Disclaimer: I don't own Lord of the Rings (Oh, lordy of the rings.). I do
completely endorse it in a particulary positive way. Enjoy.
One day in a very bright and beautiful day in Middle-Earth, a very important meeting was taking place. In fact, this was the Council of Elrond and all the important people were there. And, you guessed it, all the people from the fellowship were there (Frodo, Gandalf, Sam, Merry, Pippin, Aragorn, Gimli, Boromir, and Legolas). Of course, there were other people there, but no one really cares about them because they are not in the movie. So all you lazy people go read the book (actually, I am being a hypocrite right now and I am also sort of wrong. All well. Sucks for you (). Now, the Council of Elrond also was a meeting for some, dare I say it (Dare, dare! (Blazing Saddles)), wise people. Now, all these wise people had been called to discuss the most important and dangerous event taking place and conquering Middle-Earth. You see, if the people present at the council could not figure out a way to stop this evil from spreading even more than it was already spreading, they were quite literally looking at the destruction of Middle-Earth.
"Hello, and welcome to Rivendell. May I take your order?" asked Elrond, who unfortuantely was currently playing the part of a McDonald's employee.
"Um, Elrond, I think we stopped playing 'Speaking charades' (even though there is absoltuely no such game as that). I won, sucker," explained Gandalf, who was quite sick and fed up with Elrond's highy-n-mighty-elf- with-something-stuck-up-his-ass routine.
That's what you think Gandalf you assless git (sorry, ass just seems like such a good word today), thought Elrond. Anyway, on with the story, but not minus the juvenile rivalry between everyone.
"I have gathered you all here today to discuss with y'all an extremely important issue. Now, this council is as secret as can be expected (meaning that of course everyone knew about it..what about the secrets that everyone is expected to know, does everyone know those? Or is it just the ones that are supposed to be secret? All well, no more of my 'theory/philosophy/nonsense), but it really is a very important issue (let's see how many times I can say 'important and quite'.ha ha).
"Will you get to the f**k'n (does that make sense.the substituions I mean?) point already. F**k this, the suspense is killing me!" exclaimed Gandalf, who was really figuring out right now just how annoying Elrond was and just how much he hated him.
"Oh shit, now you made Elrond cry, Gandalf," whined Legolas, "For God sakes, someone go get some kleenex."
"Um, Legolas, um, what are kleenex? Are they some sort of magic-elf-thingy- weapon-and-oh-no-this-sentence-slash-phrase-with-hyphens-is-way-too-long- and-I-would-stop-only-now-I-feel-I-must-continue-and-this-would-be-so-much- funnier-and-not-so-pointless-if-I-had-my-original-phrase-with-hyphens-back- only-they-are-now-lost-in-microsoft-word-heaven-and-I-being-the-elf-don't- really-know-that-because-I-am-technically-just-questioning-Legolas-stupidly- and-now-what-the-hell-am-I-talking-about-and-oh-no-I-lost-my-train-of- thought.," droned a particuarly annoying guy we shall call an elf.
"This is defintely a job for the great heir of the king of men, Aragorn. If he can't handle this job, then no one can," spoke Gimli who is very arrogant and so it is actually very strange that he is speaking up for Aragorn.
"I will accept this task, though I do not know the way..to the bathroom where the kleenexes are kept," said Aragorn.
"Wait," said the annoying elf guy we-are-calling, "what exactly is a kleenexes?"
Anyway, they eventually figured it all out and all the questions were answered. Now, back to the, cough, plot.
"The most important issue that we here in Middle-Earth must face is..(long dramatic pause with a drumroll, please)..the issue of..(okay.the big finale (um, maybe not).get ready..
Get ready..
Are you ready for it..
Here goes nothing..
Alright..
The issue of Mary Sues!"
"I mean for God sakes, if I have to read another goddamn fanfic concerning mary sues I think I might just have to kill myself!" complained Elrond.
"Um, Elrond, isn't that sort of impossible?" peeped up Frodo.
Elrond glares at Frodo.
And oh no the drama is lost.
And now I must go sleep/eat/sleep/whatever. The computer needs its rest, but tune in next week for the next episode of.SOTF (sick of the fanfic) a.k.a. sick of the annoying fanfictions of Lord of the Rings (oh, lordy of the rings.).
