CHAPTER FIVE

LOSING CONTROL

NC-17 scene: http://www.angelfire.com/ok5/tmnt/where/ch5.html

"This is getting us nowhere," Donatello mumbled, flopping down on the couch. "We've searched every hideout and back alley in this city. If he was dead, we would've found his body by now."

"I don't think he's dead," Leonardo sighed.

"I don't know what to think anymore, Leo."

"What are they saying?"

Raphael glared at the man. "Go to hell."

He sighed. "Is it so difficult to just cooperate with us?"

"Keep your goddamn tubes and needles outta my body and we'll talk."

"Raphael is alive."

The four figures in the room all turned as Master Splinter walked into the room. "Konbanwa , Sensei," Leonardo greeted.

He bowed slightly. "Good evening, Leonardo."

Raphael was surprised at the comfort he drew from his sensei's voice. He couldn't explain it, but for some reason, it caused his body to relax just slightly. He knew that Splinter had been trying to reach him. He could feel it, as he slipped in and out of consciousness. In that place where he was not awake nor asleep, he could feel the familiar presence. But he couldn't answer. He felt so separated from himself, so confused. And it seemed the only times that he was conscious, they were pumping drugs into him, or asking him questions. There was no time to meditate, or he would have done it long ago.

"Have you reached him, Splinter-sama?" Rei questioned.

He sighed deeply. "I have not," he answered her. "But I do know that he is alive."

"How do you know?"

Splinter shook his head. "I cannot explain it," he informed. "It is as if he is unable to speak, but his presence is very much alive."

Raphael breathed a sigh of relief. He knew that as long as they thought he was alive, they wouldn't stop looking for him. "What if he left willingly?" Rei suggested. "Like, permanently left. Where would he go?"

"He wouldn't do that without saying goodbye," Mike answered.

Leonardo sighed. "And if for some reason he did, Master Splinter would be able to reach him."

"What if he didn't want to be reached?"

"Why would he let us worry like this?" Michaelangelo sighed.

"To make a point," Leo mumbled under his breath. "And he damn well made it so he might as well come home now."

Donatello sighed. "Splinter, can you tell at all where he is?"

The rat considered that for a moment. "I sense that he is not nearby. Perhaps even outside of the city."

"When I find him, I'm going to rip his fucking head off of his body," Leonardo mumbled, switching to English. Sensei glared at him and he turned away. The words had slipped, but he didn't apologize for them. He meant them fully. If this was Raphael's idea of making a point...

"Knock it off, Leo," Mike shot at him.

Raphael cringed. No guys, don't talk in English...

"Sorry," Leo mumbled, closing his eyes. "I just need..." He shook his head, as if he couldn't find a suitable way to end that sentence, then turned and walked to his bedroom. He knew he was losing his cool, and he needed to stop before it got out of hand.

Rei jabbed Mike's thigh with her toes, and he glanced at her. She was laying against the arm of the couch. He was sitting correctly at the other end. She stretched her leg out, resting her foot in his lap, and smiled. "Please?"

He sighed as he reached down and lifted her heel. He began to massage at the bottom of her foot. "Okay, so where do we look now?" Donatello questioned, watching them disinterestedly. "Where would he go, outside of the city?"

Travinski watched, amused, as he began to piece together the conversation. It didn't take him long to figure out who they were talking about. "Does he know anyone outside the city?" Rei questioned. Out of the corner of his eye, Travinski saw the one who had left sit down, cross legged on his floor. He thought about boosting the gain on the camera, to make it more visible in the dark light, but he wasn't interested enough in what the lone turtle was doing. The conversation was much more appealing.

"Mikey?"

Michaelangelo kept his eyes down. He'd known that question was directed at him before Rei had mentioned his name. He jabbed at a pressure point in the ball of her foot. "Ow!" she laughed, pulling away. He let her go. "Was I not supposed to ask that?"

He couldn't help but smile. Brilliant, wasn't she?

"Michaelangelo..." Splinter prodded.

