I have just received notice that Arwen and Aragorn are to visit Mirkwood to ask my father Thranduil for privileges to Nefloss and Alackgrist. Those are the two finest steeds in all of Mirkwood and I'm sure father wouldn't dare give them up to those two mindless twits. Oh, how I dread their arrival. Yrch! Later that day: Arwen and Aragorn are now frolicking somewhere with their gay hormones. I bet they're off trying to create a reject of a family at this very moment. How I shudder at the thought. Lady Evenstar has evidently bleached her hair highlighter blonde. It blinds me just to look at her. Make the ugliness go away! I think the blonde dye has seeped deep into her skull and has corrupted her pea brained little brain. Aragorn doesn't seem to mind, but what else would you expect from a man whose best quality is his ass-chin. Following Evening: Father caved! The horses are now lacking decent masters for they now belong to Undomiel and Talkontar! I mustn't let this happen. Those greedy little thieves stole the precious steeds.and for that they must PAY! Oh my, I do sound like a much better looking Gollum. I must try to contain my rage. But first.off to brush thy silky hair. After having a sophisticated conversation with father (which consists of the tossing of lembas and daggers), I finally got the explanation I requested. Thranduil only gave the mares up because Arwen was going through an endless sob fest and Aragorn was singing mournful songs. Now every elf knows that Aragorn sings like a constipated hobbit. I don't blame father for caving to his will. That Night: I've made my decision. I'll steal the horses and ride off to the misty mountains where Glorfindel and Baglithiel dwell. They have maintained a humble domain there where they can get away from annoying elves like Arwen. Glorfindel despises her the most. He says that one day he'll send all the stallions in middle earth to trample her. "Stuttering Balrog with Horse Thighs" is what he calls her. I try not to disrespect fellow elves openly, but dwarves are another story. My last encounter with Gimli, son of Gloin left me scarred for eternity. He tried to molest my bow.but luckily I stabbed his side with one of my arrows. I rode off before his pervy mind could rape anything else. Baglithiel seems to fancy me. She constantly strokes my leg when I sit next to her, and always threatens to take my underwear hostage. Maybe she's joking with me, but I find her queer sense of humor quite disturbing. I think she has also stolen my orc plushie. Doesn't she realize the significance of that stuffed orc? It was given to me by my ex lover, Haldir. I miss you babe, without you.my life is incomplete. To thy own heart be true. No elf will fill your place. I shall remain Legolas, the loner elf and will be full of sorrow forever. Namaarie melda.