Usagi closed and locked the door to her apartment, and sighed as she leaned back against it. What is happening to me? I couldn't fight that youma; I lied to the others about fainting. When I saw it, I . . . I just had to get away. Something in that thing called out to me. And Viper . . . I know him, somehow. Ugh. I'm so tired. Maybe things will make sense over those brownies Chibi baked. She propelled herself in the direction of the kitchen. The vase of white roses laughed at her from their place on the kitchen table. "Why?" she asked for the millionth time. The brownies sat on a covered plate on the counter. Usually, Usagi would have dived in with a soft drink to wash them down; this time, the sweet smell of chocolate and nuts seemed repugnant.
"What is wrong with me?!" The threatening despair became suddenly too much to control, and with a scream, she sent the dish flying across the room. A dish of dried rose petals followed in short order. Waves of rage washed over Usagi, filling her vision with red and drowning any sort of rationality. Uttering shrieks of anger, she threw whatever came to hand. Suddenly, the sent of roses filled her nostrils, pulling Usagi up short. "Huh?" Looking up, she saw that she held the roses Mamuchan had given her last night. What am I doing? With trembling hands, she replaced the vase before she dropped it and sank to the ground. The far wall of her tidy kitchen was covered in chocolate and broken dishes. Tears filled her eyes and ran down her cheeks. "What am I doing?"
Usagi couldn't deal with the mess right now. Dragging herself to her feet, she stumbled into the shower, leaving her clothes where they fell. The soothing hot water eventually broke down her last reserves, and she just leaned against the wall and sobbed. I don't know what came over me. And I snapped at Haruka and Mirichu before that attack . . . What's happening to me? "Everything was so wonderful before last night. How do these monsters always pick the perfect time to ruin my life?" She turned off the water and wrapped a big, fluffy towel around herself. Crossing to the mirror, she peered at her image. I need sleep, that's all. I'm so pale, and those shadows under my eyes. . . She bent to pick up her brush, but something caught her eye. Last night, there had been no trace of the bite marks. But now. . . Two dark dots stood in stark relief against Usagi's white skin. No. Hotaru healed me. She shook her head. I'm hallucinating now. Sleep is definitely a good idea. Ignoring the wet, tangled hair that she'd have to brush out in the morning, Usagi dropped onto her bed and sank into dreams.
* * *
Rei slid the door of the temple closed and knelt before the sacred fire. It's been too long since I meditated to the flames. Maybe I can gain some sort of insight into this mess. It's been three days since the attack behind the ice-cream parlor. Usagi's been acting very oddly. We need some sort of clue to go on. Holding her hands in the first position, she began murmuring the chants that had become so familiar to her. . .
Two hours later, Rei wiped the sweat from her forehead and sighed. All the sacred fire had shown her was Usagi. "What's your involvement, Odango Atama? How do you always end up in trouble?" Her voice was tinged partly with frustration, and partly . . . with guilt. Because Usagi always did manage to become the victim of attacking evil forces. And . . . it was Mars' fault. Hers and the other scouts. "We're supposed to protect you, but we never seem to do a very good job," Rei said reluctantly. "I'd hoped, after our last fight, that we could all just have a regular life, with school, and boys, and-"
"So give up, Mars. Let us have her." Rei spun around to face Viper, who smirked at her from a dark corner of the temple.
"You! How did you get in here?! You . . . you can't!" It was true. The temple should have been warded against all forces of evil.
Viper raised an eyebrow. "Could have fooled me." Without another word, he held out his hand, and shot a ball of black energy at her.
"Shit!" Rei dove out of the way, and came up holding her amulet. "Mars Crystal Power, Make Up!" Within seconds, Mars stood facing her enemy.
"Silly little girl. You're too late to save your princess, so why not save yourself a great deal of pain and trouble? Let us have the princess, and," despite the raging fire at her back, Mars felt ice run down her spine at the look in Viper's yellow eyes, "join us."
A heavy lassitude fell over Mars; she couldn't so much as shake her head in denial. Suddenly, it seemed like too much trouble. She felt so heavy. Would it really be so bad to just give up? To leave all of the fighting and all of the pain behind? Maybe, if she joined them, she could have some sort of normal life once the vampires took over.
The tall, caped demon approached his prey and delicately moved her heavy black mane away from her neck. "That's right. Just one little bite, and-"
"Hold it right there!" With a snarl, Viper whirled. Seven figures stood in the doorway. "Mars, get away from him!"
Venus' voice came to Mars as if through gel; it was hard to hear, and even harder to respond. Mars opened her mouth, but could made no noise. Yes, that's right! Venus, guys. Help me, please. I don't want to leave you. To leave this world. I love my life too much!
