.Disclaimer: Yu-gi-oh belongs to Takahashi Kazuki, and I have no part whatsoever in it. Except maybe as annoying fangirl who is trying to brainwash everyone into liking Seto*Ryou and Honda*Ryuuji… ::^_^::
Fairydust
PM: *sheepish smile* Hi minna. Sorry I couldn't update on the 5th like I was hoping I would, but jet lag just got to me and I couldn't write without wanting to fall asleep every ten seconds. Plus I had a ton of homework to deal with.
Yami: You're just full of excuses, aren't you?
PM: Just… just shut up right now… I didn't really want to put off this chapter because that means I'll be pushing the next chapter really close to finals week… but that's life, I guess. I tried writing it but it didn't really work. *sigh* Anyhow, hope you guys didn't go too insane… And I hope this chapter makes up for the long wait. First scene takes place on Thursday night. ^_^
^_^ Many thanks to Nalan-san for her wonderful beta-ing (I sent it to Mariel and… smart of me, forgot to attach the chapter! -_-;;;), and all the reviewers: Sad Andy (not going to murder me, right? *worried*), Chibigreen Tanuki (Mr. Feathers *sulking*), rayemars (fluff is just not my thing… :p), Wildwolf (Eeeeeep… *scared*), Neko-chan (Getting a bit pissed about my ranting, aren't you? :p And did you ever get my e-mail?), Angel-Belle, Duff (illegal use of a cliffhanger? ~ kinda amused by that one :p), Nightshadow (no double special unless you want to wait for another week), tuulikki (glaring at me? Why would you do that? *innocent look*), *i n c o h e r e n t*, Shenya (I'm sure the real Mr. Feathers thinks so too :p), loanshark, Shamanic Guardian Lena (I went to Italy. ^_^), Saki, Bronze Eagle (*ducks the mallet* Why is everyone hitting me!!), … blank… (:p It's not over until the next chapter), Beholder of the Shadows (:p Well, I did warn you people about calm before the storm), Indigo Tantarian (everyone, just blame the flamingo on my friend who gave it to me for Christmas), Beverly (*sniffles* You don't really hate me, right?), dilanda (Ryou: I do have no luck when it comes to PM…), ali, Achika-chan, Nalan Li (*hiding behind a dancing bush* Help…), KawaiiShinigami (come on… cliffhangers add… um… spice to life!), Aishiteru Tenshi, Tainted Angel, tuulikki (again… heehee… Jyounouchi… which is more likely to be spelled Jounouchi, but it depends on what you think is more important, whether it's character bios or actual dialogue… is DEFINITELY the last name and Katsuya is his FIRST name. *glares* Jyounouchi is in no way his first name. Katsuya is not his last name… *pet peeve* And thanks for your compliment of Emi-chan! ^_^), Katana, fani90 (O_O Ouch… glad I'm not Kaiba right now), Soulwindow (I use the -kun, -san, -chan because Ryou is naturally a polite person and he would in all likelihood think of the people that way in his thoughts, not just call them that unless he's being sarcastic or something), Ayod Botla (you did review once! ^^;;; Don't worry about it… And don't be mean to Seto! He's just… just… going to get his ass kicked by me once I get to it), bakuras-sea-monkey (I get my manga at a Japanese bookstore… if there's not one close by, you can try a Chinese bookstore, except then it'll be in Chinese), DragonLUPINzero (^_^ Thanks for the update!), dani (poor kitty… ^^;;; And this chapter was unwritten on the 6th, due to a happy bout of jet lag), and TenacousD4ever. ^_^ Hope the wait wasn't too excruciating for any of you!
~ Comfort Zone ~
You know your life has hit a definite low when you're afraid of the phone. Or it might just be me, but I still think that I've reached an all-time pathetic-level due to the fact that I've kept my cell phone off since… well, Sunday night, only turning it on in order to check the handy answering machine feature.
A task that is becoming as frightening as actually having the phone now… yet I still prefer that than the alternative, something that confuses me a bit.
