The Days in the White House

by Tiva

Two fanfic authors are pulled into their own fic through a programming glitch, and the story proceeds to go crazily awry. Blatent self-insertion.

4. The Third Day in the White House

A Third Day in the White House

Sunlight streamed through the window, making a beeline to land directly on Carolyn's eyes. Rudely awakened from her happy, happy dream, she was needless to say, not pleased. An un-earthly growl filled the room, awakening the other two with alarm.

"Fire, Fire!" Lumira shouted groggily, while Tiva bellowed,

"Argh! It's coming! The Great White Whale!"

Everyone sweatdropped. "Tiva, you've been reading Moby Dick, haven't you?" sighed Lumira. Tiva got sparkles in her eyes.

"Actually, no, but in Star Trek, First Contact, there are several references to that—"

"Tiva, zip it."

"Fine."

 Carolyn let another growl escape, this time at the displeasure of being ignored. Both of the other two girls turned simultaneously to her, and raised an eyebrow.

"Who. Left. The. Shade. OPEN???!!!"

"Carolyn, no one did. It's closed. The light is coming from a crack in the middle." Tiva stood up and stretched languidly, then went over to her laptop and turned it on. She clicked on Word, got the error message, sighed, and turned it off. "No good. We're still stuck here."

"As long as we're here, we might as well enjoy ourselves," commented Lumira.

"I think I heard that there was going to be a school group coming today from one of the Prez's aides," contributed Carolyn. She fingered the kimono she was still wearing lovingly, and whispered to herself, "I'll never wash it." She inhaled the smell of it deeply, wanting to hold onto the scent.

Lumira and Tiva traded looks.

"Who wants to remember Essence of Samurai?" hissed Lumira.

"Her, mochiron," sighed Tiva.

Seeing Carolyn still snuggling the fabric, they both sweatdropped, especially as Carolyn began purring.

"Carolyn…you can't wear that anyway," said Lumira. "It's a guy's kimono. People will give you funny looks."

"I'm used to that. And anyways, I always wear guys clothes/stuff." Saying this, she whipped out her Vash sunglasses.

"Yeah, same here. Girl stuff doesn't have any good colors," commented Tiva. Then, seeing the glasses sparked a memory. "Chotto matte! You were wearing those at the party last night, when I explicitly told you not to!"

Carolyn let out a nervous chuckle. "Um, y'see, that, that…er…I wasn't wearing them at the banquet per say," Carolyn crossed her fingers behind her back. "I was wearing them when I was running because…for good luck! Yes, I wore them while running for good luck! So you wouldn't catch me. That's right."

"I'd say they didn't work, in that case. And did you forget the REASON I was chasing you?"

"We both needed the exercise?"

"Kami-sama…" Tiva rubbed her forehead. "I don't have time for this…I'm going to see Eagle about today's schedule. Feel free to come along…"

"I'm there!" And in truth, Carolyn was already halfway down the hall. Tiva lunged after her, and brought her down with a flying tackle.

"What are you going to do to that poor man now?! Honestly, give him a break!"

"Nothing! I swear!"

"Like dragging him through the entire White House nothing?"

Carolyn was shocked. "I'd never do such a thing!..again…I'm going to be sure to bring him outside before-oh crud. I gotta go!" She squirmed her way free and shot off towards the Oval office. Lumira came up just in time to see Tiva catch on fire.

"Yeep! Tiva, what gives?"

"That…that…PERSON! Yue!!! Where are you!?"

The winged bishonen appeared like magic, (well, it *was* magic) in front of her.

"Yes?"

"Carolyn's at it again! Protect the President at all costs!"

"Shouldn't Tomoyo be doing that?"

"Yue! This is urgent!! Go! Wait, take me with you!"

They shot of, leaving a fuming Lumira. She looked around the now deserted hallway, and ground her teeth.
"Time to call in some backup of my own!" She raised one hand into the air, and shouted,

"Lumira! Prism! POWER!"

There was a bright flash, then silence.

Tiva and Yue screamed into the Oval Office, to find Carolyn calmly sitting on Eagle's lap, chattering away to him. One eyebrow twitched on Yue's normally neutral face.

"This is why you needed me?"

"Yue, dear, look at them. Carolyn, President. Carolyn IN President's lap. There's a small matter of dignity involved as well."

"I can see that. But still…"

Carolyn turned to them with a sunny smile in place. "Tiva! Yue! Come in, come in! Tiva, why are you looking so gloomy?"

"Carolyn…never mind. Get off Eagle. I got the schedule from Yue."

"NO!"

"CAROLYN!!!!"

"What's the fuss now?"

Lumira floated in, dressed in a pale lavender Sailor Scout outfit with a sea green bow. Tiva's eyes nearly fell out.

"Mira! Nani…?!"

"Just a little thing I put in for myself before I was drawn in. Do ya like it?" She twirled to display her attire.

Eagle smiled the smile of someone dancing on the razor edge of sanity. "Is there something I can help you ladies with?"

"Oh hohohoho yes, Eagle my love, you can!" chortled Carolyn. Tiva yanked her away by the ear, grumbling to herself murderously. Carolyn continued on, "Just sit there and look like the adorable, sweet, bishy you are!"

"DOWN girl," hissed Tiva. She nodded at Eagle as they left the room, ushered out by Yue. "Later, Prez."

Lumira spun in mid-air, laughing happily. "This is great! I knew what it would look like, of course, but…!"

There was a crackling in front of them, and a bright flash of light invaded their senses. When they could see again, there was yet another girl in front of them. Carolyn, Tiva, and Lumira promptly burst out laughing.

"Dweeb!"

"Dweeb, good to see you!"

"Ahahahahaha! Got torn away from Tito, did you? You poor thing…heeheeeheee…"

Dweeb stared around her with horror. "Where the heck am I? And what are you guys doing here? Lumira, what are you WEARING?!"

"Hee…Dweeb, welcome to our little pointless fanfic!" laughed Tiva.

"Where bishies rule the world!" yelled Carolyn.

"And the food is good too," said Lumira.

"AHHHHHH!" Dweeb promptly fainted. Yue caught her, giving her a strange look.

"How many of you people are there?"

