4- Only one way out
Pat Hobby had a few tapes in his hands, and one was being played. An imense body with no head in sight of eyes (just like "Muppet Babies"'s Nanny) pointed a threatening finger to his face, yelling angrily afterwards. "Pat Hobby, this tapes are a real piece of shit! You are FIRED!"
Pat retreated and begged in a chicken voice. "Please, Mr. Watsuki! Don't do that to me..." Suddenly the earth opened beneath his feet and he was dragged to an imense fall. When finally reaching the floor, he could see he was on a wide street and, all around him, Rurouni Kenshin characters were exhibiting their poverty: Sanosuke was curled on a torn blanket, begging money; ahead of the cars stopped on the red traffic light, with their noses dyed in red, Yahiko and Kaoru made comic clowny kendo demonstrations with their sword, asking for money to the drivers afterwards; on a corner, Yumi offered her body for money; sitting on the sidewalk, Shougo played the guitar, an empty hat in front of him; coming back and forth, Enishi tried to sell books. Pat stared uneasy, when he saw Kenshin coming closer. He thought he'd find in him some comfort, but the peaceful rurouni had yellow eyes and glared at him in a treatening way. Once again Pat retreated, then called his friend name, who answered raising his sword. "My name is Battousai, the Slashman!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"
"Pat-sama?" He felt a pair of hands shaking him. "Pat-sama, what's up? Are you feeling alright?"
Pat Hobby blinked twice, putting the place in sight. When he'd done that, he jumped from his skin to see Kenshin's face in front of him. Laying on his car, he pulled his body back and panted. "May I call you Kenshin?"
"Well, Hobby-sama... That's sessha's name, de gozaru yo."
"'De gozaru yo? Did you say de gozaru yo?"
Kenshin smiled and brushed the back of his neck. "Hai, sessha said 'de gozaru yo'!"
"Did you say 'sessha'?"
Kenshin frowned kind of confused. "Hai, sessha said 'sessha'."
"Phew!" Pat raised his eyebrowns. "I think I had a nighmare..."
"Sessha realized." Kenshin chuckled. "So, did Hobby-sama decide anything for today?"
"Kind of, Kenshin buddy." Pat got out from his car and leaded to the set, blue in his brown eyes. "I think Rurouni Kenshin has no solution at all..."
"A-are you sure of it, Hobby-sama?" Kenshin lowered his head, a serious expression.
"Sure, Kenshin-kun. But what I mean is: Kao-chan's role had a strict relationship with yours. I had been thinking that, without her, we can do nothing!"
Kenshin nodded seriously. The clouds covered the sky and turned the morning into a grey and desert piece of flat, as if it all was nothing but fiction -and that was how Kenshin felt. "Sessha can't believe it's all true... No more Rurouni Kenshin..."
"Yeah, my fellow... I feel empty too..."
"And what is Hobby-sama going to do now?"
"Wait till everybody's there... Tell them the bad news... Release everybody... Apologize... And ask the cleaners to sweep away the Akabeko, the Kamyia dojo, Genzai-sensei's clinic..." Pat sighed, his head down.
In any other situation, Kenshin would hold his ground and say they shouldn't give up, but even him knew it would be useless to try anything. He knew they had a perfect harmony while working all together, but he knew also that they couldn't do anything without one of them... Specially someone so important, as Kaoru-dono was...
It was gloomily that Pat sat on his foldable chair and raised his megaphone. His metallic voice didn't seem strong. On the contrary, it seemed defeated and, since he talked his first word, all the coming cast knew it would be the end. "My fellows... The news I have for you are not the best ones... They're not alike the ones I'd like to say, not at all... We were overwhelmed..."
Silence fell heavily over each head on the set, from cast to staff, and even the cleaners felt a lump on their throats as Pat went on with his speech. "We tried hard to keep our show on, but... It didn't do. Yesterday I recieved a note from Mr. Watsuki, demanding the tapes for today, at five. If we haven't given the TV channel the first episodes by this time... Well, you know what. And even if we can whip up the best solution for today, we won't be able to shoot enough, not even the first episode. So, I think it's the dead end for us. I apologize for my having failed with all of you, but you are nice actors. And I'm sure you'll be able to find another job soon. All in all, it was nice to work with all of you... Good luck my fellows, you are released." Pat ended up his speech, brushing his face sadly.