"Hi, this is Bakura Ryou. I'm sorry but I can't come to the phone right now, so please leave a message and I'll get back to you when I can."
The same message has played over and over again for the past week, a monotonous drone that never changes but instead becomes an annoying presence somewhat akin to that of a parasitic mosquito. This is due to the concept of me deciding to keep my cell phone off until he calls and I can hear his voice on the answering machine to get out of his life and drop dead. For reasons I still cannot quite discern, I prefer a recorded rejection to a live one.
Perhaps it is because unlike most events (both the good and the bad) which sneak up on you without any warning whatsoever, I can at least have some control over when and how much I have to hear when he calls. Ah, the wonders of modern technology.
It's easier than moving to Norway, at least.
It's childish, and I know it all too well. After all, I've only told myself this multiple times each day for the past couple days. Still, I keep at it, unable to face the fear and nerve-wracking anticipation of that inevitable phone call. Unless he chooses not to call? Then I can spend the rest of my life avoiding phones… great, as if I couldn't get anymore pathetic than I already am. Face it, that really is quite an accomplishment, although that's not necessarily a good thing.
*Beep!*
"Ryou, this is your dad… where have you been? You haven't called all week! And what was that about you getting kidnapped? Ryou, where on earth are you? Is it really asking for too much for you to call your suffering father at appropriately timed intervals?"
Sweatdrop.
Actually, otousan, it is too difficult to call you at appropriately timed intervals, but I can't tell you that. Right now, it's asking for too much just to have me check my messages at the end of the day… I'm so scared of what might be waiting for me, of hearing his voice. I shouldn't be but I am.
I… I don't really know why this situation is affecting me so much. Cause it really shouldn't, right? I know it wasn't supposed to last this long… I know the possibility of ups and downs. I learned that when I fought with him about how much time I'm willing to devote to his cause.
We're… we're not compatible in the first place. Didn't the aforementioned argument illustrate that point? We don't belong together and we don't work together. We get maybe a couple good days and then a rotten day where everything falls apart and… and… it just wouldn't have worked, right? It never would have worked out and I was foolish to ever think I could mean anything more than a week's entertainment.
Okay, perhaps that is being harsh. It's not completely his fault that we're in this mess because I never should have agreed in the first place. So in a way, I'm just as much to blame for all of this happening as he is. I should have said no, should have found some way to keep any of this happening.
Wouldn't we both have been a lot happier that way?
*Beep!*
"Ryou, where are you? And exactly why is your cell phone off?! Tousan gave you that thing for a reason you know. Why haven't you told me anything yet? Do I really have to watch the news to find out that you're supposedly dating Kaiba Seto?!
"–Ignore your brother, Ryou. He's just having hysterics again.
"–ERIKA!
"–Get off the phone until you can speak like a normal human being!"
I can't help but scowl at the phone despite the previous message - which was decidedly humorous – and maybe I would have laughed if I wasn't feeling so… so… sulky right now. But with the phone still promising many unheard messages that all magically appeared in the span of 24 hours, and with the possibility that one of them might be his (then again, it probably isn't because realistically speaking, I don't think he's going to call anyway), I don't want to deal with them at all.
Yes, I'm a coward. That is an established fact. I'm too scared by the possibility of him calling merely for the purpose of saying something along the lines of 'Thanks for your help. Let's not ever see each other again' to keep the phone on. Or even worse, what happens if he doesn't even bother to tell me that himself? What happens if he just hires somebody else to do it for him? He has the resources, the people. He could and…
Would he though?
I thought I found a different side of him in that past week, a side that he's kept hidden from everyone else except Mokuba. The side that reminded me of giant teddy bears and soothing raspberry tea, the side that liked shoujo manga and singing to Cardcaptor Sakura songs. The side with emotions and the side that actually cared.
It couldn't have been a dream, could it? An illusion which I failed to grasp for what it really was? A disillusion on my behalf because I couldn't accept what was really there?
