Summary:
This is a Rukawa reflective story... Okay, so I suck at writing reflections, but... I couldn't find anything else to do with my spare time during Social Studies, Computer Science, and other blah-blah subjects which I'm no good at even if I tried...
Hehehe... well, you know the drill, R&R! hehehehe...
Disclaimers:
-> Slam Dunk belongs entirely to tensai Takehiko Inoue (and no, by 'tensai' I don't mean 'natural disaster', because that refers to some other aka saru who keeps "singing" at the top of his lungs "Ore wa Tensai!!", if you can call it "singing" and simply not "making noise"...)
-> This version of the song belongs to Christina Aguilera, her record company, and the producers.

Look at me
You may think you see who I really am
But you never know me

Kaede peered at himself in the mirror. Who are you? he thought at the reflection. You can't be me. I'm someone else. You're not me, I'm not you, he thought, looking at a small photograph under the glass of his table. It was a picture of what looked like a 10-year-old boy with impossibly messy hair, extremely pale complexion and a jovial smile.
You can't fool me, Rukawa Kaede. After all, I AM you. And I don't think you can fool yourself, the reflection mocked him. At least, Kaede thought the reflection was mocking him.
Heck, do I myself even know who I am?

Now I see
If I wear a mask, I could fool the world
But I cannot fool my heart

The day had started out as it usually did. Kaede had gotten onto his bike at half-past seven, had ridden to school, had fallen asleep on the road somewhere along the way, had consequently run over some people, subsequently hit Sakuragi with his bike, ("Teme, kitsune!! Why won't you learn to stay awake?!"), and was immediately surrounded by girls.
Same old, same old. Kaede had already gotten used to the ever-present Oendan Girls that he didn't really notice them anymore.
Not that it matters, he thought as he stood up, picked up his bike and locked it to the bike racks, and dragged himself to class. It doesn't change a thing, anyway.
* * *
Apparently, no one even cares, he thuoght as he made another graceful shot. "Nothing but net," he mumbled as he ran to pick up the ball.
* * *
"Hell, I'm living a routine," he whispered as his arm mechanically unlocked the chain of his bike. He had done the same movement before so many times that he never had to think about it anymore. No variation to my non-existent life at all.
"Kami-sama, I don'tknow what I want with my life..."
He sighed. And no one's going to help me figure out the immeasurable fathoms of my disgruntled mind.

Who is the one I see
Staring straight back at me
When will my reflection show who I am inside

He felt the strong urge to punch the image in the mirror between its cobalt-blue kitsune eyes, but knew very well that doing so wouldn't help him a bit.
To restrain himself, he threw his suddenly heavy body onto his bed, his usual means of escape from outside forces and influences, even for just a while. Only...
What am I escaping from? Reality or myself?
Kaede heaved a sigh. To be honest, I have no idea.
His hands clasped behind his head, Rukawa stared at the ceiling for a few more moments before he flipped over onto his stomach and closed his eyes. I hate the time away from practice. Without the game to occupy me, I think too much...
Especially...
About...
Who I am...

I am now
In a world where I have to hide my heart
And what I believe in

Damn phone.
Kaede reached over to pick it up. "Moshi-moshi?"
"Eh, konnichiwa, Rukawa-kun!" Mitsui's cheerful baritone sounded through the receiver.
"Hai?"
"Well, we were plannning a little get-together, and --"
"Who do you mean by 'we'?"
"Oh, me, Akagi, Kogure, Miyagi, Sakuragi, and the rest of the team. Nothing much, just one of those spur-of-the-moment things, you know? Anyway, it'd probably be after practice tomorrow --"
"I don't think I --"
"Ah, come on, Rukawa. You always run off right after practice. You should socialize even just a little, you know."
And you wonder why no one's there to help you.
Kaede decided to ignore the remarks of Mitsui and that unwanted voice that piped up whenever he least wanted it to.
In the background, he heard the gentle voice of Kogure asking for the phone.
Ooh... what's Kogure doing in Mitsui's house? a naughty voice in his head asked. [A/N: Watashi wa do'ahou ne...Kaede-kun has Caller ID, I just didn't know where to put it...and this line wasn't in the original draft...I just finished reading a MitKo lemon, you see, so...]
"Rukawa-kun?"
"Hai?"
"We're not forcing you to come along. We were just thinking that...well, it'd be good for you and for all of us if you did. We'd be able to interact with each other more easily - and not just in games, if you know what I mean." [ A/N: Waah... *spiraled eyes* twisted line...]
Kaede felt himself about to give in -- listening to Kogure's kind, convincing tone, he almost did. He saw the photograph of his younger self on his table, and realized how much he missed being around other people and acutally talking to them...
But his pride overtook his emotional side yet again. He blurted out his next words before he was even aware that he actually thought about saying them.
"Gomen, Kogure-sempai. Maybe some other time."
"Aa, okay. Wakatteru. Ja ne, Rukawa-kun."
Without another word, Kaede returned the phone to its cradle.
Well, that's the way it is. Reveal too much of yourself and the next thing you know, your heart's a part of the Yellow Brick Road in plain sight for everyone to see and step on. [A/N: ^-^']
He felt his throat tighten convulsively, and tears sprang to those sapphire eyes as he remembered his childhood, full of neglect.
Ja ne, Kaasan, Tousan!" "Hn."