"Not that many really. We're a secluded bunch." Tiva shook her head at Dweeb. "But for her to be drug into this…I never even gave her a copy of the story! This fanfic has completely gone haywire. We should take her back to our room."

"Dump a bucket of ice over her head!" chirped Carolyn.

"I'm up!" shrieked Dweeb, bolting upright in Yue's arms. She gave him a long hard look, then shook her head. "Oh no. You're just a 2-D drawing, you aren't real!"

"I beg to differ," replied Yue, stiffening slightly. Tiva sent Dweeb a smug look.

"Hey, guys, isn't there a school group that's coming to take a tour of the White House?" asked Lumira. "We should go check it out."

"Yeah!" said Carolyn gleefully. Tiva grabbed Dweeb's hand and pulled her along with the rest of them.

"You can't stay alone here, Dweeb! You're coming with us!"

"Ah Nokoru-sama!" girls were sighing as the dashing young boy made his way across. His two aides were not forgotten, though, and had their share of admirers. Carolyn came bouncing up to the youngest one of the three, squealing.

"Akira-kun! Awwwww!!! KAWAII!!!!!"

Tiva seemed to materialize next to Suoh. "Wai, Suoh-kun! It's wonderful to meet you!"

Lumira was left looking at Nokoru. He smiled brightly at her, and she melted into a puddle of gooeyness. "Kaichou…!"

Dweeb slowly backed away from everyone, and bumped into a person.

"Oh!" exclaimed the person. "I'm so sorry…wow! You're adorable!" Tomoyo grabbed Dweeb's hand. "I have the perfect costume for you! Come on and try it on!" She drug the hapless girl off, kicking and screaming.

"Tito! Save me!!"

There was another bright flash of light, and a teen stood before them, looking slightly dazed. Never the less, he seized the opportunity and struck a pose. "Never fear, my darling! For I, Terrible Tito, will save you!"

Tomoyo spoke into a small mike. "Security to the main entrance!" Like magic, (it probably was) Lafarga appeared, along with Lantis, Geo, and Van. They moved smoothly to surround the boy, looming over him as only the muscle-bound bishies of anime and manga could.

"Isn't Geo Eagle's advisor? And isn't Van the second in command of the Air Force?"

"And isn't Lantis the secretary?"

"Yeah, Lafarga's the only really security person here!"

The girls narrowed their eyes at the collection of men, then Tiva spoke in a low voice. "I believe we may have encountered the phenomenon known as a 'plot hole.'"

"Saa….oh well, they're cute, they can stay," stated Carolyn, hearts having replaced her eyes once again.

Lumira and Tiva both face-faulted.

Tito looked around nervously. "Erhem…it may be that today, Terrible Tito does NOT rescue…oh dear." He sprinted for the door as only a runner could, dashing outside in record time. An enraged Dweeb shouted after him,

"You coward!! I'm never going to speak to you again!!!! AND YOU CAN FORGET ABOUT EVER KISSING ME, TOO!!!!" When threatening didn't seem to work, Dweeb slid off her clog and threw it at his retreating figure.

Just as the clog was whistling through the air, Tasuki stepped out of an adjoining door, in time to catch it square on the side of his head.

All three girls gasped and put their hands to their mouths.

Tasuki swayed, the steadied himself and shook his head. "Whoever threw that is gonna pay!"

Carolyn, Tiva, and Lumira all pointed to Dweeb, as Dweeb shrunk slightly.

"I hate women!" growled the Navy commander irritably. "Well, since you're a girl, I won't hit you. Even I have standards." He glared at the assemblage, daring them to disagree.

Tiva gave him a 'v' sign. "You go, Tasuki!"

"But don't think this changes my feelin's or anythin'! I still HATE WOMEN!" He stormed off, sporting a bruise in a delicate shade of lavender on his cheek.

Dweeb gave a shriek of rage as she was pulled away by a cheerfully smiling Tomoyo.

"Don't worry, Dweeb! Tomoyo's cool!" called Lumira grinning widely.

 Eagle put his head carefully into his hands. The last two days had been hectic, and this one seemed to be picking up the trend. His head hurt…He looked up to see Clef standing in front of him, with a sympathetic smile. "It hasn't been easy, has it, sir?"

"Not really, no, Clef."

"Maybe you should take a holiday, sir."

"Yes, I think I have one coming. Touya can manage affairs while I'm gone."

"Shall I inform Zazu to prepare your car?"

"Oh, no, I can't leave now, Clef. To much to do at the moment."

Clef rolled his eyes inwardly. Of course. Eagle was always like that. Saying he needed a holiday, but letting his sense of duty obstruct him from taking one. Ah, well. It wasn't his place to force the President to leave. "Yes, sir." He left the room, shaking his head.

Eagle sat quite still for a moment, then sighed.

A rustling noise caught his attention, and he raised his head, calling out.

"Is someone there?"

There was no answer.

The white-haired president stood slowly, and went around his desk, his golden eyes narrowed slightly. He trusted his hearing, and it was telling him that there was someone near him, trying as hard as possible to keep quiet. Using every ounce of stealth he had, which was rather considerable, he slipped towards the doorway, and quickly stepped through it, whirling to look up and down the corridor. His eyes alighted upon a small figure crouched against one of the far walls.

The figure raised its head and looked up at him, then smiled and raised a finger to its lips. Keeping his voice, low, Eagle asked the person,

"Who are you?"

The purple-haired man smiled winningly, and with the finger still in place, said, "Sore wa…himitsu desu." There was a pause, then he was gone.

Eagle stared at the empty space, then quietly went back into his office. His peace didn't last long, and he could tell that it would be short-lived by the clamoring voices outside his door. Tiva, Lumira, and Carolyn bounded in, and filled the room with their boisterous voices and high spirits. Carolyn plopped down on one side of him, Tiva dropped onto the other side, and Lumira perched herself on his desk. Eagle sighed and rested his head on the back of his chair. They weren't the sanest of people, but at least they were comforting.

"Tiva, you're on the wrong side of Eagle! That's my side!"

"Sorry! Let's switch then."

"Oooo, he has bon-bons on his desk!"

"Wow, Eagle, your eyes are really pretty close up."

"Heck, they're pretty from a distance, too!"

"The wrappers are cool looking…these have to be really expensive."