There's so many questions and I don't want to answer them. In a way, I don't want them to ever be answered. Because while all of the answers might be a resounding 'no', there's always that possibility where the answer is 'yes'. Yes, it was never real. You were a fool to think that it could be real in the first place. You're a simple-minded, blind, trusting fool who thought that you had stumbled onto something that was never meant to be.
*Beep!*
"Ryou-kun, it's Koushiro. Are you okay? Taichi and I have been worried about you. And your father is having hysterics. Again. You know what I mean. If you have the time, please call. Ja ne."
Why do they keep asking if I am okay? Why do they expect an answer when one was never given in the first place? Isn't it obvious that I am not feeling okay? And even in the unlikely case that they fail to realize that I'm currently feeling ready to die, it's not like I'm going to just call them up and tell them that. I don't want to call anyone up or talk to anyone. I don't even want to talk to Yuugi-tachi, preferring to sit in a corner and just stare blankly at the wall because the wall is one of the few things that don't send a torrent of memories with him upon me.
All I want to do is sit here and wallow in misery while still entertaining blind hopes that it will all somehow turn out okay. That maybe he'll call…
Um, yeah right? It's been nearly four days since he more or less told me to get out of his life. Both he and the rest of the world know that he's not going to call.
In fact, I might even know that he's not going to call as well…
*Beep!*
"Bakura-kun, this is Michelle. Would you like to come back some time and help out? Atsoko-chan misses you, and maybe we can talk."
I don't want to deal with this right now. I don't want to think about this right now. Why do all of these phone calls bring up memories of the past week even though they have nothing to do with him? Great, I'm probably getting mildly obsessive with him… as if I needed any more tiresome qualities.
My mind is now a jumbled up pot of confusion as I try to organize the clutter into some understandable way. As I try to figure out what is reality and what is fantasy, needing to discard some of the fantasies which have kept me going for this long in order to make way for the cold, bitter reality.
Yes or no? Yes or no? Why are you so afraid? You don't need to deal with this right now; you can just turn off the cell phone and pretend that none of this is happening. Your life is screwed up enough already, you can get out of it. You don't have to do it. You don't have to do anything…
Yes, why don't I just sit around and wait for the ceiling to cave in on me? Why don't I just lie here for the rest of my life and wait until mold starts growing on my toenails?
Life is made up of options and decisions, and we always have to choose to do something. Even if it's sitting here and rotting, something that doesn't appeal to me very much (for reasons I find quite obvious).
Besides, if I don't have to do anything, why on earth did I ever agree to being Seto's boyfriend for a week? If I had known these things would happen, would I have accepted? Would I have allowed myself to experience several days of unrivaled happiness only to be plunged into the icy depths of rejection and, ultimately, reality?
It sometimes seems that we are all gluttons for punishment because we continue to hope against logic and reason that our fantasies will come true. Even when reality is staring at us in the face, just waiting with a sledgehammer to completely shatter our grave misconceptions.
I do believe I'm becoming morbid.
Or maybe I've always been morbid, and it's just taken me this long to figure it out. Heh. Personally, whichever one the answer turns out to be, I don't think I'll like it. But then again, I am beginning to have self esteem problems and am finding many things wrong with myself, so I suppose that it doesn't really matter.
*Beep!*
My hand moves to turn off the cell phone and cut off the answering machine, which is just becoming too depressing for me to deal with. I don't really want to think about Seto… it's as of my childish, naïve belief that if I don't think about him, this entire thing will just go away and I will never have to deal with it again.
"Ohayou, Bakura-kun. This is Emi. I was wondering if you would like to have lunch with me tomorrow afternoon…"
~ * ~ Friday
In a way, I can't tell who's more nervous, whether it is myself or Emi-san… Possibly both, possibly neither. I'm still trying to figure out what this emotion welling up within me is.
