Repeatedly. In Many Different Positions.
Chapter Five: What a Feeling!
By ozfan (ozfankg@hotmail.com)

Dedications: To my fellow beloved M-8ers, and especially to hold_that_thought for the fantastic help and story recommendations. And now, on with the story. Xander has to fulfill his part of the scavenger hunt.

"Gym membership, shmim membership, I have a coupon for a free bag of Cheetos!"

"Xander!" Anya warned sharply, taking the coupon from him and ripping it into shreds, flinging them on the sidewalk as they walked home.

"You litterbug ex-demon, you!" Xander groused, trying to pout.

"Please don't do that, Xander, with your lower lip. Spike can pull it off, not you."

Xander had to agree. He stopped trying to pout sexily and looked down. "Ooh! Half-eaten candy bar! My lucky day!" Xander said, peering down into a gutter and seeing a Hershey bar.

"Xander!" Anya shouted. "Come on. You can do this. Chin up. Or, uh, chin's up, I guess. Let's get home and find your gym membership. We will walk all the way home even though you have a car. It'll help burn off calories."

"Fine," Xander sighed, searching in his pocket for any leftover crumbs or tic tacs. They stepped over Dawn, who was still laying in the road, quivering and shaking after Angel's near-fatal pillow attack.

When Xander and Anya got home, Anya started cleaning out the fridge and cupboards, getting rid of the case of Little Debbie snack cakes and industrial-sized bag of potato chips. Xander halfheartedly looked on the bookshelves and coffee table for his gym membership.

Just then, with a swirl of rather lame special effects, Sweet the Dancing Demon appeared. "Looking for something?" he grinned mischievously, holding a familiar-looking piece of paper.

"That's my gym membership from last year! Give it!" Xander tried to snatch it away but Sweet tapped quickly out of the way.

"Not so fast, chubby. Did you think you'd get away with summoning me and causing the deaths of innocent people. Did you really think that you'd never have to atone?"

Xander shrugged. "Well, uh, yeah. That happens all the time around here."

"My beady-eyed fiancé is right," Anya interjected. "I don't give two craps about the pain I wreaked as a vengeance demon, but I'm a regular Scooby anyway!"

"Well, my friends, times have changed. You're going to have to dance for the devil to get your gym membership back. You'll know when the time comes what you have to do." Sweet tap danced some more and then disappeared into thin air.

Xander started pacing nervously. "An, this is terrible. What is he going to make me do? What does he mean by "dance for the devil"? Is that a literal or figurative kind of dance? And can I have a cookie?"

"NO! You are starting your work-out regimen TOMORROW. Maybe Spike will help you. As you pointed out once, he is quite lean and compact and well-muscled. "

The next day Xander took the day off of work. After an extremely unsatisfying breakfast of ½ a grapefruit and coffee, Xander strolled to Spike's crypt. He entered without knocking, as everyone was wont to do as far as Spike's home was concerned. The crypt was empty and silent. Xander looked around for exercise videos.

"Hmm… let's see here…" Xander perused the collection of videotapes by Spike's TV.

"Me and Buffy Shagging Episode 1… Sweet Sweet Spuffy Love… Buffy Does Spike… Buffy and Spike's Home Sex Video, Vol. 4…. Huh." Xander scratched his head, perplexed. "I wonder what those mysterious tapes could be. Oooh! The Six-Minute Abs video. And Buns of Steel! Sweet." Xander took them and let himself out. He'd get himself ready for Sweet's test at home.

All day long Xander followed the exercise videos, or tried to. He really hated working out at home. It was boring and there were no hot chicks to look at, especially since Anya was at the Magic Shop.

Xander decided to jog to Buffy's house and see what was going on. He figured maybe Buffy still had her stash of Doublemeat burgers in the freezer and he could sneak one. He jogged down the steps of his apartment building and halfway down the sidewalk before he got a cramp and had to walk.

"Psst," came a voice from behind a tree. Xander peered.

"Angel?"

Angel stood in the filtered shade of an oak tree with a parasol to shade him from the sun's deathly rays.

"Xander. Hi."

"Uh, hi. Look, I'd love to stand around and catch up, but I have to get in shape to pass some test to get my gym membership back."

Angel nodded broodily. "I can see that you could use it."

"Look who's talking, tubs! You haven't had a shirtless scene for years now. You probably have bigger boobs than Cordelia."

"Listen to me!" Angel interrupted impatiently. "We need to find my son! That whiny little sister of Buffy's sold him." Angel furrowed his big brow slightly and tried to look concerned, but, as usual, he just appeared bored and Xander couldn't muster up much sympathy.

"Sorry, can't help ya. My life, and my sex life, is on the line here. Toodles!" Xander jogged off, only to stop 10 feet down the road due to another cramp.

When Xander finally got to Buffy's house, he was drenched in sweat. He entered the kitchen, opened the fridge, and grabbed the first bottle of water that he saw.

Suddenly it was flung out of his hand. Willow stood across from him in the kitchen, looking deeply pissed and breathing heavily through her mouth.

"Get away from my water, Xander." Willow said in a low, threatening voice. She had used evil magicks (plural, of course) to knock the water out of Xander's hand!

"But Will, I'm dying here. I think I have heat stoke. I need water."

She glared angrily. "You don't get to TOUCH my expensive water." The kitchen started to shake and tremble around them. "I swear, if you touch my water I will destroy you."