"And look at this suit! Eagle, baby, you have great taste."

"Carolyn, less of the tender endearments, if you'd be so kind."

"Oh hohoho! I won't be so kind, thank you very much! Eagle, sweetie pie, darling, love of my life!"

*gaaaaag, choke, cough*

"Tiva! Are you all right?"

"Guhh…way too sappy…"

"Nyeh heheh!"

"Carolyn, that's not nice!"

"Who said I was a nice person?"

"Point, there, but still!"
The girls bantered back and forth, for a moment forgetting that they were stuck in a bizarre haywire story. It was Lumira who noticed the President.

"Guys! Eagle's asleep!" she hissed, her eyes wide. Tiva and Carolyn turned, and their faces altered into identical expressions of adoration.

"Oh. How. Absolutely. Adorable!" whispered Tiva.

"He looks sooo pretty…" sighed Carolyn.

"He must be really tired, what with Eriol, the prisoners, and everything in general," murmured Lumira. "But he is quite cute when he's asleep like that."

Eagle's head was lolled over to one side slightly, and his eyelids fluttered gently as he dreamed.

"We can't just leave him in his chair, he'll get the biggest cramp," said Carolyn. "What should we do?"

"We could take him to his room…" Tiva trailed off, seeing their incredulous looks. "What? He's barely as tall as me, and even though he's really strong, he's probably doesn't weigh that much. We could do it."

"Without waking him up, though?" put in Lumira.

"Oh, that's easy!" said Carolyn. "Haven't you noticed that whenever we call someone nowadays, they come? Watch! Move Card!" She managed to shout, while keeping her voice low. Then she brandished her hands in front of her, like she was holding an invisible wand.

There was a flash that they were all coming to recognize, and the winged figure of the Move popped up in front of them.

"All right!" whispered Tiva. "Move, use your powers to lift Eagle."

The Card glowed, then slipped into Eagle, who also glowed. The President then floated a few inches off his seat.

"Lumira, you take his left side, Carolyn, take his right, and I'll steer. Let's get him to bed…Ooh! I know…Just in case, Sleep!" The fairy-like card appeared, and sprinkled her dust over Eagle's inert form. He gave a sigh, and slipped deeper into slumber.

"Good one," murmured Lumira.  The three girls slipped out of the room with their bish cargo.

Dweeb sat up slowly and rubbed her head. Was it all just a dream?…no, she was definitely not in her room. There was a considerable lack of orange, for one thing.

Hazy memories floated across her brain. There had been an insane girl with long black hair that had raved over her, and she dimly recalled being forced into a dress that had altogether too many frills, bows, and lace. Then she had been posed by the insane girl, and had had a camera flashing in her face.

"Oh, you're just perfect! I'm the head of Security, but I also run a fashion magazine! You're cover page material! Now, hold that pose…"

Dweeb shook her head vigorously. Somehow she'd manage to get loose, and had taken off down the hall. She remembered running into a dark side way, then falling asleep.

Footsteps alerted her to the presence of another person. She scrunched back into the shadows, hoping that it wasn't that camera girl.

Fuu walked slowly down the hall, running down her checklist. As the head organizer of the White House's guests, she was responsible for regulating the flow of people, so that the President wasn't flooded with visitors.

She was just checking off the school group from the Clamp Campus, when she saw a slight movement out of the corner of her eye. She stopped walking, and turned to slowly approach the figure.

Dweeb bit her lip. It looked like she'd been spotted. Great. Now she could only hope that whoever it was wasn't that fast in the running department.

Leaning over, Fuu tapped the figure on its shoulder. "Excuse me. Are you all right?"

Dweeb looked up cautiously. A friendly voice? "Are you going to force me into crazy outfits and put me through unimaginable torture?"

"Oh dear, I see you've met Tomoyo. Don't worry, I won't do anything of the sort. It's ok."

"Yeah, my friends said that and look how I ended up."

Fuu helped Dweeb to her feet, brushing her off. "You look like you could use some rest. I know…there's some guest quarters that are open. You can stay there, and get some sleep."

"That'd be nice…"

"Alright then, lets go. You'll be fine after you've had some rest."

Fuu guided Dweeb down the hall to the guest room, and opened the door for her. Dweeb entered, and looked around. "Hey, this is pretty cool! There's even a laptop!"

In another room on the other side of the White House, the three girls had managed to get Eagle back to his bed without attracting too many strange looks. Tucking him in, they surveyed their handiwork proudly.

"Still sleeping like a log," smiled Carolyn.

"Yeah, that was pretty nifty work," said Lumira.

Tiva went and closed the curtains, throwing the room into darkness. "We'd better leave so we don't disturb him."

"And tell someone where he is, otherwise there'll be a panic over a missing Prez," said Carolyn. "I think I'll just keep him company…"

"Oh no you don't." Tiva grabbed Carolyn's arm for what seemed like the hundredth time that day and drug the girl off. "Lets go back to our room."

The three girls exited the chambers, accosted Touya briefly in the hallway to tell him about the President, then continued to their room.

Opening the door, they found Dweeb, sitting at Tiva's laptop, typing something.

"Dweeb! What the heck are you doing to my computer?!" demanded Tiva, sprinting across the room. As the other two came up, Carolyn's jaw dropped.

"Is she…?"

Dweeb looked up at the flabbergasted girls. "Oh, hey guys. I'm not forgiving you for letting that demonic camera person take me prisoner. But some nice girl led me here, and since I had a copy of my story I'm working on with me, I thought I'd work on it…Why are you looking at me like that?"

"She's…in Word…" whispered Carolyn, Tiva, and Lumira at the same time. They all leaped for the laptop at the same time. Dweeb pulled it away.

"Hey, hands off! This is mine!"

"No it's not!" yelped Tiva. "Look in the saved file!"  

Dweeb clicked it open, and rolled her eyes. "All right, you've convinced me. I would never save fanfics of Yue on MY computer. Take it!" She saved her story, took out her disk, and slipped out of the chair.

Tiva sprang into the space that had just been vacated, cracking her knuckles. "Yossha, let's get ourselves out of this fic!" She began typing vigorously, but nothing happened. Then an error message came up.

"It says we have to go to the place we were when we entered the fic," said Carolyn. "I guess that means we're splitting up."

