."
Kendall shook his head skeptically.
***
"Maybe that's my problem then, you've always had too much power over me", said Jack quietly.
Irina glanced at him cautiously. She wanted a fight, something to help her deal with her pain but Jack was giving up. "For all your righteousness Jack, I think you are going to rot in hell with me."
Jack faced her squarely but added quietly, "That I will, my love."
Irina was shocked to hear his term of endearment; it was the only one he had ever used for her. She shook her head sadly. It seemed he had finally settled on a name for her and for all her defenses it was not one she was prepared for. She felt her control slipping away and she had to retreat to the only pillar she had left. "How could you!" she demanded pounding the glass wall with her fist.
It was Jack's turn to be surprised. "What are you talking about?" he asked.
Irina stepped back from the wall and tried to build up her anger towards Jack. "I was willing to leave her because she would be in your care. That's the only reason I was able to leave. But how could you let her get involved in this life? How could you?"
Jack's face contorted in anger. "I didn't realize it until it was too late."
"Until it was too late? Right" Irina said skeptically.
"Look, we weren't really close. I took your 'disappearance' very badly and by the time I could be a father again, it was just too difficult for me. She grew up and I just tried not to get in the way too much. That's my regret. My fault. I don't need you to remind me of that. Now I'm doing the only thing I can do to help her, but I find that more often than not she doesn't want my help. Again, my own fault. I don't know why Sloane targeted her to be apart of SD-6, but I'm going to do everything in my power to destroy him. That's all I can do now."
Irina stood motionless against the tirade. In the silence that followed Jack saw her staring at him, but he knew it wasn't him she was seeing. Finally she walked over to her bench as slid down onto it. "I know why," she said quietly.
"Why what?" Jack asked wearily, exhausted by his earlier struggle and the wide mood swings of this encounter.
"Why Sloane wanted Sydney to be a part of SD-6." Jack's drunken veil seemed to lift at the mention of Sydney's actual name but he said nothing waiting for Irina to finish. Irina looked up at him with the full knowledge of the reaction awaiting her words. "Arvin thinks that Sydney is his daughter."
The words hung in the air as Jack absorbed what they meant. She could almost hear the click as the thoughts formed in Jack's head and fell into place. "You bitch!" Jack spat out with the force of the words propelling him back, away from her cell, until he was leaning against the cell across from her with his eyes closed. After what seemed like a small eternity Jack managed to regain some of his composure. "I don't know why your infidelity should bother me now, considering everything." he trailed off closing his eyes again.
At the accusation, Irina jumped up and quickly moved to the glass. "NO, no I didn't sleep with him--" she wailed.
But Jack interrupted her by opening his eyes. "There's only one reason why he could think that Sydney was his," he said in voice he didn't think was his own. It couldn't be his voice he reasoned because it didn't crack from the cold that was engulfing his body.
"Yes, but that's not.that's not what happened." She closed her mouth as she realized that she didn't have the strength to go on. She leaned against the glass with her hands, letting her head hang down while Jack waited in silence for her to continue. "The night before I asked you if we could have a child, you were called away to work, Arvin had come to tell you. You invited him to stay for dinner," she paused so that she could look up to Jack. His piercing gaze was like a dagger through her, but she took strength from it. "He raped me that night."
Jack felt his numb brain trying desperately to process the overload of information it had, but between the alcohol and the battered woman behind the glass all he could do was stand there.
"She's your daughter, I swear." The moments passed.
"I know," said Jack finally finding his voice. "She has this nasty stubborn streak," he said with a small smile, too numb with shock to do anything else.
Irina allowed a small smile to form on her lips in response to his but then it disappeared as she continued. "I didn't stop him from thinking it might be his child. I'm so sorry. I--"
Jack held up his hand to stop her from continuing. "I'd like to say it's ok, but I think we are so far beyond that." After another long pause he asked, "Why did you come back?"
Irina answered immediately, "So that I could help our daughter."
Jack nodded. This was an answer that he could understand. It held a clear meaning and didn't have twenty some odd years of history and pain attached to it. He didn't think to question its validity, because there was just too much anguish behind those words. "Well then, perhaps we still have something in common." He paused as he weighted his words, leaning against her glass cage. "I loved you, you know."
Irina nodded and put her hand next to his through the glass, thankful for his attempt to heal her old wound after everything she had done. "Then we have two things in common and maybe we can go on from there?"
Jack nodded and pressed his hand on hers through the glass seeing the irony in his caress. Years before when they had touched, they had been separated by lies. Now the lies were gone but a clear glass plane separated their touch. He didn't doubt that there was still much to resolve between them, but at least for now, it seemed like they had a starting point. He rubbed his head and stepped back from the glass. Irina mimicked his movements and turned away to give some distance to their too raw emotions. With a deep breath, Jack took one last look at her and turned towards the door.