Mike sighed. "Yeah, he does. But I already talked to her and she hasn't seen him."

"How'd you talk to her?" Don questioned.

"She's a college student. I talked to her before she went off on fall break."

"So where is she now?"

"She lives upstate."

"Could you get there?"

Michaelangelo nodded again, and offered half-hearted directions. It was the first time in all his life that he was sharing something Raphael had specifically asked him not to. Donatello and Splinter looked at each other. "Well, if you can get there, go," Don ordered. Mike glanced at him. "See if he's there. She might've just lied."

He shook his head. "I don't think she lied."

"We must be sure, Michaelangelo," Splinter sighed. "Until we find him, we will continue to retrace the same pattern of steps, over and over."

Michaelangelo sighed and nodded reluctantly. "Fine. Where are the keys?"

***

Rei glanced at the speedometer. The road was empty, and the setting sun was just starting to make it difficult to see. Rei didn't want to think of what might happen if they hit a deer at eighty miles an hour. The engine wasn't liking this speed, either. "Mikey?" she asked quietly.

He didn't answer. She saw the needle climb higher and the van shook as it protested. It was not made to go this fast, and she wasn't sure what was going to happen when he reached a hundred. She slid next to him in the bench seat and rested a hand on his shoulder. "Mikey, ease off," she whispered. "You're going too fast."

It was as if he were in a trance, like he didn't even hear her. She was going to have to get a little more insistant. She rested her head on his shoulder and reached her hand up to press against his opposite cheek. "Michaelangelo, relax," she urged. "You're not gonna do him any good if you're dead."

He let off the gas slowly, and their speed dropped. The speed limit was fifty; he settled for sixty-five. But it felt like they were crawling. He felt Rei nuzzle against him, her warm fingers running down the side of his face to his neck. "Shhh... It's okay."

His body relaxed slowly, but his mind continued to race. What if he wasn't there? If Raphael didn't want to be found, he wouldn't be. Michaelangelo knew that. But why now? Why would he disappear now, especially without telling anyone where he was going? But they'd checked all the bars, all his friends that they knew of; every back alley and dumpster was searched with sickening feelings in the pits of their stomachs. Oh god, he didn't want to find a body. He would rather believe that his brother had run off to the tropics somewhere than to find him dead. But at the same time, he knew he'd never rest until he found out what had happened.

"He's not there, Rei," he choked, realizing the painful truth.

"How do you know?"

He shook his head slowly. "I just do," he mumbled. "It's just... a feeling. And I think they know it too. They're just... not ready to accept it." He sighed deeply. "And I'm not so sure I am, either."

Rei sighed, tracing the edge of his plastron with her fingers. "Accept what?"

"That he's in trouble," he whispered. "Or he's dead. Leo's still pissed off, like he left." He glanced at her. "But he wouldn't leave, Rei. Not like that. Not for no reason."

"He and Leo were fighting," she reminded him.

"So? They always fight. He's never run out on us because of it."

"Maybe it was just the last straw, Mikey," she suggested. He didn't answer.

She leaned into him and kissed his cheek. "If anything's happened to him, Rei..." he finally whispered.

She sighed, running her fingers down the sensitive skin on his sides. He was so tense... "Relax," she whispered. "It's okay..."

***

A woman who looked to be in her late forties answered the door. "Hi," Rei greeted. "I'm looking for Esperanza?"

"Yeah, she's here. Just a minute."

The woman looked over his shoulder and called out the girl's name. A moment later, a hispanic girl in her early twenties answered the door. "Can I help you?"

"Hi," Rei smiled. "I'm looking for Raphael."

Esperanza tensed noticeably. "Who are you?"

"I'm a friend," she answered.

"My friend," Michaelangelo added, stepping out of the shelter of the bushes.

Esperanza's eyes widened and then she smiled. "Michaelangelo," she greeted. She slipped out of the house and closed the door behind her. "I told you, I haven't seen Raph."

