A/N: translations at end. Sorry for the delay.
***Before the Bachelor Party 3: The Jacuzzi***
Dinner was promptly followed by a trip to the hottest Hollywood hotspot on Sunset – literally. The name of the club was Boiler Room, and they do indeed have what was called a "boiler room". Not quite like the CIA boiler room, but hey, we all have our own rendition of everything.
This boiler room was an upper-level, invitation-only section of the club that featured saunas and Jacuzzis built into the floor that you can step in. Using my influence (and not to mention connections), I was able to reserve an entire Jacuzzi for our party.
The girls were scantily clad (to be expected), and enjoyed flirting at length with little charmer Nick (to be desired by the ladies, but it would have been better if they made a move for me, and not the kid). I won't complain… much.
"So what was this Jacuzzi thing?" Nick managed as he settled in the warm, soothing water and stretched an arm around each girl who had squeezed in next to him.
"Bianca Juarez," I took another sip of my scotch. "how long ago was she Mike?"
His brow furrowed as he thought. "I was about 26, maybe?"
"Well, whatever. She came after Jenna," I looked pointedly at Brothah Jay and then back at Nick. "And she had curves that you just couldn't speed by. She was beautiful. Beautiful!"
Mike elbowed me in the ribs. "Hey, stop harping about my ex-girlfriends. I'm happy with the girl I got, I don't need to remember the past."
"Maybe you don't, but we do." I retorted. "Anyway, she was pretty, but more annoying than Jim Carrey when he did that 'most annoying sound in the world'. Remember that movie?"
Nick nodded, but his attention was waning and falling into the neck of the girl on his right.
"Hey, kid." I leaned forward. "You think you might wanna show some respect here? Your brother's getting married in about two seconds. You might not wanna flaunt the girls he can't have in his face."
We had a laugh and the girls finally got the hint. I watched them and shook my head. Damn, what wouldn't I give…
But anyway.
"Why was she annoying?" Nick asked.
"Because she refused to go by her name, she was bossy, she insisted that I do everything for her whenever I was around, and if it wasn't me it was Mike. She just… she was a priss, a princess, and a bombshell all rolled into one."
"And she hated you." Mike smiled.
"And she hated me." I confirmed with a nod. "The favor was returned, if you recall."
Dean, ever the analyst, had to ask. "What do you mean she refused to go by her name?"
Mike spoke up. "Well, even though she was named Bianca, she wanted to be called Lacy, Diamond, or QuiXotic."
"What the hell?" Nick frowned.
"She was a dancer, kid." I passed my empty glass to a passing girl with a tray and went in further. "They were her stage names."
"Names…" Dean said thoughtfully. "Off topic, but speaking of names. Why do you and Mike have the same last name if Mike's dad passed on when he was eight? You guys are twelve years apart."
Nick turned to him. "You know, I get asked that a lot. Basically, my father decided he didn't want to stick around, so he left. It hurt mom a lot, so she gave me the surname of Vaughn instead of my real father's since he's a jackass."
Dean lifted one shoulder passively. "Sounds fair."
"Besides, I see Mike as my full brother, not my half-brother. And honestly, I prefer having his dad to my own."
I nodded, remembering the times when Nick used to come over the apartment – back then, we hid all the condoms and other such items… oh, that reminds me.
"She was a nitpick!" I proclaimed aloud. "Whenever she came over, she would kick my stuff around and tell me, 'Eh, you pick it up, eh? Es como un pigsty en este casa. And you smell como un pescado'."
"Like a fish?!" Brothah Jay laughed. "I remember her saying a great deal of other things too."
"What surprised me," Dean interjected, "Is that Vaughn dated a stripper!"
Mike went red again. I don't think he'll ever live down the horrid girlfriends he's had.
"Whenever she got mad, she spoke Spanish," he said. "It was like dating a hot female version of Ricky Ricardo."
"But she was definitely ready and willing, if you know what I mean," I hooted. I may not have liked her much, but I can say she was hotter than sin on a grill with a straight face.
Mike's blush deepened.
