Arms closed around Harry as he whimpered, caught in the throes of another nightmare. "I'm sorry," he whispered, even as he moved closer to the heat surrounding him.
"For what? There is no reason for you to be sorry, Harry-love."
That wasn't part of his nightmare. No, his apologies were supposed to be laughed at, thrown back into his face. Slowly, he opened his eyes, to see silver-gray eyes staring into his own. "Draco." He blinked, noticing the sunlight pouring into the room. "What time is it? How long have you been here?"
"It's nearly noon, and I've been here since about eight or so." Draco frowned a little. "I'd have been here earlier, but Professor Snape insisted that I needed to eat."
"You do," Harry agreed. "You can't allow yourself to get sick over me." He left unspoken how unworthy he felt of anyone's concern.
Draco knew, however. His eyes narrowed. "If I can't allow myself to get sick from not eating, then you can't do so, either. And don't try to tell me you're not worth it-you are!"
Harry sighed. "I try to remember that, but...it's these damn dreams. They're always different, but the same, too."
"What do you mean?" Draco slipped back into what Harry had begun secretly terming 'mother-hen mode.'
"Like just now. It was different than every other dream I've had, but...it was the same. It's always my fault. Remus-I just dreamed that he's hospitalized because of me-that he's not coming back because he can't stand to see me-that I killed Sirius."
Harry began to cry and collapsed into Draco's embrace. "I feel like I'm falling apart, Draco. Nothing changes. Madam Pomfrey treats me like I'm made of spun glass and will shatter if someone looks at me wrong. Snape pities me, and I don't know how you can stand to love me. Every time I look around this room, I just see it as it was right after the battle, filled with the wounded, the dying, and the dead. Their ghosts haunt me. I want to leave this place, Draco. I want to heal, but I can't here. There's nothing physically wrong with me-why am I still here?"
Draco couldn't say anything. All he could do was continue to stroke Harry's hair and be a comforting presence. Truth be told, he had wondered the same thing. Harry was as physically healed as he could get, and, as well meaning as the mediwitch was, he didn't think sleeping potions and bed rest were the answer. "Where do you want to go, Harry? Back to Gryffindor?"
"No! I'm-I'm not ready for them yet. I don't know where I want to go, just that I have to."
"How about you come home?" asked a deep voice from the foot of Harry's bed.
Harry stiffened in Draco's arms. "I'm dreaming, right?" he asked shakily. "I didn't just hear Remus-did I?"
Draco turned and was greeted with the gold eyes of his former DADA teacher. "Yes," he whispered. "Yes, you did." He drew back, allowing Harry an unobstructed view.
Remus' eyes filled with tears as he looked upon Harry's pale face. "Harry," he whispered.
Harry couldn't speak, just opened his arms, arms that Remus practically flew into. "Oh my boy," Remus murmured into Harry's hair. "I'm so sorry."
Harry drew back. "What do you have to apologize for?" he asked. A shadow fell over his eyes. "I'm the one responsible for Sirius dying, after all."
"Oh, Harry-no!" Remus caught the boy up in his arms again. "You did nothing. Sirius-" he choked a little on the name-"made his own choice. He chose to give his life in order to protect yours."
"But...I know how much you miss him...."
Remus appeared at a loss for words. Draco stepped in. "And you miss him any less? Do you not mourn your godfather, love?"
Harry looked down at his lap. "More than you can imagine."
"Harry, look at me." Harry's chin was gently grasped so that his eyes met Remus'. "I made a mistake. Sirius' death...hit me hard, and I allowed myself to be consumed. I forgot that others missed him as well...especially you. I should've been there for you Harry. Albus has told me what has been going on here...and I wish that I had been brave enough to be there for you."
"You and me both," Draco murmured under his breath.
Remus shot a look at Draco. "And what is that supposed to me?" he asked mildly.
"Nothing-it's just that everyone is sorry *now*. Everyone feels bad *now*, and everyone wants to do something *now*. Where were all of you when Harry was falling apart little by little? Where were you when Harry stopped defending himself, because he was forced to carry the world on his shoulders? Where was all the support then?" Draco stopped talking and just stared.
"Draco, don't." Harry gently pushed Remus aside and, for the first time since he had landed in that hospital bed, stood.
Draco's anger quickly turned to worry. "Harry-"
Harry shook his head. On shaking legs, he walked over to Draco and touched his cheek gently. "Thank you for defending me," he said softly, "but...I'm trying to forget the past. Maybe they weren't there then, but they're here now, and that's what counts."
"You always have forgiven too easily," Draco responded, placing his hand over Harry's.
"I agree with Draco," Remus commented. "I don't know if I'll ever forgive myself, personally, but your forgiveness means a lot." He cast a critical eye on Harry. "I suspect that many people have been telling you what's best for you of late, am I right, Harry?"
He nodded. "I feel so...fragile, and I don't want to feel that way."
"Well then, tell me-what do you want?"
Harry looked up at Remus, green eyes shining. "I want to go home, Remus."
Remus smiled. "Then we'll make that happen."
Draco looked a little doubtful. "What about school?" he asked. 'What about me? I don't want to let him go...but if he wants Remus....'
"I'll arrange something with the Headmaster." Remus looked over at Draco and saw the way that he was regarding Harry. 'I wonder.... I'll have to talk to Albus about that, as well.'