Currently, we are sitting at a rather nice restaurant. It's not the same as the one on the day we met, nor is it nearly as fancy as that one, but it's still pretty nice. And probably very expensive. I don't know because it was one of those places where the menu doesn't have prices, and now I'm absolutely petrified by the idea that my lunch might be costing me the same amount of money as half my college tuition. Sure, it sounds crazy, but that doesn't mean it can't happen.
Besides, just about everything about these past few days can be described with a single word: absurd. I'm beginning to wonder what the point of any of this was. Why would he ask me to pretend his boyfriend if all he needed to do was tell her that he was gay? Why would she want to further any type of relationship between the two of us when we can leave things better off alone? Why does the earth revolve around the sun, begging for light that it eventually gets but what does it have to go through to get it? And in the same thread, why does the lonely moon revolve around the earth, the only attention it gets coming from the ocean and poets?
And why, above all why's, would he ever bother to begin a relationship if he was going to end it in such a manner?
I… I don't really think he's sadistic in that way, nor is he stupid. He's not the type of person who looks like he would get easily frustrated or confused, although he can get emotional when it comes to the people he cares for. Like Mokuba.
But me? Never me.
Emi-san clears her throat, startling me out of my musings. Her brown eyes are shaded by her light brown hair, which in the sunlight looks rather mousy.
"I… um… I'm glad you made it," she finally says, nervously twisting a lock of her hair around a finger, "I got the phone number from Mai-chan. She got it from her boyfriend."
Oh Kami-sama, she must be psychic. I had been wondering about that, as I'm pretty sure that my cell phone number isn't readily available (still, that doesn't explain the hordes of telemarketers) to the public… heck, I'm not even sure if Seto knows my cell phone number, which might be a problem or a blessing, depending on your point of view. I myself am unsure of which it is, and frankly I don't want to figure it out right now.
I'm still at the stage where I want to dig a hole to the other side of the earth and set up residence in an abandoned shack where nobody can find me.
I'm clingy. Ha, that must be it. I'm clinging to a fantasy while everyone else is off on a one-way trip to reality. How simple was that to explain?
"It was the least I could do after the effort you put in." The words come out mechanically. I don't bother to elaborate on the fact that it took a great deal of effort for me to agree in the first place, and even more effort simply to turn on the phone and call her to leave a message on her answering machine about my agreement.
"Otouchan asked me to do it."
I'm a bit surprised by how frank she is being, even though I really shouldn't be. At least that explains why she went through with this… I didn't think she would do it out of her own will.
There's a long silence, both of us at an impasse because of her last comment. She looks a bit flustered now, as if she has realized her mistake.
"Go… gomen… I shouldn't have said that." (I can't help but feel sorry for her now, she just looks so upset with herself.) "I… I didn't mean for it to come out that way. I mean, otouchan really did ask me to do this for him, but I would have done it anyway after what happened on Sunday."
"What do you mean by that?" I can't help but ask, a bit shocked with how frank she's being.
She gives me a critical look, one that makes me want to squirm from its hawk-like fervor as it seems to dig into my soul. Reminding me conspicuously of Seto… I thought I wasn't going to think about him anymore? Thinking about it only makes it worse, from what I've heard.
Yeah, maybe I can convince myself that none of it really happened… and maybe it was all a pleasant dream with a not-so-pleasant ending. And maybe the world will be blown up tomorrow by a nuclear war.
Fun… although considering the news these days…
"It wasn't supposed to be real, was it?"
That immediately gets my attention. I finally give myself in to her look, finding myself caught up in the question that has caught me completely off-guard. My throat is dry and I am at an inability to talk.
I guess that she notices that because she charges ahead, "You… you and Seto-kun. It wasn't supposed to end up the way it did; it wasn't ever supposed to be real. The two of you were never supposed to really get together."
She's not saying this from a sulky, 'I've-lost-and-can't-handle-it' viewpoint, but more from a quiet observer who has apparently finally figured out the secret to what she had been wondering about.
