Author: Squeaky
Title: Who's that guy?
Spoilers: None that I know of really.
Disclaimer: I own none of the characters from Buffy. They belong to Joss and Mutant Enemy. I own none of the characters or plots from Grease 2. They belong to whoever thought of them in the first place. Peace Love and Crabs.
Author's Note: Thanks for all the reviews again. This chappy goes to Jenkynon5000 and kingohearts. Well here you go, in this chapter the class talks about reproduction with Giles. Peace Love and Crabs.
6. Reproduction
Inside Giles's Science Class
Giles is drawing a picture of one of the reproductive organs on the board. He turns around to the class and says pointing to the picture:
"Reproduction. It's, it's very simple, but yet very important," he says while taking off his glasses to clean them, "Does anyone know what time of the month is the best time for a woman to conceive. Um. Mr. uhh, Jaworksi."
Conner just looks frightened so he says, "Uhh, what's conceive?"
"Oh well you know to be fertile," Giles says cleaning his glasses again, "What's the best time?"
"Ask Nogerelli," Conner says while Angel closes his Playboy Magazine.
"Mr. Nogerelli?" Giles asks.
"Um, um. Ask Oz."
"Mr. uh, Oz?" Giles asks.
"Uh, ax DiMucci," Oz says pointing to Xander.
"Mr. DiMucci?" Giles asks.
"What?" Xander asks, totally clueless again.
"Conceive, what is the best time?" he asks cleaning his glasses again.
"At night, in the basement," Xander says making Angel laugh.
"Okay, well I can see we are not getting very far..."Giles says walking back to his desk.
"Well me and Xander get far, he gives me many orgasms," Anya says making Angel and the whole class laugh again, while Ms. Calendar walks into the room.
"Good morning everybody," she says which gets a response out of Angel and Conner.
"Morning, Giles" she says while handing him an envelope.
"Morning. Why don't we just start at the beginning? Page one."
"Open your book," Ms. Calendar says.
"Where do babies come from?" he says.
"If you need me I'll be right over here," Ms. Calendar says and walks over to a chair.
"Uh we need an example," Oz says and Giles begins to sing about the parts of a flower.
Giles: The parts of a flower are so constructed that very, very often the wind will cause pollination. If not, then a bee or any other nectar-gathering creature can create the same situation.
Yes, anything that gets the pollen to the pistils, write it on the list. I'll try to make it crystal clear, the flower's insatiable passion turns its life into a circus of debauchery!!!
Now you see just how the stamen gets its lusty dust onto the stigma. And why this frenzied chlorophyllous orgy starts in spring is no enigma...
We call this quest for satisfaction a what, class?
Druscilla and Harmony: A photo-periodic reaction!
Giles: Oh, that's good, that's very good
Guys: Reproduction Girls: Reproduction. Put your pollen tube to work
Guys: Reproduction Girls: Reproduction. Make my stamen go berserk
Guys: Reproduction Girls: I don't think they even know what a pistil is!
Guys: I got your pistil right here....
Oz: Where does the pollen go?
Giles: Next chapter, In an abstract way, the same thing applies
To the reproductive organs of the more complex life forms.
But now we are dealing with sexual response.
Are there any questions before we begin reading?
Guy: Is it possible the female member of some sex on a couch Could like get this guy all hot and she never even knew it?
Giles: Negative
Guy: When a warm-blooded mammal in a tight little sweater Starts pullin' that stuff, is she sayin' that she wants to do it?
Guy: Can't prove it by me, cause they change their tune When you got 'em in the back seat
Guy: With his heart beatin' fast!
Druscilla and Harmony: They make it sound like a track meet, gross!
T-Birds: Yeah, then all they can do is say (In a girlie voice) "No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!"
Girls (in a guy's voice): Reproduction Guys (in a girl's voice): Reproduction
Girls (in a guy's voice): Baby give it to me now.
Guys: Reproduction Girls: Reproduction
Guys (in a girl's voice): Is that all you think about?
Guys: Reproduction Girls: Come on baby show me that you really love me so!
Guy: Ohh I think I'm gonna throw up!
Oz: Where does the pollen go?
Giles: The human is the only being capable of consciously controlling its number of offspring. Any comments on this?
Cordelia: Mr. Giles, is it true that guys like you, you know, mature and all, Carry some protection with them for sexual occasions?
Angel: What's the big deal? Can't a girl just do that thing in a book where she adds up the days of her, uh, what do you call it, mentalstration?
Girl: Oh, that's really neat! Yeah, and what will the guy say when the numbers don't add up right, huh?
During some of this song William catches Buffy looking at him, but she doesn't blush she just keeps looking then begins to sing with everyone else.
Guys: Reproduction Girls: Reproduction. Hope he's proud of what he's done
Guys: Reproduction Girls: Reproduction
Guys: He was only pokin' fun
Everyone: Reproduction
Xander (while holding up a bunny, A/N: no pun intended. haha): See what happens when a boy and girl don't know how to play it safe?/
Guys: Reproduction Girls: Reproduction
Reproduction Reproduction
Reproduction Reproduction
Everyone: Reproduction
Oz: Where does the pollen go?
Everyone sits down and starts to laugh. The bell rings and everyone files out of the classroom.
"Learn anything Buff?" Conner asks as Angel grabs one of the girls, who yelps and runs off.
"Hey what's the rush? Ya gotta take a pill?" Angel asks.