**Thanks to my reviewers, I love you! :D keep them coming, I love reviews!**

Chapter 2 – Christine Gets a Man

We begin where we left off, with Christine taking her future into her own hands.

Christine: (sings)

I will be,

I will be famous,

Carlotta, you will die.

I know this

I saw it on Oprah--

And she never lies.

Carlotta: Hiss!

When you're dead, 

Don't even

Try to sing,

For you won't ever

Be like me--

Cause when

You are with

Your devils,

I'll be on

MTV.

(Audience gives standing ovation)

Firmin: Wow. She's good.

Andre: Yess...at least...she looks good...and her mouth seems right...(contemplates that in mystical mind lands)

Firmin: You know what, Andre?

Andre: Whaaaat?

Firmin: You need to stop with the pot.

Andre: Yeahhhh...(wakes up) Whaaa? Where am I? Who are you?!? What have you done with Ophelia?

Firmin: Ophelia?

Andre: You know, my pet seal.

Firmin: (sigh) As I was saying….

Andre: What?

Firmin: (jumps up and down) THIS COULD BE OUR CHANCE!!!!!

Andre: We just did it.

Firmin: No! I mean, to get rich!

Andre: Yeah! (Goes back into delusion) And we can buy that pretty pink house on Elm street...it's so prettyful! (Giggles)

Firmin: (dreamy look) With the merry-go-round with bunnies and peacocks...

Andre: And a hot tub…

Both: (squeal and dance in a circle)

Meanwhile, we go to a certain box in the audience. The box contains a very interesting person.

Box: Get me out of here!

(box opens itself)

Raoul: Dude, when I asked for a box...I didn't mean one of those...

Opera man: I'm sorry. Your requested box, box 420 was occupied by...(looks up and sees Elvis)...him.

Elvis: Hey pretty man! Goin' groovy?

Raoul: Hey, you're not supposed to be alive yet.

Elvis: Erm, I'm the ghost of the present future.

Raoul: Whaaaaaaa?

Elvis: I'll die shortly.

Raoul: (runs away screaming to box 5 and slaughters the poor innocent family of weasels that are currently occupying it.)

Raoul: (evil laugh) MIIIIIINE!

After Raoul finally situates himself, Christine begins to sing her love song, as shown earlier, to Carlotta.

Raoul: Christine! Wow. Where did that come from? Oh well, it sounds cool. CHRIIIISTTIIINNNE!

Christine and audience: (glares at Raoul)

Raoul: She's so pretty!

Audience: No, duh.

Raoul: Almost as pretty as me!

Audience: Ewwwww.

(Awkward silence)

Raoul: Pssst! What else am I supposed to say?

Audience: That you want her.

Raoul: Oh, yeah. But I don't! I have a boyf---

Audience: Say it or we'll send Elvis back to haunt you!

Raoul: Damn, I hate acting. Christine, I want you! BE MIIINE!

Christine and audience: SHUT UP!!!

Raoul: But...but...

Elvis: SILENCE!

Raoul: (shuts up)

...After the Gala...

Raoul: (hugs self) I love this place! I love you, Elvis! (Throws kisses)

Firmin: You poor, sad, person.

Andre: Let's liven him up!

Raoul: Um. Can I visit Christine? You know, the pretty one?

Andre: What's wrong with us?

Raoul: Christine's prettier.

Firmin: (sigh) Okay, follow me.

Raoul: No, I think I'll go alone. You know.

Firmin and Andre: Oooooooooooh.

Raoul: Yeah. I'm not gay. Sorry! (Walks away)

Firmin and Andre: (have a cry orgy)

Meanwhile, back at Christine's dressing room….

Christine: Meg, I have a secret to tell you.

Meg: No! NOT THE DARK SIDE!!! COME BACK!!!! (Darth Vader music starts playing)

Christine: No. See, there's this guy…

Meg: (music stops) Don't wanna hear it...(and keeps going on about how she doesn't want to hear about Christine's new guy...)

Christine: And he's hiding in here.

(Phantom appears in the fireplace)

Phantom: Ho, Ho, Ho!

Meg: (faints)

*************

Yes, I'm going to cut off now. I'd otherwise keep going on and ON and ONNNN till the whole thing just sounded so bizarre and stupid and sounded like no sane human being could have written it. Next update will be whenever I feel like writing more…hopefully soon. Keep the reviews coming!! :D :D :D :D