Title: The End is the Beginning
Series: Through My Eyes 7/7
* Disclaimer in part one*
Previous parts can be found at:
*******************
Love is Blindness. Three small words with so much meaning and clarity inside them. Scott is right of course because it is blindness. It is the one thing that can put us in danger more than any other vice on the planet. In a sense it is the most destructive weapon in anyone's arsenal. I see that now. Love is what we hold as the highest emotion. It is universally celebrated, and the death of love is deemed sorrowful enough to refer to as heartbreak.
I see Jean and Scott right now and I can feel their pain. Jean is projecting so strongly, and I want nothing more than to tell her that everything will be all right, that she and Scott will get over this and go on with their lives. But I can't do that too her, I love her too much to hurt her. Though it pains me to see her struggling with this, I know I can't interfere with what is to be. Scott and Jean are adults, not the lost children I took in all those years ago. Everybody is rooting for them to pull through this, but it will not be easy.
I know Scott lays part of the blame with me, he would like to perhaps blame me completely but he is too noble and level headed for such theatrics. I haven't spoken to Scott since he was in my office yesterday, but I have thought of little else since our conversation. I remember when he and Jean became a couple, she was 28 and he was barely 20. They were lucky to have Ororo as a friend. She was the one who got them together and assured them that the age difference would matter to nobody. All we, as their friends and family wanted for them was their happiness. It's the most we can ask for the ones we love.
Ororo is trying to be there for everybody, and not concerning herself with her own emotions. I have noticed her spending an extended amount of time with Rogue in the last few days. I feel it is good for her; the other children have been rather distant towards her since the encounter with Wolverine. Bobby and St. John have been the exceptions, and I pray their befriending of her will influence the others quickly. I don't feel that she is in any danger of being completely alone though. The Wolverine has taken a keen interest in her, which I feel is a magnificent thing. They could both benefit from some attention and I think they are a good match, or will be one day.
I admit it was disconcerting to speak to Rogue a day after the event. Her speech patterns were disturbingly like Erik's and Logan's. However, after working with Jean, Rogue is finally back to herself and is to meet with me in about an hour. I truly hope she chooses to stay on here. I think it would benefit her and the team eventually should she choose to go down that road. I have no designs for her future, but I can't deny that I think she would be a great asset with a few years of training. I'd understand though if she didn't wish to join us, but I am an optimist at heart.
The tangled love lives of the inhabitants of this mansion have always been a cause for happiness and at times worry, but never so much as now. We have all been forced to look at the dark side of love and examine if we have it in us to carry on. Sacrifices will need to be made at many ends. Love always requires sacrifice, even when it is a pure sacrifice. Love can be a beautiful thing and it always has an element of magic too it.
But if we're not careful it can consume us and twist a beautiful thing into something ugly. Love can lead us to abuse, manipulation, death and hate. I have seen the happy things that love brings, the caring, the intimacy, the friendship and just generally feeling content. I am afraid that that time is over for us. I am afraid that it has been over for a long time and I was too blind to see it.
Erik has manipulated me. He's been using me to gain information about the X-Men, and I am ashamed to say he succeeded. I told him more than I ever should have. It is an unleveled playing field that my team is on and it is entirely my fault. Erik is intelligent enough to devise a way to track the X-Jet. He knew they would be there and he knew how to trap them. I failed to see what his motivations were for asking the questions. I failed my team for not being vigilant enough to know what was happening. It is a mistake I can't afford to make again.