Fandom: Gouhou Drug
Title: Nemuitteru kimi. (Sleeping you.)
Pairing: Rikuou + Kazahaya
Rating: PG
Description: (obscurely clamp fic challenge) [Complete] Rikuou and Kazahaya have been assigned to search for a lost article...only strangely, it's lost within itself also...
Disclaimer: Gohou Drug is by Clamp. Gravitation's Nittle Grasper belongs to Murakami Maki-sensei, but the song 'Surechigau' is mine! 'All I Want' is by Toad The Wet Sprocket.
Nemuitteru kimi. (Sleeping you.)
by Miyamoto Yui
Part 3 - Refraining Soul
When they got to the eastern boundary of the campus, they were told to part and meet at another place. Looking left and right, Kazahaya exhaled slowly as he pinched a bit of Rikuou's shirt. With a cute pout filled with irritation, he asked, "You know I'm bad with directions, so how do I get there by foot?"
Rikuou pointed southward. "Go there for an hour? More or less."
Gulping, Kazahaya sighed with uncertainty. "Thanks. I'll see you later then."
Rikuou smiled smugly. "Yeah, I'll be waiting a while."
And he walked over towards the nearest bus stop.
"You suck," Kazahaya hissed as he gave Rikuou a sneer.
Then, he shrugged his shoulders.
"I wonder what this all means. It's so confusing," Kazahaya glanced back at Rikuou again and started to walk in the direction he was told. "I feel like we're going on a treasure hunt or something."
This was indeed different from the other jobs they'd been assigned to do. Aside from getting some book, a cat, or whatever, this seemed to be one of the strangest jobs both of them had ever done.
"The high school uniform button thing was weird in itself." He thought of the seifuku he had to wear. And if that didn't already make him blush, Rikuou had to poke his buttons by teasing, "It was good."
He hit him on the head many times after that whenever it was mentioned, but it still hadn't made him lessen his slap to the back of Rikuou's head.
Kazahaya kept on walking and looked at the buildings before him. Really, it was all beyond him and he didn't want to think too much about it. But he began to grow a little depressed as he remembered why he'd interrupted Rikuou's comment on Soseki.
"We're not a part of this group of students," Kazahaya mumbled to himself, putting his hands into his shorts' pockets.
Looking at the ground, he whispered with a lonesome tone, "We just don't belong anywhere."
At that moment, Rikuou's bus went by and there he was smirking in his seat with a little wave just to annoy him. Kazahaya just had to look up that instant, didn't he?!
"Jerk!" Kazahaya called after him, but as he looked at the sweater he was wearing, he laughed. "Well, okay...not all the time."
Still, Kazahaya was pondering on this job all together. This was the first time he and Rikuou had to look at their cell phones after a certain time because the instructions were not all there. Not because there wasn't enough text space or space for voicemails, but the instructions came in according to the place they were in. And also, they were in a certain pattern that the client wanted.
It was all too confusing to piece together at once.
After an hour of walking in the sun, he looked at his cell phone and tried to find exactly where he was heading towards. As he was getting closer to the address of his destination, Kazahaya finally told himself, "Kokoro..."
It was one of the most beloved books of all time...
Why would this girl want a book like that?
But somehow, there was something wrong with what he as thinking and how he was perceiving everything. Was it because of this unusual way they were going about this whole job? Or was it because he had dreamt of Kei this morning and that was one of the books she liked to read?
She always said, "Maybe, like your name..." But, with this book, she'd always told him, "It ends in the middle. Don't you understand?"
He always shook his head. He didn't comprehend what she was trying to say to him.
Kazahaya wasn't sure about anything at this point, but when he quietly repeated the address to himself, he stopped in the middle of a long street. "A karaoke bar?"
"I'm here to meet someone..." Kazahaya said at the front and the person at the desk led him to the furthest room down the hallway. In this small, enclosed space, Rikuou sat with his elbows touching the couch he was sitting on.
After closing the door, Kazahaya looked from side to side and sat next to Rikuou.
Rikuou took out a piece of gum and unwrapped it. He pushed it gently into Kazahaya's mouth. "It says that I had to do this."
"Wha-" He began chewing on the gum, pointing at his mouth with his index finger.
Kazahaya just nodded with a bewildered expression as they both looked for a song.
Looking at his cell phone again, he almost choked on the gum as he chewed and said at the same time, "Uh-uh. I can't sing. I'm really bad at singing."
Rikuou pointed at his list too. "Hey, you're not the only one."
The list of songs had to be done in order, but the last ones had to be done the best. Unfortunately, as they sweat dropped at one another's vocal experience, they looked at each other with the most pained expressions.
But after an hour, they started to enjoy singing for one another. There was no way that they'd give a recording to Kakei anyway. ^^;;;
At his last song, Rikuou stood up to sing. "It says that I have to write the lyrics of your song on napkins."
"And I write the lyrics to your song on the notepad that you bought for me..." Kazahaya said right after Rikuou.
Rikuou handed him a small black notepad and then cleared his throat. As he began to sing and Kazahaya quickly wrote...
"(whisper) Do you what it means
that you can't breathe
wanting to crumble into pieces
out of helplessness?