But somehow
I will show the world what's inside my heart
And be loved for who I am

"Oi, kitsune! Pass the ball!"
Do'ahou...
Kaede easily eluded Kogure and faked a shot, passing it easily over the other players to Mitsui, who sank a beautiful three-point shot.
"Nice pass, Rukawa!" Ayako called out.
Out of the corner of his eye, Kaede noticed Sakuragi looking at him with fury. And jealousy, if I may add. In reply, he turned to face the redhead with a slight look of boredom and contempt. "Omake."
"Nani?!"
"Do'ahou."
"Teme, kitsune!!"
"Yare yare."
As usual, Kogure tried to stop them. "Maa, maa Sakuragi-kun mo Rukawa-kun. Yamete, yamete..." he pleaded, wearing his kawaii smile. [A/N: Waah!! *spiraled eyes*]
* * *
"Nice play, Ryota!"
"Ah, well... It was Rukawa's point..."
That's all they know and acknowledge me for. Heck, I know it's my fault. But after what I've been through...
Kaede cringed as undesired memories played in his mind. Who could blame me for not wanting to get hurt? If I don't hope, I don't hurt inside.
Demo...
Maybe someday, I'll show them who I really am.

Who is the one I see
Staring straight back at me
Why is my reflection someone I don't know
Must I pretend that I'm someone else for all time
When will my reflection show who I am inside

Anger...
Such a powerful and fearful adversary...
It consumes you , confuses you... [A/N: And I would like to thank Linkin Park for giving me the idea for this sentence, inspired by the line from "Crawling"...]
Kaede sighed, and set down the book he was reading. Amazing. I'm actually staying up this late to study.
Shimatta...
He nibbled on his lower lip, and threw himself facedown onto the bed, ignoring the pain that resonated in his head -- which increased when he hit his head on the headboard. [A/N: The word "head" is a little too redundant in the story, ne?]
He picked up the book and effortlessly tossed it towards the dresser. It made a dull thud when it hit the mirror, and another when it landed on the table.
Chikusho na kagami...
He stood up, walked over to the mirror, and looked at his reflection. In an attempt to restrain himself, he gripped the edges of the table.
Usotsuki... [A/N: Yes, I used the right word. Kaede-kun's addressing the mirror for not showing who he really is -- well, who Kaede-kun thinks he is...]

There's a heart that must be free to fly
That burns with a need to know
The reason why
Why must we all conceal
What we think, how we feel
Must there be a secret me I'm forced to hide

I know perfectly well why...
The song "Reflections" was playing on the radio, and one line particularly attached itself to his mind, namely the one that went, "Why must we all conceal / What we think, how we feel..."
Because I don't want to get hurt. Hell, nobody does.

I won't pretend that I'm
Someone else for all time
When will my reflection show who I am inside

But I'm not, he insisted softly, almost meekly.
I am who I am. I'm Rukawa Kaede.
Something in him snapped.
Finally giving in to the urge, Kaede balled his hand into a fist, and rammed it against the enraged expression of his reflection.
That's not me.
He looked down at a solitary shard of glass at his feet, which had blood splatters on it from his hand.
With warm, dark red liquid pouring from open wounds on the back of his hand, he picked up the piece, stared at himself for the briefest moment, before chucking it out the window.

~owari~

Waah!! Really stupid...
I know, I know. It's really strange for "Reflections" to be playing in Japan, but... *shrugs carelessly*
Waah!! Can anyone suggest a good song that would be a good Sendoh reflective? Hehe... this may not be the end, after all... I might do a Rhygell and make a chapter-by-chapter story with a different song for each chapter. I've got the plot all figured out, actually. I just need a song for Sendoh...
Oh, and by the way, if you could give me a good suggestion, email it to me, please... Or at least provide your email address in a review. If I pick your suggestion, I'll most likely ask for the lyrics.

Now, don't go thinking I'm an ungrateful baka! I'll credit you, of course... in any way you want, as long as it doesn't involve money or lives or... But hopefully you'd be satisfied with being on a list of fave authors or being mentioned in the next chapter or - if I'd imitate Isys again - be acknowledged in an A/N chapter... hehehe...