Michaelangelo's heart sank. He hadn't thought she was lying, but something inside of him had hoped, just maybe, he would be here. "When was the last time you saw him?" Rei asked.

Esperanza shook her head. "We broke up almost a month ago; I haven't seen him since." Mike's eyes closed slowly. He wasn't really surprised that his brother hadn't told him that, but he was disappointed. He hadn't even thought to ask her that the other night. "Is he still missing?"

Rei glanced at Mike, and decided to answer that question herself. "It's probably nothing just... he should've called by now, you know?"

Esperanza nodded, a concerned look crossing her face. "So you guys came all the way out from Manhattan?"

Mike looked up. "We've looked all over the city for him," he answered quietly. "You didn't tell me you guys broke up."

Esperanza sighed. "I'm sorry. But he's not here. I'd invite you to look but... my parents. You know."

Mike shook his head. "We'll find him," he told her, forcing a smile. "Thanks anyway."

He walked back to the van and waited for Rei to follow. She got into the passenger seat and shut the door. For a moment, it was silent. "Do you want to drive back tonight?" she asked. "Or do you want to get a motel?"

He shook his head. "It doesn't matter," he whispered.

She leaned over to him and turned his face to hers. "Mikey..."

He jerked away from her. "I said it doesn't fucking matter!"

She recoiled at his tone, and turned to look out the window. Mike jammed the keys into the ignition and slammed on the gas with the car in reverse. Rei lurched forward and nearly hit the dashboard. "Dammit, Mike!" she cried. "Knock it off! You're gonna get us killed."

Out in the street, he shifted to drive and hit the gas again. "Just shut up, Rei."

"Don't tell me to shut up!" she shot back at him. "What the hell is your problem? I didn't do anything here!"

Michaelangelo hit the steering wheel. "Stop," he ordered. "Just stop. I don't wanna talk right now."

"We don't have to talk; I just asked you a simple question."

He felt anger burn inside of him. He wasn't really angry at her, and he didn't want to take it out on her. But she was the only available target and if she didn't shut her mouth, he was going to lose it. She clenched her teeth and turned to look out the window. It was a two hour drive back to the city. And then he'd want to go up to the streets. This pattern was driving her insane. It wasn't that she didn't want to find Raph. But she knew that they weren't going to find him any faster with Mike on the brink of a psychotic episode.

"I want to get a motel," she said quietly.

"Fine!" he yelled. "We'll get a goddamn motel! Would you just shut up?"

She spun and glared at him. "You know, why don't you just pull the fucking car over and let me walk?" she shot at him. "Then you can have all the silence you want!" He clenched his teeth, gripping the steering wheel hard. "I have done nothing but support you and try to help you in any way I can since Raph disappeared and you have no right to bitch at me!"

He said nothing. There wasn't much he could say; he knew she was right. It didn't make the fire in his chest burn any less. He watched the road, concentrating on the broken sections of the yellow line as they passed by, one at a time.

The first motel they came to, he pulled into the parking lot. She slammed the door of the van so hard, he thought the glass was going to break out of the window. He sighed and rested his head on the steering wheel as she walked across the parking lot to the well lit office. What the hell was happening to him? He felt lost and angry. He shuddered as he realized that this wasn't the first time he'd felt this way. Only this time, there was no one to aim his anger at. Not even himself.

Rei left the office and his eyes followed her to a room on the first level. She unlocked the door, opened it, and walked in. The door closed behind her. Mike sighed. Okay, so she'd made her point. Especially when he couldn't get a room without her help. He leaned his head back against the chair and sighed. He could stay out here. He knew he was just as stubborn as she was, if not more so. He had heat, a half tank of gas, and the rest of the money. In fact, he was the one holding all the cards. She couldn't get home without his help.

He sighed. What the hell was he thinking? This had nothing to do with Rei, why was she suddenly the bad guy? Especially since not more than two hours ago, she'd gone way beyond any expectations he had of her, to try and keep him relaxed. He closed his eyes. He owed her for that. Big time. And this was not the way to repay her.