Jack looked at his empty drink on his empty coffee table and stood up. His fluid movements did not betray his uncertainty as he picked up his jacket and keys and walked out of his apartment. Outside it had started to rain and he stood in the drizzle on the sidewalk and hailed a cab. It came surprisingly quickly considering the weather but Jack did not hesitate. He knew where he had to go. He thought it was an incredibly bad idea for him to go there, but he knew where he had to go.
He entered the stark, bright jail cell without hesitating; he had ordered his way in to see her like a man who had business to see her. But the bright lights blinded him momentarily and he came to a sudden halt. He couldn't even remember why he had come, but he did remember thinking it was a really bad idea to do so. He walked slowly, forcing one foot in front of the other. It was only through his sheer force of will that he was able to come within sight of her cell. The sight that met him shocked him to say the least. Huddled on the floor of the cell with her head leaning against the glass was his wife. Ex-wife he started to correct himself, but then it occurred to him that perhaps he was still legally married to this woman.
He shook his head to rid it of these extraneous thoughts and focused on the woman's face. He was shocked because it appeared that she was crying. He must have made some noise, scuffled his feet or brushed his jacket against the wall because she turned her face to look right at him. It seemed that the same force of will propelling Jack forward was the only force helping her to her feet. They stared at each other for several moments like opponents sizing up their competition.
"You're drunk," she said dryly and in a quiet voice.
"You're bleeding," he responded tracing a line on the glass where her cheek would have been, had she been up against it. She turned away.
"Why did you come here Jack? To try and make peace between us?" Irina asked him coldly.
Jack could not contain the burst of anger that exploded from him as he punched the glass in front of where she was standing. Irina could not stop herself from flinching.
"There can be no peace between us La-" and then Jack shut his mouth. Irina smirked at his momentary weakness and walked closer to the glass.
"Then I ask you again Jack." She said emphasizing his name. "Why did you come here?"
Jack stood up and straightened his jacket. "Ironically enough Irina, I came here to see if you bleed. It would seem that you do." Jack said as if dismissing her.
As he turned to leave Irina felt the anger build up until she found herself pounding the glass with her fist. "You arrogant son of a bitch" she hollered at him. "And you have the nerve to judge me!"
Jack turned back around with a smirk on his face. "Such vocal vulgarity! It's not like you all." The words rushed out of his mouth. Too late, Jack realized that he should have kept his mouth shut and enjoyed his victory as it was.
Irina's anger disappeared but her expression still had coldness to it. "How would you know Jack? Did you ever really know me at all?"
Now it was Jack's turn to get angry again. "I thought I knew you as my wife." Jack walked back up to the glass separating them. "But you're right, I was wrong about you. But I know you now."
Irina's laugh was hard and brittle. "You thought I was a fool-"
Jack approached even closer to the glass until he was almost touching it. "No I thought you were my wife. And it's me you thought was a fool."
"I thought you were arrogant, and yes a fool as well, for underestimating me. To you I was just a helpless female whose duty it was to feed and clean after the powerful and smart CIA man."
Jack looked at her oddly. "What are you talking about?" he asked her coldly.
Irina shrugged, unwilling to continue. After a moment under Jack's stare she decided to go on. She was too raw to start building her defenses now. "You made it so easy. You even talked about your work to me. You left things lying around. You thought I was incapable of being a threat; that I was too weak, too naive or too stupid to be a threat to you."
"Because I trusted you!" were the only words that Jack could grind out of his clenched jaw.
"You trusted me because you thought you were better than me Jack." Irina said matter-of-factly.
Jack paused a moment. "Wasn't that the point?" he asked quietly, his hurt mixing with the coldness in his voice.
Irina turned away in answer. She preferred Jack the Adversary to Jack the Victim. She had little patience for self-pity.
"I don't even know what to call you." Added Jack as an after thought under his breath.
"That's because a person's name is a very personal thing - Jack," she added pointedly, emphasizing his name. "When you call a person by their name you are reaching into their soul"
"Oh I see. Then I perhaps I should call you Krivda."
Irina threw her head back letting her long hair fall straight behind her back and laughed a deep throaty laugh. "I didn't think you knew so much about Russian mythology. Goddess of Lies? Perhaps, but I've been called worse. I also didn't think you would attach that much power to me."
***
In the CIA rotunda Kendall approached Devlin who was watching the closed circuit screen from the prisoners block. "Do you want me to send someone to bring him out of there?"
Devlin shook his head. "No, I think we should leave them there for a few minutes together."
Kendall's eyes narrowed "Why? No good is going to come of this. The last thing I need is for him to antagonize her."
Devlin raised his hand to cut him off, but Kendall forced this issue. "She's my prisoner!"
"Yes, but he's my agent and he needs to heal. Let him stay a few more minutes."
