Part 6 - Conclusion- Max POV
As I stare up at Liz's balcony I suddenly feel like I have gone back in time - back to the day after I healed her, when we were just beginning to open ourselves to each other - to the night we first really connected, when we had seen each other's souls.
Were we ever so innocent?
My memories are beginning to return to me - memories of knowing that something was not right with Tess, that everything was off with everyone.
I still blame myself for this whole debacle: Alex's death, almost completely destroying my relationships with Liz and Isabel, nearly taking my sister and my best friend back to our world to certain death.
I cannot believe that I didn't know what was going on. I had known the first time Tess had mind-warped me, back when she had first come to Roswell. What had been so different this time?
The answer is really quite simple of course. I know exactly what was different.
Liz.
The first time we were happy, completely trusting of each other and completely in love. We knew that nothing was ever going to come between us. Tess could do nothing to us back then.
It was true love, fate, completion, the whole stare into your eyes soul mate thing as Maria had teased me once during the summer when Liz was in Florida and we had plotted together how I was going to get her back.
The way I felt about her back then was the best thing about my life. It was like I didn't start breathing until we were together. Hell, I didn't WANT to breathe unless we were together.
Tess slowly but surely tore us away from each other. Beginning with the fake message from my mother, then through pretending that Nasedo had been killed, followed by making me feel responsible for her, and finally Alex's death and making me feel like I hated Liz, which was of course the furthest from what I really should have been feeling.
It was a slow poison but it was an effective one.
And I let it happen. And that's why the whole thing is my fault.
I knew from the first moment I ever laid eyes on Liz that she was my destiny, that saving her in the Crashdown that day was fate.
But I let pain and hurt blind me to the truth, all because of what I had thought had happened between Kyle and Liz.
Which was my fault too - or at least the fault of a bloody stupid future version of myself. I still couldn't believe what an idiot that incarnation of me must have been. HE had spent fourteen years MARRIED to Liz. Hadn't he known that he was nothing without her?
That I'm nothing without her?
I want it back.
I want the innocence back, the complete rightness of what we were supposed to share - ARE supposed to share. I want it all back.
I know that things will never be exactly the same. The innocence is gone forever. We can't just erase it.and I don't think we should.
We have to remember - have to remember how bad things get when we shut each other out, when we let others come between us. And it wasn't just about me and Liz either. It was about all of us - what had been six, was now five, but the bonds that tied us together were still the bonds that also kept us strong.
The lesson has been hard - too damn hard - Alex will NEVER be replaced, even by Kyle, who is really now a part of it all too - but the lesson has been learned.at least by me.
I almost let it all slip away.
I just hope that it isn't too late to fix things - or at least to try.
I had driven Liz home after the granolith exploded. There wasn't much to say. We were both too weirded out to be able to have any sort of coherent conversation at the time, although she had been perfectly willing to allow me to hold her hand as we had climbed down from the pod chamber. We had agreed that we would discuss it all later, that we needed time to let what had gone on, what we had done, absorb.
I know that Liz feels terrible about what happened to Tess, in spite of what Tess was, which was pure evil. She blames herself, even after I told her that it was not her fault, that Tess killed herself in a way with her complete focus on what she wanted.
I can't help but feel a sense of satisfaction that justice has been served.
A life for a life.
She killed Alex, one of the best people I have ever known. She got what she deserved.
I wonder if this complete lack of mercy is another part of my alien side rearing its ugly head. I have a feeling that when I was Zan, it might have been a large part of my make up.
I am going to have to fight it. But to do that I need my human side. And I need Liz to help me to keep it strong.
She IS the one. Nasedo said it. She's my protector and my strength.
I need her.
We ALL need each other.
Maria and Michael went home together in the Jetta, likely straight to Michael's apartment to make up for almost losing each other.
It is supremely ironic that the whole time that I have been making a complete mess of everything good in my life, Michael has finally been getting HIS life together. He knows what he has in Maria. He is willing to stay here to keep it.
My friend is a lot smarter than I ever gave him credit for.
Isabel is at home, probably flipping through college catalogues as I stare up at Liz's balcony. I know that she is relieved that she is not going back to our planet. I still cannot say home - I am even less capable now. It is not our home.
Roswell is our home.
Liz Parker is MY home.
So I have to try. I have to try and fix things.
"Liz! Are you there?" I call up quietly. My heart is pounding at twice its normal speed.
There is no answer for what feels like an eternity. I feel my stomach clench, I begin to turn away.
And then suddenly she is there, her beautiful face gazing down at me, her dark hair falling around her shoulders. Her expression is guarded, but her eyes..
They are staring into my soul. Just like always, she is seeing ME.
"Max?"
"Can I come up?" I ask tentatively, biting my lip as I wait for her reply.
She doesn't say anything for a long moment, but then her entire face lights up in a brilliant smile. Her eyes are shining with tears, but she's nodding. "I had one horrible moment.I thought I was dreaming." She paused, shook her head forcefully, as though pushing away the doubts that were trying to claim her. "Of course. Of course you can come up." She said quietly, deliberately.
She wanted to fix this as much as I did.
I feel the air rush back into my lungs in a great woosh of relief.
And as I climb the ladder, that ladder I have climbed so many times before, but never with so much purpose or hope, I know that we will be fine.
It is not going to be easy.
It shouldn't be.
But we are meant to be.