He scanned the area for signs of movement, then turned the ignition off. He pulled his keys out and brought them with him as he jogged across the parking lot, avoiding what light he could. He stopped at the door and swallowed his pride as he knocked on it. If he fought with her, he knew he'd win in the morning. But he didn't want to fight. As much as he hated to admit it, he needed her right now. And it was his fault. She hadn't done anything wrong.

The door cracked open and she stared at him through the chain. He sighed. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

She watched him for a moment. He tensed, standing under the bright lights. If anyone came out of their room, they would see him immediately. After a few seconds of nervous silence, she closed the door, slid the chain, and opened it. He stepped inside and waited for her to close the door before he wrapped his arms around her. He felt tears sting his eyes. "I'm just scared, Rei," he whispered into her hair.

She let her own anger slip away, knowing how true those words were. He was acting strange. She knew he wasn't really like this. But he was worried, almost panicked, and stress did funny things to his emotions. She'd known that from the moment she met him. She draped her arms over his shoulders, hugging him back. "I know," she answered. "It's okay."

He shuddered as he sobbed, and clung to her. She kissed the side of his face. "It's okay, Mikey."

***

Splinter awoke from a dead sleep to the sound of a scream. He sat up, tensed, and slowly realized that the scream had not been audible, but rather in his mind. His eyes darted around the dark, silent room. His senses were fully alert, although he had just woken up. He felt as if there were somebody with him, here in the room. For a long time, he didn't move. He smelled nothing, heard nothing.

Finally, he moved slowly, fully on guard, and found a match on the bedside table. He struck it, and his eyes immediately took in his familiar surroundings. He was alone, but he felt an impending danger. He lit the candle beside his bed and rose to his feet. Moving soundlessly, he walked into the living room. Leonardo was asleep on the couch, his weapons on the floor beside him. Splinter studied him for a moment, then turned his attention to the other rooms.

It took very little time for him to sweep through the lair. It was empty, but he still felt alerted. He considered waking Leonardo, but quickly pushed the idea aside. Donatello was not home, and he assumed that he was searching the city. Michaelangelo...

Something inside of him sparked at the thought of his absent son. He and Rei had gone to speak with Raphael's girlfriend. Rei had mentioned spending the night in a hotel, and that would explain why they were not home. There was no cause for alarm, except for the peculiar feeling.

Splinter walked back to his room and settled on the floor. He took a moment to clear his mind, concentrating on the air as it entered and exited his lungs. Then he began to probe at the strange feeling. It seemed to explode inside of him, and he fought to keep his mind focused rather than to allow himself to be caught up in the multitude of emotion. He was in danger. That much Splinter knew immediately. And he was asleep, and unaware.

Michaelangelo... Wake up... You are in danger...

***

Rei breathed deep and snuggled closer to the warm body beside her. His chest rose and fell as he drew in the stale air. Suddenly, his eyes opened. Something was wrong. His chest felt tight. He could almost hear the audible words of warning, and he paused for a moment. Master Splinter?

There was no responsive thought. He scanned the room silently, reacquainting himself with his surroundings. Hotel room. He remembered it. Door to his left, bathroom to the right. Closed window next to the door, and steady hum coming from the heater beneath it. Rei was sleeping soundly next to him, her head on his arm. To his other side, there was a bedside table and a clock that read 3:00. Three in the morning. Something had woken him.

The feeling intensified and he began to tense. He knew that feeling. It was danger, and it was near. "Rei?" he whispered, sitting up slowly. The room was too dark to see. Was someone here?

Rei moaned quietly as she woke up. "Mikey?"

"Shh!"

She rubbed her eyes, although it didn't help her to see. She could feel Michaelangelo pull away from her and instinctively wanted to draw close again. His body was warm, and it made her feel safe to lie in his arms. "Rei..." he started, his voice barely a whisper. "Reach down on the floor... Get my weapons."

Barely awake, the words surprised her. "Do what?"