Maybe if I wasn't so tired of lies, or maybe if I was feeling a bit more innovative, I would have tried to refute her statements. But I'm so tired of living this horrible little lie which has done nothing more than make me feel emotions which I wanted to feel but now wish I never had.
Love is such a wonderful thing, it truly is, but when it's thrown back into your face in a series of horrid events, you end up wishing that you could have steered clear of it.
"Yeah. He asked me to do it for him to avoid you." Hey, if we're going to strip down to our souls and tell the truth, might as well do it all the way. Or maybe I'm just bitter and insane… well, whatever it is that is causing me to act like this, it's too late to retract that statement.
"Nani?!"
She looks a bit peeved by that, folding her arms and glaring at an offending vase of flowers that are a pretty shade of blue and remind me of his eyes… ahhh, damn it. I thought I wasn't going to think about this. Anyway, I'm beginning to get worried about Emi-san frothing at the mouth, which she happens to look very close to doing.
"Asshole," she muttered darkly, sticking her tongue out at the vase as if it was really him standing there… or as if he had been watching from a tiny video camera taped to its surface, "I hope he realizes what an asshole he can be sometimes."
"…" I really don't know how to reply to that profound observation… in a way, she's just voicing what I have and probably never will have the courage to say.
"And not just to me… but to you too," she looks at me, and I recognize an odd 'shounen-ai fangirl' sparkle coming into her eyes. I've seen it one too many times from Anzu, who also had a fetish for these types of couplings in stories, although she didn't read them that often.
"Emi-san…"
She politely brushes off my stuttered attempts to get a pointless word in, instead giving me a shy, apologetic smile, "I… I'm sorry I was so cold with you on that first night."
"It was understandable," I smile weakly. I'm still confused on where this conversation is supposed to be going, but I'm not going to be the one to direct it.
"Otouchan talked to me afterwards," she is suddenly discovering the many interesting things one can do with straw wrappers, and sooner or later I have a feeling she will be making small paper cranes from the square blocks she has been absent-mindedly ripping, "I think he suspected all along."
I can't help but grimace at that one… gah, was I really that bad? "He probably did… I might have if I was in his position." But then again, if it was me in his position, I probably wouldn't have noticed that the moon revolved around the earth, too caught up in miniscule details such as blunt sarcasm in my thoughts.
"You were a bit too obvious on that first night," Emi-san grins impishly, "Besides, how realistic was it that the two of you could keep it under wraps for so long? Especially with the media hounding like that…"
She's got a point there, and the both of us know it so I don't bother to congratulate her on this victory. Although it's not like it's really a battle or anything, both of us trying to one-up the other. I don't know precisely what this is, but I know for sure that it isn't that…
"Tell me something I don't know."
"All right," is the frank reply, something that causes me to give her a surprised look, "Otouchan meant it when he said that the two of you were good for each other… that's why he wanted to talk to me. He saw that I was upset but then he told me that I never had a chance at it anyway, and that I should be happy that Seto-kun found someone."
I still can't help but stare at her, and especially at that version of Yoshizawa-san. I always knew that he was a kind man, but… but… but! I still have no idea how Seto could have thought that he would break the deal if he didn't get together with Emi-san, and it's a question that has been plaguing me for an unreasonably long amount of time.
It's quite irritating, actually.
"I… err… didn't really pay attention to what he said until later," she laughs lightly, "But hey, I did eventually, right? Although I guess that doesn't say too much about me."
"Don't say that," I interrupt, "After all, how many people would have been able to do just that much?"
"…" She looks at me quizzically, something that people do to me often. I don't know why they do that, but I seem to get that type of look a lot more often than most people do.
"What?" I finally ask, feeling uncomfortable from the stare. Even though I should be used to it, but just because I'm used to it, it doesn't mean I have to actually like it.
"Otouchan was right, you know. You really are good for him."
I don't get the chance to say something because just then, the waiter comes with our food. And as he sets it down and Emi-san thanks him, I can't help but think about her last comment.
