2- Rainbow Rurouni
It had been two days since Kaoru left outburstingly. Everybody seemed very relaxed but Pat Hobby, for he knew they'd maybe have to shoot for many days till they got to a solution. After his second night awake he was already feeling dog tired, much for his worry, for he thought he wouldn't last much long alive like that.
Once again, Kenshin was the first one to get to the set, at nine. Pat was laying on the floor, sleeping heavily and snoreing soundly enough to keep the birds away. The rurouni thought he'd better do something to help, so he gathered Pat's papers and whiped up some coffee. Feeling the warm scent, the director woked up, yet kind of giddy. Rubbing his eyes, he walked to Kenshin.
"Good morning, Hobby-sama."
"Hmmm... did you get from bed early again because of your sunflowers?" Pat said, scratching his head.
Kenshin smiled. "No, sessha always wakes up this time, de gozaru yo. Go, Hobby-sama. Take a shower and come have some coffee."
Pat muffled a chuckle. "He's just being gentle, Pat... But I think I had done the right role... hehehe" he thought to himself, while leading to the ladies's dressing room, where he took a long cold shower. Coming back outside, Kenshin was sitting on the set, reading his script. Pat got a cup of coffee and sat by the rurouni's side, taking a look at his papers. "Kenshin-kun, I suggest you to... nearly forget these papers."
Kenshin raised his head and cocked it afterwards. "Oro? Why should sessha do such a thing?"
"Euh... When you read your role' new synthesis you'll understand..." Pat raised himself, leading to his chair, where Kenshin had placed the typewriten papers he spent the previous afternoon and night producing. He intended to give Kenshin's papers before all the cast arrived, but just when he grabbed them, the actors started coming in. It would be an embarassing situation, but Pat made up his mind to wait everybody to come, since it was too late to make it private.
Again gathered, the cast listened to what Pat Hobby had to say. Megaphone in hand, the director talked to everybody, trying to look calm and firm, yet with a slight desperate tune on his voice. "Good morning, folks. You all must remember our... how can I say... crashing experience of yesterday. But our effort must go on. And, keeping this in mind, I whiped up another solution to keep Rurouni Kenshin alive." With this say, all the women in the set glinged their partners. Pat got almost oro-faced and scratched his beard nervously. "Relax, my dear cuties... I didn't hire anybody this time. In fact there'll be few changes on your original roles. I guess the great change will be taken by our good Kenshin."
Kenshin got scarred, but still acted normally, in order to encourage Pat and his friends. All the actors seemed relieved, yet curious to know what would be their companion's fate, and so the distribuition of the typewriten sheets of paper began. Kenshin was the last person to recieve it and the first one to shout. "O...OOOOOORORO?!?!?!?!?!?!" Pat bowed forth and protected his ear with one hand. "Kami-sama! What is it, Hobby-sama?" the shocked rurouni cried out.
"Erm... It was kinda difficult to solve the problem, so I imagined this." Pat faltered "Try to see it this way: maybe it'll make the story modern, free from prejudices and--"
"What the hell did you write after all?" Sanosuke raised his had, again looking like a primary student.
"Well, I... I... In fact, the point is that I..." he faltered, before muttering fast. "...turnedhimintoatagrurouni."
"What?"
"Tag! Queer! Sissy! Shemale! Gay! Homossexual!" Kenshin glared Sanosuke, furiously bowing forth with each word and threatening the prizefighter with his body and his angry voice. "From now on, sessha will play the lady! No Kaoru-dono will be needed because sessha's character doesn't enjoy women, DE GOZARU YO!"
The whole cast kept silent for a moment, staring each other. Then all of them -including Kamatari- burst into loud and wide laugher, while Kenshin kept red -we'll never know if it was anger or shame-, balled fist, looking sideways to Pat Hobby with his yellow eyes -Battousai eyes. The director got so straw-yellow when he saw the peaceful rurouni turned in such a beast -and glaring at him- that he thought it'd be better to slip out and see what Yahiko was doing. At least until Kenshin calmed down.
