Dawn sat in her room, her headphones blaring music while she pretended to be writing. In all honesty, she was thinking about neither. Not about the first big assignment she had due for her English class, or about the new song on the radio she loved. What she was thinking about now, and had been for the last few days, was the newly returned vampire who she has once cared about.

Spike has been home for over three weeks, and the only time she had seen him, he had been there just to win back Buffy's attentions. He hadn't cared about coming to speak to her or trying to earn her forgiveness. Buffy had come first, she always had with him.

Dawn laid her pencil down and flipped over onto her back to stare up at the ceiling, trying to lose herself in the ever-ending whiteness. But she couldn't. The only thing she could succeed at was replaying the scene in the living room that had occurred three nights ago over and over again in her mind. Her coming cheerily down the stairs, then stopping when she saw him. In all her wildest dreams she had never imagined seeing him like that again. Standing there in her house, awkwardly speaking with the woman he had claimed to love and the man that wanted nothing more than to turn Spike into ashes.

She felt again the painful wrench in her gut at the sight of his blue eyes looking pleadingly at her. The way she always remembered them just before she gave in. He could have asked her to jump off the ends of the world, and one look from those eyes would have made her want to do it. But that night all she wanted to do was fulfill the same goal Xander had in mind. That was taking something sharp and wooden to Spike's chest. Preferably around the heart area.

Dawn closed her eyes, wanting to stop the tears she could feel inside her before they came out. They were tears of anger, betrayal, grief and longing. She wanted so much to be able to forgive Spike, just to take what he did and tell herself it was the foolish act of a soulless thing and let herself feel for him the same way she had only months before. At the same time she wanted to run after him, take the skills in slaying she had been learning from her sister, and beat him into the ground until he begged her to stop.

These two conflicting emotions tore Dawn to her feet. She pulled her headphones off and laid them on her bed. She slipped her shoes back on and her jacket, then quietly made her way downstairs. Buffy was still in her room after coming home from Willow's new apartment. Xander had been here earlier, but he had obviously left by now. The coast was clear, and Dawn took her chance to rush to the door and slip easily out.

The walk was short and blurry. She seemed to think about nothing for once, and all she remembered was the pat of her sneakers on the cement sidewalk. She made it to the cemetery quickly, not even having to think about which direction to take, her feet seemed to know the way on their own. She wove through the tall headstones and walked over fallen branches and flowers planted by loved ones to honor those who had passed. She steadily neared Spike's crypt, before she suddenly stopped.

What am I going to say? Dawn thought to herself. She had walked all the way here without planning this out, and now she was finding herself slightly panicky. If she did this wrong, she knew she'd never be able to forgive herself. But on the other hand, what was the wrong way to handle a conversation with the man that tried to rape her sister? Dawn set her jaw and clenched her hands into fists behind her. Whatever she did, she was going to stay calm…or as calm as could be expected.

Dawn walked up the stone steps, and then hesitated before knocking on the door. She swallowed her fear and her trepidation, and reached for the knob, and opened the door.

Spike sat in a chair in the corner of the room, candles lit around him as he read. His back was facing her, but she could see the book in his left hand. As she watched he turned the page and reached out with his right hand for a cup. She caught just a glimpse of the dark liquid in it before it disappeared behind the border of the chair.

Dawn realized he hadn't heard her come in. She had come quietly, but she thought it was mostly because he was lost in his own thoughts, or his book, like she had been recently, that he hadn't noticed her. She left the door open and walked slowly towards him. Before she could say his name, his voice came from behind the chair. " I wondered when you'd be coming by, lil' bit."

Dawn swallowed the name she'd been about to say and shifted where she stood. " Oh, yeah? How did you know that? You a mind reader now?"

She could picture the amused and tired grin he undoubtedly wore even as he set his glass down and laid his book next to it. Then his voice came again. " Because I know you, Niblet. You aren't one to let things lie."

Dawn looked away from the back of the chair, a frown on her face. Where did he get off knowing her? She had thought she'd known him, she had tried too, but he had proved to her she didn't know anything about him, or what he was. How did he dare know what she was? And what she did? She hadn't even known she'd be coming here; she'd had no intentions too. But that was Spike: he always seemed to know everything.