"How's that going to work?" asked Lumira. "Dweeb and I came in at different places!"

There was a moment of silence as everyone digested this.

"If we're all in the same place, we'll reappear in the same place. I think I know how to work with that…" Tiva frowned. "In any case, we need to go back to the entrance of the White House. That's where we first appeared—with the tour group."

"Let's go!"

The four of them split, Tiva typing as she ran, with Lumira supporting the laptop. When they got to the big doors, they found an obstacle blocking their path. Namely, the enormous bulk of Lafarga.

"You can't pass. There's been an accident."

"His pulse is weakening."

"Get him on the respirator!"

"I need a complete summary, stat!"

The four girls stood motionless in the corner of the room.

"How did this happen? I though the story was back under our control!"

"It was! I don't see how this could be!"

"Could someone please tell me who it is that's in critical condition?"

Three heads turned to Dweeb.

"It's…" Carolyn sniffed.

"…Duo…" whispered Tiva, clutching her laptop.

"Two?"

"No! Duo Maxwell! He's from Gundam Wing." Carolyn sniffed again, and sighed. "According to Lantis, he was touching up the paint on the front of the White House, and his harness was cut by someone."

Lumira's eyes widened. "Then someone tried to kill him?"

"That's the way it seems, yes."

"But that's terrible!"

"Yeah…" said Carolyn. "Yeah, it is."

"There should be something you guys can do about it," said Dweeb. "After all, you ARE the authors."

"Yeah!" exclaimed Lumira. "What can we do?"

Tiva frowned slowly, and looked down at the computer. "I'm pretty sure that the person who tried to murder Duo is a leftover glitch on the program. We have to find it. And…I think I know how…"

"HOW?" demanded Lumira and Carolyn at the same time.

"It's another thing that I keyed into the story. I wasn't able to get at it sooner because our fic was offline. It's Author Power. Let's see here…Lumira has Sailor Moon already. So I'll have Cardcaptor Sakura, Carolyn, you can have Magic Knight Rayearth, and Dweeb…"

"Ho no, you're not getting me into this!"

"You can't go home then. Because we're all doing it."

Dweeb glared, then sighed resignedly. "Fine. Just don't do anything stupid to me."

"Good. Dweeb can do Aa! Megami-sama! then."

"What the—" But Dweeb's startled exclamation was cut off when Tiva raised her hand into the air.

"Everyone, fists up! Author Power Activate!"

A cascade of light filled the room. Everyone else, however, didn't notice, due to a convenient plot hole.

When the glow faded, all the girls, save Lumira, who already had transformed, were wearing different clothes. Dweeb had on the loose, easy garments of a goddess, similar to Belldandy's. Carolyn had very niftily styled armor that was a little bit different from that of the Magic Knights. Tiva was wearing vaguely Chinese-ish clothing, and sported a pair of huge sea-green tinged wings.

"It's not fair!" exclaimed Lumira. "I want the power of CCS!"

"Alright!" crowed Carolyn, twisting to get a good look at herself. "This is great!"

Dweeb looked down. "NOW what am I wearing?!"

"It's the outfit of a goddess."

"Honored, I'm sure."

"Come on everyone!" said Lumira. "Let's go catch us a crook!"

The four dashed grimly out of the room.

In the shadows a person stood, watching. He smiled.

"Things are getting…interesting."

"How are we going to find this person?"

"With the story. I can read it and find out."

"What?"

"It's complicated. But I think I know what Tiva's talking about."

"Here, hold this, will you?"

"Why me?"

"Because you don't have a clue as to what's going on, and I need you to hold my laptop now!"

"Fine. *grumble, grumble*"

Carolyn scrolled down the page, her eyes scanning the words. Lumira leaned over, frowning. "You never wrote that…"

"I know. The story seemed to be back to normal, but I guess it isn't."

Dweeb scowled as she supported the computer. "Why don't we just leave now and close the story?"

"Because." Carolyn, Lumira and Tiva all struck a pose. "We must find who is doing this and bring them to justice!"

Dweeb sweatdropped, and sighed. "Otakus…"

A yell interrupted the fours' oh-so-clever conversation.

"That was coming from the garage!" shouted Lumira as they dashed towards the sound.

The four self-proclaimed avengers appeared on the scene of the crime, to see a perfectly healthy Zazu, his hands clapped over his cheeks, tears running down his face.

"Nooooooooooooooooooooo!"

"Guess this is who was screaming," Carolyn observed.

"Guess so," said Lumira, staring. "But all that fuss! He sounds like a three year-old!"

"Well, let's see why!"

They walked over to him, and from where he stood, the problem became apparent. Zazu was facing the garage, looking into it. Primarily, at the dented, scratched, lacerated, and generally mangled remains of his precious cars. Carolyn nodded sagely,

"Ah. That would qualify as an emergency for Zazu-kun."

"Yeeeaaah," said Tiva, looking around. "It seems to be a hit-and-run scenario…I don't see anyone but us and him here."

"Weeelll…there are the cars, but even if they were alive to begin with, they're pretty dead now." Lumira noted, a wee bit too loud, prompting Zazu to wail even louder.

Dweeb sighed. "Can we at least close the doors or shut him up somehow? He's got really good lungs."

"Yeah, you'd know, wouldn't you…being a trumpet player." Tiva nudged Dweeb pointedly. "You can be rather loud yourself."

While Dweeb glared at Tiva, Lumira absent-mindedly stuffed a spare sock (don't ask) into Zazu's mouth, and readied another one for Dweeb, just in case.

Carolyn, in the mean time, wandered nonchalantly over to the damaged vehicles, and prowled around them for clues.

"Guys?"

The three other girls had entered a rather heated bickering match, as Lumira had thrust the other sock into Dweeb's mouth, and was now hovering just above the outraged girl's reach, sticking her tongue out, and Tiva was alternately encouraging them and trying to get them to stop. They all ignored Carolyn.

"Guys? Oh guys…HEY!!"

Three heads turned.

"Thank you. I think you might want to take a look at this…but I totally understand if you don't want to know who the culprit is—"

A blur whizzed past her as Zazu dashed up, and tried to snatch the piece of paper out of her hand. Another blur marked the passage of Tiva, who pushed him down, and calmly took the paper.

