Chapter 12- Waking The Sleeping Ghosts
There was a time, very long ago, when the ghosts from his past never slept. They were aggressive and merciless tormentors that shadowed Gary throughout the day and shared his bed every night, insinuating themselves into his dreams. The smell of roses emanating from a nondescript brown paper bag and perfuming the stale and weary air in a subway car with its fragrant scent. A small smile framing the corners of his mouth; the love that he felt for his wife consuming him especially today as he anticipated a romantic and passionate celebration of their wedding anniversary. Walking the path towards his house; whistling happily; the calm before the storm, the moment before his dream was shattered. Then, he calls out to her, still happy, still expectant, still painfully oblivious as to what was about to come. She opens the window upstairs; the window creaks. He sees her and smiles. She says nothing. "Hon. Hon. Happy Anniversary." He says. But she doesn't return his words with her own loving declarations. Instead, he hears a "heads up" as his suitcase is hurled unceremoniously out of the window. Confusion. Shock. Disbelief.
Then he wakes up. Only he doesn't. Because the ghosts of pain and rejection remind him that his nightmare wasn't an unrealized manifestation born in a troubled subconscious, but a memory, a painful memory branded into his brain and heart. And every time he witnesses a couple walking down the street holding hands or exchanging loving gazes or parents pushing their baby in a stroller, the dull ache in his heart throbs and he's realizes what he'll never have.
It took a long time for these ghosts to stop bothering him, for them to finally fall asleep. And while he didn't say it, after getting The Paper and observing potential romantic opportunities slip through his fingers, Gary resigned himself to the painful fact that he'd never have his "American Dream" of a wife and child. Maybe The Paper had its own secrets besides for mysterious origins. Maybe the early edition had been watching and waiting all along before it presented the opportunity for its tragic hero to have his long awaited romantic destiny fulfilled.
He found her in a television studio when he saved her life from a falling studio light. The moment when they first gazed into each other's eyes was more magical (and more terrifying) than having the pulse of the future in his hands via a futuristic newspaper. The ghosts woke up again; all his old insecurities resurfaced with a vengeance. Loving another person so much that the emotion consumed him. The fear of rejection. Anticipating that the other shoe would drop even as she professed her love for him. Did he have the right to finally have what he always wanted? And if this was a cruel dream, if she were just a beautiful apparition, a figment of his imagination, he didn't want to wake up. Not ever.
But she was real and despite the difficulties that they initially experienced in traveling towards the road of matrimony and the unexpected tragedies that life threw at them, they had spent over twenty years as husband and wife. They loved each other very much. And in these twenty years, not once had he worried about coming home to find that the locks had been changed in his absence and that their marriage was being discarded by her.
The ghosts had fallen into a deep sleep.
"What happened, Dad? I mean, between you and Marcia? I want to know. Tell me, please?" Garrett pleaded.
It was time. It was time to awaken the sleep ghosts. The memories were painful and had left indelible scars upon his soul. These were memories that he never planned to share with his son.
Gary nervously ran his fingers through his hair. His throat felt dry under the weight of this revelation. "Marcia...Marcia and I were...we were very different people who wanted very different things." Gary began slowly. "Marcia was a very complicated woman. She was smart and she was very competitive. She wanted to be the best at everything that she did. And a lot of people thought that she was arrogant and snobbish, but there was another side of her that others didn't see, I don't know, maybe she didn't want them to see it. She had a wonderful sense of humor. She had this laugh that was...well, it was hard to describe, but when she laughed, it kinda filled you up inside and made you happy. She'd laugh at the stupidest things and you just wanted to laugh with her. And she loved to dance. She was a great dancer. She especially loved salsa music. She'd drag me onto the dance floor, but I could never keep up with her. And she used to love going to these horror movies and she'd tell me that they were ridiculous and cheesy, but would scream louder than anyone in the theater at the fake blood and gore. In some ways she was like this vulnerable little girl who wanted to be loved and protected. Her dad was a pretty cold man. I remember her telling me that he wasn't affectionate. I think that she wanted to be the best not only for herself, but also to earn her father's love. She never understood that a child shouldn't have to earn a parent's love. We'd have these wonderful long conversations where we'd talk about everything, shared our dreams. We both wanted children, at least I thought that she did. I mean, a guy just kinda figures that the woman that he loves would want to be the mother of his children. Anyway, I knew that she wanted to go to law school. The plan was that I'd work as a stockbroker so that we'd have the money for her to go to law school and after a few years, once she established herself at a law firm, we'd start our family."
