CHAPTER SIXTEEN

UNHEEDED WORDS

Raphael's eyes opened as he heard the front door close. He looked first to the clock and saw that it was almost six. Then he sat up slowly. She noticed him immediately. She didn't speak. She didn't want to have to explain. And what was the point? He already knew. He knew before she left that this would happen.

He sighed deeply. He'd never been on this side of the situation, and he wasn't totally sure what to say to her. After a long pause, he stood up. No words were exchanged between them as he approached her. When he was still a few feet away, she ran to him. She threw her arms around his neck and buried her face in his shoulder, sobbing loudly. "He..."

"I know."

She felt like her legs were going to fall out from under her. What would he do, if she collapsed? Would he carry her to bed or would he leave her here, on the floor? "I just wanted to be part of something outside of these four walls," she sobbed. "All my life, that's all I wanted. I wanted friends, I wanted to be normal, I wanted... a life!"

The words struck Raphael. They were so familiar, somehow. Memories flooded back to him as he realized where he'd heard them.

The quiet crying from the top bunk ended any thoughts of sleep Raphael he might have had. "Mikey, you okay?"

There was a moment of silence. "You ever just... lay in bed at night and wonder? Wonder what it would be like to... have someone sleeping next to you or know you have to get up and go to school or to work in the morning?" Raphael remained silent, considering the words seriously. "You ever think what it'd be like just to... talk to people? To dance? To walk around the streets in broad daylight and do things like they do?"

"Yeah," Raph admitted.

Michaelangelo brushed his eyes roughly. "I just wanna be normal. You know? I mean... why's that so much to ask? I just want to be part of something outside of these four walls."

Raphael ran his hands up and down her back gently. "You don't want that kinda life, babe," he sympathized.

He let her cry for a few minutes until she finally pulled away. "I'm so sorry, Raphael," she choked.

"For what?" he asked.

"For those things I said," she cried. "When I woke up... and I knew you were right. I should have listened to you. I'm so sorry."

He ran his fingers through her hair. "It's okay," he assured her.

She turned her face into his neck and allowed the warmth and strength of his body to envelope her. For a moment, she just wanted to feel safe. And she felt that, with him. Whether she liked him or not was irrelevent. She knew she could trust him, and that he would keep her safe as long as she would let him.

"You should go to the police," he advised. "So they can arrest the guy."

She laughed cynically through her tears. "I... no. For one thing, the cops hate me. They won't believe me. Not when it was my boyfriend anyhow."

Raphael felt anger well up inside of him. He had half a mind to kill the guy. "That's not true."

"They'll say I'm just doing it for attention. They don't care, Raph."

"I'll take you to the hospital and they can..."

"No," she protested quietly. She put his palms on his chest. "I already cleaned up, Raph, and I really don't wanna go."

He sighed. "They can still..."

"Look, what I did was stupid," she interrupted. "But I did it. I ignored the warning, I did it anyways, and I paid for it."

"Mica, you're the victim here. It's not your fault."

"I don't care whose fault it is, I just wanna let it go."

"He'll do it again," he informed her. "I guarantee you that he'll do it again to someone else."

She shook her head slightly and stared down at the floor. "Raph, how can I go to the hospital when the first thing they're gonna ask me to do is take off my clothes?"

He stared at her for a moment, then sighed as he looked away. Neither of them spoke for a moment, then she looked up at him. "You're not gonna tell Leo, are you?" she whispered. He didn't answer and she placed a hand on his shoulder. "Please don't," she begged. "I know I was wrong and I think I paid for it enough. I don't need a lecture to go on top of it."

"He wouldn't lecture you," Raphael mumbled. "Not after what you've been through."

"Yes, he would," she sighed. "He'd lecture me and then he'd go hunt down the guys who did it and probably kill them."

He nodded slowly as he considered that. "And what makes you think I won't?"

"Because I've asked you to just let it go?" she pleaded, gazing through her lashes at him.