"It says, 'AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH! You won't be able to stop me. No one can.' That's a challenge if I ever heard one. 'If you get in my way, I'll kill you all.' My, that's pleasant. Signed, 'Yours truly, Fuuma Monou. P.S. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!'"

"Hmm…three guesses as to who it is…"

Zazu, meanwhile, had the flames of vengeance burning brightly behind him. Everyone sweatdropped and slowly backed away. "Kono…"

"Uh-oh, he's reverting to Japanese…" whispered Tiva.

"Kono…kono…BAKAYAROU!!!!"

Four identical blinks, only two of them comprehensive. Carolyn slowly raised her hand to her mouth, eyes wide. "Zazu has ruined my innocence!" she whispered, aghast.

"Like you had any to begin with…" muttered Tiva darkly. "The girl who knows every single Japanese word that can be used in a dirty context…"

"Ouch, Tiva-chan. That hurt," Carolyn said, eyes betraying her "hurt."

"I'll bet."

"Look, this is all very fascinating, but while we're talking, this 'Fuuma' character is probably wreaking havoc in another corner of the fanfic," pointed out Dweeb acidly. "And while I could care less what happens here, I think you guys have a more personal interest."

"ACK! Sou da! Lets get crackin'!"

Eagle slowly opened his eyes, taking in his surroundings. The last thing he remembered was being in his office…but the pattern of cracks on the ceiling was different here…He was in his bedroom.

Sitting upright, he winced and remembered why it wasn't a good idea to sleep in a starched suit…the cloth was board-stiff along his back.

A shadow in the corner of the room drew his attention. The shadow stepped forward, revealing itself as a man that looked remarkably like Touya, or Lantis.

"So you're awake."

"How did you get in here?"

The man shrugged. "The window. It wasn't that hard, really."

Eagle raised an eyebrow. "That's a rather athletic feat."

"Yes. The greased buttresses were a nice touch."

"Apparently not good enough."

The man smiled slowly. "No. Not good enough."

The heroically bedecked foursome stood in the entrance hall of the White House, debating what to do next.

"What if he's after someone in particular?" asked Dweeb. "Maybe all this stuff is just a ploy to throw us off."

"Is he after the president, maybe?" commented Lumira. "He is the most important person in this fic."

"Nah, he's got a ton of guards," said Carolyn dismissively. "There's no way anyone could get to him."

"This is Fuuma we're talking about, but still, I think Carolyn's right," said Tiva.

"But he does hold the highest position in the country," pointed out Lumira persistently.

"Just check the laptop!" Dweeb rolled her eyes. "If you're so worried, look and find out!"

"Er," said Carolyn.

"Right," said Tiva.

"You'll see," said Lumira.

The laptop was opened, and a few clicks later, it was nearly dropped.

"BUT HOW?!"

"WHAT? You can't keep us in the dark, you know!" Dweeb bounced up on her toes, trying to see the laptop screen.

Lumira pulled the compact computer out of Tiva's hands, scanned the screen, then exclaimed "I knew it! That Fuuma person abducted Eagle! See?"

Carolyn went pale and sank to her knees. "My love…in the hands of that sadist…!"

"Carolyn, snap out of it!" shouted Tiva. "And try to think!"

"Why should I? I do love him!" wailed Carolyn.

"So think of a way to save your," Lumira paused, working her mouth around the word, "'love.'"

Dweeb stared at Carolyn. "Carolyn, you really need to get a life. You love 2-D pictures for goodness sake!"

"Yes, but you already knew that, Dweeb."

"I'm just making a point. One you don't seem to get!"

"Guys, we really need to think of something!" Tiva interrupted.

Everyone stopped what they were doing and fell silent, in some cases, uncharacteristically so.

It was, surprisingly, Dweeb, that came up with something first.

"If this Fuuma is like a normal villain, then he'll want to boast and brag about his triumph, right?"

"So," said Carolyn, boarding the train of thought, "we need to lure him out into the open. Give him a chance to gloat."

The four girls faced each other, identical smiles appearing.

"All right, we got ourselves a battle plan!" crowed Tiva, a truly evil smile in place on her face.

"Yeah!"

"We can build traps through the laptop!" suggested Dweeb. "I've got a great one!"

"Fine, here." Tiva handed the laptop to Dweeb, who typed with a scary look on her face.

Before the girls could react, the very trap that Dweeb was setting appeared beneath her. She fell into it with a shout of,

"That's not supposed to happen…!"

In the center of the hole was a large, squarish looking construct. Lumira leaned over the edge and raised her eyebrows.

"Man, that's the worst case of writer's block I've ever seen!"

Dweeb looked up and sent the other girl a glare. "You can just shut up."

Carolyn sighed. "Well, I guess traps don't work."

Tiva nodded as she lifted Dweeb out. "I guess that the computer virus is making it so that we can't set anything like that."

Lumira poked her head up over the knot of girls. "Why don't we go to the most obvious place?"

"Right. Eagle's bedroom!"

"Duh!"

The door slowly creaked open, shedding light from the hallway onto the darkened interior.

"Spooky…" murmured Carolyn.

Tiva hit the lights, and all the girls took a step back.

"Nooooooooooooooo!" wailed Lumira.

"It can't be!" gasped Tiva.

"What? What?" demanded Carolyn and Dweeb.

Tiva and Lumira began darting through the room.

"Look at this! An 18th century rocker! And it's been knocked over onto its side!" Lumira set it lovingly upright.

"Look at the bed! The clothes scattered all over! What a mess!" moaned Tiva.

"Yeah? So? My room looks like this a lot," said Dweeb, stepping over a mound of blankets.

Carolyn stepped into the room as well, and saw a large bookcase over by the window. It had been knocked over onto its side, and books were strewn all over. Her eyes went wide. "All...those…books…"

She went onto her knees and began cradling them. Tiva was heaving the four-poster bed off its side, and Lumira was carefully going through the room and tending to all the antique articles she could find.

Dweeb wandered aimlessly around the room, then walked over to the bookcase. What Carolyn had failed to notice was that the bookcase sported ten small gashed along its side, much like what would be left if someone had been clinging to it, and then had been yanked off.