The cast was startled. Some girls cried, some men punched the ground, and even the vilains allowed themselves to push selfishness aside and get annoyed too. And, among that "goodbye" atmosphere, a weasel came running from the crowd and grabbed Pat's shirt. "It's not fair! We've put all of our effort on it, and since we still have seven hours till the deadline, we'll try to save the show! You can't just slip out like this!"
Taking the girl from Pat's top, Aoshi tried to ponder. "Misao, Pat-sama has already told us why it is useless. Stop being stubborn."
"Shut up!" the girl skrieched, trashing over in the okashira's clench. "You're telling this 'cause you have a side job as a top model in Yves Sait-Lauent!" The okashira got extremely ashamed and, below all the cast's gaze, he gave up in trying to stop the outbursting girl.
"Misao-dono, it's useless..." Kenshin approached. "Without Kaoru-dono we can do nothing... It's rough, but we have to accept that it's the end..." Kenshin grabbed the sides of the girl's arms, pulling her aback. "Sometimes art reflects real life..."
The ninja raised her head suddenly, as if an idea occured to her. "Wait! Himura, what did you say?"
"Sessha said it's useless, cause--"
"No! I mean, the 'art-reflects-life' stuff!"
"Why do you want sessha to repeat if you know the whole stuff?"
Misao smiled, releasing herself, then whacked Kenshin on the top of his head. "Himura no baka! That's obvious, why didn't we think about it all this time?"
"What are you talking about, Missy?" Pat raised himself.
"It's simple: we can do nothing without Kaoru around. So the solution is bringing her back!"
Everybody got silent, many eyebrowns were raised. Pat scratched his head and turned to Misao patiently. "Missy... We did think about it, but--"
"NO! I know you thought about it, it would be the first idea that any idiot would have, but you didn't think about the right way to bring her back!"
"Oh really, Missy-know-it-all?" Pat asked skeptically. "And what is your mighty idea?"
"Pat no baka too!" Misao said, hiting the director's head on its top. "Didn't you pay attention to what Himura said?"
"Not really..." Kenshin fell back, his legs up.
"He said 'Art reflects real life'. And, knowing about Kaoru-chan's digging Himura, can you imagine what was the reason she left for?"
Pat looked aside and, as if it had been set, all the actors said together, as a blowing wind. "KENSHIN!"
The puzzled rurouni retreated in fright. "Misao-dono, what do you think sessha can do?"
"Why did Kaoru-chan leave?"
"Sessha doesn't have a clue... Well, at least not that sessha can remember..."
"Himura, when was the last time you talked to Kaoru-chan?"
"Hm... it was that very day. We were shooting a scene, then Kaoru-dono suddenly walked away."
"Do you remember wich scene was it?"
"Quite a normal scene: sessha was supposed to ease Kaoru-dono after her beating Yahiko-kun for having spitted the food she cooked. Instead, Kaoru-dono hit sessha and left."
"Wait!" Misao placed her finger along her cheek thoughtfully. "You said 'food'? There must be anything to do with Kaoru-chan's food."
"Well, I don't know if it would be of any help" Kanryuu pointed "but I recall having seen Battousai and the girl at a cafeteria the day before her leaving the show."
Many people looked suspiciously to the opium pusher. Misao, facing the criminal, turned sideways. "Is it true, Himura?"
"Hai! Takeda-san's not lieing. Sessha invited Kaoru-dono out, de gozaru yo."
Then it was Kenshin's turn to get people startled. "YOOOOOOOOOU?" Misao couldn't believe. "Himura, do you mean that YOU invited her out?"
"Well, it was almost like this."
The weasel girl sighed in relief. "Ah, I was already asking myself if you might be sick or what kind of miracle it meant. Well, so tell us how it happened exactely..."
Kenshin seemed annoyed with this comment of Misao's, but he went on. "Well, when we finished shooting on that day, Kaoru-dono invited sessha to have dinner with her. But sessha knows how Kaoru-dono hates cooking, so he invited her out. De Gozaru yo."
Nobody could figure any reason out for some minutes, but Misao and Pat stood thoughtful. Suddenly, the director taped his forehead violently. "Fucking hell! I had told her to take cooking classes!"
"What?" Misao and Kenshin asked in unison.
"Some weeks ago, Kaoru-chan came asking for advice on how to make a man fall in love with her. I thought it was a joke, so I said that my mom made me fall in love with her because she cooked very well, then I suggested her take cooking classes!"
"For Geddy's sake, so that's why she invited you to have dinner with her, Himura!"
"And that's why she insisted on sessha's coming to her house!"
"And you refused?" Pat asked flatly, raising his eyebrown.