Getting to the lord's dressing room he saw Yahiko tieing his pants, and just then he remembered the boy wasn't outside when he gave the actors their new roles. Taking a glimpse of the director's figure, the Kamyia Kasshin ex-apprentice came closer. "Hey, Pat-sama. May we have some small-talk, uh?"
"Well Yahiko-kun, I don't believe this is the best moment to--"
"Aw, come on! It'll take us just a few seconds. It's just the time to say 'yes'."
Pat frowned. "Say 'yes' to what?"
"Oh, a small idea o'mine. I know Kitsune didn't do here in Rurouni Kenshin. But what if we keep my character as it's become when she entered the cast?"
"Erm... Yahiko-kun... In reality, the Hiten Mitsurugi stuff was really going to be kept. With a sliiiiight change..." Pat said, handing the boy his role' new synthesis.
Few seconds later, a crashing sound was heard and Pat was seen flying helplessly from the dressing room and falling outside it, face to the floor, followed by Yahiko's scream. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY 'HIMURA KENSHIN'S NEW PAIRING'? I REFUSE! I COME FROM A SAMURAI NOBLE FAMILY!"
Kenshin, who looked calmer and had the the peaceful rurouni face again, came to the young boy and tried to ease him. "Yahiko-kun... I think we should try it out."
Yahiko wided his eyes and looked sideways to Kenshin, a scarred and suspicious look.
Kenshin got nearly-oro-faced. "NNNo! What sessha means is that we should try to ACT this way. Think like this, Yahiko-kun: if we don't play the... erm... couple--" Many muffled laughs were heard, causing Kenshin to turn angrily to his companions and shush all of them, then turn to Yahiko once again. "As sessha was saying, if we don't play the couple, we won't be able to save the show, and we'll be fired, as well as all our friends."
Yahiko looked aside and nodded thoughtfully, then raised his finger conclusiveley. "I'm going to Pokémon set see if they need a stuntman to Ash." He stated calmly, turning round to leave.
"NO!" Pat Hobby clenched him by the collar desperatelly. "Yahiko-kun pleeeeeeeeeeease? Don't make me loose my job! How will I be able to save my jalopy?" The director started to put on act, wet eyes and worried face, sniffs and sobs every now and then.
Yahiko looked sideways, a grave expression on his face. With suspicious and flat voice, he asked. "I won't have to have sex with Kenshin, will I?"
"Nooo!" Pat shook his head firmly, helpless expression and voice.
"I won't have to kiss Kenshin, will I?"
"Nooo..."
"I won't have to say I love him, will, I?"
"NN... Well maybe just some times..." Pat faltered, smiling sickly. Yahiko raised his eyebrowns angrily. "Oh, oh... K-Kenshin, did you say "times"? No it's "time", just once, just once..."
Yahiko looked annoyedly to Kenshin, who shook his shoulders and cocked his head, an attitude that made clear that they had no other issues. Without a single word Yahiko nodded, rolling his eyes. Pat cheered and hopped away to the set. "Ah! Nice then, let's start, folks?"
Kenshin smiled and meant to lead to the set, but Yahiko held his ponytail, pulled him close and muttered angrily. "I'm telling you, beware with your hands, am I clear enough?" And headed to the set, leaving an oro-faced Kenshin behind. Patientless, Pat spilled a glass of cold water on the rurouni's face, pulling him to the set.
^_^x
"Kenshin! Don't get so tense!" Pat interrupted the scene with his mettalic voice from the megaphone. "And you, Yahiko! You're just an undefined by, not a drag queen!"
"Come on, Pat-sama!" Yahiko turned his back. "I don't know how should a daisie act!"
"Just like any other man! The way you're doing you look like one of those talking dolls!" Pat raised himself from his chair, folded his arms and stiffened his body, imitating a doll, a shrieking tune on his voice. "Ma-ma! Ma-ma! Ken-shin! Ma-ma!". All the people in the set laughed, Pat joined them.
"Hehee... But, how should I do then?" Yahiko took it with impresing good humor.
"Huumm..." Pat rubbed his beard, then a sudden idea occured to him. "Hey, Kamatari-san! Can you please come here and help me out?"