Leaning out the window, she saw a piece of white, fluttering in the wind. She stretched out to get it, but it was too far away. Grimly, she set her jaw.

"Let's see if this author power stuff really works. Divide and conquer!" Five or six mini Dweebs dashed out along the window ledge, grabbed the note, and carried it back to the room, where they reformed into one big Dweeb, who was now holding the note.

She unfolded it, and read it, her lips moving slightly. Then she refolded it, tucked it away, and sauntered towards the middle of the room. Taking a deep breath, she put her trumpet lungs to full use.

"EVERYBODY CUT IT OUT AND LISTEN UP!"

The other three girls blinked themselves out of their trances, and glanced over at her.

 "I have here a note that I got from the window while you goofballs were dinking around. So I get to read it." She unfolded it, glanced around to make sure she had their attention, (which she did) and read.

"'To the oh so persistent foursome that keeps tracking me around the White House. I have been watching your actions with great interest, but I think it's time I draw this to a close. I know that you are responsible for this world coming into being. If you don't come down to the gardens at sunset, I will kill Eagle. Yours, Fuuma Monou.'"

"Great. The villain always picks the most dramatic moment." Tiva sighed.

"So much for our plan to lure him out," mumbled Carolyn.

"All we can do is wait then," said Tiva. "If Fuuma doesn't want to be found, he won't be. Count on it."

"Yeah," agreed Carolyn, nodding sagely. "He's a nasty person!"

Lumira set a Ming vase upright. "Well, what do we do in the mean time?"

And so the hours progressed. The girls kept themselves amused by straightening up Eagle's bedroom, then going through his comic collection. He had a quite substantial amount of them. Most had been stashed under his bed, but what with the entire frame being tipped over on its side, the collection had been revealed. Dweeb shook the lint off the cover of a Batman and Robin issue.

"You'd think that he'd have a ton of…whaddayacallit…manga lying around, wouldn't you? Him being a Japanese creation and all."

"All that's over here," said Carolyn, gesturing to the bookcase. "He's got all the Rayearth manga, Japanese and English. In fact," she gave the shelves a closer look, "he's got everything that CLAMP's done!"

Tito wandered forlornly around the shrubbery of the White House grounds. Who the heck were these people?! He'd just seen a kid pulling a sock out of his mouth, and a blue haired midget running after a flying fish. He sighed, and rounded the corner of the building.

Vash stepped from flowerbed to flowerbed, watering each plant carefully. He hummed softly as he sprinkled a pansy lightly. He watched the drops of water glisten, then turned the corner, and someone ran straight into him.

"Mmmmfph!"

Vash looked down at the teenaged boy that had run into him, who came up to about his chin. Muffled, from around Vash's collar region, came the boy's voice.

"Hello. Who are you? How are you? And where did the light go?"

Vash took a step back, and the boy blinked.

"Oh." His eyes widened. "Who the heck…! Where am I? How can I help my pookikins?!" he pleaded, blinking in the sunlight.

Vash smiled, going into clueless OHS (Overly Happy Syndrome) mode. "I don't know who this Pookikins is, but I'll try to help you!"

Tito looked up. His eyes followed the hypnotic swaying of a few loose yellow hairs in the wind. He nearly fell over.

Meanwhile, the sun begins to set on our four young heroines…

…

…

…

…whom are still reading comics in Eagle's room.

"Give me that! I want that book!"

"But you already read it! Heck, you own it!"

"I still want to read it! Give!"

Lumira and Tiva struggled over a Cardcaptor Sakura manga. Dweeb was reading a Catwoman comic. Carolyn flipped through a Wish manga, then looked up. The color drained from her face.

"GUYS!!!!!!!!"

"What now, Carolyn?" demanded Lumira and Tiva, freezing in mid-scuffle, and making Dweeb jump.

"The sun…it's going down! We gotta move fast!"

"But we don't know where to go," pointed out Dweeb from the bed, where she hadn't moved. "The note just said 'the garden'"

"I think he'll find us," replied Carolyn grimly.

Tiva pulled Dweeb off the bed amidst protests, and half dragged the resisting girl to the door. Dweeb promptly made use of her powers, dissolved into five or six mini-Dweebs, and escaped out the window.

"We should stick together!" said Lumira.

"After the pixie Dweebs!" yelled Tiva, squeezing her wings through the window and diving after the tiny retreating forms. Carolyn shinnied down the wall and Lumira flew close behind her. The four, (or maybe eight or nine at the moment) girls dashed across the White House lawn.

"Wait! Umm…" Carolyn sighed, then used a levitation spell to catch up with the others.

She nearly ran into Lumira, since the other girl had stopped abruptly. She peered around and her eyes locked onto what all the others were looking at.

It was Fuuma. He was standing in the deepening shadows of the evening.

"Don't kill my love!" cried Carolyn tearfully.

"GET A LIFE!" Dweeb yelled at her.

"Ah, so our heroines fight…don't they?" said Fuuma, smirking.

"Shutupyouguys!" hissed Tiva, not taking her eyes off the man in the shadows. "Where's Eagle?"

"Yeah!" said Lumira. "We came like you demanded!"

In reply, Fuuma pulled Eagle out from behind a bush, and in front of him. One hand gripped the pale, slender neck, and the other arm wrapped around the shorter man's midsection.

"What should I do to him?" he asked, a smile playing around his lips. "Should I break his neck? Or I could crush his ribs?" His eyes glittered in the fading light.

"You promised not to kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii~l him!" shrieked Carolyn"

"I lied."

Suddenly, Fuuma stiffened, his eyes going wide. One hand tightened convulsively on the president's neck, and Eagle gave a choked gasp. Then, he dropped the white-haired man, falling to his knees.

Lantis stood behind him, a prescription needle in his hands. It was empty.

"You," he said, "do not have an appointment."

Suddenly in the middle of everything, a loud noise came from the gardens. "POOKIKINS!!!!!!"

The six or so mini-Dweebs raised their eyebrows in concert. "What's he doing here?"

Tiva doubled over laughing. "Look who's with him!"

Vash gave everyone a big smile and waved slightly.

"Not again," Lumira sighed as Tito dashed towards his multiple pookikins.

Carolyn was sneaking slowly towards the unconscious Eagle when Fuuma noticed her.