He failed Harry once. He wasn't going to do that a second time. Not if he could help it.
**********
"For what? There is no reason for you to be sorry, Harry-love."
That wasn't part of his nightmare. No, his apologies were supposed to be laughed at, thrown back into his face. Slowly, he opened his eyes, to see silver-gray eyes staring into his own. "Draco." He blinked, noticing the sunlight pouring into the room. "What time is it? How long have you been here?"
"It's nearly noon, and I've been here since about eight or so." Draco frowned a little. "I'd have been here earlier, but Professor Snape insisted that I needed to eat."
"You do," Harry agreed. "You can't allow yourself to get sick over me." He left unspoken how unworthy he felt of anyone's concern.
Draco knew, however. His eyes narrowed. "If I can't allow myself to get sick from not eating, then you can't do so, either. And don't try to tell me you're not worth it-you are!"
Harry sighed. "I try to remember that, but...it's these damn dreams. They're always different, but the same, too."
"What do you mean?" Draco slipped back into what Harry had begun secretly terming 'mother-hen mode.'
"Like just now. It was different than every other dream I've had, but...it was the same. It's always my fault. Remus-I just dreamed that he's hospitalized because of me-that he's not coming back because he can't stand to see me-that I killed Sirius."
Harry began to cry and collapsed into Draco's embrace. "I feel like I'm falling apart, Draco. Nothing changes. Madam Pomfrey treats me like I'm made of spun glass and will shatter if someone looks at me wrong. Snape pities me, and I don't know how you can stand to love me. Every time I look around this room, I just see it as it was right after the battle, filled with the wounded, the dying, and the dead. Their ghosts haunt me. I want to leave this place, Draco. I want to heal, but I can't here. There's nothing physically wrong with me-why am I still here?"
Draco couldn't say anything. All he could do was continue to stroke Harry's hair and be a comforting presence. Truth be told, he had wondered the same thing. Harry was as physically healed as he could get, and, as well meaning as the mediwitch was, he didn't think sleeping potions and bed rest were the answer. "Where do you want to go, Harry? Back to Gryffindor?"
"No! I'm-I'm not ready for them yet. I don't know where I want to go, just that I have to."
"How about you come home?" asked a deep voice from the foot of Harry's bed.
Harry stiffened in Draco's arms. "I'm dreaming, right?" he asked shakily. "I didn't just hear Remus-did I?"
Draco turned and was greeted with the gold eyes of his former DADA teacher. "Yes," he whispered. "Yes, you did." He drew back, allowing Harry an unobstructed view.
Remus' eyes filled with tears as he looked upon Harry's pale face. "Harry," he whispered.
Harry couldn't speak, just opened his arms, arms that Remus practically flew into. "Oh my boy," Remus murmured into Harry's hair. "I'm so sorry."
Harry drew back. "What do you have to apologize for?" he asked. A shadow fell over his eyes. "I'm the one responsible for Sirius dying, after all."
"Oh, Harry-no!" Remus caught the boy up in his arms again. "You did nothing. Sirius-" he choked a little on the name-"made his own choice. He chose to give his life in order to protect yours."
"But...I know how much you miss him...."
Remus appeared at a loss for words. Draco stepped in. "And you miss him any less? Do you not mourn your godfather, love?"
Harry looked down at his lap. "More than you can imagine."
"Harry, look at me." Harry's chin was gently grasped so that his eyes met Remus'. "I made a mistake. Sirius' death...hit me hard, and I allowed myself to be consumed. I forgot that others missed him as well...especially you. I should've been there for you Harry. Albus has told me what has been going on here...and I wish that I had been brave enough to be there for you."
"You and me both," Draco murmured under his breath.
Remus shot a look at Draco. "And what is that supposed to me?" he asked mildly.
"Nothing-it's just that everyone is sorry *now*. Everyone feels bad *now*, and everyone wants to do something *now*. Where were all of you when Harry was falling apart little by little? Where were you when Harry stopped defending himself, because he was forced to carry the world on his shoulders? Where was all the support then?" Draco stopped talking and just stared.
"Draco, don't." Harry gently pushed Remus aside and, for the first time since he had landed in that hospital bed, stood.
Draco's anger quickly turned to worry. "Harry-"
Harry shook his head. On shaking legs, he walked over to Draco and touched his cheek gently. "Thank you for defending me," he said softly, "but...I'm trying to forget the past. Maybe they weren't there then, but they're here now, and that's what counts."
"You always have forgiven too easily," Draco responded, placing his hand over Harry's.
"I agree with Draco," Remus commented. "I don't know if I'll ever forgive myself, personally, but your forgiveness means a lot." He cast a critical eye on Harry. "I suspect that many people have been telling you what's best for you of late, am I right, Harry?"
He nodded. "I feel so...fragile, and I don't want to feel that way."
"Well then, tell me-what do you want?"
Harry looked up at Remus, green eyes shining. "I want to go home, Remus."
Remus smiled. "Then we'll make that happen."
Draco looked a little doubtful. "What about school?" he asked. 'What about me? I don't want to let him go...but if he wants Remus....'
"I'll arrange something with the Headmaster." Remus looked over at Draco and saw the way that he was regarding Harry. 'I wonder.... I'll have to talk to Albus about that, as well.'
He failed Harry once. He wasn't going to do that a second time. Not if he could help it.
**********