He stared at her for a moment, then sighed. "Alright," he agreed. "I won't tell him."

"Not even if he asks?"

He shook his head. "Not even if he asks."

She hugged him again. "Thanks, Raphael. I don't know how I can repay you."

"Well, you could start by being up front with me from now on," he suggested. "And maybe listening to me when I tell you stuff."

"What do you mean?" she asked, wiping the tears from her eyes.

"I mean knock it off with the mindgames. Stop inadvertedly lying to me." She looked away. "I'm on your side, Mica. Otherwise I never would've come all the way out here."

She studied him for a moment. She wasn't sure he realized what he was asking her to do. To trust him like that, when he'd abandoned her. What was to keep him from doing it again? The thought struck her. When this was over, he'd be on his way back to Vegas. They both knew that, even if they hadn't addressed it. And he wanted her to trust him?

"Why did you leave in the first place?" she asked, searching his eyes. She wanted nothing more than to hear that he had a good reason, that it wasn't just because when he got his "freedom", he ran with it, leaving his family behind.

She watched as he looked away. After a moment of silent, he turned back to her. "You wanna go for a drink?"

She smiled weakly. "I'm fourteen Raphael."

He grinned back. "I thought you said you were twenty three."

"I never said that," she laughed, wiping the tears out of her eyes.

"Yes you did!" he laughed putting his arm around her shoulders, leading her to the door. She hesitated and he looked at her. "What?"

She bit her lip. "Do you think... I should change first?" she asked.

"Do you want to?"

"Yeah."

"Then go ahead. I'll wait."

***

"Do you go to school?" Raphael asked.

Mica sipped the glass of Mountain Dew slowly and looked around the restaurant. "I... did," she answered after a moment's hesitation. "For a few months when I was twelve. Mostly, I've been schooled at home."

"Why'd you quit?"

She sighed. "Leonardo-sensei didn't think it was safe. I mean, since I'm... different, you know."

Raph watched a couple walk in and stand by the door, waiting for the hostess. "And yet he approved of your boyfriend," he mumbled.

"He knew Jeremy," she informed. "And Jeremy knew about us. He actually was interested in the martial arts for a while, but Sensei wouldn't teach him."

Raph nodded slightly. That made him a significant threat now. "Why not?" he questioned.

"I dunno. Said he didn't have the dicipline or something like that."

Raphael could believe that. "Ninjutsu isn't something you teach by the class," he agreed. "Most people do a lot better in something like Tae Kwon Do, where they can measure their success by belts and stop taking it if they don't feel like doing it anymore."

Mica smiled. "Yeah, that's pretty much what Sensei says, too."

Raph nodded. "Listen to him. He's right. And one other thing."

"What?"

"When you're talking to me and he's not around, could you just call him Leo? I promise I won't tell on you. But you're gonna drive me crazy with this sensei crap."

She laughed quietly. "Okay. I'll try to remember."

"Thanks."

Raphael watched the couple as they were led to a table. It was instinctive to watch everything. He'd been doing it his whole life. It made him nervous when he couldn't watch his surroundings. "So Leo keep you under lock and key?" he questioned.

She smiled. "Uh, he tries. Yeah."

"I figured," he grinned. "He doesn't seem like he's changed much over the years."

"Well, lately I've... been going out a lot more. Even if he doesn't like it. I think he realizes he can't stop me so he just looks the other way." She sipped her drink slowly. "I really... don't think he knows what to do with me. He never did."

He didn't answer. Mica studied him for a moment. "Did you guys always fight like... you do?"

Raphael raised his coffee to his lips. "We fought a lot," he confirmed. "We had our good days and our bad days, you know? As long as he left me alone, we usually did okay."

"Left you alone how?" she questioned. "What do you mean?"

"I went out a lot," he answered. "And he didn't like that. I drank, slept around... it drove him up the wall."

She stared at him. "That was before the... uh... change?"

"Yeah," he answered. "I'd find them drunk or high. I was an asshole."