"Will…" Xander said quietly, holding his hands out, standing between Willow and the fridge. "You don't want to do this. Remember, in first grade, when your Capri sun burst all over the place because you put the straw in it wrong? And you cried? And I shared my Capri sun with you?"

"Shut up!" Evil Willow shouted, tears springing to her eyes. Xander took a step closer.

"You see, I helped your thirst then. And I'll help you now. I love Capri sun-breaking Willow and I love open-mouth breathing, addicted, gay-now Willow. No matter what, I'll still love you."

"Aaaggh!" Willow broke down, sobbing. Xander hugged her tightly and let her sob, smoothing her hair back from her face.

Finally, when she was calm, Xander smiled gently. "Now, can I please have a bottle of your water?"

"Fuck no. Use tap water. That Evian shit is expensive."

Later that evening, the whole gang gathered at the Bronze. Except for Dawn, who was still lying in the road pissed that nobody had come to rescue her yet. It didn't occur to her to actually get up herself and use common sense. Xander and Anya told everyone about the demon Sweet's recent visit.

"So, now we know where the missing gym membership is. The question is… how do we get it back?" Tara said while Willow bedazzled some table napkins.

"Sweet said I'd know what to do when the time came… I tried to work out all day in preparation for the test. Jesus, I'm starving. Anyone want to split some hot wings?" Xander asked eagerly.

"I'm in," Spike said.

"No more fatty foods, Xander!" Anya said.

"Oh, come on!" Xander pleaded.

Just then Sweet appeared. "No, you come on, Mr. Harris. Your time has come."

"What with the huh?" Xander said. Everyone just stared at Sweet in shock.

"You must get up on stage and dance for all of us. If the crowd likes you, you will get your gym membership back. If the crowd boos you off the stage, you will have to become my butt monkey."

"Tee hee hee," Spike snickered. Buffy kicked Spike under the table to shut him up. The searing physical contact of her boot connecting to his shin aroused them both, and they snuck under the table for a little mid-drama groping.

Everyone else at the table waited expectantly. The tension was so thick you could cut it with Spike's cheekbones. Finally, Xander bravely stood up with his resolve face on.

"Good luck, honey," Anya said, patting him on the back awkwardly. "Don't burst into flame."

Tara and Willow hugged him. Xander got kind of aroused by the two-cute-lesbians-hugging-him thing, then he concentrated on the task at hand. He walked onto the stage, where a bright white spotlight shown down. The Bronze was silent, except for the occasional vampiric sexy purr coming from underneath the table where Buffy and Spike were hiding.

Sweet grinned evilly and snapped his fingers. Suddenly, the swelling sounds of the Irene Cara hit "What a Feeling" began to play.

First, when there's nothing but a slow glowing dream
That your fear seems to hide deep inside your mind

"Oh, you have got to be KIDDING me," Xander moaned.

Sweet laughed and shot out a ray of light, burning the ground right by Xander's feet.

"Dance, boy. Make Jennifer Beals proud."

Xander tried his best with what little memory he had of the Flashdance finale. He tried to breakdance, he tried some ballet moves. He even did the whole swirling the head around thing. Nothing worked. The crowd began to boo. Xander danced harder, faster. The ground beneath him began to smoke. Sweet rubbed his chin in anticipation.

"Please!" Xander cried. "I hate this song! I can't dance to this! Let me choose my own song!"

"That's not how it works!" Sweet sneered, shooting another ray of light at Xander. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a powerful crash of energy stopped the light from hitting Xander.

"I'd like to test that theory," came a familiar voice and welcome voice.

Xander peered at the stranger. "Who are you?"

Finally it dawned on Anya. "Giles!" she cried happily. Willow and Tara frowned, then slowly started to remember, as if from a dream, that yes, there had once been an integral part of the team who was deeply missed and yet was practically never, ever, EVER freaking mentioned by anyone.

"Xander should get to dance to whatever he wants to dance to," Giles said calmly, his eyes locked in challenge with Sweet. Suddenly his hand pointed toward the DJ booth and he said something in Latin that sounded like "Charles Schultz." In an instant, the Charlie Brown theme song came on.

The change of music seemed to light a passionate fire under Xander. Inspired, Xander started to do the Snoopy dance, jumping up and down, head thrown back. The crowd was awed. Apparently Willow was not the only one impressed and moved by the Xander Snoopy dance. When he was finished, the Bronze was filled with the sound of thunderous applause. Xander stood on stage, sweaty and happy.

"Damn you, you ex-librarian, ex-Watcher, ex-cast member, you!" Sweet screamed in agony. "Nooooo!!!!!" The dancing demon went up in a puff of smoke. A piece of paper fluttered to the ground where he once stood. It was Xander's missing gym membership.

Xander hopped off the stage and Anya ran into his arms. "You did it! You did it!" She handed him a dozen red roses just like the guy did at the end of Flashdance.

What a feeling, bein's believin'
I can't have it all, now I'm dancin' for my life
Take your passion, and make it happen
Pictures come alive, you can dance right through your life!!!

Buffy finally extricated herself from under the table when she heard Giles' voice. She hugged him fiercely. Spike followed a few steps behind.

"It's good to see you again," Giles said happily. "Where's your sister?"

"Who?" Buffy said.

To be continued by the marvelicious Poly…