Looking at your own reflection
You knew a change had begun.
It was your fault...
Surechigau, passing one another,
You'd think it was all a work of fate.
I looked at you as you said,
'Sumimasen' to me.
Closing the door, I looked at it wanting
To break it with my hands.
This is wrong.
This can't be our story.
I won't accept that
We'll always be apart.
It's too cruel
Upon my heart.
I searched and searched for years
Knowing I was nothing to you.
Just a face you passed each day
On the wall, you thought I never saw.
But I knew as I gradually lost my sanity,
I was looking for you everywhere.
(Hopelessly.)
This is wrong.
This can't be our story.
I won't accept that
I can't reach you.
It's suicide
To my heart."
Rikuou started to close his eyes, averting them away from Kazahaya. In a trance, he sang louder than before,
"Where could you go?
Where did you come from?
How can I make you mine?
How can I keep you forever?
(How can I make you not say goodbye?)
Watching you like a mirror
Where you pound until your hands bleed
Screaming your name
In a deadly silence, no one hears me.
You don't understand anything
Because I can't even tell you.
I don't care about Fate anymore.
Because I can't see anything
Nothing but you.
This is wrong.
This can't be the story of
You and Me.
I can't accept that you'll never know me
Because I know who you are.
I've been watching you from the shadows
(Silently, silently.)"
Looking straight at Kazahaya, he held his hand out as if to catch him from getting away from him. With sad eyes, he sang with all his soul that he thought he'd never reveal again to anyone...
"This is wrong.
(How can my love for you be wrong?)
This can't be our story.
(How can I make you fall in love with me?)
I won't accept that
(I can't survive this torture any longer.)
I can't reach you.
(Because you don't know anything.
It's suicide
(I'll beg on my knees for you.)
To my heart.
(I don't want anyone else.)
Please give him back to me.
You were meant to be mine.
(No matter what Fate says,
I won't allow it.)"
With his mouth a little open, a stunned Kazahaya blinked at Rikuou, who had just done an incredible job with a Nittle Grasper's 'Surechigau'!
While pulling his collar, Rikuou laughed, "I hope I did okay."
Kazahaya, who had never seen him this relaxed before, smiled as he took the mic from Rikuou and stood in front of the tv as it said "All I Want".
Rikuou looked at Kazahaya with a slight smile and then down at the table in front of him. He and began to write…
"Nothing's so loud
As hearing when we lie
The truth is not kind
And you've said neither am I
But the air outside so soft is saying everything."
Kazahaya shook his head and closed his eyes. "Everything…"
Opening his eyes, he held onto the mic harder as if he could lose it.
"All I want is to feel this way
To be this close, to feel the same
All I want is to feel this way
The evening speaks, I feel it say..."
Kazahaya tapped his foot and smiled with melancholic eyes.
"Nothing's so cold
As closing the heart when all we need
Is to free the soul
But we wouldn't be that brave I know
And the air outside so soft, confessing everything
Everything."
Then, in a burst of energy as if crying, he sang on,
"And it won't matter now
Whatever happens to me
Though the air speaks of all we'll never be
It won't trouble me
All I want is to feel this way
To be this close, to feel the same
All I want is to feel this way
The evening speaks, I feel it say...
And it feels so close
Let it take me in
Let it hold me so
I can feel it say..."
Rikuou clapped his hands slowly and was totally impressed by this last performance. "Didn't expect you to have another talent."
Kazahaya denied it while blushing, ignoring the sarcasm in his voice due to the smile he'd been given. "Thanks, but...I felt different when I was singing."
"What do you mean?" Rikuou looked at him like a little kid, like that flashback with Tsukiko.
"I felt like I was singing the song to reach you, Rikuou." He shook his head. "But then again, I didn't feel like it was me anymore. This isn't making sense at all. This odd job and all this stuff we have to do..."
Rikuou got up to leave to pay in the front, saying, "I felt different when I sang too."
"It's always like that," he said softly.
Kazahaya couldn't understand if Rikuou was saying that to him or to himself. But Rikuou didn't go into depth about it as Kazahaya touched his shoulder. The solemn, unreadable look came back to Rikuou's face.
Kazahaya then saw flashes from Rikuou's memory...
A little boy singing...
Tsukiko performing with a smile...
Then, he let go as Rikuou glanced back at him, sighing as he went ahead of him.
Kazahaya stood in the karaoke room alone and watched Rikuou through the window.
"How will I ever reach you?" Kazahaya found himself whispering to himself.
He exited the room with a fearful heart. As they walked away from the karaoke bar, Rikuou suddenly took Kazahaya's hand and ran across the street.
They were running so fast that Kazahaya couldn't see Rikuou's slight frown of disappointment. At the same time, Kazahaya was staring at their clinging hands with a lonely visage, thinking, "He just needs my hand to find the next location of our scavenger hunt."
Kazahaya, who had been confused all along, was starting to understand what was going on...
Tsuzuku...
-
Author's note: Ooh. Getting interesting. Just what is going on? I know, but it's all stuck in my head pushing to get out like a wild animal... * sighs * Hope you're liking this as much as I am!
Refraining - pun I used as "a song's refrain", "withdrawing", and "repeating".
January 8th, 2003