She smiled faintly at his honesty. She already knew that, but it was different to hear him say it. "Ever have a real girlfriend?" she questioned.

"Yeah," he mumbled, taking another drink. "Once. Jessica."

That was something she didn't know. "What happened to her?"

"I broke up with her," he shrugged. "She... wasn't ready to commit to someone like me and I didn't really blame her. It got to be kinda fire and ice. The sex was great, but we didn't really love each other and that caused all kinds of problems."

She stared at him, somewhat surprised. She wasn't used talking to someone who was so blunt. Leo-sama would never say anything like that to her. "I don't know," he shrugged. "Sometimes I regretted it. We still talked for a while. It wasn't a messy breakup."

She looked down at the table. "Well, I've only had one boyfriend and it just ended in a very messy breakup."

Raphael was quiet for a moment as his mind played back the conversation. "I wouldn't doubt that Leo doesn't know what to do with you," he mumbled. "I don't think he's ever really talked to a teenage girl, much less tried to raise one. Unless Rei counts, I guess."

She nodded slightly. "My mother," she whispered.

He studied her for a moment. "Yes. Your mother. But you gotta cut Leo a break. I think, all things considering, he's not doing too bad a job."

She nodded again. "He's a good teacher," she agreed.

She stared down into her drink and a shadowed look crossed her face. Raphael watched her for a moment as her gloved fingers traced designs in the condensation on the outside of her glass. "What are you thinking?" he asked.

She sighed deeply and slowly raised her eyes to his. "I was just thinking..." She looked away. "You know, he is. He is a good teacher. And he's taught me so much. I mean, him and Donny... are my world. And he'll teach me anything, tell me anything... as long as it doesn't have anything to do with my parents." She glanced back at him. "I mean, I didn't really even know anything about you except that he hated you for leaving. And he was always comparing me to you when I did stupid stuff."

Raphael grinned and considered that for a moment. "Well, what do you wanna know?" he finally asked.

"About my parents?"

"About anything," he shrugged. "Anything I could tell you, at least."

She stared at him for a moment, not sure she trusted his openness. But then, he'd been pretty honest with her so far. Maybe he'd actually tell her the things she was dying to know. The only thing she really knew about her father was how he'd died. "What was he like?" she questioned hesitantly.

"Your father?"

"Yes."

Raphael stared down at the table for a long time, organizing his thoughts. "Happy," he finally answered. "Kind of a prankster. Real easy going and... I don't know, Mica, I could go on forever."

She thought about that for a moment. "What about my mother?"

He breathed deep. "Well... do you know how they met?"

She shook her head. "Sen... Leo won't talk about any of this."

Raph sighed. "Well, her father and our Sensei had been friends in Japan."

"Splinter, right?"

"Yeah," Raphael nodded. "Well, he was Yoshi in Japan. And he was human."

"Yeah, Leonardo told me that."

"Well, her father sent her and her brother to live here with us, thinking that Splinter was still human."

"Why?"

"Why'd he send them?"

"Yeah."

"Well, because your Uncle Yukio was a real jackass. He was a ninja and he killed a sensei from another clan and so all of the sensei's students were looking to kill him." Raphael sighed. "I don't remember how it all played out, but the father knew he was in danger or he thought he was, and he wanted to make sure his children were safe. So he sent them to America and then he committed ritual suicide."

"So they came thinking you guys were human?"

Raphael nodded. "Yeah, it was a bit of a shock. Yukio totally flipped out. He was very prejudice from the start but Rei somehow fell in love with Mike, who was very depressed at the time."

"I thought you said he was happy," she reminded him, confused.

"He usually was. But shit happens, you know?" He studied the table as he debated how much he wanted to tell her. "A friend of ours died and he blamed himself. So for a while there he was... different."

She considered that for a minute. "So you don't really know, like, how they fell in love though?"

