Note: The character I mention, Mariko (name corrected as of 12/16), is someone my "research team" told me about. So as far as I know, she actually existed in the X-men universe, an old flame of Logan's. If I got her name wrong, I'm sorry, but that's the name I was told. All other mistakes are due to ignorance. I apologize in advance.
---
Chapter 2 – On the Road Again
--
It was still dim when Raven awoke, but growing lighter; the starched linen curtains seemed to glow faintly. She blinked her eyes; they were sticky from sleep, and it was hard to get them open. Logan's face, no more than a few inches from her own, came slowly into focus. He still slept, his brow furrowed slightly. Raven hoped his dreams were peaceful; Rogue had told her what happened to her, so long ago, when she woke him from evil dreams. Raven kissed him, and the lines smoothed out, his face becoming untroubled and calm.
She closed her eyes once more and snuggled close, relishing the feeling of his strong arms holding her tightly to him. The night before had been wonderful, amazing. He was passionate, intense, almost animalistic, yet tender and loving. She cherished the memory, hoped there would be many more like it, and like this one. She could hear some of the winter birds chirping outside. It was growing lighter outside, promising a bright, clear day. She was warm and safe and comfortable, together with the one she loved. Raven sincerely hoped this wasn't going to be their last moment of peace together; she worried about what the day would bring.
Would he even remember? She had no idea if this would make a difference, that his memory would be jogged any better by seeing the places he had been. After all, if he had healed everything away, sealed up parts of his brain, what good would any quasi-psychological methods do? And if it didn't do any good, what then? Try at the next place? Give up? And what would that mean for us? She wondered. He loves me, or thinks he does, but what will happen if things don't pan out? Even if I tell him everything... well what use am I then?
Raven extricated herself from Logan's protective embrace and got up. She moved over to the window and pulled the curtains back to look outside. The window looked out into the woods. Bare trees dusted with snow stood among clusters of evergreens. The sky was a perfect blue. A good omen, she hoped. There was also another way it could go: he could remember, and the knowledge could be so terrible that he'd just reflexively seal it away again, or worse... she didn't want to even think about him going mad, or going feral, or sealing everything away altogether. She didn't think she'd be able to bear looking into his eyes and seeing them stare blankly at her, seeing her as a stranger.
Cold emanated from the window, and she crossed her arms over her chest, hugging herself against it. Suddenly she felt very afraid and alone.
Raven? came a voice in her mind, a voice she recognized.
Professor? she thought in response. She always felt strangely naked when the professor spoke to her mentally, and now that she was actually naked it felt even stranger.
Raven, I'm not interrupting anything am I? I just wanted to check in and see if you two are doing all right.
Raven smiled, though she knew he couldn't see it. We're fine. Logan's still asleep.
Have you gotten anywhere?
No, we haven't gotten to Alberta yet. She tried not to think of the trouble they'd had the night before, which of course didn't work. She winced, waited for Xavier to mention it. He didn't. We're heading out this morning though, after breakfast.
Well I'm glad to hear you two are doing well. Good luck. Oh, I almost forgot: Kitty asked me to forward a message to you. She says, "You lucky girl! Make sure to take care of our Wolvie or we'll kick your butt when you get back! We miss you! Love, the Sisterhood." There was a pause. The Sisterhood, hm?
She really said that? Well tell her I'm doing the best I can, and I won't let them down.
I will. He sounded amused. Good luck, Raven. I hope everything works out.
Thank you, Professor. The connection ended. Raven jumped as Logan embraced her.
"Didn't mean to startle ya," he apologized.
"Yes you did; you snuck up on me," she admonished him lightly. She leaned back against his chest. "I was talking to Professor X."
"And what did ol' Chuck have to say?"
"Nothing much, just checking up. He wished us luck, gave me a message from Kitty—"
"Really?"
"Yeah. She told me to take care of you or else," Raven laughed. "Although it's you who's taking care of me. So, should we get a move on?"