"Jupiter Oak Evolution!" As Jupiter's attack lashed out at Viper, he flew toward the roof and disappeared. Released from his grip, Mars found that she could move again, and she dropped to the floor, gasping for breath. Instantly, the rest of her teammates were around her, lending their support. All, but . . . oh, no.
"Where's Sailor Moon?"
The other senshi looked at each other uneasily. Pluto finally answered her. "We don't know, Mars. Not even I could sense her anywhere."
"Guys, from what Viper said before you got here, she's in real trouble."
* * *
"Viper, you've failed me. Again."
"Lord, I-"
The figure held out one clawed hand. "Twice I have sent you after individual senshi. Twice you have returned empty-handed. Are you so useless to me?"
"I have never failed you before this, Lord. Give me one more chance, and I shall prove myself."
"Very well." The lord glanced into the glowing orb, which continued to reflect the princess's image. "The change is beginning to her body. Perhaps, if you are not too incompetent, you can do something to hurry the change to her mind?"
Viper bowed, and pulled his hood up to hide the anger in his eyes. "As you command." He vanished.
* * *
The sun struggled through the velvet green of the trees as Usagi lay in the middle of her favorite park. It was difficult to think of the horrible things that had happened when in a peaceful place like this. The grass was warm, and the air smelled of sunshine and flowers. Mamochan would love-
At that thought, Usagi closed her eyes and shook her head. I can't go near Mamochan or any of the others until I figure out what's happening to me. I . . . I don't want them to be hurt.
The sudden changes of temperament had occurred more and more in the past few days. Sometimes she became incredibly depressed, others incredibly wired, but mostly, she lost all control and became horribly enraged. Last night, I actually punched a hole in my bedroom wall. If someone had been around, the hole could have been through him or her. Oh, god, what if it had been Chibi? Or Hotaru? The others are big and strong enough to have fended me off -I think- but those two are still so small . . .
*Maybe they'd be better off without you.*
Usagi sat up and whirled around. Who was that? Her stomach rumbled, and her head spun. To add to her problems, she hadn't been able to eat in days. There was no one within yards of her. Not up in the tree, certainly. Damn. If one of the guys was playing a joke on her, it sure wasn't funny. At a sudden crack, Usagi looked down to see that she'd snapped the walking stick she'd brought with her. I've got to calm down.
*You know, you only cause them trouble. Half the time, they don't even want you around.*
There it was again! This time, Usagi stood up and searched the surrounding bushes and trees, trying to find where her tormentor was hiding. Nothing.
*After all, why would anyone want a bumbling crybaby for a protector?*
"Leave me alone!"
*You know I'm right. You know they'd be much better off if you just left.*
"Stop it!"
"Stop what?"
Usagi whirled around once again. This time, Mamoru was the speaker; he had come up behind her while she was searching the bushes.
"Oh! Um . . . nothing. I was . . . just . . . talking to . . . myself! Heh heh." For a moment, Mamoru raised his right eyebrow, and she was afraid he'd keep pressing her. "So! Have you and the other Senshi found anything useful?"
The eyebrow went higher. "Yeah, you wouldn't know, would you? You haven't been to a meeting in three days."
"I've been-"
He cut her off brutally. "You also missed Viper's attack on Rei today."
*You see? You're useless.*
Usagi felt the blood leaving her face. "Rei! Oh, no! Is she-"
"She's fine." *No thanks to you.* "Why didn't you answer your communicator?"
"I . . . " She couldn't tell him that she couldn't wear her communicator anymore. I can't risk failing them in the middle of battle.
"Tell me!"
"I . . . can't." Anger began to rise in Usagi's mind; she fought it, hopelessly. Why wouldn't he just accept her answer?
"Usagi, I want to know what's wrong! Damn it-" Mamoru grabbed Usagi by the shoulders and shook her gently. "Why won't you trust-"
And the rage broke through. "Damn it, Mamoru, get off my back!" Usagi pushed her love away, and he rocked back on his heels. What am I doing? Mamochan . . . No! He doesn't trust me! None of them do! She stopped trying to control her temper, and flailed out.
SMACK!!
Usagi froze, and Mamoru stumbled back, hand to his cheek. Slowly, he lowered his hand; Usagi stared in horrified fascination at the angry red mark. Underneath his eye, blood seeped from a small cut; she must have gashed him with her nails. "Mamochan . . ." *See?* You . . . you're right. I'm a monster!
Mamoru slowly met her eyes. "Usako?"
At the beloved nickname, Usagi turned and ran away, as fast as she could. A Monster!
"Usako, what's happened to you?" A tear glistened in the corner of Mamoru's eye.
* * *