Puffy with pride, the "schythe tinicky" walked languidly to among the flats, then approached to the dircetor, whispering in his ear. "Why don't you call me afetuously, like you do with all the other girls? What about Kamie?"
Pat widened his eyes, got ghastly and shuddered his body, such as if an electrical current quivered up his spine. "Uh, we talk about it later, ok?" he said, stepping further.
Annoyedly, yet smily, Kamatari came closer to Yahiko and placed his/her hand on the boy's shoulder, who retreated a little. "Hey, tiny boy, all you have to do is act normally!"
"Normally to you, you mean..." Yahiko mumbled.
Kamatari licked his/her lip and held hir/hes scythe tight in hir/hes hands. "You act normally, just like me. But I know how to be gracious and dangerous when someone teases me." Yahiko stared at the big scythe and gulped.
"G-Got it..." Yahiko coughed, nodding and steping further.
Seeing himself/herself released from the other two men, Kamatari approached to Kenshin. "So? Would you like some 'classes' as well?"
The rurouni stiffened and smiled sickly. "Eh, hehe... No, sessha thinks he can manage it..."
Kamatari winked one eye and smiled. "Ah! I understand... You had NEVER decieved me... Battousai.... hahaha!" Kamatari said, turning to leave, singing. "Elle est éclosé un beau matin, au jardin triste de mon coeur.... Avec an 'F' rose, 'F' comme fleur..."
"C'est pas 'rose'... c'est fuchsie..." Kenshin tought to himself, red as a beet, while everybody on the set stared the Juupon Gatana fighter leaving, fresh as a daisy.
^_^x
By the end of the day, just a few scenes had been shot and they were very late on the tapes, for Pat was always stopping the acts and they had to shoot four or even five times each scene.
The director was thrilled. "We won't have enough time to shot and exhibit. The tv channel will end up cutting down on our timing and that will surely undervalue the show! What will we do now?" He cried out pulling his hair down.
"Hobby-sama..." Kenshin came closer. "Sessha's affraid to say this solution didn't do either. It's difficult to sessha to play pairing with anybody but Kaoru-dono. Specially if this pairing is a... boy! It's really difficult to play the homossexual..." Muffled laughs were widely heard but, in the name of friendship and peace, Kenshin pretended not to hear.
"Maybe you're right. Again." Pat sighed. "I guess I'll spend another night awake, fixing things..."
From among the actors, Misao jumped, trying to be seen. "Hey, Pat! I guess the actors gotta work too! It's not fair to leave all the work to you!"
Pat raised his head. For a moment everybody stood silent, while the elfin ninja got to the director's side. "So? Who's with us?"
Sayo was the first one to step forward. Megumi followed her, Enishi, Sanosuke, even Kanryuu, and soon almost all the cast was in. Pat smiled. "Thanks, Missie. Thanks everybody. But the capitain of this ship is still being me."
"Hey, Pat." Yumi got closer. "You can just write a draft, a base, and we'll improvise the details together? What do you think of it?"
Pat smiled and accepted, then released everybody, going to his jalopy just afterwards. He sat comfortably on the front sit and fired the old companion up, heading to a gas station. Once in there, he carried an old habit out: he filled the tank up, while having some whisky. "Drinking with the jalopy", as he used to say. He drew his laptop fom the glove compartment, looked to the fuel pump and raised his bottle. "Cheers."
To be continued
.:Author Notes:. I gotta do some clearing ups and disclaimers. The song sang by Kamatari is by Adamo. It's "F... Comme Femme", known in Charles Aznavour version. The part sang by the adorable "scythe tinicky" means, more or less: "She had bloomed in a beautiful morning, on the sad garden that is my heart... with a pink 'F', flower 'F'.". Kenshin's thought afterwards means "It's not pink, it's fuchsia.". Another thing that must be said is that this habit of Pat's (to drink with the car) was also writen by F. Scott Fitzgerald, on his "Pat Hobby Does His Bit", story from wich I took this stubborn and awkward (yet remarkable) character.