If I really am that good for him, then why didn't it work out?
~ * ~
Lunch is spent over small talk, lighter subjects that don't require any embarrassment on either of our behalf. In the process, I discovered that she has a new boyfriend, an on-going friendship with Mai-san, two cats, an adopted seal, and loves watching sports. In her turn, she discovered about Jyounouchi-kun, Yami-kun's love for inanimate objects, Yuugi-kun's own love for an inanimate object, and the soap opera romance of Honda-kun and Otogi-kun, something that really made her laugh. Turns out that she knows Otogi-kun too, and told me quite frankly that she always knew he was gay.
"But his fans…"
"Oh come on. Haven't you seen the way he stands?" [1]
And so on.
Anyhow, now both of us are stuffed and we're both preparing to leave. I haven't gotten the bill yet, so I give Emi-san a questioning look as she swings her bag over her shoulder.
"Otouchan is a long-time customer here. It's going on his tab."
"Demo…" I can't help but feel guilty about not being able to pay on my own. I don't want to have to smooch off of her or her father, no matter how willing they may seem to be.
"It's okay, really. Besides, it was nice of you to even come. I know that I haven't really been helping matters, and it was nice to get to know you outside of business contacts."
I can't help but blush slightly at that, "A… arigatou Emi-san…"
"-chan."
"Na… nani?" I blink at her, looking at her as if she has just lost her mind… which I think we have all done at one point or another, so it's not really that big of a deal.
"-chan. You can just call me Emi-chan," she throws me a smile, one that is real and makes her look beautiful, something that sincere smiles always tend to do, "After all, we're friends now, aren't we Ryou-kun?"
"Have you always been this impertinent?" I can't help but ask. She doesn't bother to reply to that question, her smile widening as she waves good-bye and walks out of the restaurant, reminding me conspicuously of a fairy who has just done an awful job in cleaning the world, sweeping away the lies and spreading dust onto those who need it most.
And leaving a torrent of confusion as an interesting side dish, just to spice things up.
… still, I could have done without it.
~ * ~
"Err… daijoubu ka, Bakura-kun?"
I find myself looking into the very concerned eyes of Otogi-kun, and I smile brightly in an attempt to do away with my confusion. Unfortunately, the smile looks fake and it doesn't quite extend as much as it should, making me feel very dejected and wholly undermining my attentions.
"I'm fine, Otogi-kun."
His eyebrow raises, causing me to fidget. I hate it when he does that; it makes me feel so uncomfortable. Although, now that I think of it, that's probably the point of that action, making me feel that Otogi-kun is very sadistic and that I can only hope Honda-kun cures him of such an unfortunate quality.
"You know," he says finally, "It's better to say what's on your mind than keep it all locked away to the point where you start obsessing over it."
I can't help but frown at the concept that he's once again (more or less) read my mind. It's something I should be used to because he seems to do it quite often with other people, but it's something that I also do not like very much. It makes me feel like the already faltering grip that I have on my own life is slipping, something that I can't help but find rather depressing. I've already given up so much of myself to other people, but not to this point. Never to this point. Even Yami Bakura never got me to this point, the point where I feel like I'm losing my grasp on reality itself. It's not a pleasant feeling and it's worrying me for a reasonable cause, but I also see no way of stopping it.
"I know that," I finally reply, choosing my words slowly and carefully because I do not want to offend him in any way. Needless to say, Otogi-kun tends to get peeved easily when offended, but then again, doesn't everybody? It just depends on how we show it… Otogi-kun just doesn't bother to hide it when he gets frustrated.
"I know you know that. I'm just pointing it out to you again because you're not doing anything with it."
I bite my lip to keep myself from saying something I'll end up regretting, and there's quite a bit I can say that can do just that. So it's probably better to keep my mouth shut, even though that just ends up giving Otogi-kun more room to lecture me on things I already know.
