Warnings: shounen ai (2+1), first person (Duo to Heero), written in the aftermath of having read A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man
Disclaimer: Not mine, just borrowing.
by M.E. (Magnificent Entity)
Epiphany #3: Missed Chance
Then it all ended, at long last. We were free to pursue our own designs, not simply follow those paths already laid out for us. Different interests call to us, and we all set out to pursue different goals. Except for you and me. Before, we had decided that, whatever fate had in store for us, we would seek it together.
But for some reason it didn't work out that way. You went on ahead, chasing after your dreams, and I was left behind, alone. Forgotten. No dream in mind, no future, no aspirations.
Strangely enough, it was during a spell of half consciousness, one that I barely remember, that I realized the truth of the matter. I would not be following you. Instead, I would always be left behind, having had my one chance and missed it. I would not be riding off into the sunset beside you, and I would never get a chance to tell you how I felt. To you, I would always be your best friend, and nothing more. Nothing special.
And you kept in touch, contacting me regularly, making sure I didn't sink all the the way into obscurity. Reaffirming my grip on reality and the world around me. I didn't realize how special this was at first. To me, it seemed logical for us to keep in touch, we had been best friends before, and, even though you were meeting new people and I was living in a box, there was no reason for us to not remain friends.
Later on, I found out that you barely ever contacted the others, even though they were your friends as well. When I told them how you called constantly, they were even a bit jealous at first, but then they laughed it off, saying that they were not surprised. Of course you kept in touch with me regularly. Of course.
So I turned this fact over and over in my mind, and I finally came to a conclusion. There are no epiphanies– only moments of understanding.
~owari~