"Hai."
"YOU REFUSED AN INVITATION TO GO ALONE TO A GILRL'S HOUSE?"
"Shouldn't sessha?"
All the man in the set, including Pat Hobby, fell back, their legs up. When back to normal position, Hiko laughed. "You see? When I call him "baka deishi" you say I'm cruel. Go on, everybody! Say he's not a baka! Call me cruel now!"
"Well, what matters is that we've already found out what caused Kaoru to leave: art reflecting life." Megumi concluded.
"Exactely. Now we must bring her back!" Misao got up cheerful, though nobody followed her. "What now?"
"'still dunno how do ya imagine tha' we could do this." Sanosuke shook his shoulders.
"You don't but I do. If art reflects life, so we can't distinguish what's true and what's reflection!"
Silence. Okina got up annoyedly and shouted. "Aoshi! Did you lend her your Frank Zappa albums again?"
Misao hopped with anger. "Ow, come on! What I'm telling is that, if art reflects life, so life reflects art too. And that's how we'll bring Kaoru back and save the show: pay attention to my plot!"
^_^x
"Hello, Kaoru-san. It's Sayo."
The metallic voice on the other side of the telephone would have made Kaoru glad in other times -because it meant something to do at night-, but that very day it came much for the kendo mistress displeasure. "Hi, Sayo..." she answered with a downcast tune on her voice.
"Guess what, my friend: I got promoted on Rurouni Kenshin's story!"
"Really? Oh, it makes me very proud of your! So tell me, what's your new role?"
"I'm the leading woman!"
"WHADDAYA SAY OUT THERE??"
"Oh... Didn't you get happy for my promotion?"
"NO!... I mean, yes, of course I did, my dear..." Kaoru tried to swallow the rage and recompose herself. "I'm very happy that you got it, you really deserve it. And... how does it play now?"
"Well, I'm still a priestess, I live at a temple with my brother and Shouzo... Ah, and we had to make some slight changes on the dojo flat."
"Erm... I see..." Kaoru smiled sickly, finding it hard to endure the thought of the dojo scenery with crosses and dye-glass windows all around. "And what about the other characters?"
"Ah, Sanosuke's still coming to the temple to eat. Yahiko's turned to my altar boy. I think that's it. "
Kaoru felt a lump on her throat. She didn't mean to tell anything, but her curiosity was stronger than her. "And what about Kenshin?"
"Hihihi. Well... Nothing officially confirmed, but... There have been popping up some comments about my being Himura-san's new pairing..."
Sayo couldn't see it, but Misao -who was listening their conversation by another phone device- had to muffle her laughs for she knew exactely how Kaoru was then: red, balled fist, angry expression, a paradise to any dentist for she had all of the teeth shown in anger. "Kaoru-san? Are you still there?"
It took her some minutes to be able to answer without getting obvious that she was mad. "rrrYeah, I'm here. And I'm... rrrrVery happy for you. For you all. I see you could develop well without me."
"Oh, we had to find a way, but I think we got along just fine. So, why don't you come and see our shooting today?"
Kaoru coughed. "W-Well, I don't think I'll be able to, I have other settings for today and..."
"Awh, Kaoru-san, pleeeeeeeeeeeeease? We're all counting on you today! Don't let us down, ok? See you here at the set by thirteen o'clock!"
"N-N-No! Wait, Sayo, I--" Kaoru tried yet to dissuade her friend from that idea, but she was interrupted by the disheartening metallic doo-doo-doo-ing from the phone device. She couldn't just run away, or she'd dissapoint all of her ex-mates -and after all, the problem was not with them, it was with Kenshin, that insensitive #^&$!%@*... So, trusting her self-assurance, she grabbed her coat and left to the set, trying to look brave and mighty.
At the set, everybody was celebrating the success on the first part of their plan. Sayo clasped her chaplet -apologizing God for her having lied- and got to a corner while the rest of the cast, plus Pat, fixed things up for the time Kaoru would arrive. They had to seem naturally acting, but it wouldn't be any difficult for them: they were actors after all...
^_^x
From behind a lamppost, struggling to keep balance on his bike, Yahiko snooped with the corner of his eyes, waiting for the moment Kaoru would pass by. When first taking a glimpse of the girl's approaching, he rode forward and crossed her way, forging a coincidence. "Hey, busu!" he waved cheerfully, coming to her direction and encircling her with his bike's movements.
