Disclaimer: Characters: not mine. Plot: mine. No touchie! (Doesn't that movie rock? I mean, it's hilarious! Oh, well...)

A/N: School's on, and all that means is that I've got homework out the wazoo. Whatever that means. I'll try to update and such, but apologies in advance anyways.

Chapter One: An Introduction to the Art, and an Argument as to why it Should be Studied

Debate is the option when all else is forgone; the tool that can not be stolen, no matter how strong your opponent. Fighting With Words: the Last Resort will give you suggestions and rules as to conduct during a debate, but only with practice will you attain the mastery possible. Study hard, learn this book, and accomplish much.

"You have got to be joking."

"I'm serious! That's what it says!"

"Besides the fact that that was ridiculous, you're telling me that Dudley understood more than one word in ten?"

"Well, I had to translate a bit, but I've become quite accomplished in Oafish Brute over the years- you could nearly say that I'm bilingual!"

Ginny glared at Harry. "We're expected to learn debate from a book like that?"

"It gets a good bit better- let me read you some more ... where's that page?" Harry thumbed through the book, finally finding the section that he was looking for. "Try not to laugh. I've come to realize that they mean everything seriously, this as much as anything."

"What are you talking about? How bad can it be?"

He sighed. "You have no idea. Now listen...

One thing to note when debating is that brutish insults are not tolerated. Despite how satisfying they can be, misplaced remarks can very easily lose you a match. Do not refer to the opponent as any of the following:

1. A communist. Judges do not appreciate this, especially.

2. A jerk. Besides the fact that this is one of the most basic insults, and thus implies low intelligence, you should win your matches through brilliant arguments. Insults suggest that you do not believe that you can win

3. Stupid. Need we explain? See above.

4. Of any certain political party. They are arguing the case just as you are.

5. A fruit. If you believe them to be such, you must address them with their flavor. For instance, if you are in the process of defeating a particularly fruity opponent and don't wish to be bothered with other forms of address, you might call them Sir Banana, or Sir Plum, depending on which he appears to embody.

I need not tell you that if insults are the only way, disguise them in platitudes so they are not easily recognizable. This will often confuse and fluster any opposition, and, if your judge is rather thick, he might not notice.

"There. I told you."

"And I didn't believe you... I can't believe this!"

"Just you wait- it gets even better!" Ginny groaned, and Harry smiled sympathetically. "I'll let you off the hook for now- but just you wait! Until then, would you like to got to the lounge for some snacks? I've got some points saved up!"

"Ah! The Hogwarts date uses not money, but points! What a delightful way to insure that only those deserving can treat!"

Harry flushed a little as he looked at Ginny. "Um.. is this a date? I mean, I'd like it to be, because- I really like you- and we've been really close lately, but I wasn't sure if..."

"Sure Harry! I'd love to go out with you!" Ginny grinned and added, "Or at least, that's what you would have asked if you weren't so shocked. I've liked you for a long time now, and I'm not going to let you get out of it."

He smiled slightly, and held out his hand. "So, Ginny, would you like to go out with me?"

They walked together down the hall towards the lounge, hand in hand.

* * * * *

Ron was complaining to Hermione, Dean, Seamus, Parvati, and everyone else who stood still long enough for him to trap them. "I can't believe this! My little sister, waltzing around with him like a little- oh, how could he do this to me? She's young! Impressionable! Immature! She's not ready for a boyfriend! She's not old enough!"

Hermione had had enough. Walking over to Ron, she took his shoulders and kissed him, pulling away as soon as he started to enjoy it. "That will be the last kiss you'll get for some time unless you shut up about Ginny and Harry. One: She's as old as you were when you were gadding about with that Hufflepuff, whatever her name was. Two: She's far more mature now than you could ever hope to be- do not comment, you know that she's mature beyond her years. Three: She and Harry are perfect for each other. I seem to remember having a similar discussion about that earlier-"

It was amazing that Ron hadn't exploded before, and at this he lost any semblance of control. "They weren't kissing then, now were they?! Right in the lounge, where anyone could see them- it's a disgrace! She's tarnishing the family name!"

"Ron, for goodness' sake, shut up! I was serious about that- and you know that she's not tarnishing the family name. She's a prefect, which you are not, and she knows what is proper. Just because you saw them kissing and spilled your Pepsi again doesn't mean that it's wrong! You need to learn to control yourself!" Hermione blushed and quieted when she saw that they were being observed with interest by most of their year-mates.

Ron, however, didn't notice. He looked directly at Hermione, his moth already forming another argument, and suddenly melted. "I'm so sorry- you're right, of course you are. I can only wish for Ginny and Harry what I've found with you." He knelt before her. "Forgive me?"

Onlookers forgotten, Hermione pulled him up and kissed him hard. "Of course you are! Now you've got to go apologize to Ginny and Harry- she saw you storming out, you know."

"Do I have to?" Ron pleaded.

"Yes," she said sternly.

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Come on, Hermione, please?"

"You know that you've got to do it."

Everyone watching could only think how perfect they were for each other.

* * * * *

"The best way I know of to win an argument is to start by being in the right."

- Quintin McGarel Hogg, Viscount Hailsham, in the New York Times

A/N: I can't seem to write without sweetness and such! I mean, I like sweetness, but I thought that this would just be a humour thing, and (and I've started spelling words the British/ Canadian way- humour, colour- but that's beside the point) it's not! I mean, it is, but it's got sweetness, too. So that's going to be a secondary topic.

It's also going to be PG-13. I don't see any profanity coming, but for the kissing; well, better safe than sorry.

Please review! They are all so appreciated, and they make me feel happy all day! I glow! Seriously!

Tah!