He didn't have a chance to answer her. The door flew open. The lock had been broken; the chain was cut. Mike lunged across Rei as she screamed, trying to get to his nunchakus. If he could get them fast enough, he could roll to the floor and be on his feet before they had a chance to get in the room. But he only made it to his knees before he froze in the line of fire from a gun. There were only six of them, dressed in dark clothing, watching him as he stared down at the floor, gripping his weapons at his sides. He was ready to spring forward, to his feet. But several of those guns were pointed at Rei, and he couldn't take a risk like that.

"Drop your weapons," he was ordered.

"Who are you?" Rei demanded. "What do you want?"

Michaelangelo raised his eyes slowly. The men were military. He knew what they wanted immediately. More importantly, he now knew where Raphael was. It hit him all at once. Surprisingly, it invoked very little emotion on his part. "Let go of your weapons and put your hands behind your head," one of the men commanded.

It took Rei a little longer than it had taken Mike to figure it out. Her eyes widened in horror. "No! Mike no!"

Michaelangelo ignored her. He loosened his grip and raised his hands behind his head. "Stand up."

He stood. He closed his eyes, ignoring the strange mix of emotions that washed over him. For some reason, some crazy, unidentifiable reason, he wasn't afraid. The guns remained steady on Rei as one of the men approached him with handcuffs. He could take him, he knew. Even with the cuffs on, he could take him down. But he wouldn't get to the guns that were aimed at Rei. "I'll go with you," he told them. "Just leave her alone."

Rei felt fear flood through her as the handcuffs were snapped into place and the man pulled a covered needle from his belt. "No!"

She lunged at the man and gunshot rang out. She screamed and Mike's head spun around. He felt a needle puncture his upper arm, and saw Rei crouched at the edge of the bed, covering her head. The bullet had gone into the mattress. It was a warning shot. "I said I'll...!"

The world suddenly spun around him and he couldn't finish the sentence. Confusion flooded his mind and he moaned as everything turned into one neverending blur. Then it faded to black.

***

"Just take her to A. We'll do an ultrasound on her and then take her back."

Raphael opened his eyes slowly. The door was open. He was in... a cage? Bars separated him from the white walls. What the...?

"Maybe it's not a good idea for them to interact."

"I don't think it'll make too much of a difference."

"I don't know. Psychology plays a big role in the healing process."

"Thank you, doctor, for informing me."

There were two of them in the room, and a table that hadn't been there before. On the table was... oh God. Raphael felt anger flare inside of him and he was immediately awake. "What the hell are you doing?" he demanded.

"Don't worry about it, turtle, it's not your concern," Callihan called over her shoulder.

Raphael lunged at the bars. "Leave him alone you fucking...!"

He felt the dart enter his arm and he turned to look at the gun that had fired it. His senses were so dulled, he hadn't even felt it coming. He pulled the dart out, but he could already feel the drug pulsing through him. He glared at the man who had fired it. "I am going to kill you," he vowed, his voice holding no hint of exaggeration.

"Yeah yeah, I know," Alex laughed. "But right now, you're gonna go sleepy night-night."

Raphael fought the anesthesia for as long as he could, but his resistance was already low. He slumped against the bars, his eyes sliding closed. Alex walked to the new specimen and studied him for a minute. "Think we need to give him another dose?" Travinski asked.

"I doubt it," Callihan answered. "He's still pretty groggy."

"He looks a little smaller than the other one."

"Just a little," she confirmed. "Not a whole lot. They look like they were the same species before they were mutated."

"The girl's starting to wake up," Alex informed. "Should I keep her under?"

"Yes," she answered. "Definately. We'll deal with her in a minute, and then I'm gonna need you to take her back to the hotel."

"Gotcha."

Callihan inserted an IV into the back of the creature's hand as Alex walked away. "Well, that should get him started," she mumbled. "We'll see what happens."

Travinski smiled at the unconscious figure. "On to the girl?"

"Yeah," she sighed. "Let's get this over with."

She sighed as she walked to the door. "God, I hate dealing with real people."