Chapter Three: Confession

Sydney drove back to her apartment and it was only as she put her key in the lock that she remembered that Francie would have made a belated Christmas dinner. Sydney was hardly in the mood to celebrate anything, but she knew she would have to put on a brave face and somehow get through the next few hours.

Luckily for Sydney, her expertise at creating a façade was so good that Francie and Will didn't guess anything was amiss during dinner. Will went back to his apartment soon after the gifts were exchanged, so Sydney and Francie spent the rest of the evening sitting on the couch catching up and drinking coffee. It was only then that a weary Sydney let her guard slip. She picked up the Christmas present Francie had given her from the table in front of her, it was a beautiful hand painted silk scarf. Sydney just stared at it as she let it fall out of her grasp and onto her lap.

"What's wrong, Syd?" Francie asked, concerned as she looked across at a despondent Sydney. Sydney hesitated a moment, but realised that Francie was the only person that she could talk to about her relationship with Vaughn. Her father's actions had proved to her that he would never understand and Vaughn had seemingly closed the door on any further discussion on the matter.

"There's a guy at work" Sydney began. Francie faced Sydney to pay full attention to her.

"You never told me you liked a guy at the bank." Francie commented.

"Before I left for my trip, we kissed. He kissed me first, but I kissed him back."

"So what happened then?"

"I spoke to him earlier today and he decided that it would be a mistake to get involved since we work together." Sydney explained.

"Even after you told him how you felt?"

"He didn't give me the chance to explain how I feel! I just got angry with him and in the end I stormed off." Tears began to well up in Sydney's eyes and threatened to spill over onto her cheeks. "I promised myself I wouldn't cry about this!" She added as she wiped her eyes, angrier with herself than with Vaughn.

"How do you feel about him?" Francie gently asked.

"That's all I could think about on my flight back here. I finally realised how much he really means to me. I guess I knew a while ago, but perhaps I pushed my feelings away because it was easier than dealing with them."

"So tell him that." Francie suggested.

"It's all such a mess now. It's hopeless!" She sighed.

"Tell him anyway." Francie said. "If it is as hopeless as you say, what have you got to lose?"

"Nothing I guess." Sydney mused.

"Exactly. Maybe all he needs is a bit of encouragement!"

"Thank you for listening to me, Fran." Sydney said feeling a bit more optimistic.

"No problem." Francie replied smiling at Sydney. "Tell me how it goes." Francie added as she picked up the coffee cups from the table and took them to the kitchen.

~~~

The next day Sydney went to SD-6 to write-up her report on the Italy mission and then hand it in to Sloane. After her meeting she went to Jack's office to confront him about his underhand tactics in separating Vaughn and herself.

"I know what you did." Sydney said after she sat down opposite Jack. He was surprised that she didn't seem angry with him at all.

Sydney, I"

"I understand why you did it." She said interrupting him. "But I'm not a child. I am old enough to make my own decisions."

"Of course you are. But I don't want to see you get hurt." Jack said choosing his words carefully to imply both emotional and physical pain.

"He would never intentionally hurt me." Sydney said, her voice full of emotion.

"People can have the best of intentions, yet there are always circumstances that are out of our control."

"So do I live my life in hope of what could be or regret of what might have been?" She asked her father sadly.

Jack sat there at a loss of how to respond to her question. Jack's heart silently ached for his daughter. He longed to fix everything in her life so that for once she could be truly happy.

"I don't know." He sighed. "I don't know what to say." He added regretfully.

"Do I have to sacrifice my chance for future happiness yet again?"

"It's a choice I wish you didn't have to make. But you do have to look to the future Sydney. You don't have the luxury everyone else has of living in the moment."

"Would you have actually ordered the reassignment?" Sydney asked, curious to know what lengths her father would have gone to for her.

"I'm glad it never came to that." He said honestly.

"Dad, I know you're concerned for me, but you don't need to worry." Sydney managed to smile at Jack.

"I'm sorry it has to be this way for you, Sydney."

"I'm sorry too." Sydney replied. She then stood up and softly smiled once again before she left Jack's office.

~~~

Sydney waited a couple of days before she called Vaughn to meet him. She had needed the time to try to process all her thoughts and feelings and she now felt confident that she could make Vaughn understand her viewpoint.

Sydney had decided to meet at her local park. She sat down on a bench in the shade of a large tree. She took out her diary and pen from the bag she was carrying and began to make notes as if she was organising her schedule for the next few days. Eventually she heard footsteps and guessed that it was Vaughn. Vaughn sat down on the bench behind her so that they were sitting back to back. He wished he could see her face, but realised he was grateful to meet in public as there was less chance for his resolve to fail. Vaughn pulled a book from his jacket and pretended to read it.

"Guess what I'm reading?" He asked.

"I don't know." She said playing along after she noticed the effort he was making to lighten the strained atmosphere between them.

"It's a book about hockey. Fortunately I'm a big fan. And what makes it even better is that it's on my favourite team."

"Really?" She asked as she resisted the urge to turn her head in Vaughn's direction.

"Yes." Vaughn could hear the smile in her voice as she spoke. He flipped the pages back to the inscription Sydney had written and then quietly asked, "Why did you want to see me?"

"I arranged to meet here because I didn't get the chance to speak last time we met. I promise I won't yell at you this time!"

"That's good to know!" Vaughn replied.

"So I just want to say something and ask you a question if that's all right."

"Sure."

Sydney took a deep breath before she began. "I care about you, far more than you realise." She then slowly breathed out. "You said you were sorry for what happened, but I'm not. I didn't get carried away in the moment. I knew exactly what I was doing."

Sydney waited for a response, but Vaughn could only sit there in stunned silence. She had persuaded herself that there was hope for them, but it was clear to her that Vaughn didn't feel the same way. She snapped her diary shut as her heart was crushed once again.

"Apparently you're not the only one capable of making a mistake." She said as she picked up her bag to leave.

"Wait!" he exclaimed, but not loud enough for passers by to hear. "I owe you an explanation, the truth." He paused for a moment and continued to speak when he realised she had not walked away. "I'm meant to be the sensible one, the responsible Handler who dispenses counter-missions and the occasional piece of advice when needed. That's all. I'm not meant to beso involved. But I've spent so long, first in denial then covering up how I truly feel. I've been so busy desperately trying to do the right thing that I didn't fully consider your feelings. I've only succeeded in hurting you, which is the last thing I wanted."

"What would you have done if Dad hadn't said he'd report you to Devlin?" Sydney asked carefully.

"Sydney"

"No, don't answer that." She interrupted him. "What if he hadn't caught us, what if you were free to make the choice?"

"He did catch us though. There's no point discussing 'what if's'."

"Hypothetically, what would you have done?" She asked again. Sydney could feel her heart beating faster as she nervously waited for his answer.

"The outcome would be the same." He eventually replied.

"Okay." Sydney nodded her head in resignation.

"I'm sorry." Vaughn managed to whisper before he stood up and walked away.

Sydney knew why he had answered her question that way. He was just being his usual straightforward, honest self, qualities that she had always admired in him. As she collected her things together she began to wonder if she should be realistic and give up on the possibility of her and Vaughn ever being together.

~~~~

A/N: I did aim for this to be just three chapters long, but I'm working on a fourth at the moment! I guess it doesn't help that I'm not sure how I want it to end!