"For a guy who's had such a colorful past, you seem to be easily embarrassed by it." Dean smiled, relaxing back into the foaming water.
"What can I say? I found my guardian angel and I'm happy to settle down now. The past really doesn't account for anything."
"There was this time," I opened my mouth, then shut it. "You know, maybe I shouldn't tell it."
"Why not?" Mike challenged. "You've said worse."
I placed a hand on his shoulder. "You asked for it. Back at the apartment, there was a Jacuzzi, a sauna and a swimming pool. One night, I was exhausted, and mind you, I was thinner back then. More in shape. Anyway, I was kicking back, relaxing, when suddenly, I feel someone's hands on my shoulders. I froze because I was thinking, 'well this is nice…' and I'm not one to protest anything. Honestly, I thought it was Shelly in room below us because she always had a thing for me."
Mike rolled his eyes. "This isn't about you, Weiss."
"Right," I went on. "So she starts running her hands down my chest, and I was like, 'okay, this is a little weird, maybe I should say something'. But then she starts kissing my neck, and that's when I know something's up. Shelly may have had a crush on me, but she was not that daring. So I turn around… and guess what…"
"It was Bianca!" Nick shouted. "Oh my god. How could she have possibly thought you were Mike?"
"Hey, I resent that."
"She was more than a little drunk, so she proceeded to try to seduce me. I was pretty appalled and I ended up dropping her on her ass on the side of the Jacuzzi and running to get Mike. He didn't think it was funny at the time, and there were sparks flying all over the pool area."
"She really did have a temper," Mike commented. "Of all the things I remember, the one thing that sticks out in my mind about her was amazing sex in millions of positions and her temper – which sometimes led to sex."
"And I'll bet it did that night," Brothah Jay, wise in his years of dealing with women, spoke.
"You bet!" Mike smiled broadly. "She told me, 'Ai, dios mio, Michael. It was a mistake, eh? Your friend, Eric – él es un joto, eh? Es okay. We make love now, eh?'"
He shook his head. "She was insane."
"Outside. In the Jacuzzi." I added. "Old man Delray walked in and his eyes nearly fell out of his head."
"How did you—" Mike lifted a hand. "Forget it, I don't want to know.
"Delray took pictures, came up to the apartment and said, 'Damn that Vaughn. Always does get himself a nice piece of ass'. Then he showed me."
"No!" Mike was shocked.
"Yes." I smiled a mischievous smile and lifted a hand to get the attention of the nearest waitress. I needed another drink.
A girl with dark curls, long legs, and a barely there outfit sauntered over and let her ample breasts brush my arm. Not good for a man already missing out on the action.
"Can I get another glass of scotch?" I asked.
"Sure thing, joto." Then she lifted her face to the light and I could have died. Bianca, it seems, was still in the business, but slightly more decent. The strip club was downstairs, and here she was, working the top floor of Boiler Room.
"Ohmigod." I breathed. Mike turned around.
"Bianca."
"Hola, mi amor. Veo que toda via estas junto con este jackass, eh?"
"Bianca, it's been years. What do you say we leave it behind us, huh?" I lifted a hand in a gesture of friendship.
She blatantly stared at me and went off in her native tongue. She poked me hard in the breastbone twice and spun on her heel to walk away. She caught sight of Nick and walked up to him, pinched his jaw with one hand, leaned forward and kiss him rough on the lips. When she let him go, he was jarred and disoriented.
We watched her go with a mixture of relief and admiration. Her beautifully toned ass swaggered with each step, and I heard four echoes of "DAAAAYYYYYMMMMNNNN" in my ear.
Yup, Bianca still had it.
Nick scrambled to follow after her, but Mike and Dean grabbed him by the arms. "No, child. I don't think you're going after her. You'll never be able to handle that."
He sat back down with a scoff and with stars in his eyes… oh man would he have his own adventures or what?
I sighed. Again, I'll stick with my theory: food is much, much better (and easier) than women.
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translations:
*dios mio=Oh my god
*joto=fag
*Veo que toda via estas junto con este jackass=I see you still hang with this jackass