"You were a broker?"
"Yes."
Garrett let a laugh that helped to ease some of the tension in the room.
"What's so funny?"
"I'm sorry, Dad, but it's just that...I can't imagine you as a broker. You hated math as much as I did. I remember when I was having trouble with trig that you hired Ms. Callahan to tutor me."
"Renee was always a math genius ever since we were kids growing up in Hickory. And I hated being a broker, but I didn't have a choice. We needed the money. Marcia's dad had offered her money, but I wasn't about to accept his offer. The way he felt about me, I wasn't about to let him believe for a second that I couldn't provide for my wife. He didn't like me from the moment he met me."
A brief silence.
"Kinda like Grandfather Jeffrey."
"He told you about that?"
"Yeah. When I told him that I wanted to go to law school, he said that to be a good lawyer, you needed to have all the evidence and that you should never jump to conclusions without full disclosure of the facts. Then he said that sometimes one forgets this rule in life and how they can make big mistakes because of that. He told me that when he first met you that he didn't like you, couldn't understand what Mom saw in you, and was upset that Mom wanted to marry you. Was it because he found out that you were divorced?"
"Yes, that was partly the reason, I guess."
"And was it also because of The Paper?"
"Your grandfather didn't find out about The Paper until after your mother and I got married and he was very supportive after we told him." Gary revealed.
Garrett hadn't told Grandfather Jeffrey yet that he was now handling The Paper because he had worried about his grandfather's reaction to the news that he was moonlighting as a hero while attending law school.
"I think that your grandfather was just worried that I'd hurt your mother. To be fair to him, I guess I can understand his position a little. He didn't really know me. All he knew was that I was this divorced guy who had fallen in love with his daughter. It was a tough time for all of us, but things did eventually work out. Your grandfather got to know me and he realized that I'd never hurt your mother. And he helped me through a very bad situation for which I'll always be grateful." Gary saw the expression on Garrett's face so he quickly added. "That's a story for another time. Anyway, Mr. Roberts never gave me the benefit of the doubt the way Mr. Metcalf had. I think that he was waiting for our marriage to fail so that he could tell Marcia that he was right about me all along, that I wasn't good enough for her. Marcia craved her father's approval so much and that also put a strain on our marriage. After she graduated from law school, she got a job at one of the large firms down town. She was a great lawyer. She worked very hard. And I was very proud of her. I supported her desire to climb the corporate ladder because I knew that made her happy. Maybe I was naive. Maybe I was stupid, but I didn't believe...I didn't think that we had to sacrifice having our family just because she was a career woman. But every time we talked about starting a family, she always came up with some excuse. She'd say 'maybe next year. I'm not ready yet. Maybe next year.' "
Garrett saw that Gary had a far away look in his eyes. "Dad?"
The sound of his son's voice awoke Gary from his reverie. Gary paused briefly before continuing. "We had been married several years and this one anniversary, I planned...I wanted it to be special for us. I was going to cook a romantic dinner. It was going to be wonderful. Except...except it wasn't."
"It wasn't?"
"No. We never had that romantic dinner. Instead, I came home to find that Marcia had changed the locks on the house. When I called up to her, you know, thinking that maybe I was just having trouble with my key, she opened the upstairs window. And a moment later she...she throws my suitcase out the window. A week later, she served me with divorce papers. Just like that, it was over. I had wanted to talk things over with her, work out our problems, but she never gave me the chance."