Kendall shook his head skeptically.
***
"Maybe that's my problem then, you've always had too much power over me", said Jack quietly.
Irina glanced at him cautiously. She wanted a fight, something to help her deal with her pain but Jack was giving up. "For all your righteousness Jack, I think you are going to rot in hell with me."
Jack faced her squarely but added quietly, "That I will, my love."
Irina was shocked to hear his term of endearment; it was the only one he had ever used for her. She shook her head sadly. It seemed he had finally settled on a name for her and for all her defenses it was not one she was prepared for. She felt her control slipping away and she had to retreat to the only pillar she had left. "How could you!" she demanded pounding the glass wall with her fist.
It was Jack's turn to be surprised. "What are you talking about?" he asked.
Irina stepped back from the wall and tried to build up her anger towards Jack. "I was willing to leave her because she would be in your care. That's the only reason I was able to leave. But how could you let her get involved in this life? How could you?"
Jack's face contorted in anger. "I didn't realize it until it was too late."
"Until it was too late? Right" Irina said skeptically.
"Look, we weren't really close. I took your 'disappearance' very badly and by the time I could be a father again, it was just too difficult for me. She grew up and I just tried not to get in the way too much. That's my regret. My fault. I don't need you to remind me of that. Now I'm doing the only thing I can do to help her, but I find that more often than not she doesn't want my help. Again, my own fault. I don't know why Sloane targeted her to be apart of SD-6, but I'm going to do everything in my power to destroy him. That's all I can do now."
Irina stood motionless against the tirade. In the silence that followed Jack saw her staring at him, but he knew it wasn't him she was seeing. Finally she walked over to her bench as slid down onto it. "I know why," she said quietly.
"Why what?" Jack asked wearily, exhausted by his earlier struggle and the wide mood swings of this encounter.
"Why Sloane wanted Sydney to be a part of SD-6." Jack's drunken veil seemed to lift at the mention of Sydney's actual name but he said nothing waiting for Irina to finish. Irina looked up at him with the full knowledge of the reaction awaiting her words. "Arvin thinks that Sydney is his daughter."
The words hung in the air as Jack absorbed what they meant. She could almost hear the click as the thoughts formed in Jack's head and fell into place. "You bitch!" Jack spat out with the force of the words propelling him back, away from her cell, until he was leaning against the cell across from her with his eyes closed. After what seemed like a small eternity Jack managed to regain some of his composure. "I don't know why your infidelity should bother me now, considering everything." he trailed off closing his eyes again.
At the accusation, Irina jumped up and quickly moved to the glass. "NO, no I didn't sleep with him--" she wailed.
But Jack interrupted her by opening his eyes. "There's only one reason why he could think that Sydney was his," he said in voice he didn't think was his own. It couldn't be his voice he reasoned because it didn't crack from the cold that was engulfing his body.
"Yes, but that's not.that's not what happened." She closed her mouth as she realized that she didn't have the strength to go on. She leaned against the glass with her hands, letting her head hang down while Jack waited in silence for her to continue. "The night before I asked you if we could have a child, you were called away to work, Arvin had come to tell you. You invited him to stay for dinner," she paused so that she could look up to Jack. His piercing gaze was like a dagger through her, but she took strength from it. "He raped me that night."
Jack felt his numb brain trying desperately to process the overload of information it had, but between the alcohol and the battered woman behind the glass all he could do was stand there.
"She's your daughter, I swear." The moments passed.
"I know," said Jack finally finding his voice. "She has this nasty stubborn streak," he said with a small smile, too numb with shock to do anything else.
Irina allowed a small smile to form on her lips in response to his but then it disappeared as she continued. "I didn't stop him from thinking it might be his child. I'm so sorry. I--"
Jack held up his hand to stop her from continuing. "I'd like to say it's ok, but I think we are so far beyond that." After another long pause he asked, "Why did you come back?"
Irina answered immediately, "So that I could help our daughter."
Jack nodded. This was an answer that he could understand. It held a clear meaning and didn't have twenty some odd years of history and pain attached to it. He didn't think to question its validity, because there was just too much anguish behind those words. "Well then, perhaps we still have something in common." He paused as he weighted his words, leaning against her glass cage. "I loved you, you know."
Irina nodded and put her hand next to his through the glass, thankful for his attempt to heal her old wound after everything she had done. "Then we have two things in common and maybe we can go on from there?"
Jack nodded and pressed his hand on hers through the glass seeing the irony in his caress. Years before when they had touched, they had been separated by lies. Now the lies were gone but a clear glass plane separated their touch. He didn't doubt that there was still much to resolve between them, but at least for now, it seemed like they had a starting point. He rubbed his head and stepped back from the glass. Irina mimicked his movements and turned away to give some distance to their too raw emotions. With a deep breath, Jack took one last look at her and turned towards the door.