"Stop, you! Or I'll kill him!"

Carolyn waved a finger admonishingly. "Naughty, naughty, naughty. You just try it!" She stuck out her tongue and cuddled the limp President.

Fuuma tried to move, but the dosage that Lantis had given him had paralyzed him from the neck down.

"I'll destroy this world! I know you all created it! If I kill you, I can destroy everything!" He jerked his head around in a futile attempt to get to them. Dweeb rolled her eyes, and turned her backs. Lumira floated over him, leaned over, and smirked.

"Nice try, manga guy."

"Ooh! He's an anime guy too!" chipped in Carolyn.

"Yeah, and a bish, even if he is a major bad guy," added Tiva, grinning. She engaged Vash in a heated conversation over his gun skills.

Dweeb went over to Tiva, scaled one of her wings, grabbed the laptop, and was down and away before the other girl could react.

"What are you doing?" she demanded, running after her chibi friends.

"I want to go home!! You caught the bad guy, the president's safe, there's nothing else left to do!" Dweeb set down the laptop, and with a 'pop' returned back to her normal size and number.

"Fine! But everyone needs to be in one place…" Tiva trailed off as she watched Carolyn snuggling up to Eagle, and Lumira taunting an enraged Fuuma.

"Is that even going to be possible…?" asked Dweeb staring at the other girls as well.

"It quite possibly is…" Tiva started to talk very complexly.

"What she is trying to say is; not really, with the group of people we have," explained Tito to Dweeb.

"I know that!"

Lumira had gotten bored with taunting Fuuma, since the paralyzing agent had started to work on his mouth, and floated over to the still snuggling Carolyn. "Yo." She tapped the other girl on the shoulder.

Carolyn started. "Who? What? When? Where? How? Why?"

"Me, I'm tapping you, right now, in the White House grounds, by our fanfic, I don't know why," answered Lumira.

"Attention all!" Tiva shouted. No one seemed to care, and instead kept on talking, off in their own worlds. "Hey!" Tiva ran up to Carolyn and Lumira and gave them both a smack across the head. "HeLLO!"

"What do you want?" demanded Carolyn in a menacing tone. Lumira began plucking Tiva's wings, annoyed at being hit.

"I need everyone-ow!- to get togeth-ow!-to get together so that –ow!-we can go home! Stop that, Lumira!!"

Dweeb's voice echoed across the lawn. "Are we going back or what?" Around the girls, bushes popped up and disappeared. A very confused squirrel found its tree suddenly gone from underneath it. It fell with a startled 'squeak'

Shaking her wings furiously in an attempt to dislodge Lumira's persistent pulling, Tiva flew unsteadily to Dweeb and pulled the laptop away. "Dweeb, stop messing with the fic!"

Lumira pulled out a particularly large feather with an evil smile.

"Stop that!"

Meanwhile, Carolyn was still cuddling Eagle blissfully when she was suddenly lifted bodily off the President. She found herself eye to eye with Lantis. "You don't have an appointment either. Go to your friends." He set her down and gave her a push in the other girls' direction, then turned to tend to Eagle.

"But I'm your guest!" she whined to him. Her words met his turned back. With a sigh, she grumbled off to the other three.

Dweeb was enjoying a rather interesting show. Lumira was persistently yanking feathers out of Tiva's wings, but they kept growing back. The result was a drift of plucked feathers around both girls, and Tiva's furious attempts to scrape Lumira off by means of the nearest trees and bushes.

Deep in the dungeons, Knives picked moodily at a crack in the wall. Rei was reading a book, and paid him no heed.

He glanced up at Dilandau and Sessho-Maru. "You guys are really starting to annoy me. All you do is sit there!"

"Like you're doing anything different," muttered Sessho-Maru venomously.

Dilandau chucked a rock from hand to hand, then got a gleam in his eyes. "I know!" He threw the rock as hard as he could. Rei looked up as it whizzed past her head, but she was too late. It struck the fire alarm, and set it off. A siren blared throughout the White House.

"Do you hear something?" asked Carolyn?

"Yeah, sort of like a siren…" said Tiva.

They started to move towards the White House, listening intently.

Suddenly, the main doors burst open, and a stream of people poured out, some of them screaming.

"What the heck!" yelled Dweeb.

"Retreat! Back to Eagle!" shouted Lumira.

A person broke from the throng of panicked people and ran towards them. It was Touya, looking frazzled. He ran up to the President and Lantis, and demanded, "Is he ok?"

Lantis nodded, and Touya picked up the still unconscious Eagle. Turning, he was confronted with the four girls.

"What's-"

"-going-"

"-on-"

"-here?!" they all asked at once.

"The fire alarm went off. No one knows where the fire might be, or who set it off, though."

"Hmmm."

Dweeb leaned close to Tiva. "We're going home, remember? No more fooling around with the story."

Carolyn sighed. "We really should try to get home…" She looked down sadly.

Lumira nodded emphatically. "Yes. Back to where things are sane."

"Aw, Mira, I thought you liked it here!" pouted Tiva.

"I think I like reality better."

"Spoilsport."

"Come on you guys. Sometime this year if you can." Dweeb pulled Tiva to the front doors, nudging and kicking her way through the throng of people, leaving throbbing shins in her wake. They managed to make it up to the steps, where Carolyn and Tiva had first entered the fic, three days ago. Tiva opened her laptop, and was typing in the key sentence to get them out when Eagle approached them, supported by Touya.

"You're leaving, aren't you." It was more of a statement, than a question.

"Yeah, some people think that we need to go back," said Carolyn, darkly.

Tiva set down the laptop, and darted into the crowd. The other three girls watched her go in startled silence. Lumira broke it not so tactfully.

"Tiva where the heck do you think you're going?!"

Birdsong in the distance.

"Fine then, don't answer me!" Just then, Tiva ran back up the stairs, clutching something tightly.

"Whatcha got there?" asked Carolyn curiously.

Tiva grinned. She opened her hand to show an earring, silver with an inset stone of dark purple.

"Oh, you didn't."

"Did."

"What is it?" demanded Dweeb, studying the piece of jewelry puzzledly.

"Yue's earring," said Tiva, grinning from ear to ear.

"Score!" Carolyn exchanged hi-fives with her.