Thanky!
One day in a very bright and beautiful day in Middle-Earth, a very important meeting was taking place. In fact, this was the Council of Elrond and all the important people were there. And, you guessed it, all the people from the fellowship were there (Frodo, Gandalf, Sam, Merry, Pippin, Aragorn, Gimli, Boromir, and Legolas). Of course, there were other people there, but no one really cares about them because they are not in the movie. So all you lazy people go read the book (actually, I am being a hypocrite right now and I am also sort of wrong. All well. Sucks for you (). Now, the Council of Elrond also was a meeting for some, dare I say it (Dare, dare! (Blazing Saddles)), wise people. Now, all these wise people had been called to discuss the most important and dangerous event taking place and conquering Middle-Earth. You see, if the people present at the council could not figure out a way to stop this evil from spreading even more than it was already spreading, they were quite literally looking at the destruction of Middle-Earth.
"Hello, and welcome to Rivendell. May I take your order?" asked Elrond, who unfortuantely was currently playing the part of a McDonald's employee.
"Um, Elrond, I think we stopped playing 'Speaking charades' (even though there is absoltuely no such game as that). I won, sucker," explained Gandalf, who was quite sick and fed up with Elrond's highy-n-mighty-elf- with-something-stuck-up-his-ass routine.
That's what you think Gandalf you assless git (sorry, ass just seems like such a good word today), thought Elrond. Anyway, on with the story, but not minus the juvenile rivalry between everyone.
"I have gathered you all here today to discuss with y'all an extremely important issue. Now, this council is as secret as can be expected (meaning that of course everyone knew about it..what about the secrets that everyone is expected to know, does everyone know those? Or is it just the ones that are supposed to be secret? All well, no more of my 'theory/philosophy/nonsense), but it really is a very important issue (let's see how many times I can say 'important and quite'.ha ha).
"Will you get to the f**k'n (does that make sense.the substituions I mean?) point already. F**k this, the suspense is killing me!" exclaimed Gandalf, who was really figuring out right now just how annoying Elrond was and just how much he hated him.
"Oh shit, now you made Elrond cry, Gandalf," whined Legolas, "For God sakes, someone go get some kleenex."
"Um, Legolas, um, what are kleenex? Are they some sort of magic-elf-thingy- weapon-and-oh-no-this-sentence-slash-phrase-with-hyphens-is-way-too-long- and-I-would-stop-only-now-I-feel-I-must-continue-and-this-would-be-so-much- funnier-and-not-so-pointless-if-I-had-my-original-phrase-with-hyphens-back- only-they-are-now-lost-in-microsoft-word-heaven-and-I-being-the-elf-don't- really-know-that-because-I-am-technically-just-questioning-Legolas-stupidly- and-now-what-the-hell-am-I-talking-about-and-oh-no-I-lost-my-train-of- thought.," droned a particuarly annoying guy we shall call an elf.
"This is defintely a job for the great heir of the king of men, Aragorn. If he can't handle this job, then no one can," spoke Gimli who is very arrogant and so it is actually very strange that he is speaking up for Aragorn.
"I will accept this task, though I do not know the way..to the bathroom where the kleenexes are kept," said Aragorn.
"Wait," said the annoying elf guy we-are-calling, "what exactly is a kleenexes?"
Anyway, they eventually figured it all out and all the questions were answered. Now, back to the, cough, plot.
"The most important issue that we here in Middle-Earth must face is..(long dramatic pause with a drumroll, please)..the issue of..(okay.the big finale (um, maybe not).get ready..
Get ready..
Are you ready for it..
Here goes nothing..
Alright..
The issue of Mary Sues!"
"I mean for God sakes, if I have to read another goddamn fanfic concerning mary sues I think I might just have to kill myself!" complained Elrond.
"Um, Elrond, isn't that sort of impossible?" peeped up Frodo.
Elrond glares at Frodo.
And oh no the drama is lost.
And now I must go sleep/eat/sleep/whatever. The computer needs its rest, but tune in next week for the next episode of.SOTF (sick of the fanfic) a.k.a. sick of the annoying fanfictions of Lord of the Rings (oh, lordy of the rings.).
Thanky!