He shrugged. "I know Mike's side of it. He didn't know what hit him." He chuckled as he considered that. "One minute he's refusing to even go meet her and the next minute he's rolling around in bed with her."

She thought about that. "Was he, like, a womanizer?"

"Mike?" he laughed. "Oh, hell no. He had a couple crushes before he met Rei but she was the only one he ever slept with."

"How do you know?" she challenged.

He smiled mysteriously at her. "I know," he assured. "He was my best friend; he told me everything."

"Really?" she questioned, enamored by the idea.

He nodded. "He was the only one I could ever really level with," he explained. "I mean, he just... understood better. Didn't judge me, I guess is what made him different. He knew everything about me and he didn't always agree with me but I always knew... He was trustworthy. With anything. It didn't matter what."

"So did you guys... do a lot of stuff together?"

Raph sighed. "Not as much as you'd think," he answered. "Mikey didn't like to break the rules most of the time. I didn't mind an all out war with Leo if it meant I'd get out the door and get laid." She smiled and waited for him to continue. "But he, uh... We did talk a lot. I kinda learned to... adapt to my world. I took what I could get and when I couldn't get it, I got pissed off. But he could never... lower his standards like that. He was willing to wait for what he wanted. And that was your mother."

Her eyes dropped. For a moment, she didn't speak. "She left me almost as soon as she had me," she mumbled. "I've tried to contact her but... I guess it just hurts her too much to talk to me. I don't know. I try not to get bitter."

Raphael studied the girl for a moment, then looked away. Neither of them spoke for a few minutes. Then she looked to him again. "Why did you leave us?" she finally asked.

Raph swallowed hard. He'd been expecting that question, and he'd thought of all the possible ways to answer it. Still, he hadn't settled on one excuse. He looked up and met her eyes. "I don't know," he told her seriously. "I guess it was just instinct. I thought a lot of things in those few hours, but I'll tell you this much: It had nothing to do with wanting to go out and live it up."

She sighed. "I guess I wouldn't blame you, you know?" she mumbled. "I mean... I'm not as noticeable as Leonardo or Donny by a long shot. It's on my back and my skin coloring, you know. Makes it so I can't... wear shorts or skirts without makeup and nylons. And I can't go swimming or go anywhere that I might get my face wet. And I gotta wear the gloves. It just..."

"It's a pain in the ass," Raph mumbled. "I know."

"If I could change..."

"No," Raphael sighed. "Don't even say it." He stared at her. "Believe me, it's not worth it."

She laughed quietly. "You're one to talk."

"You think I would've done this willingly?" he challenged.

"You didn't?" she replied.

"Hell no!" he cried. "What, are you nuts?"

"You talked about it. With my father."

He studied her for a minute, stunned by her words. "How do you know that?" he finally managed.

"Sensei told me."

He shook his head slowly. "It wasn't like that," he mumbled. "If he heard that, he didn't hear the whole story."

"What's the whole story?" she asked.

He sighed. "It was hard, Mica. I ain't gonna lie to you. And I vented at and to different people." He looked away. "But when it came right down to it... Mike asked me once if it would be worth it, to lose my identity in order to become human, and I told him I didn't know. I didn't then, but I do now. And believe me..." He looked back at her. He could feel the emotion building inside of him and he instinctively tried to fight it. It burned the back of his eyes with bitter tears and he blinked back the pain that wanted so badly to surface.

"I lost my brother," he whispered. He hesitated for a moment, choking on his own voice. "My best friend. I watched him suffer. I..." He looked away again, shaking his head as he struggled for words. "I heard him scream. I got his blood all over my hands. I saw him..." He closed his eyes for a moment and waited for the feelings to subside. He had too much pride to cry in front of her, but he knew he had to stop talking if he was going to hold back the tears.

"Nothing is worth that," he finally managed. "Not even life itself. I would have given anything to take his place."

Mica studied him for a moment, and nodded cutting her eyes down. She could tell it hurt him to say all that. And she could tell he meant every word of it.