" I wasn't going too," Dawn found herself saying, still not looking in his direction. " I was bored. So I decided to come over, perhaps kill you. Whatever fit into my schedule."

There was a low chuckle and when Dawn turned back, she found Spike now sitting with his chair facing her. He was grinning at her, but his eyes looked undeniably sad. Dawn shifted again, finding impossible to stay still under his penetrating stare.

Long moments passed before either of them said anything. They just stared at each other, their minds each racing with thoughts and feelings too deep to speak of just yet. Finally Spike broke the silence by saying, " I thought about you when I was away. Not bleeding much else to do in Africa, all sandy deserts and dry grassy plains. Not too exciting."

" Africa? You went to Africa?"

Spike cocked his head at her, his lips pursed in slight confusion. " Buffy didn't tell you?"

" She didn't tell me very much about what happened at your…when you had dinner. Of course, I didn't really ask."

Spike shifted himself, his chair creaking with his movements. " I guess she didn't really want you to know. Or you didn't want too."

The silence settled in on them again, and it was a while before it was broken. Spike got up from his chair and took his glass to his refrigerator, placing it inside, then shutting the door. He stood with his back to her for a moment before he started speaking again. " I realize I hurt you, Dawn," he said, using her name for what seemed like the first time ever, though she knew it wasn't. " I didn't want to hurt anyone, that wasn't my goal. I guess I just wasn't thinking."

Dawn didn't say anything, not really knowing what to. She wanted to say something hurtful, something to make him shocked and even more forlorn than he already was. But the part of her that wanted to listen won out in will.

Spike continued. " If you thought, or still do think, that I didn't care about you, or Buffy, for that matter, you're dead wrong. I do. I can't help that I was a bloody idiot, human mistake, I guess."

" You're not a human," Dawn said, finally speaking. " You aren't one and you never will be."

Spike kept his back to her, but his voice became slightly defensive. " That doesn't mean I never was one. I was human. Born to a human mother, raised by a human. I just died early. But I've lived long. That doesn't mean I am immune to mistakes. Human weaknesses that I've always had, will always have."

" A human that did what you did would still be a monster. What you did was evil, no one with a soul does that. They can breathe and look like a human, even have what constitutes as a human soul, but they aren't if they can let themselves do that. I understand you were a demon, Spike. I understand you still are. In some way, that may even allow you to have done what you did. But I don't think I can forgive you. Ever."

Spike straightened, even as tears stung her Dawn's eyes. So much for staying calm, she thought to herself. She had to say what she just had. She needed to make it clear to him that he could say anything, but the chances were very good she would never condone his actions.

Spike turned to her, and for a second, she thought she saw tears in his own eyes, but realized they were just the tears in hers. He smiled halfheartedly at her. " Somehow I figured that too." He motioned for her to sit down, but she didn't move. Just looked at him with a mix of hatred and sorrow, but she tried to keep it from her expression. She didn't want him thinking he could smooth talk her into caring for him again. Or just talking her out of hating him.

" Niblet, you don't have to just stand there glaring at me. I understand you're angry, wouldn't make sense if you weren't, but I'm betting you have more important things to do."

Dawn sneered at him. " What, you can't take a little glarage?"

Spike grinned at her. " No, I can take all you can throw at me, luv. Just don't want you wasting your time on me." He sank back into his chair, and raised his book to eye level, starting to read again, and Dawn took a step towards him.

" Why would glaring at someone I dislike be a waste of my time?"

" Well, might not be. I'm just getting you probably have a bit of homework that needs doing. Am I right?"

Dawn looked from her shoes, then back to him. " Just a little bit. But it's not like its due in five minutes or anything."

Spike seemed not to hear her, and set his book down as he talked on. " I'm also guessing you didn't come here with a smile and a pat on your head from Buffy? She's probably completely in the dark about your whereabouts."

Dawn rolled her eyes and shifted her weight uncomfortably. She had the distinct impression that she was being read as if she were a book. " She was up in her room the last time I saw her. If I had come over and chopped your head right off like I had initially planned, I could have been home by now and Buffy would never know I was gone at all."