Dweeb looked around boredly, then blinked. "Where'd Lumira go?"

Said person was, at the moment, saying goodbye to the CLAMP schoolboys that had magically reappeared. Nokoru said something to her, then whisked a fan out of thin air and presented it to her with a charming smile. She took it, and for a moment, a truly fangirlish look sped across her face. Then she thanked him and rejoined the others. Tiva nudged her.

"You've got a dreamy look on you face…"

"I do not!"

Carolyn nodded solemnly. "You soon will become one of us, young disciple."

"Shut up! I will never join you!"

"You're weakening…" teased Tiva mercilessly.

Lumira sniffed haughtily and turned her back.

"Anytime would be good, Tiva," prompted Dweeb. Tiva nodded, and began to key in the sentence again. She stopped in the middle of it, causing Dweeb and Lumira crash to the ground in a graceless heap.

"Now what?"

"I just remembered! I need to return Himura's kimono!"

"No!" shrieked Carolyn, wrapping her arms around herself protectively. "I won't let you take it!"

"But I promised to give it back!"

"I don't care what you promised!" Carolyn suddenly saw Kenshin standing in front of her. He hadn't heard the exchange, and smiled up at her innocently.

"I'm glad you didn't catch a cold from falling into the pond!"

"Ahhhhhhh…" Carolyn promptly turned into a gooey mass of fangirlism, 

 Tiva immediately keyed a few words into her computer, and everyone reverted to the clothes they'd been wearing when they'd first entered the fic. The disputed kimono appeared in Tiva's hands, and she gave it to Kenshin quickly, then straightened and began typing quickly before Carolyn had a chance to snap out of her trance.

Tito, whom had tagged along with the girls, hanging in the background, peered over her shoulder. She glared at him, and he shrank back quickly.

"Just looking, that's all…"

"Look elsewhere." She hunched her shoulders, excluding him from her private universe. Dweeb sighed and rolled her eyes. She was about to knock some politeness into Tiva when a person tugged on her hand. She turned, and all the color left her face.

Tomoyo smiled. "I want you to have this! You were so good, I just couldn't let you leave without it!" She pushed a large envelope into the girl's limp hand, smiled again, and slipped away.

Lumira snapped her fingers in front of Dweeb's face, and got no response. "Out like a light."

Tiva typed franticly. "Got to get out before Carolyn wakes up…! There!" A swirling vortex appeared above the four girls and Tito, and began to pull them up. Just then, Carolyn snapped out of bish mode and grabbed for the kimono.

"Wah! Miiiiine!" She grabbed a handful of it and refused to let go. Seeing that Kenshin was being pulled up into the vortex with them, Tiva quickly poked Carolyn. Instead of the desired effect, which was to make her let go, Carolyn instead pulled harder.

There was a tearing sound.

The four girls spiraled up into the darkness. Just before they disappeared, Tiva yelled,

"There is no fire! The prisoners set it off!"

Then a 'pop,' and they were gone.

Kenshin looked down at his kimono puzzledly, and held it up. A medium-sized hole had appeared, right at the stomach region.

"Ora…?"

A bright light flashed, and when it faded, the four girls and Tito were piled in a heap on the floor of Tiva's bedroom.

"Ow! You're sitting on my head! YOU'RE SITTING ON MY HEAD!"

"Whoever has their foot in my face is going to die a slow and painful death unless they remove it."

"Er, could whoever it is please get off my arm? I can't feel it…"

"Whose arm are we talking about here? Oh, it's Tito's. Someone get off Tito's arm, please."

"Only if he takes his elbow out of my gut."

There was an uncomfortable interval as everyone sorted themselves out from their neighbors.

"Yeesh," muttered Lumira, rubbing her head. "That wasn't fun. I liked it better when I went in alone."

"No kidding," said Dweeb, sitting tiredly down on the floor and fiddling with a marble.

Tito shifted nervously. "Um. How am I going to get home?"

"Oh, that's where the fanfic comes in," said Tiva dismissively. "All you need to do is to go back into it, then I write that you leave the fic and appear back in your own house. Simple." She stretched, nearly braining Lumira.

"Wait a minute. You want to send me back into that story?!"

"Yep. You and Lumira."

"Oh."

"Come on, don't be a baby," said Carolyn, pushing him towards the laptop. "You'll be fine, honest!"

"You too, Mira," said Tiva. Lumira nodded, and waved slightly.

"See you all later!" Tiva typed in the activation code, and leaned aside as the light drew Tito and Lumira into the laptop. She quickly keyed in the sentence that would send them out, then picked up her phone. "I'll call, just to make sure they made it."

Lumira answered, and her voice was bemused.

"Tiva, guess what? That fan that Nokoru gave me? I've still got it! It came with me! I can't tell what it says…Wait. I think it's 'Every day's smile is golden'. Dunno how he fit it all on one fan…"

Tiva relayed this information to the others, and the girls felt their pockets. Carolyn came up with Vash's sunglasses, and a scrap of cloth. She snuggled it. "I'm going to frame it and hang it over my bed, that way Himura-chan is always near me," she declared dreamily.

Dweeb pulled out the envelope Tomoyo had given her and pulled out the object inside. It was a magazine, on the cover of which was…Dweeb. Dressed in a rather stylish outfit, she was posing, and the distant look in her eyes was disguised by the glare of the camera light.

"Wow, you look cool!" exclaimed Carolyn, taking the magazine and flipping through it. "Hey, you're here too! And here, and here…" She pointed to the pictures, grinning.

Tiva rummaged in her pocket, and took out the earring. "Ahh…pretty…" She tried it on, and smiled to herself.

Dweeb called Tito, and confirmed that he was there. Then she took back her magazine from Carolyn, and nodded to the others.

"I'm going home. Bye, all."

"See ya later, Dweeb."

"Bye!"

This left Carolyn and Tiva alone in Tiva's room. They looked at each other, and grinned.

"What say we read the instructions this time…?" Tiva trailed off.

"Yep." Carolyn's grin widened. "And maybe was can program it to pull in Lumira and Dweeb, and Tito…and maybe Invader Krag, and Wonkenbluecat, and…"

"Oh, that'll make them so mad!"

"Yep."

They traded identical evil smiles.

"Oh yes. The fun's just begun."