Most likely, nothing he has to say will be anything new from what he has already said, along with the others. Emi-chan has added her own two cents (to use that American phrase), but it too has done nothing more than confuse me to the point of getting a major headache. I'm also starting to have problems keeping my emotions in check, tired from the pent-up stress that is finally threatening to break through and make my life a living hell.
If it isn't that already, which is something that is wholly debatable. I for one plan on taking the affirmative side, as I don't think I could feel any worse if I was suddenly dumped into non-denominational hell for no reason whatsoever except to prove me wrong… which I don't think is possible.
The proving me wrong part, I mean.
It's weird because everything that they have said to me makes sense and I understand what they're trying to say. Up to this point, I've always been in their shoes, trying to give sound advice to somebody who apparently just doesn't want to listen. It's hard to suddenly be on the other side, and I still don't understand what is making me act like a stubborn brat who refuses to listen to what is right and continues to court misconceptions like a new bride.
Maybe I should stop thinking in metaphors and similes.
"It's not going to be this bad forever, Bakura-kun."
I snap.
It's been coming for a while, I know it has, but suddenly it feels like the blood is roaring in my ears and that I just can't handle it anymore. I'm sick of being used, being at the beck and call of someone and then easily dropped because it was nothing more than a ploy despite what everybody thinks and says. I'm tired of sitting on the sidelines watching life goes on and finally being able to experience a taste of it, only to be thrown back into my normal life, and then I'm sick of not being able to deal with it because isn't that what life is about? Being able to deal with whatever is thrown with you? But just because 'whatever kills you makes you stronger' and all that crap exists and is supposedly true, it doesn't make the process any easier than the hardship it already poses as.
"What do you know?" I finally explode, not even caring that people are starting to come out in hordes and are pointing and whispering excitedly. Next will come out the tape recorders and video cameras, but I don't care anymore.
"What do you know, Otogi-kun? You… you got what you wanted, didn't you? How would you know what any of this feels like? How do you know what it's like to have to go every damn day knowing that people view you as some type of puppet they can toss around and use as they please? And that when one of those times finally came, I was just… just… stupid enough to believe that I could have something more and that it wasn't just another attempt for life to completely and utterly make me feel like a useless piece of crap who has no will of my own? How can you just stand there and tell me that it's not going to be bad forever? How do you know? Don't be so idealistic, the world doesn't work like that! I'm tired of having everything I hope for thrown back into my face, and I certainly don't need anymore help at that! How dare you tell me that everything is going to work out when we all know damn well that it's not going to because… because…"
My voice trails off there because I don't know why it's not going to work out. I just know that it isn't; there is no real reasoning behind my words.
Otogi-kun, to his credit, doesn't look terribly pissed at me. In fact, he doesn't look like he is feeling any emotion over my emotional outburst, which only causes the anger to stay at a maximum peak level which is definitely not good for all parties involved. As just illustrated.
Before my mind can be completely overtaken by emotional anger and distress, I abruptly turn on my heels and slam the door open, the back of my mind registering a sudden cry of protest from Otogi-kun, which I quickly proceed to ignore.
Not that it makes a difference now.
Suddenly, I feel all my anger burning away and leaving me drained, feeling like a light bulb which has been used at maximum voltage and has suddenly lost all its power. Otogi-kun is next to me, and I bet he's grimacing as we both stare at Jyounouchi-kun, who is on the phone screaming his head off.
Into Seto's answering machine.
I don't know how I already know this, but I just do. It was as if it was some subliminal message that suddenly made itself obviously known. And the little logical part of my brain is just sitting there and nodding to itself, now contented, saying something along the lines of 'ah… so this is what Otogi-kun was trying to keep me from'.