"In a minute," Logan murmured, kissing her neck. He held her close, one arm around her chest, the other around her waist, his hand resting lightly on her stomach. Raven felt a stab of anxiety. They hadn't used any protection the night before, didn't have any. She had lost her birth control pills sometime during the scuffle at the bar; they must have fallen out of her purse. Well I only skipped one night; the chances are still in my favor, she assured herself. God I hope so at least.
"You just tensed up. What're ya thinkin' about?" he asked.
"Nothing," she sighed, "just general worrying." She withdrew reluctantly from the embrace and started getting dressed. Shrugging, he pulled on his clothes as well.
"Honey, I don't know why ya worry so much. Everything's gonna be fine," Logan assured her. "Now let's get some breakfast and get outta here."
"I sure hope so," she murmured to herself, under her breath.
----
An hour later they were back on the road, making their way west. The day stayed bright, though not any warmer than it had been. Raven shivered; the truck hadn't quite warmed up yet, and although Logan was smoking another cigar, the cold kept her from cracking the window. She was in better spirits than she had been, though her stomach flip-flopped whenever she thought of what may lie ahead.
"Hey, I have a question," she piped up.
"Shoot."
"Why didn't you just tell that lady that I was your daughter? You wouldn't have had to make up all that stuff about the ring and being married and all."
Logan thought, puffed on his cigar some more. "If it had been one of the other girls, I would've gotten a separate room," he replied. "Why the hell would I be sleepin' in the same bed as my grown daughter?"
"Good point. Man I'm an idiot," Raven laughed, embarrassed, shaking her head. "What the hell is wrong with me? It's like I can't keep my head straight lately. Too many other things I'm thinking about, I guess."
"Well we did have a scare last night too. That'll do it to anyone."
"Mm," she agreed. "Damn, changing into a raven is useful, but you know what I wish I had? A katana. I remember our sparring, that was fun."
"You were good at it too. 'Course if you had a katana, ya know ya wouldn't be able to just carry it around everywhere," he reminded her.
"I know," Raven sighed. "But maybe I could take it on missions or something. That would kick so much ass. Even if I just had it to hang on my wall or something."
"Tell ya what," Logan offered, "I'll get you one."
"A real one?"
"Yeah, a real Japanese one, not one of those made in Spain things."
"Man, whatever Lola wants, Lola gets, huh?" Raven chuckled.
"Heh. Sure, next time I go to Japan," he promised. Logan's eyes got a faraway look; he looked pained. "I didn't go last year," he muttered.
Raven reached over and squeezed his knee. "Well, you can make it up by taking two body parts from that bastard this year, right? Like his balls, if you haven't yet."
"Bloodraven..."
"I know, I'm sorry. I know how much it means to you. And no, before you ask, I don't think there's anything weird about that. I don't know why you think I'm such a jealous girl."
"I wasn't gonna—" he protested.
"Yeah, you were. Geez, you say I worry too much," Raven marveled. "I know you, remember? I know what you felt for her, I know why you made that vow, I know why you carry it out faithfully—"
"Not last year. I failed."
"You're too hard on yourself. I'm sure that Mariko would understand, from what I know of her through you. I mean hell, it's not like it just slipped your mind. You were otherwise occupied. Logan—" her grip tightened, and he looked at her, "the dead don't need our help as much as the living do, remember that."
"How did ya get so wise, eh?"
Raven folded her arms and gave him a smug smile. "I think you taught me a lot more than you're aware of, Wolverine." She smiled at him fondly. "I know you'd do the same for any one of us. What reason would I have to feel jealous, eh? Hell, you killed four men for me and I'm still alive and unharmed. You know I'd even offer to help, but I know it's a personal thing."
They were silent for a while, Logan driving, his gaze straight ahead, lost deep in thought. Raven played absently with her knife and watched the scenery go by out the window. "It's creepy when I think about how much you know about me," he said, breaking the silence.
"Yeah?" Raven replied, still leaning her head against the window, gazing off into nothingness. "Does it make you feel exposed? 'Cause it makes me feel like I've been reading your diary or something. Only it's a diary you misplaced, or wrote in a language you've long forgotten and only I can understand.