There was a time, very long ago, when the ghosts from his past never slept. They were aggressive and merciless tormentors that shadowed Gary throughout the day and shared his bed every night, insinuating themselves into his dreams. The smell of roses emanating from a nondescript brown paper bag and perfuming the stale and weary air in a subway car with its fragrant scent. A small smile framing the corners of his mouth; the love that he felt for his wife consuming him especially today as he anticipated a romantic and passionate celebration of their wedding anniversary. Walking the path towards his house; whistling happily; the calm before the storm, the moment before his dream was shattered. Then, he calls out to her, still happy, still expectant, still painfully oblivious as to what was about to come. She opens the window upstairs; the window creaks. He sees her and smiles. She says nothing. "Hon. Hon. Happy Anniversary." He says. But she doesn't return his words with her own loving declarations. Instead, he hears a "heads up" as his suitcase is hurled unceremoniously out of the window. Confusion. Shock. Disbelief.
Then he wakes up. Only he doesn't. Because the ghosts of pain and rejection remind him that his nightmare wasn't an unrealized manifestation born in a troubled subconscious, but a memory, a painful memory branded into his brain and heart. And every time he witnesses a couple walking down the street holding hands or exchanging loving gazes or parents pushing their baby in a stroller, the dull ache in his heart throbs and he's realizes what he'll never have.
It took a long time for these ghosts to stop bothering him, for them to finally fall asleep. And while he didn't say it, after getting The Paper and observing potential romantic opportunities slip through his fingers, Gary resigned himself to the painful fact that he'd never have his "American Dream" of a wife and child. Maybe The Paper had its own secrets besides for mysterious origins. Maybe the early edition had been watching and waiting all along before it presented the opportunity for its tragic hero to have his long awaited romantic destiny fulfilled.
He found her in a television studio when he saved her life from a falling studio light. The moment when they first gazed into each other's eyes was more magical (and more terrifying) than having the pulse of the future in his hands via a futuristic newspaper. The ghosts woke up again; all his old insecurities resurfaced with a vengeance. Loving another person so much that the emotion consumed him. The fear of rejection. Anticipating that the other shoe would drop even as she professed her love for him. Did he have the right to finally have what he always wanted? And if this was a cruel dream, if she were just a beautiful apparition, a figment of his imagination, he didn't want to wake up. Not ever.
But she was real and despite the difficulties that they initially experienced in traveling towards the road of matrimony and the unexpected tragedies that life threw at them, they had spent over twenty years as husband and wife. They loved each other very much. And in these twenty years, not once had he worried about coming home to find that the locks had been changed in his absence and that their marriage was being discarded by her.
The ghosts had fallen into a deep sleep.
"What happened, Dad? I mean, between you and Marcia? I want to know. Tell me, please?" Garrett pleaded.
It was time. It was time to awaken the sleep ghosts. The memories were painful and had left indelible scars upon his soul. These were memories that he never planned to share with his son.
Gary nervously ran his fingers through his hair. His throat felt dry under the weight of this revelation. "Marcia...Marcia and I were...we were very different people who wanted very different things." Gary began slowly. "Marcia was a very complicated woman. She was smart and she was very competitive. She wanted to be the best at everything that she did. And a lot of people thought that she was arrogant and snobbish, but there was another side of her that others didn't see, I don't know, maybe she didn't want them to see it. She had a wonderful sense of humor. She had this laugh that was...well, it was hard to describe, but when she laughed, it kinda filled you up inside and made you happy. She'd laugh at the stupidest things and you just wanted to laugh with her. And she loved to dance. She was a great dancer. She especially loved salsa music. She'd drag me onto the dance floor, but I could never keep up with her. And she used to love going to these horror movies and she'd tell me that they were ridiculous and cheesy, but would scream louder than anyone in the theater at the fake blood and gore. In some ways she was like this vulnerable little girl who wanted to be loved and protected. Her dad was a pretty cold man. I remember her telling me that he wasn't affectionate. I think that she wanted to be the best not only for herself, but also to earn her father's love. She never understood that a child shouldn't have to earn a parent's love. We'd have these wonderful long conversations where we'd talk about everything, shared our dreams. We both wanted children, at least I thought that she did. I mean, a guy just kinda figures that the woman that he loves would want to be the mother of his children. Anyway, I knew that she wanted to go to law school. The plan was that I'd work as a stockbroker so that we'd have the money for her to go to law school and after a few years, once she established herself at a law firm, we'd start our family."