Inside the Rurouni Kenshin set, Usui heard Yahiko's greeting -even if they were four blocks far- and raised himself. "The girl's coming." All the faces turned to him, as Pat tried to rearrange people in the places they were supposed to be by Kaoru's arrival. After a while of pure hustle and bustle, the place got tense and all the cast fell silent, waiting for the blind swordsman's signal. "She's by the door."
Pat felt a lump on his throat: it would be their very last chance and he couldn't fail this time. "It's time for the show, folks." His eyes grew ambar and fixedly gazing nowhere towards him -and even Kenshin got affraid of that Pat in Battousai-mode-, while he swallowed heavily a shot of whisky from his pocket bottle and raised his megaphone, thrill trembling up and down his spine. "Rurouni Kenshin first scene, take one...GO!!"
This very moment Kaoru and Yahiko entered silently the set, the later getting lost among the people at the set, rushing for the dressing room and leaving the further alone for her to get heeding to the shooting. Aimlessly she walked, maybe searching for Pat, maybe for a place to sit down and watch the scene in front of her -it seemed so strange to her...
Kenshin slashed the three crooks -the fourth one was still at the hospital and would be discharged in tree days- and picked Sayo's fallen body from the floor where she had been attacked, taking her to the church just afterwards. "Cut!" Pat smiled and turned to Kaoru, who stood dumbfounded looking to the shooting. "Hey, folks! Look who came to see us shooting!" Then got up and hugged her friendly.
Kenshin's eyes glimmered when he saw Kaoru's embaraced expression, while his companions greeted her and she kept on looking for something among the crowd -or somebody. This was his time to carry out with his part in the plot. Fighting a piece of shame, he hugged Sayo by her waist and came closer, as if he was any other actor in there, greeting an ex-companion. "Hey, Kaoru-dono! Sessha's happy to see you around!"
The attitude of his made the kendo mistress' chicks flush hardly -half due to anger, half due to shame. But at the same time she felt completelly misplaced. "Oh, my... They got along so well without me..." And each of the news about the roles her friends wanted to tell her -and they did it with great felicity- she felt even more out of place. Even Yahiko seemed happy in having to wear a white long gown and western boots instead of fighting kendo like he used to do when she was in the cast. "Yeah... They definitely don't need me..." she sighed while encircled by her ex-mates, drawn into bad thoughts and rejection. But suddenly a shout came to pull her out of it all.
"I don't agree with it all!" Shouzo came outburstingly from the dressing room. Pat ran to his direction with a real bad temper being shown on his face.
"Shouzo, we've already talked about it."
"My role has become useless! There's no need in my being here! I can't accept to loose my job because of Kenshin!" he said, getting ready to a fight with the rurouni. "Come, Kenshin. Just one of us can keep here. And that will be the first one to draw blood."
People opened a glade around Shouzo and his defiant, who came walking cautiously, without drawing his sword though. With a serious expression, he raised his hands and pondered. "Shouzo, sessha doesn't want to fight, but he doesn't want to be unemployed either. So, sessha guesses we have no solution at all." At this, Kaoru tried to step forward, but Sanosuke grabbed her shirt and hindered her. She searched for Pat Hobby, but the director had disappeared. All she could do was stare.
Kenshin and Shouzo faced each other seriously, in position to satrt a fight in each moment: Kenshin ready to a battoujutsu, Shouzo still, with his bare and flat hands. Some tense minutes were spent like this, then the later started assaulting. The further drew his sword and defended himself, attacking just afterwards and wounding the challenger's shoulder with the back of his sword. With the slight slipping of a blooddrop, Kenshin replaced his sword on the sheath and concluded. "It's over, Shouzo. It was a fair challenge and we're done."
Kneeling on the ground, Shouzo squinted angrily. "Not yet, my fellow. I wasn't defeated yet." He said, getting up again. Kenshin avoided him as much as he could without drawing his sword, but soon he had no other way out but to use his sakabatou. Their fray went on growing more and more serious at each movement -and Kaoru went on growng more and more desperate-, while everybody around just stared, not daring to meddle with a fair fight between men. Everybody exept one person.
Kenshin's eyes got wide and as he opened his mouth, head up, he spitted some drops of blood. Shouzo was still on his fight position and nobody understood what wounded the ex-slashman, for it couldn't be Shouzo. Finally taking notice of what happened, Yutarou pointed to behind Kenshin: there kneeled Sayo, grabbing a kozuka, wich gokatana was thrusted on the swordsman's back. She pulled it out of his body, causing him to fall, then ran away, being followed by Shouzo just afterwards.
