Title: It Only Hurts More
Author: Linoge
Disclaimer: I own nothing, except that which is my own.
Summary: Vaughn's thoughts of the same situation.
Rating: PG-13 due to light language.
Distribution: E-mail first.
Author's Note: Thanks for the reviews of chapter one! Hopefully this chapter is just as good (or even better!)
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"Goddammit Mike, will you cheer up?" Good ol' Eric. Always there to not understand.
"I know how you feel. Remember when Josie left me? How sad I was?"
"Eric, Josie was your dog. She ran away from home. I think the situation is a bit different." I'm not in the mood for his jokes, but I know he's trying to cheer me up. Maybe it's the booze talking (how much have I had again?), but all his relationship stories seem to be about his pets. When was the last time he had a girlfriend…
I was jarred back to reality by the sound of booing. The Islanders were in town, and they just beat us, 8 – 4. When'd they score again? How's the game already over? Man, I must be gone.
In a perfect world, I'd be booing with Sydney right now. We'd be at the game together, having the time of our lives, falling more and more in love…
"I know you love the Kings, but man, are you taking this loss bad or what?" Eric. Trying to be funny. Again. I scowl at him.
"Jeez, just trying to help." He's got another one of his ideas. I can see it on his face.
"You know, Sydney's house isn't that far away…" I may be drunk (I think), but I know where he's going with this.
"No! Absolutely not!" I start to protest.
"Why not? Look, Sloane's away for the week, and he's left Sydney's father in charge. Do you really think Jack would monitor his own daughter?" I give Eric a look. He hasn't been around for the last little while.
"I wouldn't put it past him…"
"Oh, right, the whole almost-killing-her thing." Good to see Eric has been kept up to date. Three months is a long time: stop watching, and you'll be lost…
Lost. How I feel right now. It's like I'm taking a bird's-eye-view of the Universe, and seeing how insignificant I really am. It wasn't like this in France…
Ah, France. Sydney. Me. Wine. Dinner. For once, I was glad I listened to Eric. It was like I was in high school all over again.
God, she looked so beautiful that night. I don't even know what it was: everything about her just screamed pure beauty. I think that maybe it was because we were together: maybe that did it…
"Hello? Earth to Agent Vaughn? Are you still with us?" Eric was waving his hand in front of my face. Trying to be funny.
"Sorry…I must've spaced out…"
"Gee, what could you possibly been thinking about?" Sarcasm doesn't help depression, Eric. Suddenly, something catches his eye.
"Wow! Check out the redhead, ten o'clock! I'll be right back…"
Eric? Hitting on a woman? He must be drunk.
"I see that look on your face, Mike. I just had a near-death experience; I can't waste a single moment. Wish me luck!"
He won't need it. The worst that can happen is that she says no. Or, depending on what he asks, he could get slapped (or worse). But he isn't risking death by being seen in public with her. He could go on a date with her, and not have the night end in heartbreak.
I wonder if she did set up that room thing. That look on her face might have suggested so…
Why did we stall? I guess because if we didn't, we'd have been killed, possibly while naked. That would've sucked. Thanks, Mike: you killed the romance in that memory…
Sleeping with Sydney Bristow. I smirk at the thought. Probably be better than sleeping with Alice…
I seemed so much more certain about all this last week. Once Will told me about how Syd feels, I had no choice. The breakup with Alice hurt her, I know, but it was inevitable. No matter how much she wants it, I can never love her. My heart belongs to Sydney. She makes me feel like I have a place in the world: that I'm important. When I'm with her, the rest of the world melts away, and she's all I see. Looking into her eyes makes me feel warm; even loved. Sometimes, I feel like I could get lost in those eyes…how does that song go? "I'll never love blue eyes again…" I think that was the end of it.
Anyway, after that incident in France, I don't know if what I'm doing is right. Maybe we shouldn't be together: at least until SD-6 is gone. Then, it's "Screw Protocol!" all the way. But, until then, what should I do? Just pretend that I don't love her? Pretend that I'm not in pain every time I see her, knowing that I can't run up to her and hold her, kiss her, and tell her that I love her? That's what hurts the most. I feel like Tantalus: she's so close, but whenever I reach for her, I fall short. What if her love doesn't last until SD-6 is destroyed? Stupid protocol. Maybe I should give Alice a call…Okay, now I know I'm drunk!
"Hey Mike, guess what?" Eric is back. He looks happy. Then again, even a corpse looks happy compared to me…
"Look what I got!" He turns his face to reveal a large slap mark. I roll my eyes.
"What did you say? On second thought, why are you happy about that?"
I'm happy 'cause I know this isn't the end of the world! Remember, near-death experience? Also, I am a little drunk…" That explains it. Great. Now he's seen something else.
"Mike: brunette, three o'clock. I think she wants you." Humoring him, I look over. That's Sydney! How could I have not noticed her before?
"Has she seen me yet?"
"I just saw her after getting slapped, but it seems like she's been sulking there all night. Go to her!"
"Eric, you know I can't…"
"Why not? We've already discussed this. Daddy will look the other way, even if he is watching. And you know she won't say no: you've gone out with her before! Look, I'm not saying you need to go straight for her bedroom, but it's obvious both of you need each other right now. Go!"
Eric is right. Wait a sec…Eric…is…right? It's true…strange…
"You're right," I say, mostly to hear it out loud.
"Is that disbelief I detect?" Eric's sarcasm is starting to make me feel better.
"Yes it is. But that's not gonna stop me now!" Slowly, I stand up. I can still do that. Good. Now try walking. Excellent. I sit down next to her.
"Is this seat taken?" I ask, trying to sound sleazy. Why do I think this will be funny?
She turns to me with a scowl on her face, as if she was about to hit me. Once she sees who I am, the harsh coldness on her face melts away, and her face suddenly becomes warm and bright.
"Vaughn!" She says, almost in disbelief.
To be continued…