Disclaimer: These characters are not mine. Nope. Not likely to be, either. Nope. But the plot is. Yep. And the Hogwarts student lounge. That is all mine. Yep. I'll let you in if you ask politely, but don't you dare touch my couch- I don't share couches. Well, maybe I would with Neal, or George, or Harry... Okay, back to the disclaimer: please do not sue me. I do not own anything that you would want. I mean, who wants my math assignments? My week old math assignments? No one, that's who. Exactly. End ramble. Apologies...

A/N: I'm trying to figure out how many chapters there'll be; it's not going to be a gigantic fic, I can tell you that- depends on how much I can write. I've got a couple ideas for accompaniment fics, when a debate club has been established... but I precede myself. Here it 'tis.

The inevitable was announced while Harry and Ginny were combing through various class averages and teacher profiles, entrenched behind stacks and stacks of dusty tomes.

The sneering voice was instantly recognizable, though it was unusual to hear it in the library. "All I can say is that Potter and that Weasley chit had better watch out- they've no chance against Snape, and even less of one against me."

"But Malfoy, what if they beat you?" Goyle's bumbling voice was filled with- nothing. He didn't have the brains to color it with any sort of emotion.

"Like that could happen- a muggle-raised, and a muggle-lover. They'll be lucky to not start bawling."

"Well, then why do you need to do any research?" This time Crabbe spoke, as usual full of questions.

"You'd do better to ask where the common room is, I heard that you got lost after supper last night. I don't need to research, but I want to show Snape what I can do. We won't need anything for the dim duo."

Harry nearly jumped out at this, and Ginny's vice-like grip was nearly not enough. "We don't have time to waste fighting with them right now; save it for next week. We need to concentrate!" She whispered desperately, knowing that Harry could get away if he wanted to. Luckily, he briskly nodded his acquiescence, and went back to his book.

Ginny looked at him for a moment before throwing her arms around him. He looked up at her and smiled reassuringly. "We can beat them, and we will. I know it. Malfoy never wins."

"Oh, but what if we don't? I'll never get to see you, you'll be in detention so much. It'll just be Hermione and me, moping around here and waiting for you-" He cut her off by pulling her face down to his and kissing her gently. She returned the kiss, sliding over to his lap and settling there.

"Don't forget," he whispered against her hair, "if we lose Snape is likely to give you just as many detentions. Maybe we'll even get to serve them together: two months of scrubbing floors side by side."

"With Ron there?" she asked with disgust.

He laughed, and set her carefully back in her own chair. "Okay, maybe not. That's why we have to get back to work."

"That's what I told you!"

He laughed again but did not comment, turning a page instead. They knew what they had to do.

* * * * *

Seamus and Dean were capitalizing on Snape's choice of Malfoy; very few had thought that he would go with a student.

"Yah, but he doesn't want it to be suggested that it was truly unfair. If it were two teachers, or two adults, then it would be terrible odds. Snape has an odd sense of ethics."

"That, or he doesn't want there to be any questions after Harry's been smashed to a bloody pulp."

"That too."

The Fat Lady had to interrupt the Gryffindor's discussion. "We paintings want our share- fifty-fifty."

"But we did all the work! It should be at least seventy-thirty!"

She glared at Seamus. "It was already decided. You wouldn't have been able to start without us backing you up."

"What do you want money for? It's not like you can buy anything."

This time Dean spoke. She glared with equal intensity at him. "We have our reasons. Touch-ups are expensive, you know, and we all would like some changes. Viola has a mole she wants seen to, Sir Cadogan has a tattoo, which he is finally going to have removed, and I- well- a few nips and tucks never hurt anyone."

Dean and Seamus were horrified. "So it's kind of the equivalent of plastic surgery?!"

"Too much information!"

She looked down at them with careful dignity and said, "Money, please."

"Wait- Did you say that Sir Cadogan had a tattoo?"

"Wicked!"

"What is it?"

"Money?"

They looked at each other and sighed. "Fifty-fifty on one condition- we get to see Sir Cadogan's tattoo," Dean said.

She eyed them carefully. "I'm not sure that that is prudent."

"What does that mean?"

Seamus suddenly smiled gleefully. "Maybe it's somewhere that's-"

"That is quite enough of that! It is nothing of that sort!" The Fat Lady looked quite rightfully disgusted.

Sir Cadogan chose this moment to come riding up into her painting. "Aren't giving you any trouble, are they? I knew that I should have been the one to bargain!"

She huffed slightly before responding. "We get fifty-fifty if you show them your tattoo. I must say that I find it a perfectly fine bargain."

At this the stalwart knight flushed slightly around the ears. "Yes, well..."

"Come on, Sir Cadogan! Please?" The two boys tried their best to cajole the knight into a viewing, with the Fat Lady watching with ill-concealed interest. Finally he caved.

"It- it was a bad decision to have it done. I- Oh, blast it." He started to pull up a cuff, when he suddenly demanded, "Money first!"

Dean set the jingling bag of gold down and looked at him expectantly.

He pulled the sleeve up, slowly.

The Fat Lady moved so as to have a better view.

Seamus held a wizard's camera, (he always carried one around, just in case someone was caught in a compromising condition) ready to pull it out and take a picture.

The cloth's hem was finally pulled up to reveal a drawing, a very colorful and very detailed drawing. Seamus snapped a picture before focusing on the image. He blinked away the flash, then turned to Dean, eyes wide with shock.

They both fainted.

* * * * *

Parvati Patil and Lavender Brown sat together at a table in Professor Trelawney's extravagant classroom. Each was hunched over a silver sphere, and each was concentrating on 'unfogging the future', as the textbook's title so rightly was.

Parvati suddenly let out an exclamation which brought Trelawney running over. "I see it! I see it!"

"What is it, my girl? What do you see? Can you interpret it?"

Lavender tugged at Parvati's arm. "Come on, tell us what you saw!"

She took a deep breath, shoulders still heaving in what could have been laughter or sobs. "It- it looked like Sir Cadogan- and-"

Lavender started to shake her. "It couldn't have been that bad!"

Parvati looked up at her, eyes filled with tears. "Sir Cadogan has a tattoo! It's the most detailed thing-" she hiccoughed and tried to breathe again.

"Are you laughing?" Lavender asked.

Professor Trelawney shook her head slowly. "It's so sad to see them go so young." The two girls looked at her. "I've seen this before- the sight drives a girl mad before her training is complete. I believe that you should drop divination, my dear- before the situation becomes irreversible."

"But it's true! I really saw it!" Parvati protested. "I'm not mad!"

"Don't be silly, dear- whoever heard of a painting having a tattoo?" The professor patted Parvati's shoulder lightly. "I imagine it must be a bit of a shock to you, but don't worry. I'll speak with Professor McGonagall, and she'll place you somewhere where you won't need to be so stressed."

"He really does! I saw him! On him!"

Lavender nodded sadly over at Professor Trelawney, then led the still protesting Parvati out of the room and to the stepladder. "Don't worry about it Parvati, some people just have more trouble than others. You'll find something else to do!"

"You don't understand! I really saw it!"

Their voices echoed down the hall.

A/N: Okay, that was a bit unexpected. I had no idea that the paintings were so vain! And Sir Cadogan- well, I must admit, I'm certainly shocked! Whatever is that tattoo?

Isn't Trelawney a dork? (Okay, maybe not a dork, but...) I can just see her hustling everyone who is the slightest threat to her all-seeing power away.

Harry/Ginny sweetness. I like that pairing, but then, I like a lot of them. This one is a lot of fun to write, though.

Thanks to Harry Potter, my reviewer! I really appreciate it!

Tah!