"There are some things that a person shouldn't know about another person, especially a person you love. Not just everything about old flames, old relationships, but how it felt, what you were thinking. It's a burden sometimes." She rubbed her forehead with her fingers as though she had a headache. "Like I said before, it's like some kind of freaky mind-meld, like there's no difference between my memories and yours."
"Darlin', if anyone hasta have my memories, I'm glad it's you," Logan told her. "Ya don't use 'em against me. You wanna help me."
"You're glad we got together?"
"Yeah—"
"No regrets?"
"No, Raven. Why are you asking?" he turned his head to look at her, confused. Shaking his head, he pulled over to the side of the road and shut the truck off. "All right, I ain't startin' this truck up again until ya tell me what the hell's wrong with you. It's like everything's comin' together and you're fallin' apart."
"I don't know," she whined. "I just can't shake this bad feeling. I'm worried, Logan."
"Worried about what? Worried about what'll happen if I remember? That I won't need you anymore?" He took her by the shoulders. "Raven, I'll always need you. You complete me, and it's not just 'cause of the memories you hold. You're my memory, but that's not all that you are to me!" He was angry now, and frustrated. "What can I do to make you believe me?" he demanded.
Logan released Raven's shoulders and shed his coat. "What are you doing?" she asked. "Logan?" He didn't answer her, rolled up his sleeve. *Snikt* the claws slid out. On his face was an expression of fierce determination. "Logan!" Raven cried. He steeled himself and, with one swift motion, drew the blades across his bicep.
Fearful tears streamed down Raven's face as she watched blood well up from the wounds. "Why?" she wept.
"Taste it, Bloodraven. Quick, before it heals," he growled, teeth clenched against the pain. "I want you to know, and I guess this is the only way I can prove it to you."
She leaned forward, trembling, eyes closed, stuck out her tongue and pressed it against the wounds, licking up the blood. She tasted his emotions, his memories, his thoughts. It overpowered her; usually tasting prompted only a quick loss of orientation, a momentary flicker, but these memories added to and overlapped the ones that were already such a part of her. It was like throwing gasoline onto a flame. She doubled over, crying out. The old memories melted into the background, the new ones rising up like endless freeze frames, with audio and emotional feeds, thoughts running like a tangled commentary. She could taste what he had been feeling in her dorm room, what he had felt all along since he saved her, what he thought of everything, what he had been feeling the night before, what he was thinking now, motives, purposes, intentions. It hit her like a wave and sucked her under. He loved her, that was certain; it was the most certain thing of all. But he was hurt too, hurt that she worried, hurt that she doubted, hurt that she didn't trust him.
"I do trust you!" she gasped against the flood. She shook with sobs, drowning, waiting for it to subside, to sink to a tolerable level. "James, I'm so sorry!"
"Raven, darlin', are you okay?" he asked, concerned. He held her tightly, stroked her hair. "I didn't mean to hurt ya, darlin', I swear. Please tell me you're all right."
Raven reached out with a trembling hand, rubbed his arm. The skin was smooth, unharmed, unscarred. "You hurt yourself for me. Why?" Tears still streamed down her cheeks; he wiped them away, kissed them away.
"Why ask questions that ya know the answers to? You oughta understand I'd do anything for you," he whispered fiercely.
"And here you were just saying how creepy it was that I knew as much as I did. Now I know everything up to this moment. You trust me so much," she murmured. "I wish I could do the same for you."
"I don't need some kinda transfer of memories to know you, Raven, or to know that your love for me is true," Logan replied. "Now please, stop worryin'. If we're gonna do this thing, I need you." He looked deep into her honey-colored eyes.
"All right, I'm okay," Raven replied, drawing away and wiping her eyes on her sleeve. "I'm not afraid anymore. I can do this. I'll be there for you, Logan," she promised. "And I'm sorry—"
"Hush. Let's just get goin'." He started up the truck again and pulled back onto the road. "Everything's gonna be fine."
----
To be continued...
---
I'm not sure what I'm doing for chapter 3 yet. I don't want to go revealing all the plot of the Origins book. For those who are enjoying this series, you'll be happy to know I've thought of at least 3 sequel stories. I don't know how quickly I'll be getting around to all of them though...
I hope you liked chapter 2. Please remember to review!