It doesn't take a rocket scientist or even a middle school graduate to figure out why Otogi-kun thought I might be upset when I entered my own room…
"You started this, Kaiba! And I'll be damned if I stand aside and let you end it this way! You might have ignored me when I said that I would hunt you down and kick your ass if you ever hurt him, but I wasn't. I meant every word of it and it's not his fault if he didn't see the creepy slime you were. You finish this in a decent way because he deserves at least that much. And you know that better than any of us can!" Jyounouchi-kun screams, barely coherent yet I understand every word that he says without having to concentrate. It is as if the words have been written out for me in big, neon-colored letters and have been nicely strung before me in a glittering and dazzling display of lights to celebrate Obvious-ville's grand opening.
Silence.
The problems with living in the dorms is that you can get very little privacy. In fact, the only place with a lock is the bathroom, and before either Jyounouchi-kun or Otogi-kun can say anything, I excuse myself and lock myself in the bathroom where I immediately break down into tears.
Oh Kami-sama… Jyounouchi-kun was right, he was right all along. How could I have been so naïve as to allow myself to get swept up in the moment? Why couldn't I have known better? He knew all along that this was going to happen, and although he warned me, I never listened. Noooo, I had to listen to my emotions, rather than my common sense.
Human beings may be emotional creatures, but I really wish we could listen to our common sense a bit more…
At least my tears aren't loud, like a baby's, although they're lucky because they don't have to worry about looking like a fool before other people. They don't care, they don't know better. So many restrictions are created as you grow up and it's hard not to envy the people who have no conceptions of rules.
Suddenly, I feel the warmth from the Sennen Ring through my shirt, and I look up through reddened eyes to see Yami Bakura standing before me. I feel like I'm going insane. Why now? Why now of all times? Haven't I gone through enough, why does he have to add to this all?
We kinda look at each other, even as I continue to shake from those uncontrollable tears. I flinch as he moves forward, expecting him to shake me and tell me to get over it, that it doesn't matter anymore. That is what he's like… he thrives for the next day, rather than worrying about the last or even the present. He keeps moving forward because he has a goal and wants to attain it rather than worry about things like romantic notions.
To my surprise, instead of shaking me or even giving me a few harsh words, he lays his hands gently on my shoulders, pulling me close. It feels weird, like clinging air, and I can't feel his touch anyway. Still, I just start to cry into his shoulder, or where his shoulder should be, but does any of that matter right now?
Reality never was as good as fantasy, anyway.
He strokes my hair in a comforting motion, although his hand just goes through the white strands. It reminds me of Amane's death, the first time I had to deal with death in such a close manner [2]. I remember when the medics came to tell us of the news. I was sitting in otousan's lap and he was stroking my hair as we waited for the news that we already knew. It was really only a matter of time…
But… why is he doing this? What purpose does he have in trying to make me feel better? Is this a part of a plan or something of the same thread?
I lift my tear-streaked face to look at him, and there's an awkward silence as he stops stroking my hair. His red eyes are fixated on the bathroom mirror, not at me, and he seems entranced by it.
"You…" the word comes out softly, oddly, as if he doesn't know what he wants to say, let alone how to say it.
Silence.
"You said thank you."
Translations and Notes:
[1] Kind of an inside joke… basically, whenever anyone who knows a whit about Yu-gi-oh and is a girl who is comfortable with shounen-ai comes anywhere near me, I go into my 'Ryuuji-kun is sooooo definitely gay' rant. ^_~ But I won't do that to you… this time.
[2] Amane is Ryou's younger sister. She died in a car crash… speaking of which, Ryou doesn't… really have an older brother. *laughs nervously* The reference to an older brother that I was mentioning was actually a reference to himself. *more nervous laughter* So… yeah… *rushes away from the barrage of rotten vegetables*
PM: ^^;;; I hope this chapter wasn't too bad… I've been getting a bit stressed these days, so that might account for how bad this chapter is. And you guys, I'm really not just saying that! -_-;; Even though you probably think I'm just whining again…
Jyou: Whining is all you ever do. Even in this story you're mostly whining.
PM: You mean Ryou-kun, right?
Jyou: You're the one writing it…
PM: Ah shut up.
^_^ Next week (hopefully)… final chapter! :p See you guys then!
Pikachumaniac