Kaoru choked. Looking around she saw no motion. "I-Is it a shot? Are you shooting any scene?" She asked, turning to every side of hers, but no answer came. Desperately she ran to the center of the open glade and kneeled by Kenshin's side, waiting to listen to Pat Hobby's angry voice shouting "cut" -but none came. She stood looking to her petrifyed ex-mates, not knowing exactelly what to do or think, when she felt a sudden tug on her arm: it was Kenshin, who stood fallen on the ground. Clenching tight his gi she shrieked. "Kenshin, it's just a shooting, isn't it? Tell me it's fake!"
"Sessha...Sessha doesn't know... cough!cough!"
"What? Whaddaya mean by "sessha doesn't know? What is it all about, uh?"
"Some-- Sometimes... Art reflects... real life... cough!cough!" Kenshi cried, the most pitifully anyone can imagine.
Kaoru shook her head, panting desperatelly. "So... So this blood... It's not fake!"
"Sessha doesn't know... Remember... what happened with... Enishi and Kaoru-d--dono..." Kenshin said stiffenedly, then his head fell back dead on the ground. Kaoru tried to shake him, wake him up, but seeing it was useless, she just drew her face between her hands and cried. "Kami-sama! Kami-sama, how I'd like it not to be any true at all! How I'd love to hear Pat-san's voice shouting--"
"Cut!" The dirctor's shout pierced Kaoru's thought, making her raise her head quizzically. Just afterwards, all the people that stood around started moving away; Shouzo and Sayo appeared from the dressing room as if nothing had happened; much for Kaoru's surprise, Kenshin got up, wiping the dirt from his clothes. Not knowing exactelly how to react, she pulled him closer and hugged him, whacking his head just afterwards! "What is it, after all? Kenshin, you stupid mocking dumbass!"
"Sessha said art reflects life." Kenshin smiled, brushing the spot Kaoru had punched on his head.
"Uh? I didn't get it!"
"Sessha will explain you: it would surely have happened in real life if we had given the show time enough to develop this way. But we would have no need of making this kind of change if Kaoru-dono hadn't left us."
"So... So it means that..."
"That we've set it all up to bring you back. Because it's impossible for the Rurouni Kenshin people to even try to get along without Kaoru-dono, de gozaru yo."
"Is... Is it true?" Kaoru hid her face behind her flat hands -for she blushed violently.
"For sure it is, Kaoru-dono."
"So... All this time you were tricking me?" Kaoru's mild face started growing stony and raging. "And you fooled me with no pity of how I would feel, by having been easily replaced and for seeing my friend being killed by a mate of us?"
"Uh... Erm..." Kenshin smiled sickly, raising his flat hands to his shoulder's heigh. " Sessha thinks 'fooling' is a very strong word and-- ORORO????"
Kenshin's eyes had a reason for having gotten oro-mode. "Strong? You'll see something much more powerful, Kenshin Himura!" the girl smiled amuckly and drew her boken. She violently pummeled Kenshin's head, runing after him while he tried to scape from her assault -still oro-faced. It definitely meant that Kaoru had come back to the place she belonged to. By five, the tapes were delivered at the TV channel building and the following day would be a normal shooting day -if Kaoru would have already stopped hunting and hitting the poor rurouni.
^_^x
.:Author's Notes:. Yeah! It's finally over! I made it shorter than I first thought it to be, but I think things got better this way. So? What did you think? Flames? Sugestions? Cursing on me? Haxes? Giving me your telephone number (oh! it deserves laughs...)? Put a "coin" on my reviews box and make me smily and thankful!
Invented, writen, erased, re-writen, spellchecked and bared by Misao Silent-mode -that's me
Thank You's:
Watsuki-sensei for having created Kenshin and his folks (applause)
F. Scott Fitzgerald for having writen "Pat Hobby Does His Bit" -and having, in this very story, taught me many expressions, such as "cut", "shoot", "flat" and other cinema stuff (applause)
"EVA 01" (that's my computer's name -ehehe) for behaving as a gentleman and not causing me to re-boot it dozens of times (OOOOOOOOH! applause)
Prudence-chan for having said that my fics don't suck (and like this avoiding me to heave from the window down for being an awesome writer) (tomatoes on her -"why didn't you encourage her to suicide, you @#%&$^*?!?!")
Mom for paying the bills and allowing me to do nothing but write this kind of useless stories
If anybody has reached this point, You (I'm hard to endure, congrat's!)