We will be.
The End
As I stare up at Liz's balcony I suddenly feel like I have gone back in time - back to the day after I healed her, when we were just beginning to open ourselves to each other - to the night we first really connected, when we had seen each other's souls.
Were we ever so innocent?
My memories are beginning to return to me - memories of knowing that something was not right with Tess, that everything was off with everyone.
I still blame myself for this whole debacle: Alex's death, almost completely destroying my relationships with Liz and Isabel, nearly taking my sister and my best friend back to our world to certain death.
I cannot believe that I didn't know what was going on. I had known the first time Tess had mind-warped me, back when she had first come to Roswell. What had been so different this time?
The answer is really quite simple of course. I know exactly what was different.
Liz.
The first time we were happy, completely trusting of each other and completely in love. We knew that nothing was ever going to come between us. Tess could do nothing to us back then.
It was true love, fate, completion, the whole stare into your eyes soul mate thing as Maria had teased me once during the summer when Liz was in Florida and we had plotted together how I was going to get her back.
The way I felt about her back then was the best thing about my life. It was like I didn't start breathing until we were together. Hell, I didn't WANT to breathe unless we were together.
Tess slowly but surely tore us away from each other. Beginning with the fake message from my mother, then through pretending that Nasedo had been killed, followed by making me feel responsible for her, and finally Alex's death and making me feel like I hated Liz, which was of course the furthest from what I really should have been feeling.
It was a slow poison but it was an effective one.
And I let it happen. And that's why the whole thing is my fault.
I knew from the first moment I ever laid eyes on Liz that she was my destiny, that saving her in the Crashdown that day was fate.
But I let pain and hurt blind me to the truth, all because of what I had thought had happened between Kyle and Liz.
Which was my fault too - or at least the fault of a bloody stupid future version of myself. I still couldn't believe what an idiot that incarnation of me must have been. HE had spent fourteen years MARRIED to Liz. Hadn't he known that he was nothing without her?
That I'm nothing without her?
I want it back.
I want the innocence back, the complete rightness of what we were supposed to share - ARE supposed to share. I want it all back.
I know that things will never be exactly the same. The innocence is gone forever. We can't just erase it.and I don't think we should.
We have to remember - have to remember how bad things get when we shut each other out, when we let others come between us. And it wasn't just about me and Liz either. It was about all of us - what had been six, was now five, but the bonds that tied us together were still the bonds that also kept us strong.
The lesson has been hard - too damn hard - Alex will NEVER be replaced, even by Kyle, who is really now a part of it all too - but the lesson has been learned.at least by me.
I almost let it all slip away.
I just hope that it isn't too late to fix things - or at least to try.
I had driven Liz home after the granolith exploded. There wasn't much to say. We were both too weirded out to be able to have any sort of coherent conversation at the time, although she had been perfectly willing to allow me to hold her hand as we had climbed down from the pod chamber. We had agreed that we would discuss it all later, that we needed time to let what had gone on, what we had done, absorb.
I know that Liz feels terrible about what happened to Tess, in spite of what Tess was, which was pure evil. She blames herself, even after I told her that it was not her fault, that Tess killed herself in a way with her complete focus on what she wanted.
I can't help but feel a sense of satisfaction that justice has been served.
A life for a life.
She killed Alex, one of the best people I have ever known. She got what she deserved.
I wonder if this complete lack of mercy is another part of my alien side rearing its ugly head. I have a feeling that when I was Zan, it might have been a large part of my make up.
I am going to have to fight it. But to do that I need my human side. And I need Liz to help me to keep it strong.
She IS the one. Nasedo said it. She's my protector and my strength.
I need her.
We ALL need each other.
Maria and Michael went home together in the Jetta, likely straight to Michael's apartment to make up for almost losing each other.
It is supremely ironic that the whole time that I have been making a complete mess of everything good in my life, Michael has finally been getting HIS life together. He knows what he has in Maria. He is willing to stay here to keep it.
My friend is a lot smarter than I ever gave him credit for.
Isabel is at home, probably flipping through college catalogues as I stare up at Liz's balcony. I know that she is relieved that she is not going back to our planet. I still cannot say home - I am even less capable now. It is not our home.
Roswell is our home.
Liz Parker is MY home.
So I have to try. I have to try and fix things.
"Liz! Are you there?" I call up quietly. My heart is pounding at twice its normal speed.
There is no answer for what feels like an eternity. I feel my stomach clench, I begin to turn away.
And then suddenly she is there, her beautiful face gazing down at me, her dark hair falling around her shoulders. Her expression is guarded, but her eyes..
They are staring into my soul. Just like always, she is seeing ME.
"Max?"
"Can I come up?" I ask tentatively, biting my lip as I wait for her reply.
She doesn't say anything for a long moment, but then her entire face lights up in a brilliant smile. Her eyes are shining with tears, but she's nodding. "I had one horrible moment.I thought I was dreaming." She paused, shook her head forcefully, as though pushing away the doubts that were trying to claim her. "Of course. Of course you can come up." She said quietly, deliberately.
She wanted to fix this as much as I did.
I feel the air rush back into my lungs in a great woosh of relief.
And as I climb the ladder, that ladder I have climbed so many times before, but never with so much purpose or hope, I know that we will be fine.
It is not going to be easy.
It shouldn't be.
But we are meant to be.
We will be.
The End