"You were a broker?"
"Yes."
Garrett let a laugh that helped to ease some of the tension in the room.
"What's so funny?"
"I'm sorry, Dad, but it's just that...I can't imagine you as a broker. You hated math as much as I did. I remember when I was having trouble with trig that you hired Ms. Callahan to tutor me."
"Renee was always a math genius ever since we were kids growing up in Hickory. And I hated being a broker, but I didn't have a choice. We needed the money. Marcia's dad had offered her money, but I wasn't about to accept his offer. The way he felt about me, I wasn't about to let him believe for a second that I couldn't provide for my wife. He didn't like me from the moment he met me."
A brief silence.
"Kinda like Grandfather Jeffrey."
"He told you about that?"
"Yeah. When I told him that I wanted to go to law school, he said that to be a good lawyer, you needed to have all the evidence and that you should never jump to conclusions without full disclosure of the facts. Then he said that sometimes one forgets this rule in life and how they can make big mistakes because of that. He told me that when he first met you that he didn't like you, couldn't understand what Mom saw in you, and was upset that Mom wanted to marry you. Was it because he found out that you were divorced?"
"Yes, that was partly the reason, I guess."
"And was it also because of The Paper?"
"Your grandfather didn't find out about The Paper until after your mother and I got married and he was very supportive after we told him." Gary revealed.
Garrett hadn't told Grandfather Jeffrey yet that he was now handling The Paper because he had worried about his grandfather's reaction to the news that he was moonlighting as a hero while attending law school.
"I think that your grandfather was just worried that I'd hurt your mother. To be fair to him, I guess I can understand his position a little. He didn't really know me. All he knew was that I was this divorced guy who had fallen in love with his daughter. It was a tough time for all of us, but things did eventually work out. Your grandfather got to know me and he realized that I'd never hurt your mother. And he helped me through a very bad situation for which I'll always be grateful." Gary saw the expression on Garrett's face so he quickly added. "That's a story for another time. Anyway, Mr. Roberts never gave me the benefit of the doubt the way Mr. Metcalf had. I think that he was waiting for our marriage to fail so that he could tell Marcia that he was right about me all along, that I wasn't good enough for her. Marcia craved her father's approval so much and that also put a strain on our marriage. After she graduated from law school, she got a job at one of the large firms down town. She was a great lawyer. She worked very hard. And I was very proud of her. I supported her desire to climb the corporate ladder because I knew that made her happy. Maybe I was naive. Maybe I was stupid, but I didn't believe...I didn't think that we had to sacrifice having our family just because she was a career woman. But every time we talked about starting a family, she always came up with some excuse. She'd say 'maybe next year. I'm not ready yet. Maybe next year.' "
Garrett saw that Gary had a far away look in his eyes. "Dad?"
The sound of his son's voice awoke Gary from his reverie. Gary paused briefly before continuing. "We had been married several years and this one anniversary, I planned...I wanted it to be special for us. I was going to cook a romantic dinner. It was going to be wonderful. Except...except it wasn't."
"It wasn't?"
"No. We never had that romantic dinner. Instead, I came home to find that Marcia had changed the locks on the house. When I called up to her, you know, thinking that maybe I was just having trouble with my key, she opened the upstairs window. And a moment later she...she throws my suitcase out the window. A week later, she served me with divorce papers. Just like that, it was over. I had wanted to talk things over with her, work out our problems, but she never gave me the chance."