Spike looked at her in mock disgust. " Yeah, but decapitation is a bleeding messy thing to deal with, and those red stains blood leaves is bloody hard to get out of sunflower yellow."

Dawn looked down at her yellow tee and suddenly found herself smiling along with Spike, even though she was trying to keep it off her lips, and out of her mind completely.

Suddenly it felt like this spring and winter had never happened. They were back in the summertime the year before, when Buffy was gone and Spike had sort of settled in as her familial figure. Someone to look up to, to get guidance from. And things hadn't changed one bit. Before she knew what was happening, Spike was less than a foot away, looking her straight in the eye, the pleading there almost too much to fight.

" Dawn, I'm not asking you to forgive me. I'm not asking anything of you; you don't owe me anything. I just want you to know that I—" Spike stopped and stood to his full height, looking very uncomfortable and embarrassed, and Dawn just stared at him, completely bewildered. Then Spike looked back at her suddenly and gently grabbed her arm. " I love you, Dawn. Just like I tried not to love Buffy, I tried the same on you." He smiled ruefully. " I guess I just can't stand up against the undying Summers charm."

Dawn once again found a smile curving across her lips. She felt tears sting her cheeks, and quickly swiped them away. " Why?" she asked softly. Spike started to speak but she cut him off. " Why can you do that? Why, when I want nothing more than to glare at you and hate you very much, can you make me like you again?"

Spike grinned at her. " Well, you see, that's part of my charm."

Dawn laughed through her tears. " I don't want to like you, Spike. But you make it too hard to hate you. You did horrible things. But I can't see you doing anything like it again—mostly because if you try it, I will break out some of my new Slayer moves on you."

Dawn found herself suddenly reaching out and hugging Spike, her arms wrapping around his small and tight stomach, and then feeling his hands on her back, hugging her lightly. They stood like that for a moment until his voice once more burst in on the silence.

" Slayer moves?" his asked quizzically. Dawn smiled.

For the next half and hour they talked. She told him everything that had happened in his absence and he in turn told her most of what had happened in Africa. Telling her about how he had hid in the cargo hold of a plain there and then hitched a ride on a boat coming back. He told her how hot it had been and about the wildlife he'd seen, and she listened attentively, all seeming to get better with each spoken word.

Finally Dawn glanced at her watch and she stood from her laid back position in Spike's chair. "It's 9:30, I have 2/3 left of my English paper to write. I have to go." Even Dawn noticed the thick hesitation in her voice. She wanted more of this. More talking and listening, asking and answering. More getting to know each other again. But Buffy would definitely be less than pleased to see Dawn coming home after ten o'clock: her curfew.

" All right, lil' bit. Don't want to keep the Slayer waiting. And I don't think I have to tell you that it would be less than wise if you told her where you've been…" Spike let his words trail off, raising his eyebrows at Dawn to make sure she knew she wasn't to go blabbing to Buffy.

" Yeah, I got it. Not like I want her all over me about it either." Dawn turned and started towards the door when Spike called out her name. She turned back to see him heading back to the corner where the fridge stood. He reached on top of it, however, and walked back to her with a brown bag.

" Here, I bought this for you in Africa." Dawn looked up at him, perplexed. He obviously took her look as a different meaning because he rolled his eyes and sighed. " All right, I nicked it, but it was all with the best intentions." He smiled and held it out to her. " Just take it."

Dawn laughed slightly and reached out for it, when there was a slamming noise behind them and they both jumped and looked around. " Don't you dare," a voice came from the silhouette of the person in the door. The person took a few steps forward, and the light hit Buffy's face, and it was not exactly the expression of a loving sister Dawn saw before her.

Buffy glowered at Spike, her expression presumably pure hatred. Dawn was completely motionless, as was Spike, as Buffy made her way towards them. Dawn was expecting anything, a very sound telling-off, a bloody fight most likely ending in a pile of ashes and a victorious Slayer, or maybe even the supreme quarrel of the century, but none of those happened.

Instead, Buffy walked right up to them, all the time looking at Spike, until something akin to a pout crossed her lips and her eyes looked plaintively at him. Her hand reached up to a beautiful necklace draped over her collar bone and Buffy shook the piece of jewelry, while in the whining voice of a child yelled, " It won't come off!"