Maggie's Extra-Spiffy Disclaimer: I own nothing but my stupidity, a computer, and a slooooow Internet connection.
Author's Notes: Yes, Maggie is flying solo once again! This is something I wrote when it was a little more appropriate for the season, but I just found it stored away on my computer and thought I would post it. Enjoy!
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THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
Lord of the Rings Style!
On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me the One Ring to rule them all!
On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me two evil towers and the One Ring to rule them all!
On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me three lordly elf dudes, two evil towers, and the One Ring to rule them all!
On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me four hungry hobbits, three lordly elf dudes, two evil towers, and the One Ring to rule them all!
On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me five fleshless bobs! Four hungry hobbits, three lordly elf dudes, two evil towers, and the One Ring to rule them all!
On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me the six shards of Narsil, five fleshless bobs! Four hungry hobbits, three lordly elf dudes, two evil towers, and the One Ring to rule them all!
On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me seven rings for dwarf lords, the six shards of Narsil, five fleshless bobs! Four hungry hobbits, three lordly elf dudes, two evil towers, and the One Ring to rule them all!
On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me the eight that left Moria, seven rings for dwarf lords, the six shards of Narsil, five fleshless bobs! Four hungry hobbits, three lordly elf dudes, two evil towers, and the One Ring to rule them all!
On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me nine evil Nazgul the eight that left Moria, seven rings for dwarf lords, the six shards of Narsil, five fleshless bobs! Four hungry hobbits, three lordly elf dudes, two evil towers, and the One Ring to rule them all!
On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me ten drunk chipmunks, nine evil Nazgul the eight that left Moria, seven rings for dwarf lords, the six shards of Narsil, five fleshless bobs! Four hungry hobbits, three lordly elf dudes, two evil towers, and the One Ring to rule them all!
On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me eleven marching Ents, ten drunk chipmunks, nine evil Nazgul the eight that left Moria, seven rings for dwarf lords, the six shards of Narsil, five fleshless bobs! Four hungry hobbits, three lordly elf dudes, two evil towers, and the One Ring to rule them all!
On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me twelve tickets to 'The Two Towers', eleven marching Ents, ten drunk chipmunks, nine evil Nazgul the eight that left Moria, seven rings for dwarf lords, the six shards of Narsil, five fleshless bobs! Four hungry hobbits, three lordly elf dudes, two evil towers, and the One Ring to rule them all!
THE END
Notes on the Text:
The One Ring to rule them all- if you don't know what this is, you are very dumb indeed.
The two evil towers are, of course, Orthanc and Barad-dur, strongholds of Saruman and Sauron respectively.
The three lordly elf dudes are supposed to represent the bearers of the Three Elven Rings, supposedly given to the Elven kings.
The four hungry hobbits are Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin (duh).
The five fleshless bobs refer to the five Istari, that would be Curumo, Alatar, Pallando, Aiwendel, and Olorin, more commonly referred to as the five wizards Saruman the White, Alatar the Blue, Pallando the Blue, Radagast the Brown, and Gandalf the Grey/White (depending what book you are on.) They are referred to here as 'fleshless bobs' because when they existed in their former home, Valinor, they were creatures of light and took no physical form, dubbing them the nickname 'fleshless bob.' 'L' of 'blob' left out intentionally as a sign of respect to Bob the Builder. Buzzzzzzzz.....
The Six Shards of Narsil are the six pieces of the sword that cut the Ring from Sauron's hand during the Last Alliance. I do not actually know that there are six pieces, but six goes with my song better so bite me =P
Seven Rings For Dwarf-lords, the seven rings given to the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone (duh)
Eight that left Moria: The eight of the nine walkers that made it out of the Mines of Moria. That's all of the Fellowship except for Gandalf...he fell into that fiery pit remember? Such a shame, too, his eyebrows were really funny.
Nine evil Nazgul- The nine Nazgul, the minions of Sauron. Duh.
Ten drunk chipmunks taken from a small story I wrote once called 'The Call of the Tolkien Freaks.' In it there is a line that goes something like this: "As Tolkien fanatics and drunk chipmunks ran through the streets..." Ever since then that line has been my catch-phrase of sorts. I use in almost everything.
Eleven marching Ents refers to the Ents when they marching to Isengard to destroy Sauron, of course there were more than eleven, but eleven goes better for this song so once again bite me. =P
Twelve tickets to the two towers is self-explanatory. The Two Towers opened in theaters December 18.
Drive safely!
Maggie
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If you liked this, or even if you didn't, check out my other fic "I'd Do Anything" and my co-authored fic with my friends Kathleen and Maggie "Pants on the Loose!"
REVIEW!